ok this will hopefully be the last time i talk about this but here's an update on the shooting that happened here the other night
the shooter was an asian soldier, age 20.. they say he was basically showing signs of being crazy, like having violent and erratic behavior, he kept gettin demoted and people knew he was wild but i guess they didn't understand the extent of his psychosis the guys he shot were black, age 20 and 21.. one of them died, the other one is in the hospital in stable condition the girl who was with them was the sister of the guy who died they r from kentucky, they were out here to see a friend but went to the club first (kentucky is real close to clarksville, tn) one funny thing that happened less than an hour ago is i was about to text a girl i know to see how she was doing but i decided not to, but like one minute later she texted me she asked me how im doing and i told her about the shooting and she said that the guy who died was her ex-boyfriend and the guy who is in the hospital is one of her best male friends (she also lives in kentucky) so we both talked about what happened.. she told me some stuff about the two guys who were shot and i told her some things about what i saw anyway, those r the details
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one thing i want to put out there real quick is how in the Bible u are supposed to forgive other people but we forget one aspect of forgiveness at times
the aspect i'm talking about is forgiving yourself no matter what negative thing u've done, u should take a look back and say that was me then, but not me now everyone has done something they're not proud of, we can't continually unconsciously punish ourselves for mistakes.. we have to let it go at some point one thing i realized back when i was in counseling was i had unforgiveness toward myself over previous failures in school.. i had a big feeling like "how could i let my family down like that?" but he said what else can u do except put that behind u and try again? he said u didn't give up, u fell off, but ur back on so what can anyone say to you? when we were talking about all this it felt like tensions in my life, mind, and body were unraveling and i began to feel a lot 'lighter' he helped me come to the conclusion that i have to give myself room to breathe and i have to forgive myself for the things i feel like i failed at, or things i wish i would've done sooner, or things i messed up or botched its amazing how much unforgiveness i was harboring toward myself for miss-steps in life.. even if i did mess up, unforgiveness is still wrong regardless.. it doesn't matter if its toward someone else or urself, its still unforgiveness which is basically poison to the person who harbors it Jesus didn't die on the cross and take on my guilt for me to remain in it, He died so we could be free from such things i will point out something else about myself, when i was younger i had a bad attitude about a lot of things, i had an attitude like "ur dumb, i'm smart.. next" and i also could be very negative about things i may still have issues in my attitude but i am a much nicer person today than i used to be in general sometimes people will say things to me like "ur so nice" in various different ways and they think nothing of it but they don't understand i really appreciate that because i used to be considered a jerk or a wack person to be around and it got to where i felt a lot of guilt and wanted to change one of my old friends once said to me "james, ur the most negative person i know" fast forward years later and a different friend of mine wrote a song about me and how i always make him see the positive side of things so i feel like i turned it around for myself, i forgave myself and started to try and put the old me away and people always give me confirmation that im being a good guy now my point is that through forgiveness u give yourself room to change ok u had sex w/ someone u shouldn't have.. u feel guilty and dirty but years later do u still feel that way? if the answer is 'yes' then perhaps u should forgive yourself and change your ways feel good about your ability to turn things around and do that, u feel what i'm sayin? don't beat urself up anymore, instead let the situation make u a better person or how about "i'm fat as f*ck.. why/how did i let myself get like this?" you are still blaming yourself and there is a hint of self-pity buried in your statement.. u gotta start somewhere.. start with forgiving yourself for eating chocolate-covered pizza (lol) and begin turning it around.. hey u messed up in the past but ur doing better now, and that's that so hopefully this will help someone out it is just something i wanted to share off the top of my head remember a few blogs ago on my video, when people were yelling outside?
