so.. here's the deal today
i went to class and we did nothing but watch a special from 1995: "world's funniest commercials"
they weren't funny.. wow that thing was awful.. and i must say.. standard definition tv is pretty much unwatchable today.. its just blurry and even the sound is bad
hi-def or bust.. that's just the way it be mayn
i really can't complain tho because he gave us extra credit for just showing up and watching the video.. and i got 15 out of 5 on my last quiz in there so.. sometimes its worth the pain lol
i am trying really hard to feel normal for once
i know so much about social injustice that it makes me almost like angry 100% of the time
i think about the world or i think about how everything seems to be on a downward spiral
like i was listening to styles p recently and he said "i smoke weed because the future is grim" or something like that.. i totally understand
so lately i'm trying to chill in my mind a bit more.. we'll see if this has a positive or negative effect with time though.. but while we're on the topic of the world and social injustice..
i just read about how a 16 yr old girl had sex with an 18 yr old guy and her parents found out and put him in jail and he tried to kill himself.. and even tho he didn't succeed (this time) he will always have the stigma of "sex offender"
outside of the context of 16 and 18, a 2 yr difference means nothing at any other period in life
how the law can be so cold and rigid is really beyond me
not that i agree they should have been having sex outside of marriage in the first place but why put a good kid in jail like that?
one second he could be college-bound, the next he's literally someone's "bitch" in prison
maybe the parents should have taught their daughter a little better.. but no.. lets just put this 18 yr old guy away and act like none of this happened.. dude ur daughter isn't getting her virginity back why fight for something that's already gone.. she wasn't raped.. and if women are seriously more mature than guys then they were intellectual equals.. so let it go smh
things like this just irk me a bit
in the store recently i noticed they played that old filter song where he's like
"i wake on my airplane, my skin is bare"
"take my picture, cuz i won't remember"
i listened to it later on youtube and i noticed it seems pretty anti-christian because he said something like
"i don't believe in your sanctity, i don't believe your prophecy"
then i noticed the album title was like "songs for the damned" or something
"the damned" as in hellbound? smh.. if that's who its for then i certainly won't be a listener
what is up with stuff like that?
they (meaning people in the industry) just sneak in this anti-christian propaganda everywhere.. i thought that was actually a cool song but its balls now
i saw a cool quote recently it said:
"I don't kick my feet and shriek for joy over new and exciting experiences, but i do celebrate."
this is important and meaningful to me for a number of reasons
mainly its like an explanation/justification of the male emotional makeup.. not a lot of people really understand this/us
like how some people think men don't have feelings
women do bond more than men but its not like men are robots smh
but speaking of women 'bonding'...
i ran across this recently which seems to explain a lot:
Oxytocin is a neuro-peptide most commonly associated with pregnancy and breast-feeding. It seems to act as a human "superglue," helping a mother bond with her infant. It is also released during sexual arousal and there too, works as a "superglue."
Since estrogen enhances the oxytocin response, females are capable of more intense bonding than males, and are more susceptible to the suffering that accompanies broken bonds. Sharing the gift of sex is like putting a piece of tape on another person's arm.
The first bond is strong, and it hurts to remove it. Shift the tape to another person's arm and the bond will still work, but it will be easier to remove. Each time this is done, part of each person remains with the tape. Soon it is easy to remove because the residue from the various arms interferes with the tape's ability to stick."
for anyone who may be bored or who just wants to learn or see something they haven't seen
here are a few free documentary films on youtube that are pretty good
the one percent - about financial inequality in america
outfoxed - about how fox news skews "news"
king of kong - documentary about guys who compete for the high score in donkey kong.. amazingly, its one of the best films i've ever seen
born rich - documentary about people who were born rich
semesters are too long.. there's a guy in my sociological theory class who raises his hand every class period.. he really seems to be into theory..
where is he?
i noticed he hasn't been in class for about 3 weeks or so
i think i know part of the reason he is m.i.a. ..and i've been saying this for a while now..
semesters are too long.. classes should be 10 weeks tops.. i actually think 8 is probably the best number but 16 weeks is just flat-out bonkers.. its like ur TRYING to make people fail
i have noticed madd people just straight up not showing up to class after about the 8 to 10 week mark.. one of my teachers was even like "wow everyone is just dropping like flies"
and some people have been like "why did so and so leave so close to the end?"
again, its because the semesters are too long.. think about it.. u could be really gung-ho and be doing really well but what if u run into extenuating circumstances?
