i was thinking about my entries on this site and i got an idea for an entry
the idea was this: share something u wouldn't normally share ok so that is what i plan to do here i never told anyone this a few years back there was a girl i met at church who was married i never saw her husband because apparently he wasn't coming to church some months passed and her husband ended up passing away some months passed after that and she and i started talking i wanted to be her friend because i wanted to have someone to talk about church stuff with she seemed to show interest in me, apparently she had a dream we were supposed to be together anyway so we started talking.. i want to stress that i genuinely only wanted to be friends with her.. eventually i learned about her whole dream thing but that didn't come until later so we were talking and i enjoyed spending time with her and talking to her, she was really cool we did a few different things.. i remember she came to my place, i went to her place, we went to o'charleys, we went to moe's, went to opry mills, just a bunch of different things this whole time i was just happy to have a friend.. i wasn't really feeling her like a g/f.. i just wasn't into her like that at all so what ended up happening is we kept hitting this brick wall where it was like she wants a relationship but i want a friendship we hit this wall a few times it was frustrating i think for both of us because for me it was like.. "u say ur cool being my friend but you're really not" and she was thinking "where is this relationship going?" like if i didn't want to be with her then she just wanted to stop talking to me altogether during one of the times she and i weren't talking, i ended up eventually getting in that toxic relationship i had that yall may have heard about lol so as time passed i ended up talking to her again, but i was still in this toxic relationship what happened was, i could not stand my girlfriend, and everytime i talked to this girl from church it was like i was being renewed again typing that is weird because its like so apparent that i should have dropped my skank girlfriend and got with the girl from church.. but at the time i was just stuck on stupid looking back i don't even know why i was trying to love my ex so much.. like.. i think i just didn't realize that i didn't like her.. i kept thinking "she's not that bad" also i was so caught up in trying to make her happy that i never thought about how i felt.. if i ever just sat and thought about how i felt then i would've dropped her way sooner than i did anyway.. so what ended up happening was i kinda found myself between the two of them.. my g/f knew about the girl from church but didn't feel threatened because she knew i wasn't really feeling her like that the girl from church knew about my girlfriend but she just sat back and watched the show really.. she knew i was in a messed up relationship but what was she going to do? she was there for me when i needed her and she was a listening ear ok so moving forward.. i ended up having a dream about both of them.. i told the pastor the dream and he said it meant i wasn't supposed to be talking to both of them at the same time i was basically entertaining a counterfeit and i needed to stop i was being a moron at the time and i didn't take heed.. i didn't want to lose my g/f looking back it seems like dropping my g/f and taking this girl from church would've been a great idea.. but for whatever reason i wasn't ready to do that so eventually the girl from church just stopped talking to me i text her something.. i remember i was asking her about something i saw on the internet called "financial infidelity" which was something that apparently happens in marriage.. i was asking her about it because like i said earlier she was previously married she didn't respond back to me for like 3 days when she finally text me she said she was done talking to me altogether i was ok with it, i was kinda hurt by it but i was ok with it.. i remember when i got that text i was trying to think of what to say but then i finally decided to say nothing ok so from there everytime i saw her she never really would engage with me i know she didn't want to talk to me but i figured we could still talk at church and stuff.. i mean.. i understood we weren't going to be friends away from church anymore but i at least thought we could be cordial and talk here and there but she didn't seem up for it a few different times she kinda blew me off.. finally one day i was done with her completely because i was trying to talk to her and she was giving me one word answers and she wouldn't look at me this was the moment i completely gave up on her and i don't think i ever initiated another conversation with her after that fast forward maybe like a year after that moment i woke up one day and no cap i actually found myself wanting that girl from church it was the weirdest thing i was in my apartment walking to the bathroom or something and a desire for her hit me all at once.. like as more than friends.. it was very weird.. whatever was keeping me from liking her vanished i just sort of tried to soak it in from then to now i haven't had any interactions with her if i had an opportunity to talk to her i would.. i feel like i would enjoy being with her in a relationship.. whatever was keeping me from being interested in her is gone i feel like we could start new if the opportunity came but im not actually seeking that out or anything i want her to be happy and i'm not getting in the way of that i don't really have anything else to say about it if i had the opportunity to start new with her i would, but i don't really have that opportunity and i'm not going to try to force it so there's something i would typically never share peeps holla back sidenote: if anyone wants i can post a picture of the girl from church.. just holla at me, leave a comment or something.. otherwise i won't post
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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