wat up peepz
im going to tayk a break from writing in here for a while
don't really feel like writing at the moment.. need a break from it..
too much output.. need teh inputz
1 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.
3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,
4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
here is a peeve i have that i've never talked about outloud
i don't like it when people say "don't touch me"
this is really just women.. i hate it when they make a big deal out of a non-sexual tap or conversational touch
i find it to be very... hmm how do i put it.. overly rude.
it can make u feel like u did something wrong or insinuate that u have ill-intent and you are not to be trusted on any level..
or it also could insinuate something like, "don't forget, i'm better than you and you can never have me" (in which case the girl is giving herself WAY too much credit)
if i'm sitting by you and we are having a conversation and i happen to touch u, i find it to be ridiculous for you to interrupt me and sternly and loudly say "don't touch me"
like what is that?
i really don't see what the big deal is.. sometimes when u talk to someone u may be explaining something and u might touch their shoulder or something.. how is that invasive or offensive?
that really irks me.. i really don't get it.. sometimes u touch someone when u talk.. it can just be an extension of body language.. like if i'm talking to a little kid i might touch him on the top of his head.. it doesn't mean i'm invading his space, its just something u might do when u talk to a little kid
or say, if someone does something good u may pat them on the back
i touch people sometimes when i talk.. and not just females either.. i might lean on a friend or whatever.. things like this happen
but some girls r just like.. i don't know what their deal is.. they just have their guards up so high that basic things are made to be like "violations"
i remember one time i was explaining something to a girl and i went to touch her or my hand got close to her (i forgot what happened) and she about jumped out of her seat like "DONT TOUCH ME!"
i was just sitting there like "wow that was totally unnecessary and offensive"
and to be honest.. i have a theory that this is PART of the reason why porn is so big and popular.. because there are so many "walls" up in everyday life, people are so closed off from one another.. as a guy u might not even really care about the sexual aspect, u may just want to turn it on to see women be submissive and not totally standoffish all the time
think about it.. if women treat u like u are a convicted sex offender all the time, u might just be like "fck it" and go home and turn on a video where women say yes to everything, just to try and balance out all the negative female interactions u have on a daily basis
i just feel like there's a point where u have TOO MUCH guard up, that's all i'm saying.. i mean if someone makes u uncomfortable, speak up sure, but if its not a violation, don't be a b*tch about it <---for lack of a better way to put it
i have decided to change my major.. i don't know if anyone will feel me on this decision.. but i honestly like.. can't do these literature stories anymore..
as u all can tell, all i've been doing for the past few weeks is complaining about how much i dislike school.. i don't like being this way.. my peace about school is gone.. flat-out, so i'm changing my major
i told u guys earlier that i emailed my advisor but i never told u what she said.. she recommended that i change my major.. at first i was like NO WAY.. but the thought didn't exactly go away.. and the more i think about it.. the more it seems to make sense
do i know what i'm going to change my major to? no.. however my core classes are done and like my advisor said, based on what i have, and haven't yet accomplished.. "its a good time to be looking into all this"
i finished converting some of my old beats to mp3s like i said i would, however i need a decent site where i can upload them as a whole album
if anyone wants them and doesn't want to wait, just email me and i'll email them to u
i want everyone who comes to my site to know that i do spend a good deal of time making fun of people or pointing out people and their b.s. or even pointing out school and its institutional b.s. ....but i am aware i'm not perfect
i mean honestly i'm 26 and still in college
i haven't had a steady girlfriend in years
i have no sense of professionalism in "the real world"
the list could possibly go on.. my point is, i know i am not above improvement myself
so if i offend anyone, it is what it is.. i don't write anything to offend anyone on purpose.. however i may sometimes offend people because i am a person with my own opinions
i could be politically correct at every moment on the site however in my opinion that would take away from a lot of the honesty involved
i don't aim at people to offend them however i am just going to say the things i think about because that is the point of the site.. i don't want anyone thinking like
"is james making fun of me?"
