maybe until someone sends me a blog request i will just do like a song of the day or pic of the day of video of the day type thing.. meh why not.. here's song of the day today
its just an instrumental but it says "got no place... might not be that bad"
there is a freedom in this.. u have the worst case scenario (homelessness)
then he says "hey, it might not be that bad"
quite an interesting viewpoint.. very optimistic.. perhaps even to a fault
im gnna go on record and say i don't know when i'll be back on here talking about stuff
for some reason lately its like i haven't been able to finish any sentences or commit to any thoughts
if anyone wants to know what is going on in my life just ask.. other than that i'm not sharing at the moment
i think i'm on hiatus.. i've tried to avoid it and stick around but it doesn't seem to be working
i may need a month.. who knows.. the problem with saying i want a hiatus is i may write 5 important things tomorrow lol.. i mean its possible but i probably won't, sooo holla back
oh btw.. i want to point something out
i have an issue with writing sometimes.. that issue is this, i don't like to really talk about good things or bad things that are important to me
i say this because if i say something good, then its like "what if i jinx it?"
if i say something bad then its like "james why are you complaining?"
i also don't like talking about things that are too insignificant or too important.. like for example i could write a blog every day about how my day went but if nothing huge happened then what would be the point in taking a stance and having an opinion on it?
or i could sit here and write about something huge like "here are all the reasons i dislike college" and it would probably be like the equivalent of reading half a novel
u see what i'm saying?
i guess u could say i've been in a mood where nothing seems suitable to talk about
maybe i will just post little things from youtube or something for a while til i get opinionated again
or if anyone wants me to talk about something on here please let me know.. i have told people in the past i would love to take blog requests but no one has ever given me one
IF YOU HAVE A BLOG REQUEST PLEASE SEND IT MY WAY.. I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE MY PUBLIC OPINION ON WHATEVER YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
my opinion won't be pompous by the way, it'll just be a simple "here's my take and here's what's funny about" sort of thing
and if u miss my blog entries please send requests!!!
even if its dumb let me know and i'll write about it and include ur question in the blog
this explains a lot of what i believe and try to explain to people but more often than not they don't understand me
i haven't been able to talk in here much because so much is going on in my head
i have been working on settling my life
at counseling i was told to write down the top things that bother me about my life
i did it and it really laid out a plan for me.. like what my priorities are and why r they being overlooked at times and how can i fix this in order to kill off this monstrous anxiety
since then i've been walking along this path and doing what i can with what i have.. but it also got me thinking about a few more things.. like why do i even do the things i do? why do i believe some of the things i believe? how do these beliefs affect me?
the gears are turning so much lately that i haven't been able to say much here on mah blog.. april 2011 is pretty empty in comparison to other blog months i think
i was telling someone the other day that i want to change, i want to be a better person.. and its true and i hope this year will bring about much positive change for me
people don't seem to understand this year has been one of the worst for me so far in some ways.. i just think im having a.... look here's an example to explain it:
i was watching 50 cent's behind the music the other day because nothing else was on.. and during it he said "the worst part of my life wasn't any of the painful or hurtful times.. it was the confusing times" <--paraphrased
and that kinda explains what my life has been lately.. just like who am i, where am i going, how do i get there, what is important, etc.
i suppose this is a stage everyone goes through i just hope i can get through it successfully
i was talking to a girl over the weekend and she said "the world is your oyster" which is very like.. cliche.. but something about the way she said it made me stop and think..
some people are able to get through to you while some other people aren't.. why is that? who knows.. but i felt like she was sharpening me as she was talking.. it meant a lot
anyway.. this is just somewhat of an update of what's been going on with me
my head has just been all over the place
so everyone stay bonkers n mayk it do wat it do
i paused my tv as i was watching daria and took this picture.. kevin's supposed to be working on a project with daria but instead he's watching football.. and quinn walks in out of nowhere
"kevin.. do you think my skirt is too short?"
