i never want to be a negative, bitter, angry, antagonistic, disagreeable, or cynical person to others
i get irritated at myself sometimes when i'm not as polite as i feel i should have been in a given situation
one thing i have noticed in trying to really be a nice, polite, patient person is u become very aware when other people are not those things.. people say and do things that are not cool at times and generally i try to let offenses slide and lead by example
i want to give an example of a time where i was not treated kindly just to help point out why being polite is important
ok i was out in 2005 with a black male friend of mine.. i liked him a lot i thought he was really cool i admired a lot of things about him.. we were just out chillin and he was showing me around his town
then at one point we got into wal-mart and i saw an omarion cd and i was like "you guys look just alike" and showed him the cd
he looked really angry and said "if you say that again i'm gnna punch you in the face"
i didn't know what to say, i was in shock.. like i thought we were cool i didn't understand why he would say something like that to me.. if it came down to it i likely would have beat him down but i was just so shocked that i didn't even say anything.. it was like "did he really just say that?" and by the time i was over the shock it seemed inappropriate to say anything about it
it was just one of the weirdest things i ever experienced with another person cuz i thought he was so cool, and i wasn't even dissing him, i think omarion is a handsome guy no homo.. so i was just like what in the world?
but here's the point
i really liked and admired this guy for who he was.. i still talk to him and i still think he's cool.. he and i never talked about that but i've forgiven him on my own terms as a Christian
but despite all of that.. at the end of the day.. i'm writing a blog about this incident and it happened 5 years ago.
meaning, i never forgot it and i still think about it sometimes and i still wonder to myself.. if we do something together, is he going to end up wanting to punch me in the face?
at the end of the day, it just overall feels like our friendship will never be the same after that.. like i can talk to him and junk here and there but the trust remains shattered in a lot of ways..
so that's why i think being polite at all times is important, because once u violate someone, they probably will never forget that ish and no matter what u do or how hard u try, that relationship may never be the same after a certain line is crossed
so a lot of times, even when i'm offended i try to just charge it to the game and be patient with the other person and/or say nothing at all in return so that we can have peace because if i just say the first thing that pops in my head then we might not be friends for very long
so this is just my reminder to everyone out there.. be patient with people and be polite even when u don't feel like it.. walk in integrity and show genuine love when u can.. its fine to be angry, but if u project that anger onto a person as opposed to a situation.. then u may end up with some severed friendships and deep regrets.. just be the bigger man in all your situations to the best of ur ability
all the memories i have of being mean to people.. i am ashamed of them.. but i don't think i've ever regretted being the bigger man in any situation.. and that's just what it is
today was a very bonkers day i was tired the entire day.. i couldn't seem to shake off my tiredness
the last time this happened was when the floods came.. as a matter of fact i'm pretty sure if u look back in april/may u will see i wrote about how i was really tired for a while, then it rained like BONKERS
i have learned whenever i'm inexplicably tired its about to rain
i really want that nissan cube.. i love that thing
i have noticed when i go online to marvel at it, a lot of people seem to think its ugly
in my opinion, they don't get it
i was watching a real estate show and the realtor showed some people an industrial loft.. they were like "why is the floor concrete?.. why are the pipes showing? .. this looks like a warehouse!"
the realtor was like ok i see you don't get it, so lets check out another place
that's how i feel about the car... that's also how i feel about music sometimes.. like if someone says i did a wack song i normally think they just don't get it.. not in an arrogant way.. sometimes peoples' advice is useful.. it depends on the person and their awareness
i want to start taking more pictures of places, people, things
i really want a woman in my life.. wow sometimes i think if someone shot me in the heart i'd be unaffected because there's nothing but a hole there
i went to the mall today and saw so many beautiful women.. i don't approach them because i've given up on meeting women.. instead i try to tell God that i want a woman from His hand and not my own.. as a result i'm trying to take myself out of the equation more and give God room
i realize that doing things God's way takes God's power.. this way, in the end u will know whatever u have came from God's hand and you will praise Him for His goodness
like moses split the red sea through God's power
abraham and sarah had a baby despite their old age because of God's power
i realize there is pretty much no way i will get a good God-fearing woman without God's assistance.. i need God's power in this regard, and so i am just trying to put my trust in Him that He will take it upon Himself to give me a good woman because He knows i can't do this by myself
i've said it before, i'll say it again:
"a virtuous woman, who can find? she is worth far more than rubies."
