its the last day of 2011! ..its coming to a close!
let me explain what this year was like to me
i'd say it was frustrating, confusing, and.. overall it was a difficult year for me
i remember january came and it was just bonkers from then on
i ended up in counseling trying to understand and learn how to cope with my issues.. that really helped me out
once that was over i still had some issues.. however i think i got victory in a lot of ways
when i say victory i don't mean money or a new car or a woman, i mean like a lot of personal growth, a lot of newly acquired knowledge and strength
they say plants grow downward before they grow upward, and that's what i would say this year was for me.. downward growth or 'unseen' growth- yet wildly important, necessary, and impactful nonetheless
2011 for me seemed largely like a foundationary year, and a lot of issues i've had this year have been wrapped up nicely as if to say "here's a clean slate for the new year"
thank God for that
thanks for keeping up with me in 2011.. i think this was a good year for the website
u guys be safe and keep it bonkers.. its a wrap for 2011
i thought this chick did a good job explaining the whole jordan concord craze so i thought cool instead of me posting my thoughts i'll just post her thoughts
u should probably start this at the 1 minute mark to kick it off at some pretty funny footage
the only thing i somewhat disagreed with was her assumption of some of those people being too broke to buy the shoes.. i mean i understand the frenzy is newsworthy but to say some of those people can't afford them is a negative assumption..
it could be true yes but people breaking doors down for shoes is fact- while peoples' financial situation can only be assumed.. like how can u say people u've never met are or are not on welfare
madd people are on welfare, not just certain people.. like for example financial aid at college is a form of welfare whether people recognize it as such or not
other than that small thing, i agree with her views
<--chris brown w/ the concord 11s
i have been really into this jordan thing because its interesting to me.. there are so many videos about it on youtube
i personally don't diss people for buying "expensive" <--(that is subjective) shoes.. however i guess my take is, why not have your own swag? why do u have to have what a million other people have to be cool or to feel like u got it goin on?
to me, if everyone is going right then u should try going left and kinda stand out a bit.. but whatevs.. just wanted to say something about the whole thing
ok for anyone who somewhat followed the cat fiasco i will talk about what happened in the end of it all
i'm skipping over a lot, but the whole thing got to a point where i told my roommate i had to call the humane society to pick up his cat
then late at night i went out to the gym, still very frustrated about the cat because the humane society was closed due to the holidays
(btw this was like midnight)
i called my sister to tell her about the cat.. as i was talking to her a girl walked in to go in a tanning machine
as she was in there she overheard me talking about the cat and this conversation happened:
oh wow is that your cat? do u live in apartment 2?
yeah but its my roommate's cat
i've been calling the humane society, i even called the police.. that cat has been driving me nuts what is going on?
my roommate went to germany and just left his kitten.. i called the humane society and the apartment days ago and they said they'd get the cat but no one did anything.. i went to nashville, and came back and the cat was still in the room!
yeah i couldn't figure out where it was coming from i thought it was below me so i sent the police there but no one answered
yeah we are on the top floor so we are above you
we kept talking a bit and i expressed how frustrated i was with the situation
she's like ohh... ok.. well i love cats, i'll take it off your hands
i was like YES!!!!!!
so i gave her the cat and when she saw it she was like ITS A KITTEN?!
i was like yeah exactly it makes it even worse doesn't it smh
she seemed to really like the cat straight away.. she was really cool imo
so then my roommate came back from germany like 2 days later
he didn't say ANYTHING about his cat LOL
finally like 3 days after he got back i said: hey man do u know what happened with ur cat?
he's like yeah i guess they came and got it
i was like dude ur cat was in bad shape man.. seriously
and he acted like he cared.. but i don't think he did AT ALL lol + smh
so he has no idea that his cat is actually DIRECTLY BELOW HIM in that girl's apartment.. i think she loves it a lot because the cat's abandonment issues make it very loving and clingy.. i told her its hers to keep
i would say it all werked out
index to da sky
this was only the beginning^ ..before i even went to nashville
first of all, this does not really pertain to anyone, so u may perhaps want to skip this.. its just me reminiscing lolz
i thought today about the first girl i liked who didn't come to me first
what i mean by that is, this was just ME, meaning she didn't like me or do anything nice for me, or flirt with me, i just secretly admired her all on my own
her name was angie
she was biracial.. my whole life i've had an admiration for biracial people both for their looks as well as their awareness of things, cultures, norms, society, prejudice, how to get along with people, etc etc
they always seemed to be able to just be who they were as opposed to who people wanted them to be and i always liked that
angie was GORGEOUS
she was little.. not like a midget but she was just like short and cute and she was voluptuous for a kid.. meaning she wasn't exactly skinny, she wasn't fat at all but she wasn't thin, she just looked very healthy in a non-athletic type of way
she had somewhat of a baby face
she always seemed cooler than me to where i was too nervous to ever really approach her
one day her and her friend came up to me and angie had her hands over her eyes.. and her friend said "we heard u like angie, is this true?"
