last day of the year peeps
if you are reading this- thank you for keeping up with me here on the site
this year was amazing for me.. from going to seattle, to getting a good job, to finding a church home, to getting a nice place and more!
this year i didn't do a song of the year here on the site.. i don't know.. maybe that is a reflection of what this year was like for me? .. i was busy.. music was somewhat of an afterthought..
i admit it's somewhat hard for me to do a song of the year but i will hands-down say my band of the year is curve
anyway, this year was like the first year of visible growth for me.. i feel like i was able to "bare fruit" if you will.. God definitely got me through this year because there were many obstacles and traps but trust me- God got me through
God's rules/regulations are also His protection.. i literally was dating a girl this year with an incurable std and didn't know it.. i could've smashed on some "i'll have what she's having" type ish.. but i kept it in my pants and dodged a bullet
one other thing i've noticed about this year is it seemed to bring reaping in general- good or bad.. so we got to see cats get blessings or beat-downs
all i can say is thank God we made it another year and we are all still as gully as ever
2014 ... an amazing year.. ups and downs but despite it all.. we enjoyed God's protection, achieved progress, and good times were had
the page is about to be turned!
much love peeps... over and out
lately i feel so alienated
i feel like people don't understand me a lot
if u have been coming to this site for a while then you already know that about me
i feel like people don't really like ever listen to me.. i end up questioning my own sanity a lot because the things i say make sense in my head but whenever i say things outloud people generally speak against it
i remember i had someone in my life who listened to me once but i messed that up
i don't think i am arrogant or anything i just come up with a lot of ideas and scenarios and examples and generalizations.. i have a lot of opinions and perspectives
it is stifling to have this type of brain and not have anyone ever understand it or accept it or tolerate it
that is one reason i gravitate to the website and to music.. because i can explain something and someone will actually listen as opposed to tell me how stupid my opinion is before i even finish it
i have started really going off on people who don't hear me out.. its just something i have noticed i do because i feel i have been "shut-down" for years and years by pretty much everyone.. not EVERYONE, but like, a lot of people
i find myself really going in on people for cutting me off and telling me my opinions are of no value.. and its not them, its just this problem has followed me for such a long time i have developed a stronger backbone.. actually i would say it has gone beyond a backbone and become a bite.. people hit me with the rhetoric and i bite back.. HARD
i feel like as a man i am a born leader and a born minister as i am supposed to be the spiritual leader of my family whenever or if ever i get one.. i have to have morals and i have to know why i have those morals, i have to be able to see what's ahead and i have to be able to know how to respond to various things/happenings
so yes, i have opinions, yes i have advice, yes i have theories and concepts in my head
that's just what i am.. does it make me crazy? at times yes
but i need people in my life who can feel me or at least try to feel me
look if i'm wrong, i'm wrong and i really hope God shows me the truth
but i see each and every little thing.. every time i say something and someone rolls their eyes or sucks their teeth or calls me judgmental or says i'm "in my feelings" or i'm crazy or i am narrow minded, or whatever.. i see every little thing
...and it really wears me out sometimes
like legit i feel so empty sometimes cuz i know no one either A. feels me or B. is willing to feel me
sorry- my perspective is always a little outside the box.. but if i was like everyone else i wouldn't be me now would i
so i hope one day i can at least find one woman who appreciates me for who i am
until then.. u peeps know where to find my brand of psychosis
this video is too official
oh man i can't believe how real this is.. this is a must-see
one thing i want to point out
i feel like this is a breakthrough piece of information
i am not sure how accurate it is but see if u feel me on it or not
ok i just realized that two things should probably not exist together
A. unfulfilled desire
B. unfulfilled responsibility
again, i do not claim to know this to be true but just stop me if i'm wrong
now.. unfulfilled desire is a painful thing we have.. it comes out of nowhere... or does it?
is it generally or usually a direct result of unfulfilled responsibility?
if the answer is yes, then that means we have the power of choice, we can choose to fulfill that responsibility and obtain that desire!
what exactly is unfulfilled responsibility?
here's what it is: it is what God has placed in your heart for you to do.. whether it is big or small- that you haven't done
what do you think God has been telling you to do? what is in your heart to do that you haven't done?
so there you go
again, i am suggesting that if we have unfulfilled desire then there is also a chance there is unfulfilled responsibility- and understand that whether or not you feel the responsibility is related to the desire just might be irrelevant
why do i say that?
because duty is duty regardless of what it looks like
a wise person understands that small things make up large things therefore we generally should not overlook or shirk it if it is in our power to positively affect it
so let's not shrug it off or put it off anymore.. because our underlying desires may depend on it
as captain planet would say.... the power is yours
who is less involved / less interested?