"a prudent wife is from the Lord."
i know that what i need has to come from above
i have had a big desire to play killzone lately.. i am thinking about getting killzone 2 now... and then killzone 3 when its released in feb 2011
i seem to have lost something and gained something
like all of a sudden i don't care to watch cheaters anymore
but all of a sudden i want to play killzone and blast heads off
i think it may have something to do with my desire to blow off steam, control my anxiety (video games help with that) and also detach myself from people and their stupidity
i really hate dishonesty
sometimes i watch cheaters or court shows and when people lie or act cowardly or deceitful it truly disgusts me.. i find that people and their stupidity at times can hinder my faith.. so i guess right now i'd much rather just go in a zone and play a video game
i find that pretty much all non-gospel music continuously has negative themes in it in one way or another
however i don't like gospel music because no one seems to do it well or make it appealing and thinking about life without music is like.. it seems like taking all the colors out of a box of crayonsand replacing them all with different shades of gray
i think i'm gnna start by just refusing to listen to any song with the F-word in it
just start there and once i master that then move to another curse word
i realize after a short while i will likely be left with nothing but gospel.. which doesn't sound very fun to me at all
but i feel like i should at least make a solid attempt at trying to show my faithfulness to this Christian lifestyle.. soooo
let's see what we can do
btw props to killswitch engage for being a great band without profanity or blatant immorality of any sort.. if more bands were like them then this world would be a lot cooler
BTW.. some Christians say gospel music isn't about the MUSIC, its about worship and the lyrics and all this
ok.. i feel like i have wanted to say this for a long time...
if u make a wack song for Jesus do u really think you are making Christ look good? why do Christians always justify making terrible music?
i went to church and there was no drum beat, it was just people on a casio keyboard and pitchy singers goin at it.. anyone with ears could see it was terrible.. the lady on stage said "don't pay attention to the music, just listen in to the words"
^^that's what i mean when i say Christians justify their wack music.. why do that? why not put some real effort into making a good song for God? shouldn't God have good music? like kirk franklin had all kinds of people jammin back in the 90s don't u think that was a good thing? why does no one make a GOOD song for God? STOP GIVING GOD THESE WACK SONGS THAT SOUND LIKE U HAVE TO BE A MONK TO ENJOY.. give people something to nod their head to!!!!!
if a person should "pay no attention to the music and just listen to the words" THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN DOING A SONG AT ALL!!!???? IF ITS ALL ABOUT THE WORDS THEN WHY DONT U JUST PREACH IT INSTEAD OF PUT IT IN A SONG?
see what i'm saying?
songs, are made for a sort of pleasure.. so to take pleasure out of the equation u aren't even making sense anymore
i feel like i could go on and on but whatever i'm out
do u ever have a thought that just follows u wherever u go?
it just seems to talk in your ear over and over?
this is what the voice in my ear says to me all the time.. it says "wow, i honestly don't care what anyone thinks"
every single day this thought replays in my mind
everyday i think about how my life is and how i have nothing to lose on a social level, no one can cast me out of their clique or crew because i'm pretty much already an outcast at any given moment in any given situation
i think about how cowardly and weak so many people are
i think about how confused so many people are
i think about how arrogant people are
i think about how i've been rejected by the people i've most wanted to be accepted by
i think about how utterly meaningless peoples' opinions are
i think about how i don't value other peoples standards of greatness at all
i think about how shortsighted everyone is
these thoughts replay in my head daily
i am always thinking about how i honestly don't care what people think of me
don't get me wrong i'm not going to walk out the house naked or something, i mean i am still going to act normal.. but i mean like.. certain pressures.. like peer pressure, the fear of not being liked, the fear of being isolated.. etc... they don't affect me
they may irk me at times but everyday i unconsciously re-affirm to myself that my actions, thoughts, and convictions will not change for anyone
i constantly think about how i flat-out refuse to appease people at my expense
u might be thinking.. why is james saying this?