i wanted to be like YES!!! but since she had her hands over her eyes i said no and let them walk away
angie always appeared very unique to me.. i just wanted to get into her life and know her .. like for real.. i guess that is what u call intrigue but it was more than that even still..
it was like.. i don't know, i really wanted to know her on a deep level.. i was extremely drawn to her but i always felt like i was just going to be dissed because she was just angie, but her best friend was like the top girl at the school, also i was a grade under her
but actually.. my best friend was the top guy at the school now that i think about it.. so maybe it wasn't that bad
anyway.. i have noticed in life a lot of times inner things also have an outer marking
one outer mark of her uniqueness was she had a pink eyelid and the eyelash hairs on this eye were white
she LITERALLY had a pink eyelid
i think the story was somehow her eyelid was burnt by something and it turned pink.. it was like a normal looking eyelid, but it was just pink
it sounds weird but it just drew me to her even more.. i wanted a part of who she was, i used to just watch her and think about how bad i wanted her to be in my life
i hope i get to see her again one day
someone recently was telling me they'd like to go back to school and get a 4th degree
i was like why?
they said "because i'd like to be able to know i am perfectly equipped, i want to know i have reached the highest height and i have every tool and i'm prepared for anything"
i said "oh like goliath?"
lol pointless cheap shot
..and u know ur a nerd when u have biblical jokes
but seriously i applaud them for that and i think they are doing well!
sometimes i consider other people tho when i think about life.. sometimes we think we are up or down when in reality sometimes its the opposite
like for example E! did a true hollywood story of lottery winners and most of their lives were destroyed within a few years.. and i don't just mean them losing their money, i mean like people developing drug addictions and people being shot or kidnapped and all kinds of nonsense
then take some people who everyone says will never be anything.. like say a girl gets pregnant at a young age everyone talks behind her back and pities her but she could easily mature real quick and surpass all of her peers and be very successful
if ur down u could be moved up especially if u are humble in word and deed
and if ur up u could be moved down especially if u are arrogant
also just as in david and goliath, the team u play for certainly makes a difference!
not hating on people who do well for themselves in this world.. that is a great thing and God will likely bless u even more but remember to lean on Him even when everything looks perfect and promising!
even when u have every tool for success, remember to keep God in your life!
"For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked."
i told someone i hate it when people diss people for dating outside of their race
i think its born out of insecurity, ignorance, and jealousy, and that causes unwarranted hate/negativity toward an innocent party
sidenote: i may explain the 'ignorance' aspect of racism on a future blog because it has to do with a skewed and therefore false belief
sidenote #2: if u are one of these people who does this and u are single then u seriously need to change or u will remain single.. stop trying to justify your own crap and change right now.. ask God to forgive u for hating on people and being a racist
anyway.. with time the conversation went to just hating on people in general
i thought about haters a bit
people who hate on u are generally going to be the people closest to you
u get green money then they get green envy
unfortunately this is just pretty much a fact of life
and its not just relegated to money it could be like two girls grow up and one is pretty and the other one isn't.. so the ugly one hates on the pretty one
it can be a lot of diff things
now.. we have established who hates on u.. but who do u hate on?
i thought about it.. i really thought about it and for real i can't remember hating on anyone
no joke.. hating on people is not something i get into.. not saying i'm a perfect person.. i don't believe i am good or wise but hear me out
hating on people is a covetous thing.. and "thou shall not covet" is indeed one of the 10 commandments
u are mad at them because they have something u want
there is no reason for this because God gave u your own lane.. why do u want to be in someone else's lane?
even if they have something u want u have to focus on how you can get that thing for yourself, not focus on "they have it but i don't"
how do u get something u want?
write it down, and make it plain, and pray to God about it in secret.. also remember key scriptures such as "faith without works is dead"
the worldly way is to tear other people down and bring them to your level.. to destroy their happiness so they can be unhappy with u
the right way is to recognize God gave you YOUR OWN LIFE, YOUR OWN PATH, and He will direct you, you just have to allow Him to u feel me?
ok so if this is for anyone just remember God has your back in this and u don't have to be covetous.. (which creates hatred, envy, contention and more)
trust God and u can be happy and content in your own lane!
i have noticed mostly everyone hates the words of my mouth.
i get told to shutup in a lot of different ways, by a lot of different people, for a lot of different reasons.. even on this blog i SERIOUSLY get haters.. the fact is people just don't want to hear what i bring to the table..
