i want to talk about what i've been thinking about lately
one thing i've been trying to do is stay positive and have smaller vision
what i mean by smaller vision is i tend to think about things on a large scale.. like someone will be thinking "i broke a nail today" but i'll be thinking about what it will be like when the world ends or what happens in eternity
i think about deep and big important things a lot
i think about people and their body language, the implications of their actions.. i think about what things mean, what things symbolize, what things may eventually amount to.. i weigh things out quite a bit and i see a lot of patterns form in life and behavior
the problem with thinking like this is sometimes i get perhaps a bit too wrapped up in it.. and sometimes i'll be thinking too much about the future and not about the present at all, and it doesn't help that i normally tend to think the present is very boring.. when i think about the present all i tend to see is what we call "life"
petty arguments on facebook
mundane jobs that are unfulfilling and the same every day
feeling like u never have enough time
but see, the problem with thinking on a large scale all the time is that sometimes it makes everything in life seem worthless when there is actually SOME worth to tending to life and its various issues
and in thinking about big and deep things, u see so much bleakness that it can be difficult to function in a healthy way
let me give an example: i try to pay attention to the bible and where we are in time, as far as i can tell, it looks to me like the next things we have to look forward to are more huge natural disasters as well as a major global economic crisis (among other things i won't touch on right now)
now.. with me thinking about things like this all the time, its like inside i feel that there is nothing to really look forward to.. or i question the point of things..
sometimes people talk about their futures but in my head i'm thinking "future? ... where will america be in 5, 10, or 20 years?" i think to myself, yeah u've enjoyed a measure of comfort for your whole life but how long will it last?
i am trying to not think so deep about everything all the time because i end up operating on, and having my attitude affected by- things that haven't even occurred yet
i've been like this ever since i was about... 15 or 16.. my mom always would say to me "don't come at me today with any of those 'why is the sky blue' questions" or "i'm not into analyzing every little thing james, don't wear me out today"
i try not to be a downer but that's kinda what thinking does to u.. if u think then u begin to ponder the consequences of everything around you.. and no one wants to hear about consequences now do they?
on a diff subject, i got on a dating site to look around today and a girl had a pic of herself sitting in a guy's lap.. this guy was hugging her
so i'm sitting here wondering why she would post a pic of herself in another man's embrace if she... man just forget it.. there is no point in me even saying anything
some girls just have no clue about dos and don'ts when it comes to guys.. like they are so clueless that i find it offensive
if i am interested in dating you, the LAST thing i want to see on your profile is a pic of u sitting in a guy's lap as he hugs you
ok another thing that i've been thinking about lately is this whole idea of a "trophy wife"
it had been rolling around in my head for a bit, then i saw a commercial on tv
on this commercial, a guy owned a business and he was talking about his product.. then a woman who looked about 15-20 years younger than him came in
she was pretty, she had blonde hair and a pink shirt and she was all made up.. she came into the commercial and talked about how great the product is
they didn't say much but i saw the whole scenario of their lives as i watched this commercial
the guy worked all his life and created a successful product.. he had money so he went out and got himself a trophy wife and allowed her to be in his commercial
its a win-win situation, he gets the compliant eye candy and she gets handsomely taken care of
what did they have in common before they met?
probably nothing.. but does it matter? no, because they are both meeting and exceeding eachother's expectation for one another
now fast forward a week later and a girl who is 16 or 17 adds me on facebook and she looks RIDICULOUSLY good
the gears are turning lol
should i seek that whole trophy wife lifestyle?
maybe that's in the cards for me
so far u could say i've gotten off to a slow start, i'm 26 and still in college.. i don't seem to really have a great deal going for me right now
but maybe my future wife is actually 15, 16, or 17 right now
maybe one day i'll get to a place where i'm happy and stable and say to myself.. "maybe i'll head down to the nearest college in my nicest car"
boom.. trophy wife city
sure we may not have much in common and she probably won't know who doug funny is...
but will it matter?
if i'm 30 something in a fly car with a college girl do u really think i will care about her stance in politics?
iono, we'll see wat happens i suppose.. i like girls my age because i know i can have a decent conversation with them, but if i can't get financially stable in time before all the girls my age have kids and/or husbands then i may have to go the trophy route
so i guess there is a new internet phenomenon called "planking"
man, when i first saw some of these pics i was cracking up
this is great, i hope to be plankin' soon!!!!!