everything i'm saying right now is embedded in my heart... this is what i think about everyday but never say outloud
i have little to no regard for peoples' feelings and opinions about me
i am polite and loving
but honestly behind my eyes is a person who is in many ways very detached and unaffected by others
on the surface i am agreeable, but on the inside i am critical.. i keep that side to myself but just the fact that its there keeps me making my own decisions and disregarding popular opinion
i am not sure if this will come in handy one day or what but.. for better or for worse this is how i feel.. i guess u could say it is a strong personal conviction
actually i wrote some lyrics kinda concerning this a few weeks ago
i used to walk with my head down, stare at my feet/
so i'll jump off a bridge before i care what you think/
matter fact i dare you to speak/
been hungry for revenge n its rare that i eat/
i've been dissed til death seemed better than life/
my idea Posted by poolboyjames on August 22, 2010 at 12:55 PM comments (0)i was thinking today about how i want to start my own Christian group to replace church.. (well not REPLACE, but supplement.. but if a person wanted to replace church with the group they could)
anyway.. there are some things i don't understand about church
like what is the purpose of altar call
why do they always play lame music.. like why do they never use a good beat.. and why is it always a choir? its like if u don't like choir music then ur just out of luck at church
why is church on sunday when in the 10 commandments it says the 7th day of the week is the holy day of rest/submission to God
if i had a church or... (actually i'd prefer to call it a group of Christians).. it would be like this:
1. money wouldn't be a part of it.. it would just be people who want to know God and people who want to help themselves and others.. it wouldn't be about money or a bottom line or anything it would be about seeking God.. it would just be a group that meets in my house or in a park or in a building.. we wouldn't have to pay for a building cuz we would just meet wherever
2. wear whatever you want
3. everyone gets a chance to speak and when they speak they can talk about any of the following as they wish:
*current blessings from God
*personal testimony of how you came to believe
*Biblical advice to others in the group
4. NO MUSIC.. someone would probably say.. "well what about worship?" .. to me worship is obedience, devotion, and seeking.. so that's what the meetings would include.. it would be about a group of people seeking God.. formalities and traditions would be deemed unimportant.. there would be nothing "religious" about the meetings
5. meetings would be 1 hour or less. u show up, give a word, take a word. give prayer, receive prayer, enjoy the company of other Christians and you leave.. no one will try to keep u for a long time and if u have to leave just leave.. again there would be nothing religious about it
and that's it
everything taught would be biblical.. i'd teach on something quickly but the meetings would mostly be about everyone who showed up and how they can "HAVE LIFE AND HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY" through Jesus
what i don't get about this is like.. why is this looked at as a positive trait?
here are some descriptions of spontaneity:
performed or occurring as a result of a sudden inner impulse or inclination and without premeditation or external stimulus
having an open, natural, and uninhibited manner.
occurring without apparent external cause
instinctive or involuntary
from late Latin spontaneus from sponte ‘of (one's) own accord’
the kind of person who acts first and thinks about it later
behaving in a very natural way, without prompting or premeditation
perhaps impulsive, which has somewhat less positive connotations, suggesting someone who is governed by his or her own moods and whims
why is this seen as positive? "i'm a free spirit" "i'm spontaneous"
to me saying u are a free spirit or saying ur spontaneous is like saying i am gullible, i lack self control, i follow fun.. i follow the crowds in life
i just fail to see how spontaneity is a positive trait
look at the antonyms:
conscious, voluntary, planned, rehearsed, forced
^these words are synonymous with structure, order, and purpose
spontaneity is just like... just doing something for the heck of it
to me describing urself as spontaneous or a free spirit is like saying "i don't think a lot of decisions through before i make them"
like to me a spontaneous person is the kind of person who will cheat on u because they might just wake up one day and spontaneously be bored with you lol.. to me the only real positive is "having an open, uninhibited manner" the rest seems undesirable
i understand spontaneity is sometimes necessary.. but in a lot of ways i find it to be counterproductive to a peaceful, successful, stable adult life
am i being too "type A" with this? ..i'm open to opinions
noteworthy Posted by poolboyjames on August 21, 2010 at 3:06 AM comments (0)"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."