8 weeks is manageable.. 16 weeks is a lot harder to manage
u have to not only keep up the focus for the whole 16 weeks and juggle classes and work, but think about the things that can happen
"my girlfriend left me"
"my car broke down"
"i got the flu"
"i'm really low on money"
think about it.. say any of these things happen and ur on week 6 of an 8-week semester
u will trudge through and finish
but say this happens and ur on week 6 of a 16 week semester.. u might feel like u can't go on because you have over 2 months left
this is why people start college and end up not finishing.. because LIFE HAPPENS IN 16 WEEKS
its just hard to maintain the same focus and drive despite the circumstances for SUCH A LONG PERIOD OF TIME
this is why some of my classes have emptied out.. the people are smart enough but its just unfair to make people do school for so long when people have kids, jobs, spouses, pets, etc.
its like spinning a basketball on your fingertips.. the longer u try to do it, the harder it becomes to balance it
it seems like someone popped back into my life and left as soon as they came
i don't really understand it..
on one hand its like why are u here/ what exactly do u want
on the other hand its like i don't bite so why are u leaving again
and i could be like "wait don't go" but there's no point cuz they're leaving regardless of what i say so.. iono its just weird
not too long ago one of my teachers referred to me as "mr. smedley"
i was so surprised that he knew my name
its a bit absurd because i literally have no idea what his first or last name is and he's the teacher, but he knows who i am
i guess it just reflects my level of interest in school related things.. people normally can't believe i don't know my teachers names or like 'when fall break is' or 'what my last grade was' .. but i just barely care at all lol
i saw this status today on facebook
Bitches kill me. Plz locate the dude u were bangin & who u let smoke weed around ur son bcuz toya cant help u do SHIT! WHAT WAS HE HELPING U DO???!! Omg hoes r sorry as hell!!! If i had a dick i would rule some of u dumb asses....no self love i mean DAMN!
^i had to edit this for content which is amazing considering that its still dirty lol
but i like this status lol.. it's just madd true
don't get me wrong.. making smart decisions isn't a prerequisite for having help or assistance.. i will help u out even if u make bad decisions u feel me, cuz God does that for me ALL THE TIME.. but still this is something to think about
like she said: "what was/is he helping you do?"
u women who are putting up with too much that's for u!
me personally.. even if i don't have two nickels to rub together i will tell u i like your curves or say ur a cutie or i'll try to lift your spirit in some way!
if ur dude can't even do that.. look check this out i just remembered this:
i met a woman who liked me and one day she said part of the reason she liked me was because i'm kinda small and if i hit her it wouldn't hurt as much
she literally said that to me, so u can imagine what her b/f was doing to her
some of yall r puttin up w/ too much from ur dudes!
i dnt even know why i'm sayin this but hey..
ITS MY WEBSITE !
i feel like i'm trying madd hard to not take a break from posting in the website
there's some stuff i'd like to say however i can't based on a few haters (u'd understand if i told u)
but i have been doing some studying lately
when i say "studying" it has absolutely nothing to do with school.. school is busywork imo
when i study i do research on things basically just on the internet.. seeing what's out there
some of the stuff i've been learning is straight bonkers
one funny thing about learning tho is u are only teaching your mind.. your spirit already knows anything that is true
like if u take morality for instance, we all have a sense of it.. our brain has to catch up to our conscience/spirit tho
u know u shouldn't do something but when u try to intellectualize it, it becomes a different thing.. u say "why exactly shouldn't i ____?" and then all of a sudden something u once inherently knew is either gone or vague
on top of my research on life topics i also got a big box full of books
i have a lot of good books on diff subjects.. some are christian and some are just informative or scientific
hopefully i will be able to relay some of the things i've been taking in, and share it here on the site
i have no girlfriend
i don't have street fighter 4
my tv isn't hooked up
i have no coffee
i lost my favorite recent album and the artist took the download link down
i am all out of vices/distractions
its just me, and a glass of water
in class we learned that a certain sociological theorist believed that men were basically ego maniacs
the teacher said this was an absurd notion, but the teacher is a woman
i don't think its absurd, i think men are definitely ego maniacs
we have to make a conscious effort to put pride on the backburner
we know how we are..
why do u think men never want to ask for directions?