LOL man, u know.. this is so random and unexpected, that it reminds me of the robot guy from dave chappelle
in my spare time i look up a lot of things on the internet.. a lot of stuff i find, i don't share here because i know some of it may sound crazy to some people
i have kinda decided instead of sharing a lot of stuff, i'll just share a little at a time
ok some of u may remember when i talked about hippies, and how hippies were not an accident, there were people behind that movement such as timothy leary who wanted to institute modern paganism into western society
one symbol that was made prominent during this time is a symbol many people wore, but didn't research or understand
the symbol is called the cross of nero.. nero was a roman emperor who killed, tortured, and persecuted Christians
u may know it as the peace sign
here's an excerpt from a symbol website:
Also known as the Cross of Nero. Many people are not aware of the origins of this symbol or how it became to symbolize peace. This is the cross of Nero, a broken and inverted cross, enclosed in a circle which represents Nero's vision. Nero believed that there would be world peace without Christianity, thousands of Christians were martyred under the rule of Nero. This is what the "peace symbol" represents regardless of what it means to you.
^occultists know the true meaning of the symbol
the circle means peace, then within the circle what you see is a broken cross, where the arms have fallen down to represent the defeat of Christ and Christianity
how screwed up is that?
did u guys know this?
i didn't know it until about 3 weeks ago.. here's one last excerpt i ran across
yesterday seemed like one of the worst days ever.. it was just some sort of inner thing.. i don't know how u'd really describe it.. do u ever have a day where u try to chill in your mind but nothing works?
u put on music
u call a friend
u go shopping
u watch a movie
u read a book
whatever normally relaxes u or chills u out or calms your anxiety just doesn't work on some days and u just hear voices screaming in ur head
not literal voices but like negative thoughts
i'm not sure if anyone can relate to that but that's what yesterday was for me
i was giving it some thought, and i came to the conclusion that the problem is probably the fact that i normally try to get away from it, or silence it, as opposed to fight it.. its like there's only so many times u can avoid thinking through alcohol or whatever it is u do to sate the pain.. at some point u have to fight or find a way to make it stop
u can run but eventually it catches up to u does it not?
the best thing about yesterday tho was my friend keytone sent me a song and asked me for a 16!
u know.. come to think of it.. ever since i've known him, i've noticed he always seems to cheer me up when i'm having a really bad day
like he used to invite me to his house before he moved to chicago.. and i'd go and all his friends would be in there smoking weed lol.. but still it was fun even tho i don't smoke or whatever
we would work on music or just talk about ish
but i noticed he always would hit me up when i felt low and it would cheer me back up
i don't know how he does that ish
on a diff note.. one thing i've been noticing a lot is that there are a lot of people who know God or who have been introduced to God or something.. but they act as if they don't know God at all
i mean, don't get me wrong, u DO have people who are just completely ignorant of God, but lately all i see is people who know about God who just ignore him despite the fact that they should know better
what is that about? i know it can be hard to break old habits, and staying away from sin isn't always the easiest thing to do.. but some of these people, you'd never guess they spent 15 years in church in the past, or u'd never guess their dad is a pastor or whatever the case may be
to give the easiest example in the world, i could cite rappers how they accept an award on stage and thank God for it but all through their album and music video u see nothing but a celebration of immorality
"'These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me."
not saying i'm perfect i have my issues but sometimes people amaze me with their brazenness
like take bishop eddie long for example.. recently i saw him in a picture smiling with a transvestite LOL
this kind of stuff needs to stop for real.. u know.. why not take a stand?
why not strive to be whole? why not strive to be one person instead of two?
oh u want to be good AND bad right.. u want to be hot AND cold
don't get me wrong i'm not saying be amish.. but in some instances we need to man up if we want to say we are Christian people
take a stand and not just accept any old thing into our life.. put a little more thought into when u should say yes and no to things as opposed to just going on a whim all the time
these^ r just a few of my random thoughts for the day.. a short journey into my brain
i hope i can get this 16 done and sent back to keytone soon.. the beat is fresh
oh btw i'm thinking about doing a 2011 first six months recap.. that may perhaps be the next blog
i have tried like 10,000 times to get this blog across, i kept messing it up so i finally decided to just divide my thoughts into 10 points and then sum it all up at the end
1. u start out in life with many dreams, goals, and aspirations
2. over time we experience disappointment, heartbreak, hope deferred, etc.
