basically right now i don't know what to do or where to go from here
i had a few dreams that told me to move to west tennessee.. now i'm here and i'm grateful that i get to go to church but i don't know what i'm doing here overall like what is the purpose for me being here outside of just going to church? i could really just watch church online so i don't fully understand why i'm here and i want to know i feel like God has to have something for me but i don't know what there has to be a reason i'm here i hope to find that out soon ++++++++++++++ i've been fascinated with juice wrld lately i guess because vlad has been interviewing bibby about juice recently other people may have their interpretation of his life but mine is this: i feel that juice wrld had a call on his life from the Lord but he ran from it.. he ran instead to worldly music and ignored the Lord no diss to juice, that's just how it looks to me, because he said his mom was God fearing, so to me it seems like he knew better in some instances but he just didn't care he just continued with the sex and drugs and he met a horrendous demise when i say horrendous i mean like.. leaving at such a young age, also leaving with no kids, also leaving so abruptly, etc sometimes i listen to some of his songs and i'm really surprised at some of the things he said like on one song he said something about how he was born to go to hell or something juice reminds me of 2pac a lot.. because they both seemed to predict their own demise and 2pac would sometimes say crazy things too.. like on one song pac said his body would be baptized in eternal flames smh all i can say is i think juice was talented, but he had no brakes juice needed brakes.. primarily lyrically and with the drugs if u have no brakes lyrically- you may find yourself speaking word curses over your life if you have no brakes with drugs you may overdose there are a lot of lessons to be observed in the life and passing of juice wrld one of the main ones is: what does it benefit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul? what is success without God? and when i say success, i also mean other things like- relationships u may find yourself enjoying a relationship but you may become aware that God is not in it if God's not in it then the truth is- that relationship isn't worth anything success does not equal righteousness success does not equal peace ++++++++++++++ i have been trying to go without coffee again for the past few days its kinda weird going without it without it i notice i'm not generally as nice i also notice i eat quite a bit less food i'm very grateful that i'm not ADDICTED like i used to be it used to be a situation where, if i didn't get coffee i was just screwed but now by the grace of God i can actually just go without it.. and it may be somewhat annoying in a sense but i feel that its doable ++++++++++++++ it has been super cold the past few days my car has been iced over and i had to basically like "break in" to my own car i hope everything still works fine because i know at one point i pulled the door handle and a piece that is not a part of the handle came off because it was frozen to the handle ++++++++++++++ today is apparently what some call "valentines day" i am happy to say i no longer celebrate this day when i was with my ex i was in a place where i was desiring to transition out of holidays but i had never really thought about it when valentines came i didn't really have a set thought process on holidays but deep down i wanted to transition out of them because they feel like compromise to me so it came up and my ex and i clashed over it but today i'm grateful to just be totally free.. free from trying to make it work with the wrong woman, and free from the pull of holidays that feel like compromise i don't miss any of the holidays i've given up.. well i somewhat miss halloween, but i can do without it ++++++++++++++ thats all i got for now those are my random thoughts peaCe
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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