before i say anything here i want to point out that i am single.. so i'm no expert.. if i was an expert i'd probably have a girl.. but anyway.. for better or for worse here are my thoughts on how to think (what mindset to have) when u want a girl
there is a lot of talk on how to get a girl you want
as a dude u want someone pretty, trustworthy, agreeable, sweet, pleasant, presentable, someone who is a good listener, someone supportive.. etc
the funny thing about getting a girl is that there are like a billion myths.. be cool, macho, be a comedian, be romantic, dress to kill, have muscles.. scratch all that
u don't focus on the outer, u focus on the inner
the best way to get a girl is to get ur own life together
this can mean a lot of things, it can mean focusing on getting a good job, or going to school, or losing weight, or whatever it is that bothers urself about urself.. work on those areas and try to do better and get on track with what u want for urself
if ur a dude looking for a girl, people will say to you.. "have confidence"
THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE IF YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH WHERE YOU ARE AS A MAN
that trips me out when people say to a dude "be confident"
that's like "trying to explain yellow to a blind man" -lupe
when young dudes confide in me i tell them "hey man, ur in school, u have a job, ur doing ur best, ur handsome u have reasons to feel good about who u are"
as opposed to "be confident"
confidence is like a feeling of "i'm doing something right" or "i have some control over this thing called life"
that's why i say the number one thing is to work on urself
get ur life in order, get in shape, have fun, work on ur career, work on being independent.. these are things that will help you get u women, not necessarily spray tan or "swag" or a fly car
don't work on getting women work on yourself
now.. here are some added things
be honest with females.. don't be afraid to tell them ur flaws.. i know its hard to do but you'll see its harder to keep up a facade of being so strong and invincible
now let me give a small example of this
say u catch a back ache at work but u had a date with her to do something physical like rockclimbing.. u could act like ur back is fine and still go on the date and act like superman, or tell her ur back hurts and u feel bad u can't take her on the date..
if she is a butt-face she will throw a fit but in reality she will probably be like ok that's cool and rub ur back.. and feel closer to u cuz u admitted ur feelings and ur pain to her
another thing is just be you.. don't try to act "cool" just act the way u normally act
as a matter of fact, stop changing and adjusting for other people in general.. just be YOU
like even if a girl doesn't necessarily agree with u about something, girls like a guy who is able to stand strong in their own beliefs and ways.. u can't do that if ur always allowing people and their perception to change u
here's another thing to keep in mind: girls r like spiders
u know how when u were little u'd see a spider and be like dad look! kill it!! and he'd be like "u gotta be kidding me, that thing is more scared of u than u are of it"
that's how women are.. u might feel like they are going to diss u and they might but at the end of the day a lot of girls r wildly insecure.. it can manifest itself in different ways.. such as being too nice, too mean, or whatever.. but the truth is a lot of girls are really insecure
if ur a good guy u have the upper hand because women know good guys are few and far between.. they get tired of being used all the time.. in my experience i have noticed a feeling of exasperation from females
they want to know if you'll be different from the last guy.. in some cases they will overlook a lot of ur flaws if they know u will love and admire them
for example.. i tend to flirt w/ girls from time to time.. sometimes i do this and later on i find out i was being nicer to her than her boyfriend was
like i might say hey how was ur day? little did i kno her boyfriend doesn't ask her about her day
or i might say she looks sexy as like being 1/2 serious and 1/2 joking.. but little did i know her boyfriend never does this
so james what's ur point?
my point is society is screwed up.. a lot of dudes are so caught up in their self that their woman is being neglected.. so if ur just nice on a basic level, u can get a girl who is maturing and getting tired of the bs and the games
but back to my main point.. don't try to get girls to like u.. get you to like you
and don't make it too hard on urself
"i will like myself once i get that $100,000 car"
1 day at a time
so today a girl told me i have a tendency to "shut down"
do i "shut down" or do i choose not to deal with trivial things?
there's so much in life that tries to get your attention.. 80% of it is not worth your focus
this is my assessment.. someone else may say "you shut down"
but i just see it like..
