I just want to get this off my chest
When I was with my ex I used to tell my parents about how she was always doing something rude, or disrespectful, or crazy, and they constantly found ways to tell me it was my responsibility to change her or her bad behavior was my fault because I forgot to do this or that or didn’t make her comfortable enough or blah blah blah basically I was the bad guy and my ex was perfect.. that was always the narrative.. even my ex would tell you the same if she could So basically I would look to them for some type of validation or guidance but I was just being told it was all my fault.. because they tend to have this belief that I’m crazy or I’m chauvinist or I hate women etc I don’t hate women I just think modern women are out of line.. I want them to be traditional.. I want a biblical type of woman, not a strong independent feminist whore with a foul mouth and disrespectful attitude I treat women really well- that’s what people don’t understand about me.. I don’t use women.. how can I use a woman when I don’t even have sex? All I do is date them hoping we will have enough good times and peace to lead to marriage where I can take care of them but they typically end up being a huge disappointment in the end So anyway.. they continually told me to go back in the ring of that relationship and get my anus handed to me I finally at some point came to the conclusion that they don’t listen to me and so I gave up and stopped trusting them.. I didn’t stop trusting them in a vindictive type of way or in a way like “I don’t trust anything about you” … but I stopped trusting them to A. hear me and B. give me good advice But here’s the thing The other day, like two days ago.. my mom was actually acting like she understood me for the first time I don’t know where this came from.. I’m not sure if my mom had a talk with my sister about me or what, but for the first time, my mom was actually acting like she understood that the relationship was painful and I didn’t ruin it, sabotage it, or throw the baby out with the bathwater.. it was more like there was no baby in the bathwater and the bathwater was scalding hot and nearly burned all my skin off lol my mom even said to me “you know james I never told you this but remember when she kept saying someone was breaking into her apartment? I never believed that.. none of it made any sense I never believed that for a moment” I was thankful she tried to finally for once offer some type of understanding and open up, but this is like over a year too late why did my mom never say that back then? I’m not mad, maybe she felt like I would have attacked her, but hearing it now just kinda makes me feel like I was left out to dry back when I was in the middle of that crazy relationship like now you act like you understand me? Now you tell me you think she was lying about something? I’m not mad at my parents at all, but I’m just saying like.. I could’ve used some understanding, or validation, or warnings when I was going through all of that stuff Some peeps held me down.. 4 people held me down during that time.. kb, devon, jacquetta, and bro bolden all gave me good advice and listened to a brotha My parents just didn’t though.. they didn’t have my back.. and again I’m not mad at them AT ALL, I love them all the same I’m not upset with them on any level.. ultimately the whole bad relationship with my ex was my fault, so I’m not blaming my parents.. I just wanted to get this off my chest It just feels crazy to not get validation for so long from someone and then one day out of the blue u get some My guess is my sister spoke to my mom about how I felt though because recently I told my sister that I felt like my parents didn’t believe anything I said Anyway.. just wanted to speak on it holla
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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