u may happen fall into a category of people i'm making fun of but NO i'm not aiming at you to hurt your feelings.. if i ever aim at someone i'll use their name
i feel like in general there is a difference between TRYING to offend people or just simply stating how u feel
my mission on this site is to simply state how i feel at any given moment
i found a Christian hip hop website called rapzilla.com its also on youtube.. it just compiles a lot of Christian hip hop artists and puts videos and interviews in one place
i'm quite happy i found this.. to be honest i probably need it
on metalocalypse, when u watch that show there's always like some guys who try to control what the band does.. they fear that the band may undermine their control of the world somehow because the band's music is so powerful
those people who are in control, i was thinking, they likely represent the government and/or illuminati.. and i'm not saying they actually represent those things, but i'm saying i'm sure illuminati members actually have meetings like the ones u see those people having on metalocalypse
like i was watching metalocalypse once and the government/illuminati/people in control (whatever u want to call them) were all like "we have to make sure all the movies and tv suck and are bland and at a low intelligence level so that people will remain dumb and easy to control"
basically, the further tv programming is from wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, the better
the show went on and some guy revealed that all the movie reviews were rigged, and because of things like this he was confident that "no one knows what a good movie is anymore" so as a result, he was able to make any type of movie and control his own revenue streams
when i saw this, i was just thinking to myself.. "wow there's a lot of truth said in jest"
i don't know how much of that kind of stuff really happens, but i know SOME measure of it does indeed happen
speaking of devious conspirators.. demons in hell also have meetings and things
what demons and satan want the most is to take u to hell, so demons get together and provoke things.. press peoples buttons to provoke divorce.. or get them to not forgive someone, or even to incite car crashes
one simple reason satan wants people to divorce is because God has rules about marriage and divorce and sexual relations.. if you get divorced u will likely get remarried but if you didn't get divorced for a valid Biblical reason, then when u get remarried you will be committing adultery in God's eyes
and i also want to talk about the whole car crash thing.. the other day i was telling someone a lot of people who continually get in car crashes have a curse on them or they are not living right.. a lot of these people are in sin and they know it but they are ignoring the Lord's "knocking at their heart"
when someone comes up to u and says "i've been in 4 car wrecks in the last 6 months" remember what i'm telling you
satan wants to take you to hell.. but the Lord in His great mercy may save u from dying in ur sin.. if satan can get away with taking your life while you are in sin, then his demons may try to get you.. but God is probably having a lot of mercy on you if weird things keep happening but u keep coming out ok
when people find out i watch jersey shore there seems to be a bit of conflict or misconception there because people know i don't live that lifestyle, so they are surprised that i watch the show
i want to talk about my point of view on this
just because i watch the show doesn't mean i condone their actions
i want to point out that i don't admire them, i think they are ridiculous.. i think the show is funny and interesting to watch but i'm not really laughing WITH them as much as i'm laughing AT them
to me personally they are ignoring everything God wants them to do and just doing whatever they want to do and i don't think that is wise at all
but i do understand why they live the way they live, i'm not a pretentious person, we were all born with a sin nature, i understand the appeal of just being ignorant of spiritual things and just pulling chicks every night and justifying every bad thing i do
as a person born with a sin nature, i understand it, however as a person who loves and respects Christ and what He did on the cross.. and as a person who believes in heaven and hell and wants to go to heaven.. i'm not about to do the things they do on the show
so for me personally.. i watch it and its like.. its like watching any other reality show or documentary about people who live in a way u don't agree with
like for example, earlier today i watched a show on national geographic about prison inmates... do i agree with the way they think and their way of life? NO
but do i want to get a glimpse of their lifestyle and thinking patterns and the things they go through? YES
if jersey shore made me want to sin, maybe i wouldn't watch it.. but it doesn't make me want to sin.. what i mean by that is i don't think their lifestyle is attractive
like say i am a recovering alcoholic and i see a show about people enjoying drinking, i probably wouldn't watch that because it would make me want to go back to drinking
but when i watch jersey shore, they have nothing in that lifestyle that i desire.. i will admit sometimes some of the girls on there are attractive, but they are so gross and ignorant that it ruins their attractiveness to me.. so i remain not desiring any of that lifestyle
so i wanted to point that out.. in my opinion, watching jersey shore doesn't make me a "trashy person" or whatever people think.. to me personally, its just a glimpse into that "party-all-the-time" lifestyle
i have no desire to live that life, i think its superficial and ridiculous in a lot of ways.. but its just interesting for me to see people who live so much different from me
again: I DO NOT CONDONE JERSEY SHORE LIFESTYLE
to me its just like watching a maury paternity test show or something.. it's totally obsurd and i don't condone the type of immoral sexual activity that would land u in such a position.. but its interesting to watch it unfold
we arrived at the Throne of God, and the Lord said, "Servant, come here." We went out of the Throne room and arrived at a place with a very tiny window. The Lord said, "Servant, now look down." I saw terrible desolation, such tremendous desolation, the whole Earth was desolate and full of pain. The Lord said, "Look servant, this is what is going to be after I have taken My people from the Earth, this will be after My coming, this will be when My church is here with Me." I saw such tremendous desolation.
I saw people that were celebrating one moment, but then, I saw a father looking for his son, a mother looking for her daughters, but they couldn't find them, because Almighty God had taken them. Relatives were looking for other relatives but they could not find them. People were looking for their neighbors but couldn't find them, because the Lord had taken them up with Him.
Something terrible was happening over all the Earth. I saw a pastor running from one place to another, and I asked the Lord, "Lord, why does that man run from one place to another?" The Lord replied, "Servant, this man was a pastor, but because he thought that I was going to delay, he was left behind. He did not think that I was going to come now, he thought that it was going to take a long time before I would come back, and that is why he was left behind." The pastor was running all over, saying "Lord, why was I left behind? If I am a pastor, if I have a position in the church, and the church is gone, I am left behind? Why have I been left behind?" The Lord said, "Servant, I can't do anything now, he thought My coming was going to delay, well, he was left behind."
