a lump sum of success Posted by poolboyjames on November 10, 2010 at 5:39 PM comments (1)soooo today in one of my classes we got back an assignment we did
i didn't even get a good grade because i didn't follow the criteria the way i was supposed to however the teacher wrote on my paper something like "james you are an excellent writer" this has been happening to me since about the 11th grade what can i say? i just wish i knew a way to make this talent lucrative there has to be a way i mean if perez hilton can make good money making fun of celebrities then i should be able to figure something out.... yo what if i wrote a book? how about a screenplay? i'm gnna tell u guys what i really want i want to do something that will change my life like i want to make a song or write a blog that will get me out of my current lifestyle i read stephen king's autobiography a while back in the book he talked about how he was a humble schoolteacher living in a trailer with his wife, but he was always writing when he could and seeing if he could get published he started on "carrie" (that old scary movie.. it was a book first) and he wasn't feeling it so he threw it away but his wife got it out of the trash, read it, and told him to keep going on it.. so he did he sent it off to the publisher like always and everything seemed normal except weeks later he got a check in the mail for $300,000 u have to remember, this was in the 70's.. so that $300,000 was like a million in today's standards he said he never had money and didn't know what to do.. so the first thing he bought was a vaccuum cleaner he and his wife had been wanting when his wife got home he surprised her with the vaccuum and she was like how could u spend our money on a vaccuum? but then he showed her the check LOL i want something like this to happen in my life a life changing event it would be such a great blessing not only for more spending money but also to get me out of what seems like a continuous rut u know what i mean? sometimes i feel inside like school will never end, or like debtwill never be extinguished.. to be able to offset these things would be an amazing thing also i'm pretty sure a woman would pay me some attention for once if i had something positive going for myself.. but u know what the funny thing is about that? if i had a million dollars, i wouldn't need/want a woman as much.. because i'd have a sort of unconscious comfort.. an unspoken confidence in my financial stability and ability to generate more success this phenomenon goes back to the bible and its bold "to him who has, more is given" declaration so yeah anyway that is my dream to have a reward one day that is big enough to change my life i'm sure i could build on that success once it presents itself but until then.. just gotta stay busy i suppose let's go!!
0 Comments
the way i scribe Posted by poolboyjames on November 10, 2010 at 6:19 PM comments (2)i kinda would like to take a bit of time to explain some things about the way i write
ok first off.. in my opinion.. writing consists mostly of statements with pauses this is why i don't bother with proper punctuation.. i just use whatever feels appropriate for the given sentence to me, there is no reason to use proper punctuation for any writing that is on your own terms.. as long as people understand what ur saying then imo u have accomplished your goal another thing i do is i use a lot of breaks long paragraphs can be intimidating.. to me, the format of books promotes boredom.. if you open a book and the page looks like a page in the phone book or something, then you immediately want to just put the book down and find the tv remote this is why i stay hittin that return button 2wice also allow me to explain the whole "z" thing ok Z to me can mean 2 diff things.. if i say i'm in the Z.. that means i'm in the zone however if i put "z" at the end of a word it means i am either being upbeat, adding emphasis, or i adore someone/something "how r u doing todayz?" = being upbeat "i am chillenz" = emphasis "hey jasminez how r u?" = if i add z to your name chances are you are physically attractive to me or just sweet enough to deserve a 'z' at the end of your name.. i don't add a z to any male names.. only females hmm what else.... sometimes u may see that i say a curse word in a non-offensive way like 'ngga' or 'btch' what i am trying to portray when i say curse words without vowels is that "this is the word i'm thinking, but i'm not REALLY saying it" its like me saying "for lack of a more appropriate word" kinda i would never say these words if we were face to face.. so when i type them without the vowels its supposed to come off like i'm only alluding to them if that makes any sense i try to keep my writing fairly easy to understand however i still wanted to shed some light on a few of my methodz peaCe the run-down Posted by poolboyjames on November 10, 2010 at 4:48 PM comments (0)so i talked to the chick i'm in love with
here's the deal she's actually 35 she has a 17 yr old and an 8 yr old.. both boys she works at wal-mart, and she's in nursing school.. she has a yr and a half left all of that is a lot but i don't mind it the only deal breaker is she told me she's been married twice.. wait actually she said she's still technically married to her 2nd husband.. she said she's in the process of having it finalized as a general rule i just plain don't pursue divorced women the Bible has specific criteria concerning divorce and i am aware that it seems no one pays attention to these guidelines but I DO. marriage in the Bible is a covenant between man, woman, and God Himself and so i would like to honor it as much as possible i could sit here for anyone new to this information and detail the guidelines for marriage, divorce, and remarriage, but honestly if you don't know this information, chances are you don't care or don't believe me, or you just want to do what you want to do regardless of what the Bible says so anyway do i still love, admire, and adore her from afar? yes. will i pursue her? no did the fact that she's 35 and not 29 bother me? NOT AT ALL did the fact that she has a 17yr old son bother me? i'd say so but she's still a prettiez just not my prettiez. i love her Posted by poolboyjames on November 8, 2010 at 11:51 PM comments (0)
