sooooooo i guess i kinda want to get a few things off my chest +++++++++++ so i have this fascination with this girl at my job named essence.. i have been thinking about her a lot.. i have been sort of trying to sift through my thoughts and what they are.. i think i am just dealing with what amounts to lust.. but also i think i like that she is so feminine.. when i say feminine what i mean is she is pretty laid back.. she isn't trying to argue with u all the time or throw you off or gaslight you, she is kinda chill and she allows u to be yourself this girl has really gotten into my system here and there.. she is in a relationship with a guy who is in prison.. and she has a daughter with him.. i don't want to be disrespectful to their relationship.. i also don't really want a woman who already has a child.. so these things somewhat hold me back from her but the weird thing is that when i hold back it seems like women are intrigued.. so its like we end up flirting even though i am trying to just stay on my p's and q's if i wasn't holding back i would just be like hey lets do such and such and it would be like a yes or a no.. but since i don't do that is like this ongoing flirtation thing anyway... i have just been trying to come to terms with my feelings.. overall i think i just want someone LIKE her but maybe not her specifically btw she is 26 and dark skinned and not bbw but thick +++++++++++ i really like this song from juice wrld i never listened to his music before the untimely situation.. but when i got wind of him freestyling for an hour on some show, i started listening to see what he had in the chamber
he was really good at freestyling.. i was really impressed by that, then i gave his music more of a chance and he has some fly stuff on deck i wonder if rappers are going to keep talking about drugs now tho.. i mean after peep, fredo, mac miller, and juice wrld.. are rappers going to keep acting like its all good to talk about this stuff? another thing i think about concerning juice is all the lines in his songs that basically predicted his death.. i feel like its really a wake up call to watch what we say i know for me- i have done songs that came true later on.. i may post one of the songs that came true actually.. not right now tho but if anyone is interested please leave a comment and let me know and i may be able to post one or two songs of mine that came true after writing them +++++++++++ lately things for me have been better than they were over the past year or two i even was able to give up coffee.. i give God all the credit for that.. i am very thankful to be free from coffee the way it happened was kinda weird too because.. i didn't really put a lot of thought into "i am going to make myself quit" i just got tired of drinking it for a number of reasons.. (may explain the reasons later if anyone is interested) so i was just thinking "i want to quit" and then one day i came home and as soon as i walked in i spilled coffee all on the floor and wall.. this just irritated me and made me sort of resent coffee even more.. then after that i probably still would have given in and got coffee, but i was running later for work like 4 days in a row and so i never got coffee in those 4 days i never got a headache or anything.. so once i realized about 4 days had passed, i just decided i might as well not buy anymore coffee and since then i've had some dr. pepper and pepsi but i don't even think i needed those.. i just sort of wanted them.. and they weren't coffee so i allowed myself to have them i think its been at least 3 weeks since i've had coffee so just two drinks with caffeine since then wasn't bad imo i never set out to cut out caffeine, i just didn't want to buy coffee anymore because it is expensive and annoying.. but when i drank the pepsi i thought maybe i should cut out caffeine altogether.. so wish me luck on that peeps +++++++++++ i am happy with how my new song "over it" came out.. the final product imo is a success i think it is a great song for men to listen to and just feel better through shared experiences i am also happy with the lyrics.. i feel that it is one of my best songs lyrically.. and i am happy i didn't try to overdo the rhymes.. it is lyrical but i believe it keeps the conversational quality where a person can just follow it and get right into it i'm not sure what women might think of it.. my sister heard it when my nephew let her hear it and she said it was good, so i guess its not what they would call "woman bashing" .. she seemed to understand it came from painful experiences +++++++++++ i spent some time online looking at videos on the side effects of birth control and i would recommend every man go do that as well because it can show u certain things about women such as A. whether or not she is on birth control (which in turn exposes whether or not she is sexually active) and B. it shows u why they act the way they act sometimes... because some of these meds are driving women insane like the other day i saw something that said birth control is full of estrogen.. well estrogen is what makes women women.. in other words its what contributes to their irrationality and emotional nature.. so some of these women are psycho because they are on estrogen overload due to birth control i also believe my ex g/f was on birth control after seeing some of these videos.. partially because of the things i learned, and also because looking back, she got upset when i mentioned to her that i watched some videos on the side effects.. i was literally just telling her about some of the information on some "guess what i learned" type stuff and she got angry.. and at the time i didn't realize "oh she is on it" i just thought she was trippin but that can be a hurtful thing.. thats one thing i hate about that "relationship" ... she was so secretive and such a gaslighter that many things about her didn't become clear until i got away from her i don't have sex, so to sit and come to the conclusion that your girl was on birth control is just not a fun realization +++++++++++ speaking of that horrid "relationship" i had.. i have learned to look for red flags i have not really taken and females seriously since i've really tried to heed red flags the reason for this is because if u actually heed red flags, chances are, your dating options will shrink if u plow through red flags then u can basically date anyone but if u heed them, you will think twice before u even do something as simple as have a meal with a woman some things i am privvy to nowadays are as follows gaslighting manipulative behavior lies of omission projection lack of ability to pair bond uncontrolled lust and another thing i want to say is this people who have sex outside of marriage, are practicing sex outside of marriage meaning.. if u are fornicating, why should i believe you wouldn't cheat on me if we got married? the fact is, with your fornication, you have established the fact that you do not properly honor marriage we have to just call a spade a spade the best way to practice marital faithfulness is to practice faithfulness in singlehood so when i run into women who brag about what they did in the bedroom and they aren't married, i just have to recognize what she is practicing, she is not practicing chastity so that is a red flag if u give that thing away now then i have no reason to believe a relationship or a ring would keep u from giving it away later.. its just facts +++++++++++ anyway.. i think i'm going to dip for now u guys take it easy
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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