look.. when i was younger and went to an all white school i used to have to deal with racist people from time to time
i got in some fights over racism
but after a while i just decided to stop fighting over it
it would be a big deal over someone else's opinion of me or my race
i'd beat someone up and then there would be adults involved, or even if adults weren't involved then i'd hear about how i beat someone up over and over by people around me.. but they wouldn't understand i was never proud of that
ultimately i'd be thinking about how i got into a violent confrontation because someone wanted to trigger me to anger
it was either fight for the honor of myself and my race and our struggle or just go on about my business and avoid people who dislike me.. let life teach them and stop taking that role upon myself because i can't singlehandedly defeat world ignorance.. Jesus was perfect and look at the world.. people are still dumb
i got tired of people controlling me so i began avoiding people and ignoring them.. and today this is what i still do
i was always getting into issues at school .. i remember a few kids didn't like me and they didn't even know me AT ALL.. i beat a few kids up but the racism just kept coming.. it was like something that i realized wouldn't stop and it came to where i just decided to react to it differently..
so some kid called me a nigger one day on the playground and i was with my friends and it was like either go and get into a scuffle or just keep playing basketball
i decided to keep playing basketball and ever since then i am able to "shut down" or CHOOSE MY BATTLES WISELY would be a better way to put it
so if anyone comes at me a certain way and they are met with apathy then that's just what it is
man.. if i had a girl like this.. you wouldn't be able to tell me JACK
i'd look u up and down and spit on you for even trying to ATTEMPT to speak to me.. my ego would be massive!
man this pic is so cool lol
i finished the book "wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked" from malice of the clipse or GENE is his real name
if u want to read it for urself u may not want to read any further
ok the book was good.. its quite a bit different than what i expected though lol
surprisingly, i'd say about 60% of the book is about aids.. throughout the book either he has hiv and God is holding it back.. or he doesn't have hiv and God is showing him that he might get it if he doesn't straighten his life out..
here's what i think was happening.. he was experiencing a lot of omens..
omen - event regarded as a prophetic sign of coming good or evil
God was giving him omens like he'd start losing weight and have the symptoms of someone with aids, then he'd get in a car with some friends and someone would say "i had a dream you got aids lol"
and he wouldn't say anything in reply but he'd be really afraid because he was always getting signs that pointed to having aids.. at the time he was only being with his wife but he figured it could've been from a tattoo or some other incident
so this went on for a long time til he got close to God and through this, he got confirmation that God would take care of him basically as long as he was letting Jesus be the head of his life.. so the aids scare ended
but about 10 yrs later after great success he began to get back into some negative things, like he began to cheat on his wife and the aids symptoms came back
but not only this, he supposedly gave a girl aids and she was dying from it and he was still perfectly fine.. well she ended up telling her brother and her brother was a thug so he decided to put a hit out on gene
then out of nowhere that girl's brother sent gene an email "what's ur address? i want to send you a demo tape"
so gene was like oh crap my lifestyle is about to get me killed and not only that but i'm gnna give my wife aids and my kids will hate me and even if i live i won't be able to rap with people knowing i have hiv
so he starts to turn back to God, he confesses to his wife that he's been cheating on her, she forgives him.. the woman he supposedly gave aids to.. they don't say whether she is ok or not but she at least told her brother to chill.. and he finds out he doesn't have hiv despite having the symptoms
basically it was about God's grace.. i look at it like God was saying to him.. "based on your actions you deserve this disease and you don't deserve the family you have, and you don't deserve the wife you have, or the finances i've blessed you with.. but due to my great mercy i will give you another chance to keep it all"
so the book is about him heeding the call to change his ways and live right.. and what its like when there is spiritual warfare over you.. when u are trying to ignore God but He wants to bring you back
here are some things from the book that i liked:
on one part he talked about how cheating on his wife and having sex with multiple women made him see the worst in everyone to a point where he began to suspect his own wife of cheating and he explained it like "if you live in the light, you see light and if you live in darkness, you see darkness."
i thought that was interesting and pretty true.. also there was this.. which i thought was pretty deep:
good read.. i highly recommend it.. i really enjoyed it.. it made me want to work on my own autobiography
so yeah check out the book when u get a chance peaCe