there's a girl in one of my classes somehow i got through half the class without noticing her oh wait i just remembered why.. she kept sitting behind me everyday for like a month so one day i moved seats from my new view i was able to look at her without anyone noticing because she was in my field of vision this girl is BEAUTIFUL i love her i love her demeanor, her body, her eyes, her maturity, her cuteness i think she has a kid or two i think she is about... 29 she's about 5'6 i have noticed that in general, i love women who are youthful yet mature youthful - sweet, and inviting and cute, and able to laugh and be open and honest mature - know what is appropriate to talk about and what isn't, be able to take focus off of "self" when important, be able to have a good conversation with u etc. so. i love her.. she is so pretty and pleasant (btw she works at wal-mart) when we do things in groups i always try to work with her.. she's so humble and sweet one day i asked her something outside as she was walking away and she stopped and stood around talking to me, she didn't just answer me and keep walking, she stood there and really had a conversation with me i have been thinking about what it would be like if we dated i don't know where this thought comes from because i mostly think reality says we're incompatible but this little thought continues to present itself every time i see her today was the first day the thought presented itself without her presence the thought of being with her is quite pleasant she has the greatest curves and she gives off the most positive vibe i want to get to know her really bad but this is a bit of a diff situation than usual it seems like i keep thinking how can i talk to an older woman with kids? (again, i'm not sure if she has kids but i think she does) with some girls i just try to start a conversation.. but with this girl my mind seems to just go blank.. i keep thinking whatever i say will be too forward .. like this: "u know, i've been wanting to tell u ur really pretty" "i'm also engaged" like i think that whatever i say will be perceived as me hitting on her.. which i guess it will be, but i don't want to be shut down too easily/quickly hmmm.. well.. what can i say i have finally vocalized my attraction to this woman i adore her, and now that that has been acknowledged.. we are off to step 2... stuff Posted by poolboyjames on November 8, 2010 at 8:22 PM comments (0)today i feel quite alone and lonely, not only that but i've been running into frustrations left and right
however i was blessed in that, at work a girl talked to me and helped to calm me down its amazing to me to think that some people have that support system everyday u know what i mean? i BORROWED some of her time, empathy, and sweetness u know what i'm sayin? it would be nice to have it as a mainstay/staple in my life i also would like to have a girl just so i can compliment her all the time i like to encourage people as much as i can.. i want to uplift a girl til she feels like she is the most beautiful person on earth ++++++++ oh yeah.. one thing i want to point out i came to the conclusion today that from now on i'm doing online classes here's why. i can't really think of any time in my life where attention was positive for me i generally don't like attention, i don't like being around, or dealing with people generally some people think "james is weird because he likes being alone" let me explain 1. i grew up being stared at as being "the black guy" .. people would be like "can i touch ur hair?" or they'd ask me dumb questions about black people.. i was never offended by any of it but when u realize everyone is always looking at you and thinking of you as being different, it begins to affect you to me it seems like nothing good in my life has ever come from attention.. in class i really don't like talking, i don't like HAVING TO share my opinion or insight, i don't like being forced to be on display.. in a sense i feel a bit violated.. if i'm not in an acting class then just let me sit in the back and be invisible honestly i'd prefer to be a number when it comes to school.. to me, unwanted attention is just.. its one of life's most unpleasant things 2. my main dream in life is to have a soundproof studio, and to work on music as a career.. music is like..... ur either working on it alone or ur working with one or two people who you like and respect.. its like a mutual thing.. its comfortable.. its just a good working situation.. the opposite of being a producer of music to me would be like... have u ever seen the show "the office?" in my opinion, that is the opposite of music.. unwritten rules, politics, petty beefs, gossip, hierarchy, peking order, formal dress, insincerity, backstabbing, etc. etc. school is like supposed to get u ready for your "the office" lifestyle "let's get these kids prepared for their life of subordination ahead of them!" so u have to think.. being away from unwanted/unnecessary people is in my dna as well as (thanks to God's provision) in my career of choice.. it is in the nature of my chosen profession.. because of that- i feel that my aversion to people is generally valid 3. today somehow much to my surprise and dismay i managed to get kicked out of class hours later in another class one of my teachers said this: "i teach an online class, so don't ask me what time it starts, you just tend to your work AT YOUR LEISURE during the week" so that's where it clicked i had the experience of being kicked out of class today in front of everyone then hours later someone proposes a permanent solution to my problem of.. "insociability" ...online classes i don't have to show up in class physically i don't have to have this "professional conduct" thing that i don't understand (i am tired of being penalized for rules that i never knew existed) i mean, i don't even have to wear pants. so thank God.. there is a light at the end of this tunnel blah i feel like i went off on a tangent here but i feel like i said what i wanted to say hollaback email blog Posted by poolboyjames on November 8, 2010 at 10:55 PM comments (0)here's a personal email i sent to my friend.. after thinking about it, i decided to post it here because i like some of the ideas i expressed.. i was thinking a number of people might be able to relate to what i'm saying here..
