they accuse you of lying when you're not lying
when i say "accuse" it sounds more dramatic than it actually is.. because it may not sound like an accusation, it may just come across like an offhand comment.. like "whatever i don't believe you" ..but either way its still oftentimes an indication of a problem when i look at my life.. usually when people have thought i was lying when i wasn't- i find out later that that person is a liar themselves... because someone who lies is typically suspicious that other people are lying in other words.. when someone accuses u of lying when you aren't- then A. watch that person or B. get away from that person because chances are you will see that there is a reason they think the way they think.. its because of their awareness of their own lies so that is the third way u can determine toxicity.. when you are being straight up and a person doesn't believe you and make no mistake.. liars ARE toxic.. they bring confusion, frustration, they also are the same people who cheat, and so in turn they are the ones who bring defilement to your doorstep i have a few more things i want to say concerning lies.. one is an example of what i just spoke about, the next is an example of just a dumb lie, and the 3rd thing is information on lies in general +++++++++++ so to give an example of this.. i told a girl this past summer i don't have sex because i believe its for marriage she said something like "i don't have sex either, its been some years" well later when we hung out she was wanting to have sex and she was telling me to get us a room i was like yo i already told u i don't have sex she said she didn't believe me so later one day i pointed out she had a hair on her chest and she said "oh its because of the birth control" this showed me that whole "it's been some years" was a lie so there's one example of someone not believing me when i am telling the truth, and then later i find out that that person is not truthful i have more examples of this but i will skip those for now +++++++++++ i had a "friend" lie to me like a month ago it was a dumb lie too.. he said these certain characters were in the old video games we used to play i happen to know these characters are fanfic characters who were created AFTER the games tho.. so when he said this, i said "oh word? which games?" and he magically didn't respond i don't even get what was the point of lying about that +++++++++++ lies come in many forms i didn't realize how many forms up until i was in my last horrible "relationship" here are some forms: 1. a straight up lie 2. playing dumb 3. gaslighting 4. omitting information 5. distraction 6. deflection 7. selective memory 8. virtue signaling i didn't get these out of a book or anything, these are just things i dealt with in my last horrid "relationship" u might say "ok so what, they're all lies" well the things is this if one type doesn't work, then another one might.. so this is part of why u should really be aware of what they might pull out of their hat if u are only looking for the straight up lie, but they hit u with a distraction, a gaslight, and a deflection then it's safe to say you were caught off guard, and this allows them to continue their facade u want to be aware of the tactics these maniacs use but your best defense (imo) is to recognize who people are quickly and deal with them accordingly.. meaning don't try to wait for more manipulations and lies to catch them red handed.. just get away from them when you see who and what they are.. protect your sanity because it is likely that no one else will.. your sanity is your responsibility (i learned that the hard way)
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another thing to look out for when trying to determine if a person is toxic is this
if you are getting into arguments or issues with family or friends over that person please keep in mind that this can be subtle it can be hard to realize when this is happening because you may just chalk it up to and "up and down" or you may say "this family member is always blah blah" or "this friend is blah blah" but really take a step back and look at how many of your issues with your friends/family stem from the relationship u have if u begin having issues with people and they are stemming from that relationship then that person 9 times out of 10 is toxic maybe u told ur dad ur girl was emotionally abusive and he told u its your fault, and this caused a rift in your relationship maybe u told a friend your g/f disrespected u and ur friend in turn lost respect for you because you didn't leave her whatever the case is, if u look around and u start seeing strife and it can be traced back to something with your spouse.. then your spouse is likely toxic in my experience, some of the main issues may be, someone telling u to get away from her and u not listening, or u telling someone how abusive she is, and they don't believe u i guess my issue was i wanted understanding and i wanted to know how to deal with the crap so i could keep her.. but it doesn't really work that way because u can't really get understanding from A. people who literally do not understand aka people who have not experienced narcissistic people before B. people who are telling u to leave and u refuse.... and u can't deal with the crap because it is nonstop.. u can literally do everything perfectly and that abusive person will still find something hurtful to point out about you anyway.. just keep this in mind, if u find some of your relationships are being strained while u try to hold onto someone.. realize their antics are driving you nuts and subtly affecting other relationships you have and think about the opposite scenario if you found someone who was great, they would fit with everyone in your life and possibly even enhance your relationships with those around you i would like to say that this is not something i read somewhere
this is from experience one easy way to determine if a woman is toxic is this if she sort of ignores u.. she allows time to pass before contacting you.. she acts like you are sort of last on her priority list if you text her and she doesn't respond in a timely manner, or if u call her and she is choosy about whether she will answer or not YET if you say something she doesn't like, she will text you back and forth trying to "put you in your place" all day.. or better yet, she actually calls you (which never happened before, when you were being nice) and quickly attempts to dismantle your argument or cuss you out THIS my friends, is a toxic woman...... its like this: u say something nice or u ask her about herself to get to know her better: you: "you're beautiful" 8 hours later she texts you "WYD" u say something that criticizes her behavior or ask her something she doesn't want to divulge: you: "umm hello, where you been dang can't you answer a text?" 5 seconds later she texts "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU DONT OWN ME, IM BUSY I HAVE A LIFE, AND YOU NEED TO GET ONE" this is one of the simplest ways to determine whether or not a woman is toxic.. she barely pays any attention to you when you are being cool with her, but as soon as u say anything that can be deemed a criticism, she is right there giving you all of her attention this shows u that she doesn't really like love and peace, she likes drama and turmoil.. that is what gets her to come alive.. that is what gets her to be engaged because that is what she enjoys i really hope this helps someone because it is very real peaCe i would like to have my own website.. meaning like.. not on weebly.. that is kinda what i would like to try and focus on this year
