went to church last night
a LOT of beautiful Christian girls there
i wasn't so much feelin the service.. but the girls there SMH
i think i had a moment with one girl there.. if eyes can talk i think we had a moment..
i saw her at the service and mental noted her a bit for her beauty, confidence, and fashion sense.. then i saw her today and we locked eyes for an unusual amount of time.. i didn't speak but it was like... something about seeing her today solidified her mysterious presence in my head
i guess we'll see if anything happens.. if i am blessed with a chance to talk to her i'll tell u guys about the interaction
but.. iono.. i'm out for nowz
young beautiful Christian womenz!
i wrote a good blog entry but somehow something happened and it got deleted
it was interesting.. it was some of my thoughts on sex
i may rewrite it later but not now, my hand is beginning to hurt
i also have an idea to write one about a misconception people seem to have about me and how i view women
hate it when my entries get deleted, i don't even kno how it happened.. the page like refreshed on its own or something and i can't hit the back button
if i have time these two topics will likely be discussed soon
icarly has been getting on my nerves in some ways lately
i'm just going to point out the main example of what has irked me on the show
ok whenever they show a guy carly likes, he's like madd tall and looks about 19, which is annoying on its own
but freddy, a guy who is normal height.. a guy who is considered "nice" and a guy who is carly's age shows a lot of interest in her
she always turns him down
and that's ok, i mean if she doesn't like him then she doesn't like him
but what really got on my nerves was on one episode she told freddy she liked "bad boys"
now.. does this happen in real life? YES.. i know because i'm a "nice guy" and it happens to me all the time.. women like men with no self control, or men who are unpredictable, or men with a violent side, or a criminal record.. women will give their best to a man who is undeserving of it and give their worst to a man who deserves their best
so yes, there is truth in that episode of icarly
but my problem with it is.. think of what this is saying to the youth.. the people who just watch icarly and imitate what they see because "art imitates life and life imitates art"
like for girls, they may want to be like icarly and so they will be looking to talk to the kid at their school who just got back from juvy.. the one who is a 2nd yr high school senior and ish.. simply because icarly likes guys who look so much older than her and "bad boys"
i mean come on nickelodeon show some responsibility here
then look at the little boys.. i happen to think freddy is a great guy.. he loves carly, he doesn't play games, he's intelligent, he's responsible.. but he gets shat on ALL THE TIME!
almost everything guys do that's positive is for women.. to impress them or attract them
so say ur some kid watching that.. and u identify with freddy and u think carly is cute too.. but then u see that she dismisses freddy by saying "i like bad boys"
think about how that will affect u
even on the show freddy was trying to find ways to be bad.. and it was humorous.. but in real life its not going to be funny
kids are going to associate bad things like drinking and drugs and sex with being cool and desirable.. which could turn a good responsible boy into a mere shadow of his former self
we lose enough men to iraq, now we gotta lose our young men to icarly too!?
its just very irresponsible of nickelodeon to have carly say something like that
"i like bad boys" smh.. so ridiculous.. i mean i could see a statement like that being made on "sex in the city" ..but icarly!? ..and i've noticed other unsettling things since that episode, but i guess u could say that was the main thing that bothered me
another thing that bothers me is.. why do fat or chubby kids always have to have to be the ones who are laughed at or the ones who are undesirable?
it was the same in drake and josh, the fat one was uncool
and now in icarly i noticed on one episode they were so surprised gibby had a pretty girlfriend.. why? he's a good guy.. i guess because he's chubby they don't expect him to have a nice girlfriend.. am i overthinking it? or are they selling superficiality and unhealthy worldly outlooks to kids?
i'm not saying i won't ever watch it again, but iono.. in some places they should be more responsible.. and i hope (whoever's reading this) if u have kids, u teach them that tv is tv and not necessarily an example of how people should think and act in society
i was watching cheaters and this girl was only shown for seconds but she was SO beautiful to me smh.. everything about her, her body, skin tone, her face, her mannerisms, her voice.. ish really stuck with me so i decided to look up the video on youtube and take some pics of her
so prettiez!! ...and yes i know she's dressed kinda seductively but i'm a guy so.. boo-hoo
1 of the prettiest black girls i've ever seen i think!
im still learning about hell.. the best resource is spiritlessons.com
learning about hell is a great thing, as scary as it sounds its like.. sometimes it takes a harsh reality to get u back in line.. if u never expose yourself to the reality then u are probably living in a fantasy.. "hell isn't real" <--- a statement like that is a fantasy
i'm really tired of talking about the people in sociology.. however the other day i noticed a guy in the class (the one who had upside down "hail satan" on his hand) had "666" tattooed on his leg
he also stated in class that "religious people are too mentally limited to understand evolution" and he also said the Bible is a myth
at this point none of this should surprise me, but what i don't get is if its a myth then why is he supporting satanic beliefs and tattoos and imagery.. how can u state that its all fake but then at the same time worship satan?
a lot of people who are satanists have conflicting beliefs.. like they will say satan is fake but then at the same time they will turn around and make some sort of deal with him or wear devil horns or have hostility toward Christians
they just have a lot of contradicting beliefs.. like for example one satanist claimed there is no afterlife.. but then when asked what will happen when he dies in an interview, he said he was going to "reign in hell with satan"
so.. anyway i'm really tired of talking about these sociology people, but here's another thing that happened
i was in there and i saw a guy writing lyrics.. i normally like music people so i went up to him and i was like "hey man u write songs?"