btw this is a straight up copy and paste, i'm not changing anything, this is the actual email i sent him after he told me he was feeling depressed and i started to think about why, or what was going on with him yo check it out.. i was thinking about u and a bunch of ideas hit me at once.. i think i figured out what ur going through let me kno if this is it: everyone in life has the desire to affect someone or something somehow in a significant way.. this is human nature on a small scale, u could say this is why it is so satisfying to pick up a pumpkin and smash it on the ground.. because it has such a large effect.. u have pieces and juices flying everywhere and u have significantly changed the state of that pumpkin once u smash it what would u rather throw on the ground? a pumpkin? or a…. t-shirt? a pumpkin. on a larger scale u have people in prison in solitary confinement.. people in solitary are unable to affect anything.. their own lives, the lives of others, anything.. one day i watched a prison reality show and a guy in solitary threw a bowl of feces on a female guard.. and he explained it like "i'm perfectly sane, i just needed a reaction" meaning he wanted to affect his environment somehow.. because he hasn't had an affect on anything or anyone in such a long time that its to the point where he's desperate to affect something somehow even if it garners a negative reaction from someone so now here's where i think u are in the mix (this is a guess) u are not excited about school.. u are kinda just going through the motions.. instead of having excitement about school u feel like ur just on this machine that has a mind of its own.. no matter what u do at school u still can't really have a profound affect on how anything happens.. everything is regimented and boring.. instead of feeling like ur steering ur life, u feel like ur strapped into life and life is driving u.. which (when internalized) makes u feel apathetic about life in general (sidenote: i think this happens to most people like u and me who are not in fraternities or organized sports.. in a sense we feel displaced because school (and in some ways society) seems to have no place for us.. couple this with us being non-typical black males and u have a recipe for further isolation as some people are afraid of us, or don't understand us, or don't want to get to know us.. also sometimes being deemed as "too white" by black people and "too black" for white people could make u get along with everyone or have the opposite affect and push one further out of what is deemed normal) ok now back to u: u seek to have a positive and profound effect on something.. part of this is expressed by you being so excited about the prospect of having a girl in your life if you had a girl- a large part, if not all of that void u have would be filled if u get rejected u probably will feel like ur back to square one of "i am not affecting my life, the lives of others, or any THINGS either" this thought process.. when internalized becomes "I AM NOT SIGNIFICANT" which seems to be expressed when u say u relate to songs with lyrics like "no matter what i do i still lose" this is my diagnosis of where u are right now tell me if i'm right or wrong here (i know i wrote a lot here but i'm a writer so that's what i do) mainly, i hope this helped him to process his feelings and see things a little clearer.. i hope it showed him i understand and i hope it gave him a little perspective i love this kid like a little brother.. when he read it he said thanks and he also said it was written like a true professional.. lol i appreciated that i hope him and i stay close, i only have that "little bro" relationship with one person other than him so i cherish it lolz Posted by poolboyjames on November 7, 2010 at 7:35 AM comments (0) blanka
i have to say this Posted by poolboyjames on November 6, 2010 at 3:02 PM comments (0)ok.. not to complain but just to get this off my chest
my spanish book is totally retarded its a book and a cd-rom with internet access to do ur homeworkon it the whole book with the internet cd-rom and code and everything is a complete mess the book doesn't have binding yet they made it huge with 500 pages so my pages come out of my notebook all the time everything is hard to find and i have to flip pages constantly to figure out what the sentences mean the computer aspect is like.. one day u will have one homeworkthat is like 2 modules and another day u'll literally have ahomework that is 10 assignments.. because its online they're always due by midnight and if u don't get it done by then then too bad i sometimes look for help on the computer cd-rom but instead of it giving me help it shows another assignment as if when i ask for help i am asking for another assignment that would take me another hour to finish before i do my ACTUAL homework the chapters are all divided up like this chapter 5 chapter 5-1 chapter 5-9 part 5 chapter 5-9 part 5 vocabulary part 2 so i'm sitting here confused and wondering what kind of sadistic idiot would make something that is already difficult enough, 10,000 times more difficult than it needs to be so i took a look at the credits the book was written by two women this is what i'm talking about when i say women make things more complicated than they need to be this is why i try to stay away from women as teachers and things because they are a number of negative things generally confusing complicated unforgiving unnecessarily emotional i've spent 3 hours just today trying to figure out just HOW TO DO my spanish homework.. not actually doing it.. just trying to figure out HOW TO DO it i've said it before and i'll say it again men are from mars.. WOMEN ARE FROM HELL facebook beef Posted by poolboyjames on November 6, 2010 at 10:41 AM comments (0)one thing i don't get is facebook beef
