life.. smh.. how do u deal with the things ur up against?
in my head i keep thinking "if i die before i wake, i guarantee i'll celebrate" i don't know if its my horribly boring classes, the fact that i am always single, or the fact that i wish i had a career in music, who knows.. all i know is some days i feel like life is just lame ever since high school life seems like one big nothing.. everything seems so average and lame.. how do u break out of constant mediocrity? i always owe someone money whether it be school or my parents i have yet to make a real, steady, worthwhile paycheck from anything i actually care about, such as writing or making music i always feel like i'm doing busywork at school i'm always in need of another job in heaven i won't have these problems in the Bible, part of man's curse was to work by the sweat of his brow.. meaning all his work is probably either just plain terrible, or caked with frustration.. well in heaven work is probably like play i think about it sometimes.. how great it will be to die and leave this place and go to heaven i'll probably ALREADY have a job, like without having to apply or anything, it'll probably just be like "welcome home james, here's your niche, we've been waiting for you to get here and occupy it with gladness" the Bible talks about how Jesus made all the saints our own houses in heaven our own houses are waiting for us.. no foreclosures or 30yr mortgages.. shoot 30yrs won't even exist because there will be no such thing as time i've heard everyone's mansion in heaven has things in it just for that person.. like each house is tailored specifically to you... imagine that! i can't wait!!!! i'll probably get in my house and be like.. OH SNAP! THIS MUSIC STUDIO IS ILL!!!! i'll get there and hang out with people who died old but no one in heaven is over the age of 33 so everyone will be youthful i've even heard that water in heaven is super clean, clear, and you can breathe in it there will be no fear or pain, just chillen with Jesus and occupying whatever position the Lord has for me in heaven everyone will be friends and i'll get to see all the fresh people in my family who God has taken everyday will be a celebration and it'll never end to me heaven is far more real than this reality i'm living in right now i think about it a lot.. i think about how good it would be to leave earth and go to heaven leave behind every negative thing and just go to heaven and play with all the little kids who were aborted and ish everyone will be having so much fun and we will all be so blessed forever iono man i walk around campus thinking about stuff like this all the time no wonder i hardly relate to anyone else lol
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today i wrote an email to my advisor here at school
i asked her for some sort of advice or guidance to help me because i don't like school at all i feel like no one should have this bad of a semester i feel like everyone should have at least one or two classes that they enjoy but i dislike all my classes this semester u guys already know how much i like to write, and be creative.. so i don't mind doing assignments or even projects because i can do those things and have a hold on everything but my issue is that this semester i'm getting a lot of reading assignments and not like interesting reading, i mean like things from 300 years ago where people had huge vocabularies to the point where its almost like reading a different language.. i'm talking about racist stories where black people are always being called niggers and the book is deemed a "classic" by someone for some reason... i mean stories where the scenery changes on every page and u have a hard time keeping up with where ur character is at any given moment.. i'm talking about stories where the first paragraph introduces 25 characters all with 7 syllable names today i tried to read a book we have a test on tomorrow and i fell asleep 3 times there's only so much caffeine a guy can drink, u feel me? like i'm being honest, i don't know what to do anymore so hopefully my advisor will have a magic response one thing i've noticed about myself is i don't agree with anyone like ever
i mean i do sometimes but i know its only a matter of time before i end up disagreeing with people about stuff i don't care who it is.. a Christian, an atheist, a democrat, a republican, a fat person, a skinny person.. it doesn't matter.. i always disagree with people even if i'm listening to a sermon or something u'd think i should agree with.. i might agree for 30 minutes then the preacher will say something weird and i'm thinking to myself "yo that's not even in the Bible" or "man that makes no sense" i like refuse to ever just believe things.. i don't really care who i'm talking to, i don't put anyone's opinion over my own.. i hear people out but that's as far as it goes for me.. people lie and people are uninformed about stuff so i don't think its wise to ever just accept knowledge.. just accepting whatever ur fed is for babies.. at some point people should grow up in college they try to teach u to entertain all types of opinions and ways of life as valid.. to me that's stupid.. u have one life so are u going to spend it living it 1,000 different ways? at some point u should settle on who u are and why and what your personal standards and boundaries are its like say u want to hear a specific song.. but someone is always trying to get u to listen to what they like.. after