this has been apparent to me for a long time, however i recognize it as opposition from the enemy.. i noticed a long time ago, the enemy tries to put people in my life who try to make me feel like everything i say is wrong.. him and his demons want me to feel like every conclusion i come to is ridiculous and unfounded
in short, the enemy wants me to be quiet.. someone this weekend literally told me to shutup like 14 times in a row.. but i'm not ignorant.. so knowing the enemy wants to wear me down, i stood strong
the words i speak separate me from madd people i could otherwise be close friends with- and madd people hold grudges against me for my beliefs
i am thankful for this because:
"friendship with the world is enmity with God"
"fear of the Lord is hatred of evil"
"judge with a righteous judgement"
"all men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved"
^yes, all of these quotes are in the bible
the truth of the matter is.. a lot of times i am just saying the same thing the bible would say
and people diss me for it or hate on me or tell me to shutup or try to convince me i'm wrong
but what they don't get is two things
1. I WILL NOT BE SILENCED.. i know the enemy wants me to accept any and everything and have no discernment or sense of right and wrong.. ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN
2. this 'separation' is supposed to happen
"Think not that I have come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me."
-Jesus (matthew 10:34-38)
the other day i met someone else who sees 11 all the time
i overheard her ask someone: "have u ever seen the movie 11:11?"
i was like "what does 11 mean? cuz i see it all the time"
she was like "oh really me too" and she said its as if something sets her up to see 11:11 constantly- which is the same thing i experience.. she had an answer but i didn't really understand what she meant
all i know is, its cool that i met someone else who deals with this in real life and not just people on the internet
i have a very deep disdain for advertisements
there is something about the fact that i am doing something and something else intrudes my experience that i find to be very annoying
u are watching a tv show and then it is interrupted by 7 minutes of people talking about cereal and curling irons and cars or something
i feel like advertising is so prevalent that its out of hand.. its to a point where it makes me want to really rebel from a lot more than just television.. like name brand clothing and more.. just to detach myself from all of the propaganda as much as possible
a lot of times when an ad comes on something i immediately lose interest in the whole thing and just go find something else to do.. like when u go on a website and an ad takes over the whole page for like 10 seconds.. a lot of times i just say 'forget it'
this is something some people may not understand about me
i really dislike ads.. and sometimes get frustrated by them.. and if u know me then u know how much i hate sex to be thrown in my face.. i am a lot happier since i stopped watching tv because every commercial shows people making out and it pisses me off EVERY SINGLE TIME
one second ur looking at a commercial about a new show and the next second people are slobbing down right in front of your face.. and don't even get me started on the whole gay thing now because these days they will show two guys which is literally sickening.. or they might even show someone vomiting or do a close up of dog-crap or show something demonic and no one seems to care but me
and i also really hate how hollywood chooses actors and actresses.. the whole story-book and stereotypical portrayal of people.. everything is madd fake.. there is no real variety in the way people look .. i hate the whole thing.. its all like one big deception to me
i feel like i could go on for days about it all
there is a real freedom in recognizing the bs of society
and wow there is a LOT of it
the more u can recognize lies and unnecessary trash the more different u become from the masses and the weirder u are to people without perception.. but even with that disconnect, trust me ITS WORTH IT
most people are going to hell so its actually good for u to be the 'outsider' or the 'peculiar' one, because if most people are going to hell, then u do not want to follow the crowds
anyway.. i just wanted to get some of this off my chest
i'm just going to try and top this entry off with this short video
i haven't told anyone this, only my family knows but i decided to share it today
i no longer celebrate christmas
this year was the first year i didn't celebrate it
i am not going to go around and talk bad about people who celebrate it however i no longer celebrate it because of its origins as a pagan holiday
i'm not going to go into detail about what christmas originated from or who's birthday it really celebrates or what the "mas" means in christmas or what 'yule' is or what decorating a tree came from or what mistletoe signified, i won't waste my breath with any of it..
i will just say if u care to know then its simple to look all of the information up on the internet
i have noticed some people are offended at the fact that i don't celebrate however at the same time they don't look up any information on it..
some people still say "but it doesn't mean anything pagan to me"
however my view is that with knowledge should come change.. for example if i put my hand on a stove and figure out that its hot then i should take heed to that and not touch it anymore
in my opinion, putting your head in the sand will not make facts of life go away
this year i went home mainly so i could see family because it was a rare time where i had time off of school and work.. but i did not give or receive any gifts or participate in anything christmas oriented
i also would say there is a disproportionate number of mishaps during christmas which i would say is not necessarily coincidental
so many peoples houses burn down at christmas, every year u hear about it.. my aunt's house burned down on christmas eve this year.. also every year u hear about the frenzy of people trying to get material things for their family and people act bonkers .. also santa is a lie.. every year a lie is perpetuated to children and satan is the father of lies.. how interesting to see that santa and satan use the same exact letters.. all a person has to do is move the 'n' from the middle to the end
last night toya asked me.. "i wonder if people know christ wasn't born on christmas"
i kinda just was like yeah people don't understand nor do they care to
just wanted to put this out there for the record
i did not celebrate this year and i won't celebrate it ever again
also i won't diss people for celebrating because i don't feel led to do that
but i wanted to put my personal stance out there