seems like everyday someone is on there talking about someone indirectly today i was on fb and some guy was like: haha I dont got time to entertain weak ish on my facebook. If you have something to say to me say it to my face not facebook. Grown men walk to another man if they got problems and solve it not broadcast it to the world.I dont have to answer to ya about why I didnt practice. Enough said. FYI my injury aint fake. dont write about me on facebook thats whats pisses me off.-off to volleyball game ^direct quote (copied and pasted) if you don't have time to entertain "weak ish" then why are you entertaining "weak ish" ? then he says "say it to my face not facebook" cuz that's what grown men do.. well then why are you broadcasting this to facebook and not the actual person? then this guy goes on and says "i don't have to answer about why i didn't practice, enough said" but after "enough said" then he says more... "my injury ain't fake" like his entire paragraph is a big contradiction i had internet beef i think one time.. i went to a girl's page and i saw she wrote a blog about me.. i messaged her privately and said why are you doing this? she explained she was upset with me and i explained my side and she deleted the blog that was it.. we're still cool today i didn't start up a blog war or any kind of beef where the person i'm beefing with never gets named why do people buy into petty beefs? good evening.. headline from OBVIOUS HEADLINE NEWS... THIS JUST IN... THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU ISN'T PERFECT they are likely to get on ur nerves or say something dumb or offend you so r u gnna be mature and go to them and be like "what's up?" or are u going to tell EVERYONE BUT THAT PERSON and have a beef that can't get fixed? hmmm.. decisions decisions hey Posted by poolboyjames on November 5, 2010 at 12:19 AM comments (2)i haven't been able to talk for a while.. i have a sort of verbal blockage going on
but i saw a video of jordin sparks today and it made me think a bit (video is called 'my bayb' posted in video section) i wish i could meet jordin sparks and date her and work on music with her i know i don't know her personal life but i think she said she wants to wait for marriage.. i respect that.. if i got with her and we waited together then at the end i'd feel like wow God gave me a woman OF MY OWN and not someone who has compromised too much also she is pretty.. nice skin tone.. nice size.. she knows music.. biracial so she's (hopefully) not a stereotypical person i mean if u know me, then u look at jordin sparks on paper.. she looks like she's perfect for me i want her to be my wife i want a wife i think about this to the point where it bothers my soul i have talked about this so many times on my blog that it is perhaps redundant it would be nice to have someone who knows me, thinks about me, cares for me, speaks highly of me, someone who is on my level, someone who gives me hugs, someone who is a partner for me in this world inside i get angry because the women around me disgust me.. i look around and its like this: she doesn't believe in God she doesn't keep herself together, yuck look at her jacked up eyeshadow she is way too tall she is too skinny she has no love to give she has a bad attitude she doesn't like me she is immature she comes off as fake she has a ring on her finger she plays games can i have a decent opportunity to talk to a decent girl? please? i'm not interested in a sexual fling, i'm not interested in me using you, or u using me.. i want a wife.. like a lifetime partner.. someone with a good heart.. i want a good and pure relationship.. nothing else will suffice i want the girl who chooses to say good things about me to her friends and family when i'm not around.. someone who genuinely cares about me because u can bet, if i had a girl i'd care for her.. no question.. just ask all the girls i've dated who have turned me down.. they'll tell u i was "too nice" or something stupid like that.. btw sorry for putting you first you ungrateful *insert any negative words i'm trying not to say here* i feel like i could go on about this for hours maybe i will.. i mean it is MY website right? peaCe btw this is my 600th blog entry |
JaimsHere are my 2010 blogs. I can honestly say I like looking back over these, so check them out. They're teh hotness. Archives
December 2010
|