a while u should just be like.. "look man, i want to listen to my mp3s.. i understand u really want me to like what u like.. but i want to hear my own music now" if that "friend" then leaves u and calls u "closed minded" then so be it.. let him run off and try to force his music on another person that's how i look at life, like u don't just go about doing things and opening urself up to new stuff because its important to OTHER people.. there are people who are dumb enough to worship satan so peoples' opinions really carry no weight people say things like "don't knock it til u try it" what kind of logic is that? should i try crack to find out if it works for me or not? people will look at u and say ur narrow minded or boring.. NO I HAVE A WAY OF LIFE THAT WORKS FOR ME i believe what i believe and i know why i believe it and someone will say "do you really?" YES YOU MORON, YES, I DO. as a Christian i don't feel like i have to listen to any one person's words as 100% truth because i have the Bible and the Holy Spirit to lead me into all truth.. if i'm wrong about any specific thing, i have confidence that the Holy Spirit will reveal that to me in time as long as i am in position to receive that info. learning about 10,000 different ways of life is a waste of time.. and i know madd people would disagree with me on this but i addressed that in the first sentence of this entry it is what it is i very much agree with the first 2 minutes of this video.. i wanted to post it on facebook, however i feel bad posting it due to the foul language.. facebook is terrible in the sense of like.. i feel like i have no freedom there.. so thank God i have my own website where i can say and do what i want (within reason of course) u kno how sometimes u feel a certain way about something.. and then later someone comes out with a book or a video and they solidify how u felt? this is kinda what this does to me concerning so many of these overly animated people on youtube first 2 minutes! this one was done in class today during a stupid subjective discussion about poems.. my subjective opinion is the class is boring as fck this one is a pic of sonic driving through a forest collecting rings as he goes and he's listening to that song "i'm walkin on sunshine" in his stereo i've gotten into doin sonic because i'm beginning to think its funny just having him in diff situations.. but if classes keep being boring.. i'll have some other cool characters up soon! GO SONIC!!!! GO SONIC!!!! GO SONIC!!!! GO SONIC!!!! GO SONIC!!!!
IM WALKEN ON SUNSHIIINE!!! IM WALKEN LIKE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN!!!! this blog entry is for the hip hop heads
what do u guys think is wrong with hip hop right now? i want to put it out there that i think a big problem with the game is an absence of conflict and/or aggression u have cats out these days who just refuse to battle.. i am tired of this.. why not battle anymore? battling is one of the main staples of hip hop if u ask me cats need to still go head to head.. it keeps everything fun and interesting.. and i don't mean some corny back and forth like rick ross and 50.. i mean like REAL battles that were like real events.. like in the past u had t.i. vs lil flip (more like a slaughter than an event) joe camel vs nas canibus vs LL moe dee vs LL eminem vs like 10 people the list could go on its like man.. cats need to stop with all the peace and love stuff in the rap game.. not because peace and love is wack.. but just because THIS IS THE RAP GAME.. like stand your ground like lil wayne for example never battles anyone.. people take shots and he doesn't do anything.. he just gets on a new track and makes up a new way to say how he likes to fornicate as a matter of fact.. madd people in hip hop diss lil b but he's one of the only popular rappers who isn't afraid to get his feet wet right now.. he merked joe budden on his song "t-shirt and buddens" <----LOL at objectifying joe budden and joe budden didn't even respond (however i can't be too madd at budden because budden merked saigon a few yrs ago) anyway.. i don't really care much about rap anymore cuz its so stale these days, but i admit i do like a good battle i like a good zinger here and there too.. like recently i was listening to a charles hamilton song and he said u ain't effen wit hamilton dammit/ i got mo' b*tches than animal planet/ oops pow surprise! <---LOLZ but whatever.. just an entry for the hip hop heads.. some ish to think about i guess i watched cheaters tonight.. this guy's chick was cheating on him with her ex husband who used to beat her so when they confronted them the guy was like why are u going back to ur ex husband who beats u? i treat u right so why are u going to someone who treats u wrong? i felt like he wasn't seeing the irony of him asking such a question.. because he's doing the exact same thing.. "why are u pursuing someone who is no good for u!?" .... asks the man to the woman who just cheated on him.. whom he is STILL PURSUING ++++++ boredom art today.. its sonic the hedgehog wearing a shirt that says "human the hedgehog" and he has a chain wallet lol... u know.. thinking back, i guess his shirt should've said "sonic the human" .. that would've been a proper reversal.. oh wellz he's expressing how i felt in class listening to a teacher babble on and on about nothing good times <---yeah right ++++++