i said people are wilin' out and i am looking forward to moving to get away from the craziness? well not even 30 minutes ago, i was in bed chillin, trying to read a book when it sounded like fire crackers went off.. i totally jumped cuz it caught me off guard it sounded like fire crackers because it was loud and it was a lot of shots quickly.. about 6 shots i knew it was a gun tho because of the time of night and the fact that there's a club/bar right up the street from where i stay, i can see the club from my window its real close and i can hear the music from it every night i know young people like to act crazy, and clubs don't help.. cuz when u have clubs u also have alcohol, fights, loud ridiculous music, smoking, egos, drugs, tempers, etc. etc. the club is like the opposite of church in a sense.. its like the same as church- in that its like a weekly meeting place but at the same time its like the opposite in a moral sense like a church will likely be full of wise older people and the club will be filled with young and ignorant people church makes u more moral, the club or bar is a place where u lose your inhibitions and go home and sleep with someone u don't know or whatever ANYWAY as soon as the shots were popped i heard a girl scream a blood-curdling scream OH MY *BEEEEEEEEP* YOU KILLED HIM! HE'S F*CKING DEAD! she was screaming like FOR REAL, like if the gunshots didn't wake you up then her screaming did.. while she's still screaming i look out the window, there's a dude running away from the scene in a black hoodie.. well like i said, i live across from a club/bar so THERE ARE POLICE HOVERING so he's running like a dunce because by this point i'm sure everyone here is likely looking out of their window and seeing where he is going.. so he's running and i'm watching him and he didn't even get 100 feet away and police started surrounding him they seemed to come out of nowhere, but its just that everything was so loud and cops have to hover this area pretty much 24 hours a day so they got him and i can't wait to see the news report later on who he is, and why he did such a dumb thing anyway.. then i look over to where i heard the girl screaming.. ok first let me say the girl was right in the area but for some reason the guy didn't shoot her, i don't know why, maybe he only had 6 bullets in his gun, or maybe he couldn't bring himself to shoot her.. all i know is she basically lost her mind and he ran off i looked near where the girl was and two guys were on the ground shot.. one was kinda moving and the other one wasn't moving at all as i was watching this a few thoughts kinda came over me like "you could be alive one moment and dead the next" "whatever reason he had for shooting them wasn't worth it" "some people are ignorant and evil" "this criminal just threw his own life away" "life isn't a game" "why did he shoot them!?" "are these two guys dying right in front of me right now?" man, can u believe this ish? ...let me say again.. IM GLAD IM MOVING they took the two guys away in 2 diff ambulances, they were pushing on one guy's chest the whole time i prayed for both of them.. i prayed that they'd pull through cuz it all happened so fast, i was thinking wow, u know if ur not right with God then that's a real bad situation to be in because u might not have a chance to repent if they pull through then they'll be able to get right with the Lord but if they can't repent, and they end up leaving this earth, its like who knows u know what i'm sayin? maybe u guys can throw some prayers up for these two guys and their families also, they were both young, everyone who lives around here is young btw.. to give an idea of how close this was to me, my car is actually parked further away than everything i just saw.. kinda makes me think a bit i'll try to keep the blog updated on anything that comes on the news concerning this situation (oh yeah... i tried to take some pics of the scene but they kept coming out blurry.. and for anyone curious this all occurred about 2:50am) ^^here's a picture of me after the rapture
LOL but i'm so serious when people talk about how crazy the world is this is where our faith should be.. we should strive to be the ones who are caught up and not the ones left behind some of you may remember me saying i hate it when someone stops doing blogs or deletes their page because you follow it to a point of being a bit attached to it say a person has a blog they update like every other day and you enjoy it for about 6 months then one day u look up and its just gone.. and its not like they just stopped doing new videos.. nope, they totally disappear off the face of the internet completely.. all their presence is just up and deleted and gone with no explanation not only is that like ripping a friend away, you almost feel crazy sometimes because u try to prove to yourself that the thing u enjoyed was even real because there might be little to no evidence if that person wasn't super famous ok so we've established that issue but i want to talk about a time when this happened to me specifically and it actually made me look stupid ok so there was this girl when youtube was still fairly new, her name was jackie but her youtube name was filthywhore at the time she was like 21 or 22 and she was just a cute girl i liked to look at and stuff from time to time
