what up peeps
i suppose i'll try to give an update on my life so as u know i'm in memphis i don't like it here but i'm not saying that as a complaint, just as a fact i was down about a week ago or so about living here but then i started thinking about the israelites when they were coming out of egypt.. when they left egypt they were supposed to only have an 11 day journey into the promised land, but due to their murmuring and complaining and unbelief (which i think is essentially like a slap in the face to the Lord), they remained in the wilderness for 40 years so when i thought about this- i thought to myself.. maybe i'm in that uncomfortable 11 day journey space.. and i may be in it longer than 11 days but the point is- maybe i'm just in an uncomfortable space for now.. so that God can work out the things He wants to work out so i feel like, hey at least i'm in a position where i do feel like i'm doing what the Lord wants me to do.. at least i'm in a position to "win" so to speak.. it may not be comfortable but at least i'm where i'm supposed to be so far church has been good.. i've enjoyed it.. and it helps to incentivize me to not do anything sinful because i know if i do something sinful then when i go to church it will probably come out and i will probably be in there sweating smh i remember i told my sister a few years back that the preacher said he can tell when someone commits adultery.. she stopped coming to church after that anyway.. church has been cool, it has been nice being around likeminded people.. i feel like i've never said this outloud but i agree more with people at church than i do with my own blood family i've been disagreeing with my family on a lot of things pretty much ever since i became an adult anyway.. as for dating, i haven't been talking to anyone.. i kinda stopped caring about women after my ex questa.. i just put so much effort into that relationship- and it went nowhere.. so ever since then i just kinda have become lazy with regard to relationships i just don't really put effort in like i used to i would like to have a female friend or companion or whatever.. someone to get to know... but from my experience, women aren't really relationship material these days.. that's not a diss that has just been what i've seen.. they aren't really like into being with someone, they would rather be with everyone.. at least that's how it seems i mostly want to talk to black women but when u look at black women statistics, they are the least married group out of everyone they would probably say its men but i say its them.. no diss to black women, just saying culturally we have some growing to do it seems i am in a place though where if i met a decent woman i feel like i would take her and be content i don't need her to be very pretty or anything, i just need someone who wants to live for God, someone who listens to me, someone who cares about me, respects me, and... i think that's about it but the thing is- just like i can't choose where i live i can't choose my spouse i have to be with who God wants me to be with so maybe i should start praying for direction on that i have had some dreams about some people but i think i would probably need more confirmation before trying to move forward on those anyway.. i feel like i am just rambling this is the update i'll holla peaCe
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enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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