one thing i think about sometimes is like.. some of the dumb reasons why people end up leaving their faith like when people say things like "i don't believe in God because Christians are hypocrites" like that makes no sense.. like are you following people or are u following Christ? i understand u want people to live up to what they say they are, but at the end of the day its YOUR soul that's on the line here ++++++ recently my mom said she would like to write an autobiographical book.. but she said she's afraid of what people might say or what people might think upon hearing this i gave her some advice i told her that what people think doesn't matter seriously.. it feels good to have acclaim and respect and love from people but man who cares seriously a lot of love in the world is superficial.. don't chase that because u will end up chasing vanity.. whatever is cool right now is what u will try to live up to.. just be you and express urself.. and this message should especially go to people with not a lot of friends.. why? cuz PEOPLE ALREADY DONT LIKE YOU seriously.. i really believe u should just be yourself and state who u are and your beliefs to others regardless of what u think they will think of you.. don't be so timid about ish.. i understand why the timidity is there but like.. u shouldn't have to bend over backwards to keep a "friend" or an associate or whatever.. if people ain't feelin u then so be it.. seriously i don't know if i can stress this enough i got some friends i couldn't get rid of if i tried.. and i know some people i could never impress enough to stay in my life no matter what i do.. so forget it.. i'm just going to be me.. people like u or they don't.. it doesn't really matter what people think.. in 70 yrs we'll all be dead so caring what people think is petty in some ways.. i mean we all should care within reason.. but not to the point of being too afraid to do what is important to us and God goodnitez when i get to heaven i'ma be ridin ^these everywhere i go
pool boy: "i want to go to taco bell" tiger: "aight playa.. hop on mah back" then as soon as i hop in the saddle we both simultaneously say.... "LETS GO!!" yeah.. my view of heaven may be a bit diff than yours. i would like to thank my american literature teacher
thanks a lot for assigning this 538 page book i can't even say anything else, i really don't know how i'm going to get through this semester these reject teachers giving out these vague assignments and boring "i-might-as-well-just-read-the-phone-book" novels sometimes i think no one dislikes school as much as i do james, why do u call teachers rejects? well because college professors are in the same category as critics.. they can't succeed at their passion so they teach it or criticize others who do it u can't be a successful geologist and predict where oil will be in the ground so u teach geology u can't be a successful musician so u get a job criticizing albums for a magazine u can't write a story to save your life so u give up your dream and teach literature no one cares about what u have to say in everyday life so you become a college professor because the job comes with a built-in captive audience in other words REJECTS thank you college for sending in life's rejects to teach your youth and thank you college for being full of "i-know-everything-on-earth" atheists i love hearing them turn every class discussion into an anti-Christian tirade thank you college for putting people who already don't have money deep into debt thank you college for just being you every aspect of your existence is utterly dreadful. im so tired of smokers
i get over a cold i had for a week, go to class today and some girl sits down behind me and for an hour i have to smell her black-lung cigarette breath vapor these people who smoke sit next to u and that leftover "i-just-got-done-smoking" air not only pisses u off because it stinks.. it also messes up ur immune system my sinuses get screwed up and i get shortness of breath and i'm madd more susceptible to getting sick again just because this dunce caveman of a person decided to sit next to me first off its bad enough that at every building on earth smokers are standing by the entrance sucking all the oxygen and breathing out nothing but funk and toxins their clothing smells my eyes are burning because smokers like to sit next to me.. why don't they go sit in a garbage can because that's what they smell like.. and that's what they treat their bodies like who the fck smokes in 2011? seriously like that ish was cool in the 30's when no one knew it gave u lung cancer and emphysema but in 2011 ur just displaying to the world that u are an ignorant human being.. half of your brain is functioning and the other half is a block of wood why do they waste their money on cigarettes... that is the dumbest ish u can spend ur money on.. i mean i could buy a lifetime subscription to a magazine about midgets in the media and it would still be worth more than a lifetime of cigarette buying why would u disgrace ur family like that? i know some people who smoke and they're the only person in their family who smokes.. like wtf is that? i mean u didn't even have a habit or an influence, u just decided to start smoking.. how smart could u possibly be? u must be the valedictorian of decision-making am i goin hard on em'? ..who cares, because i have to deal with these people and their fog-breath EVERYDAY matter of fact, this might even get a part 2 later |
JaimsI still got teh swag-flu. Archives
December 2011
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