3. these things begin to "attach" to us and drag us down and we lose sight of our original dreams, goals, and aspirations
4. u get to a point where u don't even realize just how much u have surrendered or given up in your life over time
5. quick example: if the government is talking about severely and permanently taxing the rich and it doesn't bother you at all, then perhaps u have given up on the thought of ever being rich
6. in ecclesiastes in the bible, solomon grew in wisdom to the point where he began to hate life.. in a sense you could say its like the inverse of ignorance is bliss.. perhaps you could say "with wisdom comes cynicism".. u begin life happy and hopeful and over time u end up cynical and angry
7. but how much are we surrendering by allowing our previous pains, frustrations, and failures to color our outlook?
8. yes the world is indeed imperfect, but has it taken away your license to be happy? ..ask yourself, "when was the last time i was happy?" "what were the things that made me happy?" "can i get these things back in my life?" "what would i need to feel complete?"
9. now that u have pondered that, the next thing is to believe, believe again that you can achieve happiness.. a person's actions are a result of their beliefs
10. now that you have allowed yourself to believe again, go after it again.. believe that you can change your situation and go out after it
the main thing i wanted to say with this is this: we start out happy and optimistic, then life beats the crap out of us and we begin to stop hoping and having faith and due to that we remain stuck in a goldfish bowl when in reality the sea is still there
i don't think life is #1 because ultimately the most important thing is the afterlife and to pursue heaven, but still, try to still have faith and hope on earth
take your faith, hope and belief back
ask yourself, are you a worrier or a warrior?
ok so i wanted to talk about prayer a bit.. i believe that during the day its good to pray and talk to God when you can or when you feel frustrated.. these prayers for me are normally short, however sometimes i do a longer and more reverent prayer like perhaps at night before i go to sleep
ok here are my personal thoughts on longer and more reverent prayers.. i think it may be a good habit to have a few elements in there
remember this is just me, but maybe this will help someone out, because i think its a good way to pray..
i generally try to throw in 4 elements:
-pray for others
-pray for yourself
now, like i said, for me, those 4 elements make up a good serious reverent prayer in my mind.. i say this because it does a few diff things:
-displays humility (God resists the proud)
-shows God ur thankful for the things He's already given you
-makes u not be so selfish and self centered with your prayers
so like i said, for me those 4 things are the basics but let me add a few more things that may be positive for you to add into your prayers
-ask for forgiveness
-pray for wisdom
-pray to increase in righteousness and/or be led away from temptation
any of these will probably be positive for you to pray for along with whatever else it is you bring before the Lord
remember when u pray for wisdom God will give it to you unbegrudgingly
and remember to pray for help to stay away from sin so that you can have the power to resist it and always have a good relationship with God.. you don't want guilt and shame to ruin your relationship with Him
the last thing i want to talk about is for anyone who may be stuck on.. "how do i praise God?"
one easy way to do this is to find something in the Bible that is a compliment to the Lord and just recite it.. like for example i saw this the other day.. its daniel 2:20
Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, to whom belong wisdom and might. 21 He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding; 22 he reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and the light dwells with him. 23 To you, O God of my fathers, I give thanks and praise
if you want you can find something like that and say it, then move on to the next part of your prayer
ok that concludes this blog on prayer just remember everything belongs to God.. so try to think of prayer as a serious means of change/help/assistance as opposed to it just being a "last resort" like most people
by chance, i ran across an article on my career of choice today
in this article they talked about black composers who make music for tv and commercials and various promos or media
ok just so u guys can see one reason why i really want to be in this business.. read this segment:
LOL.. can u believe that ish?
