2020 was a peaceful year for me.. the only issue is it seemed like nothing happened
i worked the same job the whole year never got a relationship didn't go to church things became even more uneventful than usual when work told us we had to work from home so it was a year where i was comfortable but nothing seemed to happen i was fine in my bubble in spring hill, but it was a situation where.. if i lived that existence for 5 years- that would be a waste of 5 years overall 2020 was good but it was just, work, play video games, go to the gym, go to taco bell low moments: people above me at my apartment making noise high moment: one day essence sent me a message on skype saying she looks forward to hearing from me and i always brighten her day i guess thats the end of my 2020 recap i'm hoping 2021 brings something good into my world i think at the very least i will be able to pay my car off so that is a blessing i owe less than 1/4 of what i originally paid for it it seems like it will be nice to save $273/mo anyway.. just wanted to speak on 2020 peaCe
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on this forum i go to someone posted a rap where eminem said the n-word on a song.. i'm not dissing eminem for this, because you can tell he was basically a kid on that track.. but i feel like it confirms a suspicion i always had first i'll post the video someone posted where he said the n-word then i'll go into my theory i've had for some years the theory i had was that eminem dissed black people in a song on infinite.. this was not an overt diss, just a sneak diss
you could either miss it, or just say "it wasn't a diss" but imo it was a diss because you are dealing with a lyrical guy so imo it was intentional.. infinite was always pretty much my favorite eminem album.. the lyrics are really good.. but on "tonight" he said So get your cameras and capture how miraculous I rap for all you Draculas And showed you all how wack you was I meant it as a diss when he said draculas i just thought of how some people say black people are blood suckers or vampires.. then he said "i meant it as a diss" as in "just in case you think this isn't a sneak diss, it is" so to me it was like a sneak diss saying i rap better than you bloodsucker black people, yall are wack compared to me which.. i always thought maybe i was looking too much into it, but after hearing em say that racist stuff, i think i was right in my assessment that it was a sneak diss to black people what up peeps
i suppose i'll try to give an update on my life so as u know i'm in memphis i don't like it here but i'm not saying that as a complaint, just as a fact i was down about a week ago or so about living here but then i started thinking about the israelites when they were coming out of egypt.. when they left egypt they were supposed to only have an 11 day journey into the promised land, but due to their murmuring and complaining and unbelief (which i think is essentially like a slap in the face to the Lord), they remained in the wilderness for 40 years so when i thought about this- i thought to myself.. maybe i'm in that uncomfortable 11 day journey space.. and i may be in it longer than 11 days but the point is- maybe i'm just in an uncomfortable space for now.. so that God can work out the things He wants to work out so i feel like, hey at least i'm in a position where i do feel like i'm doing what the Lord wants me to do.. at least i'm in a position to "win" so to speak.. it may not be comfortable but at least i'm where i'm supposed to be so far church has been good.. i've enjoyed it.. and it helps to incentivize me to not do anything sinful because i know if i do something sinful then when i go to church it will probably come out and i will probably be in there sweating smh i remember i told my sister a few years back that the preacher said he can tell when someone commits adultery.. she stopped coming to church after that anyway.. church has been cool, it has been nice being around likeminded people.. i feel like i've never said this outloud but i agree more with people at church than i do with my own blood family i've been disagreeing with my family on a lot of things pretty much ever since i became an adult anyway.. as for dating, i haven't been talking to anyone.. i kinda stopped caring about women after my ex questa.. i just put so much effort into that relationship- and it went nowhere.. so ever since then i just kinda have become lazy with regard to relationships i just don't really put effort in like i used to i would like to have a female friend or companion or whatever.. someone to get to know... but from my experience, women aren't really relationship material these days.. that's not a diss that has just been what i've seen.. they aren't really like into being with someone, they would rather be with everyone.. at least that's how it seems i mostly want to talk to black women but when u look at black women statistics, they are the least married group out of everyone they would probably say its men but i say its them.. no diss to black women, just saying culturally we have some growing to do it seems i am in a place though where if i met a decent woman i feel like i would take her and be content i don't need her to be very pretty or anything, i just need someone who wants to live for God, someone who listens to me, someone who cares about me, respects me, and... i think that's about it but the thing is- just like i can't choose where i live i can't choose my spouse i have to be with who God wants me to be with so maybe i should start praying for direction on that i have had some dreams about some people but i think i would probably need more confirmation before trying to move forward on those anyway.. i feel like i am just rambling this is the update i'll holla peaCe i had this game back in the day it was the only ps1 game i still bought after i got a dreamcast i actually like lammy as much as parappa i was right with these guys the whole time lol sittin here watching them and kickin my own flows haha |
enid and seymourthe transition.. and the last hurdle archives
August 2023
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