she did videos about nothing, like she did one where she did a makeup tutorial, or on one she did sign language, on one she made fun of another girl on youtube who did a booty dance, she talked about going on trips with her family and she talked about how bad she needed a job and just normal things i just liked her i thought she was really pretty and she was my age and i just liked seeing what she was up to then she began to get in trouble on youtube, like she made a paypal account and said that if anyone wants to put in any loose change then that would be cool cuz she was broke.. but youtube got mad at her for it and deleted some of her videos.. and a bunch of diff things kept happening until she finally deleted everything and disappeared she was one of the most popular people on youtube, but she disappeared to where just trying to find these pics of her was hard by itself but anyway, one day i was looking up filthy whore on the internet and i let my mom use my computer and she saw that i typed "filthywhore" into the search bar and she was just like.. "nevermind, just get out" i was like "its a tongue-in-cheek name, i wasn't looking for an ACTUAL filthy whore online, its a girl who does videos about her life" and my mom's like "whatever just get out" and i walk away frustrated and looking crazy because filthywhore was gone and i couldn't even prove that she ever existed now think about how much this whole thing sucked for me.. i was really attached to seeing jackie's life online, and she just up and left THATS WHY I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ABANDON THEIR BLOGS AND WEBSITES and that's only ONE instance!!! it has happened to me like at least 4 or 5 times so again, that's why i try to stick around with this cuz i don't want people to have to go through what i went through: internet abandonment! ^new phrase (o: and i'm not sayin anyone cares about my website, but just to break the cycle of internet abandonment, i'm gnna try to stay around and update as much as i can this is for anyone who comes here who makes music.. just a few of my current thoughts on making it today.. if you're not into music u may not want to read this
ok lately i've realized how important compression is to a song i used to never understand why a certain thing in a song didn't seem to "fit" but now i understand that you have to compress things properly i've gone to school for music and learned a lot over time however its still hard to really get a grasp of how everything works sometimes when u have a sound, u have something that is essentially invisible.. with that said it can be hard to really know what is going on in an album over time you understand more and more of what is going on and why music is manipulation.. a lot of people who make music are smarter than they appear to be, and while u think u are just enjoying their song, they are actually controlling you... whether subtly or overtly through your conscious or subconscious mind ^got off subject anyway, back to compression.. compression is basically somewhat of a more complex volume adjustment volume will turn sounds up or down compression has the ability to scrunch sounds together i've finally realized the value of this.. it makes everything "mesh" a lot better i used to make songs and rap on them and i'd say to myself "why does it sound like my vocals are sitting on top of the beat as opposed to being nestled inside it?" i know now that a lot of times, it was the lack of compression or sometimes i might say to myself.. how do i make drums loud enough to have force to them, but still be soft enough to where u can turn the music up loud and not have the drums killing your ears? PROPER COMPRESSION lately it has been my favorite tool +++++++++ another thing i want to talk about is the convenience of making music today ok here's the thing 10 years ago, a lot of producers still collected records.. you get a record you like, you sample it, and you make a beat you sample drums, or vocal queues, or whatever.. before you know it you have thousands of records well lately when i want something to sample all i do is go to youtube and type it in.. then i do the youtube to mp3 and i have exactly what i need with no purchase involved, i don't have to leave my bedroom, i don't have to sign up for itunes.. just get it straight off youtube and sample it do hip hop kids appreciate this kind of stuff today? u have everything at your fingertips at any given moment it seems like im FINALLY getting to where i can compete with some of my favorite artists.. i can create something on the same level as them with all the effects and samples and weird things that i could never figure out how to do for years i used to dream about how great it would be to go to a professional studio so i could prove that i have what it takes.. basically.. i have always had a sort of philosophy about music u have to have the three t's talent, time, and tools for a while there i had the talent and the time but i never had the tools and now its like i have the talent and tools but not the time (which is why lately i just make a 16 or i freestyle instead of making a full and serious 48 bars and a chorus) so i don't know, i guess u could say music still eludes me a bit but i would say i feel like i'm in a great position right now.. all my equipment is great and with my newfound love for sampling and compression.. things are sounding better, richer, and more complete than they ever have its a great feeling +++++++++ if i was to give advice to anyone who does music, i'd say - do what you like - do it the way you feel comfortable doing it - try to make money without fame.. why? 1. someone made the theme song to the nba, i don't know who, but i'm sure they have money in the bank 2. if you are an artist signed to a major you are likely also a pawn/puppet.. they can do whatever they want to your image or music videos or if you have an opinion outside status quo you will likely be ostracized from the industry and your superficial fan base 3. is your work any less valid because it is used to promote or enhance something? how about the score to a movie, or soundtrack to a video game? i say try to be known by people who need music and who have deep pockets but be unknown outside of that circle like i turned on the tv one day and the johnny test cartoon came on, i happen to know the artist who made that theme song is matt mahaffey out of murfreesboro, tn.. but 99.9% of other people don't know who he is i also noticed he was featured on a chorus on lupe fiasco's new album, this is along with his solo projects, and his production on other peoples' albums i say seek to be like that.. making money hand over fist without the hassle of fame and without being locked into deceptive and stifling contracts understand that the "artists" of today have no power.. in my opinion, its better to seek those lucrative, behind the scenes gigs.. like is there a theme to the skateboarding x-games yet? think big! i don't know who this is.. but i saw this girl on facebook..
this is one of the hottest girls ever smh |
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December 2011
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