he's like yeah.. and so we chop it up for a bit, then i'm like "what's ur band called?" ...he said "crooked cross, and hey i'll bring some so you can listen to it next class"
i was so shocked by his band name... like these sociology people are just depraved, like he's making a mockery of Jesus's sacrifice to save us.. its totally satanic like, what has Jesus done to him? i was disgusted.. i just wanted to leave the class and never come back
but this is how it is i guess.. me in a class surrounded by depraved people who hate God and love satan, hate what is good and pure and love what is vile and dirty
again, i hate talking about this stuff but i want to get it off my chest
the teacher was talking about women in other countries getting their vaginas mutilated for religious reasons.. she had the audacity to ask us if we wanted to see a video on it
she said they're graphic videos of little girls being held down and (u fill in the rest)
so i spoke up which is rare for me.. "NO i definitely don't want to see that it sounds morbid"
then some girl raises her hand to counter my request she gave this long statement about "i think u need to see it, its important to see these things to really get a feel for them blah blah blah blah blah"
she was trying to sound smart like how a lot of college kids do.. it really made me upset and is a big reason why i rarely if ever talk in class, because i don't want my opinion to be up for debate.. like don't waste ur breath
"wow u used so many big words that i'm now convinced i want to see the video of little girls having their clits ripped out with jagged knives.. thank you for your insightful counter of my foolish opinion"
.. she was looking specifically at me while she spoke so as to make it clear that she wasn't making general statements, she was specifically countering my request
i just really like.. don't like being around these people.. they disgust me.. but at the end of the day if i'm submitted to God i know i have to love them
it is what it is and i don't want to complain but.. my frustration level is just very high in things like this
i don't like college (but i want to graduate)
i don't like pretentious yet incredibly ignorant college students (but they are in my classes)
i don't like sociology (but i already have credits in it so i made it my minor so i can get out of here asap)
and i don't like being in a room full of people who hate God (which sociology is full of)
i'm gnna try to stop talking about this stuff because its so negative but i wanted to get this off my chest
thanks for listening.
i'm not above improvement in life.. here are some issues i could stand to work on (rid myself of)
1. self pity
the whole.. "why does so and so have a girl and i don't?" ..there's a sense of entitlement in a question like that.. if a girl wants to date an ex-con and not date me that's her business
years ago i went to a girl's house and i got there right on time.. she was like "why are u here so early?"
i was like "i'm not early i told u i'd be here at this time"
she was like "yeah but i've gotten used to adding 15 minutes to whatever time u say u'll be here"
i shouldn't be typing a paper at 6 am when i have the class at 8am.. last year i turned in a paper literally 1 minute before it was due online.. and we had like 2 months to work on it
yeah so i pretty much like a girl right now
she's pretty and nice and believes in God and has a lot of traits that i like
this is all brand new to me.. i've just been thinking about her a lot lately and i pretty much am just now admitting to myself that i like her
now here's the problem.. i've given up on women.. seriously.. like i haven't told anyone this but i have quietly stopped caring about women.. i haven't stopped caring about them, i desire women all the time but i mean i've given up on actually doing anything about it
ever since that pothead girl broke up with me last yr (don't ask) i just haven't been the same
it just took a lot out of me as a person.. kinda like how kids are so optimistic then look at that same person 20 yrs later, after life has beat them down some and they are madd cynical and they no longer believe in their self
if u think about it.. a lot of the things that hurt u deeply.. whether they be rejections, or deaths in the family, or abandonment or whatever.. those r the things that can change u the most in life.. and the past few rejections i dealt with really kinda made a shift in me as a person
and so here i am.. i have a lot pent up frustration about women in general.. like normally i would try to get closer to her but i don't know if i have it in me anymore
if i put myself out there and have to deal with something stupid then... i don't know.. i honestly don't know what i'll do or say at that point
i don't want to have my hopes dashed again
i've been thinking.. how should i even play this? ..if this was a chess game, i don't kno what my next move is
like i've been being nice and showing affection and interest for a long time and its just been blowing up in my face
so think about it.. should i do it again? if being nice gets u nothing 19 times then should u be nice the 20th time? or should u finally just try a different method?
i'm really developing feelings for this girl but i don't know what to do anymore
the only thing i know about girls is to expect the opposite of what i expect.. but now i have a girl here who is the opposite of most other girls.. so is it FINALLY ok for me to be me?
i am tempted to try it one last time but i'm at a point where i'm guarded.. i'm taking care of myself now.. like i'm so tired of getting "shat" on.. its about personal respect at this point
overall i feel like i'm stuck between 2 different Bible verses
proverbs 13:12 "hope deferred makes the heart sick"
i'm tired of having my hope crushed and i'm tired of girls doing the opposite of what i expect them to do in every situation.. so i don't want to even ask her out or anything and give her a chance to reject me (in some long drawn out creative way like women love to do)
proverbs 27:5 "better is open rebuke than hidden love"
with women being attracted to men who don't like them, i'm tempted to treat her with a certain disdain... as slick rick said years ago.. "you gotta treat her like a prostitute"
..but the reality is i'm growing this love for her and it feels wrong to hide it and cover it with a facade of apathy and disinterest
so what am i going to do
u tell me
i saw a video today on youtube about a 9 yr old girl who was a victim of the shooting in tucson.. what's crazy to me is the comment below the video
i remember when 9/11 happened, there were too many number coincidences to ignore.. and to see that they're still happening is bonkers
this stuff that's happening isn't by chance.. the number coincidences, the natural disasters that are well beyond normal activity, the illuminati imagery on tv and in music.. the fact that 9/11 can be seen on each dollar bill chronologically if u just fold them a certain way.. these things aren't a coincidence
but at the end of the day if you're living for the Lord u have nothing to fear!
so make sure ur living right u guys!