part of the reason i have not posted as much on this site is because i have not been able to design it the way i want there was also the lack of a desk i had when i lived with family.. but also i don't like how weebly got rid of the best templates and options.. like i haven't been able to get my design back the way i used to really like it so if anyone is reading this and has any ideas on how i can make my own website please let me know what to do.. whether its a class, or a book, or whatever it is.. i want to have my own site that's not on another host thing ++++++++++++++++ right now i'm listening to koi no yokan.. i remember i bought this album the same time i got ni no kuni back in 2013.. at the time i was still in undergrad, i was finishing undergrad and just listening to this album a lot because it was good for background music i never thought this album was really great.. i always kinda rated it about a 7 or so.. but its nice to put on sometimes i definitely love the album cover also.. when u see it you don't really know what it is.. maybe one day i will get back into deftones.. i bought that gore album a few years ago but i literally threw it away within the same hour i bought it i bought the album at target.. i opened it and i was walking back to my car and inside it had the lyrics.. so i started reading as i was walking to my car.. and the first song said something like "i have a strange godless demon inside of me" and i was like.... yyyyyyyyyyyeah i'm not listening to this ++++++++++++++++ in the first part of this post i said something about when i was living with family i just want to point out that i realized it sounds way better to say you're living with family than to say you're living with your parents if you say "i'm staying with family" its like people hear "ok he's going through some things and needs to stay with them until he gets back on his feet" if you say "i live with my parents" people just hear "loser" that just occurred to me one day and it seems to really hold up.. i guess we all could use some PR at some points in our lives ++++++++++++++++ i have said a prayer recently sort of trying to address my prior negative relationships i kinda asked the Lord to remove any remaining unforgiveness toward the women who i feel did me wrong and i also asked for His forgiveness because when i knew i shouldn't pursue some of these females, i did so anyway.. i also asked Him to help me forgive myself for my own stupidity because i ultimately put myself through their abuse.. i could have left any day or put an end to things at any moment.. but i didn't i kinda feel like i need to forgive myself primarily because that appears to be what bothers me the most.. thinking back to allowing a woman to talk to me any type of way i've had girls tell me to my face "i'm having sex with other men that's why my butt's getting bigger" they've called me the n-word and all types of disrespectful things.. i don't care if they are black too.. if i don't call u out of your name then you don't need to do that to me but i put up with a lot of horrible behavior and from time to time it has hurt me to think back on those moments i have to forgive myself for staying and trying to make things work with toxic females i believe i am ready to let go and just continue on with life as long as i never put up with that crap again, then maybe the pain was not completely in vain ++++++++++++++++ by the grace of God i was able to give up coffee in december.. i may have already talked about this but who cares i will talk about it again i decided i would like to not only give up coffee, but also caffeine.. i also decided, if i ever REALLY REALLY want caffeine, i could possibly just get a sunkist orange pop because those only have like 20mg of caffeine a dr pepper has about 40mg a starbucks doubleshot espresso has about 150mg i used to drink an average of 2 doubleshot espressos per day i had so many issues dehydration, anger/short fuse, sinus issues, twitches in my face, heart palpitations, the list goes on.. so i hope i can really stay away from caffeine from here on, and i feel like if end up really wanting it, and i drink some sunkist, i won't feel like i played myself or "relapsed" because it has such a low amount in there ++++++++++++++++ this has nothing to do with anything.. but gambit and jubilee were always my favorite x-men ++++++++++++++++ i was blessed today to get a new jacket and matching gloves.. hand me downs from family but really nice the jacket by itself is flames.. i didn't even know the gloves existed, so when i put them on i was pleasantly surprised.. that leather bomber an those gloves got ya boy lookin like my man launchpad mcquack i'm ready for anything ++++++++++++++++ i have really changed a lot of my opinions over time if any of u heard my song called "over it" and compared it to my older stuff u can see some of the difference in how i think there because in there i'm saying "i'm over chasing women" basically.. but in the past i was more putting women on a pedestal and sort of hoping one would stay with me i don't really think highly of women anymore.. and that's not a diss, its just... after 10 or 15 years of reality not matching with fantasy, you realize you need to believe reality i don't plan on ever making another song talking about a woman's beauty at all because i don't find it to be important or even interesting anymore i even find myself sometimes thinking to myself, i would totally date some of the females i've rejected in the past who i didn't think were pretty.. because today when it comes to women i can really only see behavior i mean i do see beauty.. but exceptional behavior is the only thing that really moves me anymore i kinda sit and recognize lust for what it is, and it doesn't have the same pull on me that it may have had in the past because beauty isn't helping me do anything it isn't helping me in my relationship with God, it isn't particularly fun to be around because beauty is oftentimes arrogant, beauty isn't helping pay my bills, beauty isn't giving me peace of mind that a woman is trustworthy, etc etc but a woman with exceptional behavior is helping me with my relationship with God, she is humble and not arrogant, she is helpful, she is trustworthy, etc etc its really weird seeing myself change the way i have.. even if you would have spoke to me 1 yr ago.. beauty would still have been important to me but.... one thing i've noticed is, a woman who is not particularly attractive can still give you the same sexual pleasure a pretty woman can... so at the end of the day what are u really missing? it has taken me a while to get to this place... i do recognize this as a true enlightenment for myself a pretty woman with a stank attitude can't give u anything good but an unattractive woman with a good attitude can give u everything u want.. the beauty part might even come later as u grown in your love for her.. maybe over time she will go from a 4 to an 8 in your eyes its weird to see my viewpoint change so much but it has happened i literally do not care about beauty anymore.. i still see it and enjoy it but i'm at a point where i could see myself being happy with some chick who is just not cute ++++++++++++++++ anyway.. these are my thoughts for now i hope u all r doing well.. koi no yokan is almost done playing i'll holla |
enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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