yeah so i pretty much like a girl right now
she's pretty and nice and believes in God and has a lot of traits that i like
this is all brand new to me.. i've just been thinking about her a lot lately and i pretty much am just now admitting to myself that i like her
now here's the problem.. i've given up on women.. seriously.. like i haven't told anyone this but i have quietly stopped caring about women.. i haven't stopped caring about them, i desire women all the time but i mean i've given up on actually doing anything about it
ever since that pothead girl broke up with me last yr (don't ask) i just haven't been the same
it just took a lot out of me as a person.. kinda like how kids are so optimistic then look at that same person 20 yrs later, after life has beat them down some and they are madd cynical and they no longer believe in their self
if u think about it.. a lot of the things that hurt u deeply.. whether they be rejections, or deaths in the family, or abandonment or whatever.. those r the things that can change u the most in life.. and the past few rejections i dealt with really kinda made a shift in me as a person
and so here i am.. i have a lot pent up frustration about women in general.. like normally i would try to get closer to her but i don't know if i have it in me anymore
if i put myself out there and have to deal with something stupid then... i don't know.. i honestly don't know what i'll do or say at that point
i don't want to have my hopes dashed again
i've been thinking.. how should i even play this? ..if this was a chess game, i don't kno what my next move is
like i've been being nice and showing affection and interest for a long time and its just been blowing up in my face
so think about it.. should i do it again? if being nice gets u nothing 19 times then should u be nice the 20th time? or should u finally just try a different method?
i'm really developing feelings for this girl but i don't know what to do anymore
the only thing i know about girls is to expect the opposite of what i expect.. but now i have a girl here who is the opposite of most other girls.. so is it FINALLY ok for me to be me?
i am tempted to try it one last time but i'm at a point where i'm guarded.. i'm taking care of myself now.. like i'm so tired of getting "shat" on.. its about personal respect at this point
overall i feel like i'm stuck between 2 different Bible verses
proverbs 13:12 "hope deferred makes the heart sick"
i'm tired of having my hope crushed and i'm tired of girls doing the opposite of what i expect them to do in every situation.. so i don't want to even ask her out or anything and give her a chance to reject me (in some long drawn out creative way like women love to do)
proverbs 27:5 "better is open rebuke than hidden love"
with women being attracted to men who don't like them, i'm tempted to treat her with a certain disdain... as slick rick said years ago.. "you gotta treat her like a prostitute"
..but the reality is i'm growing this love for her and it feels wrong to hide it and cover it with a facade of apathy and disinterest
so what am i going to do
u tell me