i have really been more into just being by myself lately
part of the reason for this is because i generally feel like i'm bothering people when i try to talk to them when i speak to people i never really get the idea that they want to talk to me, i usually just think they are tolerating me i never really feel like they want to hear from me or like they want to have a conversation with me i think over time this has just put me in a position where i am just tired of feeling this way i am just over it.. this is a big reason why i don't really reach out to people anymore i feel like when i talk to people i am just some guy.. i don't really feel like anyone thinks of me as being important or interesting i typically just feel like people would rather speak to someone else, or get back to whatever they were doing before i called or texted them in a sense this can be bad- but i feel that i have been learning to live with it.. which is a good thing, because i feel that it is teaching me how to not be desperate or needy for anyone's love, time, or attention i can just be alone and enjoy myself without reaching out to people who think of me as an annoyance i think in a lot of ways women want to feel protected/loved, and men want to feel significant/important.. i would say i have rarely ever felt important to anyone this is an interesting thing imo to face because it shows me why i may have fallen into some of the bad habits i have fallen into, like overdoing it on coffee, or basically begging people to stay in my life who treat me like crap facing the truth of emotional lack is an eye opening thing if u are emotionally malnourished, how are u coping? since i can recognize that i do not feel like i matter, i feel that it frees me to change my habits, because imo, knowing is half the battle (if not all of it) i can say to myself "hey u want to do this, because of this" then i can seek ways to fix the "because" as opposed to being stuck on the effect of said "because" its like what i said in s.a.d. "people come and go, i can't halt the traffic" but i am not depressed or anything like that.. just thinking outloud
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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