stuff Posted by poolboyjames on November 8, 2010 at 8:22 PM comments (0)today i feel quite alone and lonely, not only that but i've been running into frustrations left and right
however i was blessed in that, at work a girl talked to me and helped to calm me down its amazing to me to think that some people have that support system everyday u know what i mean? i BORROWED some of her time, empathy, and sweetness u know what i'm sayin? it would be nice to have it as a mainstay/staple in my life i also would like to have a girl just so i can compliment her all the time i like to encourage people as much as i can.. i want to uplift a girl til she feels like she is the most beautiful person on earth ++++++++ oh yeah.. one thing i want to point out i came to the conclusion today that from now on i'm doing online classes here's why. i can't really think of any time in my life where attention was positive for me i generally don't like attention, i don't like being around, or dealing with people generally some people think "james is weird because he likes being alone" let me explain 1. i grew up being stared at as being "the black guy" .. people would be like "can i touch ur hair?" or they'd ask me dumb questions about black people.. i was never offended by any of it but when u realize everyone is always looking at you and thinking of you as being different, it begins to affect you to me it seems like nothing good in my life has ever come from attention.. in class i really don't like talking, i don't like HAVING TO share my opinion or insight, i don't like being forced to be on display.. in a sense i feel a bit violated.. if i'm not in an acting class then just let me sit in the back and be invisible honestly i'd prefer to be a number when it comes to school.. to me, unwanted attention is just.. its one of life's most unpleasant things 2. my main dream in life is to have a soundproof studio, and to work on music as a career.. music is like..... ur either working on it alone or ur working with one or two people who you like and respect.. its like a mutual thing.. its comfortable.. its just a good working situation.. the opposite of being a producer of music to me would be like... have u ever seen the show "the office?" in my opinion, that is the opposite of music.. unwritten rules, politics, petty beefs, gossip, hierarchy, peking order, formal dress, insincerity, backstabbing, etc. etc. school is like supposed to get u ready for your "the office" lifestyle "let's get these kids prepared for their life of subordination ahead of them!" so u have to think.. being away from unwanted/unnecessary people is in my dna as well as (thanks to God's provision) in my career of choice.. it is in the nature of my chosen profession.. because of that- i feel that my aversion to people is generally valid 3. today somehow much to my surprise and dismay i managed to get kicked out of class hours later in another class one of my teachers said this: "i teach an online class, so don't ask me what time it starts, you just tend to your work AT YOUR LEISURE during the week" so that's where it clicked i had the experience of being kicked out of class today in front of everyone then hours later someone proposes a permanent solution to my problem of.. "insociability" ...online classes i don't have to show up in class physically i don't have to have this "professional conduct" thing that i don't understand (i am tired of being penalized for rules that i never knew existed) i mean, i don't even have to wear pants. so thank God.. there is a light at the end of this tunnel blah i feel like i went off on a tangent here but i feel like i said what i wanted to say hollaback
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JaimsHere are my 2010 blogs. I can honestly say I like looking back over these, so check them out. They're teh hotness. Archives
December 2010
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