something just occurred to me
i now understand why 2 of my "relationships" didn't work out
i have experienced both friendly and romantic love however u need both
i would use their names but in order to avoid issues i'll just call them girl A and B
ok girl A was a great friend.. her looks weren't really much to write home about.. actually when i first met girl A i wasn't interested in her AT ALL
but being around her and seeing her smile and demeanor, she grew on me.. we developed an amazing friendship.. she actually made me laugh HARD.. i liked her as a friend.. her combination of friendship and looks almost made sexual attraction and romance not even important
then u had girl B.. girl B BLEW ME AWAY the first time i saw her.. i reverted into a stiff and shy guy forgetting what i should even say
she just seemed too perfect to exist
i got the nerve to talk to her and from the get-go she started talking about smoking weed- which i have absolutely no interest in
one time i spoke to her and it was like 4pm and she said "i've already smoked 4 times today"
it was hard to really get past our differences
but she was flat-out GORGEOUS
it was like she was so pretty to where i didn't care about a friendship at all.. it was just an unimaginably strong sexual attraction to where i just wanted to do everything for her
but what common ground did we have? what was her sense of humor? i don't think i saw her laugh at all really
so basically i think friendship love is just like.. common ground, agreement, similar sense of humor, similar values, chemistry
and romantic love is just sexual attraction.. i could actually just call it sexual attraction as opposed to romantic love but romantic love sounds better imo.. but still, its basically just sexual attraction
a girl having everything.. hips, lips, curves, pretty face, right height, everything u like to look at.. and every time u look at her u are extremely excited
the friendship love makes me feel like going dutch
the romantic love makes me want to tell her to quit her job and just live off of me
well see.. here's the deal.. u need a good measure of both of these in order to have a successful relationship
which brings me to girl C
girl C had the hips and lips but we also had chemistry and similar values and things
this relationship was definitely in a different league than the relationships with girl A and girl B.. even tho girl C was less attractive than girl B and less of a friend than girl A.. at least girl C was still both a friend and a beauty simultaneously
so are u in a relationship?
what are u experiencing right now? friendship love or romantic love?
or is it both?
does anyone have any thoughts or insight on this?
if i was to look at my life right now, i'd say romantic love is what i'm missing more than anything.. that girl who looks like God made her specifically for u.. u feel like u could just stare at her all day
its so rare that if i had any insecurity concerning the opposite sex, that's what it would be... the fear of not having that romantic love or extreme sexual attraction, and instead just settling for a female friend
the thought of that seriously is terrible to me
but again, what do u guys think?
_have u ever had something irk u and u can't really pinpoint why?
i was watching a show and a lady said something that made me understand why some people have been getting on my nerves.. she said:
"when someone has to keep talking about it so much, its not really real"
there have been people who have been kinda getting on my nerves and i couldn't figure out why but now i get it!!!!!
here's the rest of what was said:
"she's TOO deep.. it comes across and disingenuous"
"its actually even a little obnoxious.. over the top"
have u ever met a person like this before?
a person who talks about something a lot because they like the image it comes with but u have a sneaking suspicion like they are not really that sincere?
or even if they are sincere maybe they are just over the top to where its like: "come on, shutup will u?!" or "give me a break!"
finally someone put words to this!!!
i think we all have a bit of a gauge for this.. like we can sense b.s. basically
for example, i remember hearing someone say they didn't like paris hilton
they were like: "i just don't 'buy' paris hilton.. her whole persona and that phony baby voice.. like u gotta be kidding me"
and not long after that, paris revealed that she really was playing up a fake voice to live up to the whole dumb carefree airhead stereotype
when u sense b.s. u just feel a certain way.. u may not be mad at the person but u just want to call them out and tell them to stop the charade
i think i've been at school too long or something.. because when i got around my family yesterday for thanksgiving i went insane
seriously i started talking and didn't stop for like 24 hours.. and yes i stayed awake for 24 hours
everyone was like "when do u sleep?" and i kept saying "sleep is for wankstas" LOL
i was talking in rhymes for like half the day.. i was having conversations in freestyles.. my cousin david said "artie if u spit one more verse we ain't friends anymore"
i was going OFF the entire day
i was just giving unwanted speeches and just seriously acting out
i walked in the living room and i heard my aunt say "oh no ur not gnna let james drive me crazy i can't deal with it"
i just wanted to yell and scream and takeover every conversation i was on a real rampage
its just the boredom of school life and finally being free i think
like a dude being freed from prison and seeing a woman for the first time in 2 yrs.. i just exploded
smh i told u guys i need to get out more