no goal in this world is this important to me.. note i said IN THIS WORLD meaning my #1 goal in life is to make it to heaven.. but that's not here on earth.. as for in this world?
having this career is NUMBER 1
posted a short ep in the music section.. if u visit my site regularly then u have probably heard 80% of the songs.. this ep just allows me to put a lot of loose songs in one little compilation
i titled this "have a good day"
please let me know if some songs don't fit, i am thinking about taking some out or replacing them.. til then there are 11 tracks, download or listen as u wish
also u may notice i took the random songs off the music section.. they're now in this ep
just for fun i decided to go through some video game systems of the past and what i think was the best game(s) for each system..
i didn't do the regular nintendo because i really don't remember actually ENJOYING that system much.. i just remember being frustrated a lot and always wishing i had a code or a cheat cuz every game was mega hard.. their best game was perhaps mario 3 tho..
anyway.. onto the systems and games i actually liked
comix zone was too good to describe.. i remember it was one of the first games where i felt like it actually lived up to its hype..
graphics, sound, and concept were all on point.. this game had a style and flair that was all its own but it was also genuinely great and challenging
yoshi's island is one of the best platformers of all time.. the music is great, the art style of the graphics, the sound effects.. and the cuteness is there yet it also has tense moments because you feel a sense of attachment to baby mario.. u are the protector in the game.. that added psychological touch plus the fun and satisfying gameplay make this a classic
even today, people will tell you no game compares to the feeling nights into dreams gave you.. it was a mystical, magical, and dreamlike experience.. very original and instantly fun and satisfying
three dirty dwarves is one of the most underrated games on my list.. it had so much humor, and artistic style and creativity that it was remarkable.. too bad so many people missed out on this game.. even now if you youtube the animated cinematics in the game (or even the game itself) you will find yourself cracking up laughing at its antics and the three main characters were dope each with diff abilities.. great gameplay, challenging.. overall amazing game
resident evil 2 on ps1 came and kinda blew everything else away.. the game came on two discs, it was just a game that sucked u in beyond anything you played before it.. graphics, gameplay, sound, cinematics, action, adventure, strategy.. it set the bar very high
jet grind radio was so original when it came out it was ridiculous.. and a lot of times original things turn out bad or quirky but this game was spot on with gameplay.. running around cities tagging walls with cel shaded cartoon like characters.. and the hip hop themes and music just added to the whole vibe and atmosphere to create a complete package.. soundtrack was awsum as were graphics for the time
code veronica was like a side story to resident evil because it came between 2 and 3 but WOW it didn't seem like a side story AT ALL, it is a very full game (i think i remember it being 2 discs) this was another game that really captured your attention and truly gave u a satisfying and scary experience and set the bar higher than ever
ico was another game that set you as the "protector" this game had a vibe and feeling like no other.. also i had never seen environments in a game this massive before.. you'd look up and see a building towering over you.. you are alone with the girl in the game most of the time but it still manages to feel so lifelike, there is no music, only the ambience of nature.. this was a groundbreaking game
jak and daxter i think was the first game i played on ps2 that didn't have loading time.. the graphics were amazing, gameplay was great, characters were so lively and environments so fun .. daxter really added to it with his craziness.. the intro to the game had me cracking up so hard.. definite ps2 classic
gamecube was my fave system of the ps2, x-box, gamecube generation.. the gamecube had such good graphics and great substantial games.. it was ridiculous how good it was.. each one of these games was so ridiculously good and the resident evils were literally like at least 4 or 5 years ahead of their time in every way especially graphically
metroid prime leaves you in a believable world all alone, there is no talking in the game.. yet the worlds suck you in so much that you don't even realize you're playing a game with basically no talking and no cinematics.. and the controls really make u feel like you're samus, like the controller was built for the game.. paper mario was hilarious and great, windwaker is my fave zelda game.. gamecube was so good at the time wow
ok that concludes my look back on older video game systems and the games that i think were the best for them
i've wanted to do a blog like this for a while so i'm glad i was able to do this
take it easy and stay bonkers on the battlefield!!!!