-taken from a segment found on spiritlessons.com
the "rapture" as they call it.. this is one of my fave things to think about
because i really would LOVE to just be taken up to heaven with the Lord on that day
i mean, u wouldn't even die, you'd just be taken.. spared from the time of tribulation.. i studied this a few months back.. at first i wasn't sure if this existed but its definitely in the Bible in a few different places.. i think revelation and somewhere else.. i have it written down somewhere
i would absolutely LOVE to leave this earth with Christ and head up to heaven!
like i said before i think about it everyday
i've heard that God has had mercy on us and so He delayed His coming a bit, to give people time to get right and do better
but He'll be here.. i don't know when but no matter when He comes it'll be worth it to be ready!!!
i have been thinking about school and what i'm going to do about it
i hate my classes, and its not just like.. this semester, its like i have the same stuff next semester
like everything u have to take twice
american literature 1
american literature 2
british literature 1
british literature 2
i keep saying it but honestly i don't know what to do, what do u do when u've been putting in so much effort, money and time into something then u come to a point where u say "man i really hate this"
like if it was just this semester it would be one thing but this torture will go on if i don't do something because like i said the curriculum is built in a way to where u have to do things over and over
even after i take all those classes i just listed i will still have to do shakespeare 1 and 2
so i am at a place where i'm really wanting out
i don't want to read anymore of these stories
look this is what happened yesterday
we were supposed to read the end of the odyssey.. i read it
then the teacher quizzed us on it
i got all the answers right but i got a 65%
i went up to her after class and i was like why did i get such a bad grade?
she basically said none of my answers were "detailed enough"
but the question is open-ended.. like i don't understand why i would get a 65% for answering an open ended question correctly.. like ITS TOO SUBJECTIVE
for example.. reading has no visual.. so if 10 people read a story, 10 people have a different visual of the story in their head.. so how can u just mark all my answers wrong?
its like she asks a question, and i put down the correct answer.. but she will say "this was out of a possible 7 points but u only earned 4"
but that's an opinion
like if u literally want 7 different answers why not make 7 fill-in-the-blank questions?
here's a real example of my quiz:
question: "what happened when the men tried to shoot the bow?"
answer: "they were unable to string the bow"
and somehow that is out of 5 and i get 2 fcking points
I ANSWERED THE QUESTION CORRECTLY
she said "no, u should've indicated that it was ODYSSEUS' bow"
BUT THERE WAS ONLY ONE BOW IN THE STORY, WHY DO I HAVE TO SAY WHOSE IT WAS?! THERE WAS ONLY ONE IN THE STORY
that's like me telling my friend "hey see ya later, i'm going home" and my friend says "whose home are you going to?"
like wtf do u mean "whose home?" MY HOUSE U STUPID F*CK
this is what bothers me about this department of school.. its just dumb to me.. like seriously.. every answer is correct but since its not to ur liking i get a 65%
HOW IS THAT FAIR?
i feel like i have to think of something to get out of this because it affects my mood.. i have to pray a lot in order to not be angry
here's one thing i've never talked about
one day i was chilling in the house.. (i think i was about 13) and my mom was in the garage and i happened to walk by the garage and my mom said "james! run quick! get help! hurry!" out of nowhere
it was like that type of urgent thing where u don't ask questions u just GO.
and i saw out the corner of my eye that she didn't seem to be in danger, she was just like hunched over doing something with flowers or something.. but her urgency made me panic regardless
so in the back of my mind i was confused but in the front of my mind i was thinking "drop everything and get help"
i don't really even remember what i did i think i ran upstairs to call 911
then as i got up there and everything she called to me and said "nevermind, james i'm fine.. i'm fine james"
and i was like "well what's wrong what's going on?"
and she was like "i was just trying to see what you would do if i needed help"
after she said that then it made sense why she was just standing there out of the corner of my eye and didn't seem to be in danger
but here's what i want to say about that ish.. ok.. no one in my life before or since has ever done anything like that to me
it was one of the most horrifying and confusing and painful instances u could imagine
when she told me to run and get help i was filled with a lot of fear and adrenaline.. but when she said "i just wanted to see what you would do" ALL OF THAT ADRENALINE CONVERTED INTO ANGER
i was like.. mentally gone for a bit.. i was SO ANGRY it was incredible, i wanted to lash out at my mom for doing that so bad but i guess my conscience was strong enough to hold me back
I WAS SUPER PISSED, like to where you don't even know what to do or say or think.. ur JUST ANGRY
so i was walking around in histerics and in anger pacing and i went to my room but instead of opening the door i just punched a hole through it
my parents had to buy a whole new door, and i never got in trouble for it.. but think about it.. i didn't deserve to be punished for that.. because that was like psychological child abuse
so... i don't know.. its just something i never talked about before.. but i remembered it today and figured i'd share it
"Most people, sometime in their lives, stumble across Truth. Most jump up, brush themselves off, and hurry on about their business as if nothing had happened."
- Winston Churchill