right now i have curve playing in the background.. its that album i played all year in 2015 called cuckoo.. definitely a good album if you've never heard it
++++++++++ my birthday was fun my family all got together and we ate sir pizza the pizza was so good, i guess i had a craving for it.. i really like the little square pepperoni for some reason lol it was nice being around everyone and just spending time ++++++++++ i somewhat felt a little bad for my sister though because from what i saw, it looked like she tells her kids to stop doing things sometimes and they don't listen i think that is a byproduct of being a single mother.. the kids don't mind you the way they would mind you with their dad around i hate the thought of beating my kids but... i remember one time my nephew kept kicking me over and over and i would tell him to stop and he would do it again so finally i said i was going to hit him if he didn't stop and he said "you can't hit me" this set me off and i punched him in his chest and he couldn't breathe for a second or two and i kinda panicked like oh crap what did i do but he finally caught his wind and he ended up being ok and everything settled down and at first i felt bad until i looked back and realized he never kicked me again after that my point being.. i guess watching my sister deal with 3 kids the other day really opened my eyes to the importance of beating your kids like whenever i think about them not minding her- it makes me not feel as bad about the discipline aspect of child rearing sort of like how homelessness may make u appreciate having a 9 to 5 watching kids get out of line might make u embrace discipline part of what i realized the other day was like.. i wouldn't want my kids to stress their mother out and thinking further than that- i wouldn't want my kids to become adults and look back and have to regret treating her badly or taking advantage of her kindness ++++++++++ i don't really understand that girl angela who sent me $50 for my birthday she barely ever seems to return my texts or anything.. i texted her "how's work" today and she never responded it seems weird to me that she sent me that money but doesn't really want to talk.. the funny thing is i blocked her on my phone like two months ago but her texts still came through on my computer.. so when i saw her texting me i went ahead and responded she seems to want to keep me from leaving her life.. almost like i'm a last resort come to think of it.. i did have a dream about that i think its coming back to me, i probably wrote it on this site before but let me see if i can recite it from memory in the dream i was in my room alone and she was doing her own thing.. i knew she was around but she just never came around me in particular... i wanted to spend time with her but she just didn't really make time for me.. so anyway.. i was in my room and i had accepted the fact that she was doing her own thing well to my surprise she finally came in and laid in the bed with me and we were having good conversation and everything and finally i was like "so when are you leaving?" because somehow in the dream i knew she was in town but she was going to eventually go back home she said "in the morning" so right then i realized i was her last resort.. she came in town, did all this stuff, spent time with different people, avoided me the whole time, then at the end she laid down with me and got me kindof excited for nothing so when she said she was leaving in the morning i just sort of went back to my original mood which was accepting that she wasn't really being genuine, or spending genuine time with me ++++++++++ the election is tomorrow i didn't vote i think it will be interesting to see what happens after the election it seems like people are going to be furious either way ++++++++++ i honestly don't have a ton to talk about right now.. i might watch duckman tonight but i guess that's it for now peaCe
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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