1. the girl who will come see you, go places with you, come to your house- but who doesn't ask about your life and never calls or texts you unless she is prompted
2. the girl who calls and texts you and asks you about your life without being prompted- but never comes to see you
this question hit me hard today
is either girl "salvageable" ?
are they both the wrong option?
i will go on record and say i have had both of these this year and i dismissed the 2nd one
was that a right or wrong decision?
i made a little graph.. i sat down and drew a little diagram thing to explain what is happening today with men and women
i drew 10 women and 10 men and what i did was i established relationships for each person
do you guys agree or disagree with this:
ok out of 10 women you have 2 messing with one guy (they are unaware of this)
then you have 2 messing with another guy (they are aware and "competing")
then you likely have 3 women in long term relationships
so now you have 3 women left
one is ugly
another one has kids (which many single men with no kids won't want to sign up for)
the last woman out of the 10 is just uninterested in men for some reason..
i don't understand why women seem so uninterested in men, but i seem to run into that a lot.. like where a woman just has no sort of interest in men- you could take her out you could show a lot of interest, you could compliment her, you could do your best to impress her but she feels no attachment
that has been something i have run into- some women just don't care about men at all.. maybe she just sees men as a free dinner or someone who can pay half her bills while she goes back to school
i HAVE NO IDEA WHY some women don't care about men but i have seen it a lot.. they just don't feel any attachment.. they will let you try to win them over but they cannot be won.. if anyone knows why some women are like this please explain i would like to understand it
moving on to the men
ok so i drew 10 men and out of the 10 men you had one who had 2 women
another man had 2 women
3 men had long term relationships
then you had 2 who had no money and nothing really going for themselves.. u know, like guys who don't have cars, or guys who can't keep jobs, or guys who have baby mama drama or something
then you have 3 guys left
one is out of the equation due to something like being ugly or very socially awkward or both
so then you have 2 guys left
the last 2 guys out of the 10 are good guys.. they are decent guys seeking women but they cannot find any decent available women
with "available" meaning A. ready and B. willing
chances are they can find "pretty" ...but ready and willing are a diff story
WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK OF THIS ASSESSMENT I MADE!?
this assessment is obviously a generalization, but this is what reality seems to show
do you guys have a diff view?
i would really like to know what anyone thinks of this so any comments are welcome
i want to talk about a common misconception about God
one thing we oftentimes don't understand is that following God is not just limits, rules, regulations, and statutes
there is also much liberty
its not just "live inside these lines and be bored" its really like "these lines are your protection, now live life in My freedom, safety, and abundance"
let me give an example of God's liberty.. have you ever been in a situation where people don't believe in you, or they can't help you? like you are just stuck in a situation and can't get out.. you have no support or help or anything?
through God we have liberty because we can go to God for answers and/or help and/or wisdom and/or a miracle, or whatever
that is liberty, to know that no matter what- you are not "stuck" or "on your own" because you can always get on your knees and pray.. it is liberty to know you don't have to be stuck in heartbreak or stuck in poverty or whatever your issue is!
now let me give an example of the bondage of people who are not living under the Lord
have you ever heard a person say these words: "i want to stop but i can't" or "i hate being this way"
that is bondage.. you have people who want to stop drinking, or they want to stop banging women at clubs because they realize all the problems their lifestyle is causing
i remember once i met a guy who was banging madd women and i was like "wow man how can i be like you!" and he was like "you don't wanna be like me" and somehow i knew what he meant.. it is a bondage, and the enemy will use that bondage to bring problems in your life
for example i remember he got caught cheating on his g/f so she kicked him out then she cut his phone off.. so he went to another girl's house and banged her but then he said he had sex with her while he was drunk and looked down and the condom wasn't on
i never got to hear the aftermath of that.. but either way, there you can see how his bondage changes the very trajectory of his life.. i remember one day he told me he regrets each and every tattoo he got.. and so that's the thing.. if u follow God and look back in 10 yrs u will likely not regret it.. if you live in a sinful cycle just doing whatever u feel like doing for 10yrs and look back- chances are you will regret it
the liberty we find in God is freedom from that cyclical trajectory that you see so many people in.. like when you go to work and you see women who spent 7yrs with a guy they never married and it ends and they don't even have kids and they look up and realize the whole relationship was out of God's will and a completely fruitless endeavor and a waste of youth
being in God's will will save you from broken hearts and wasted time.. it'll even save you from wasted resources
i am not saying i am perfect i am just pointing out things i've been learning and seeing
one weird thing i've realized over time is that God didn't ask much of adam and eve.. He just said do what you do but don't eat of the tree of knowledge
i think that is how things are for most of us as well.. a lot of us have one sin that we mainly need to stay away from.. if we can stay away from that one thing then a lot of us would be considered to be in right-standing (or almost in right-standing) with God..
we shouldn't let our one strong desire to sin throw us off the right path
don't let that ONE thing take you out of God's will!
you would be better off to just wait on the Lord!
i am not preaching, i am just speaking some stuff i was thinking about this morning!
remember in God's will its not just rules and regulations its also SAFETY AND LIBERTY!!!! don't be short-sighted, see the whole equation !!!!
i was reading an article about women and relationships and attraction and i feel like i got a breakthrough piece of information from it
it was a very simple piece of information but it made a lot of things about women make sense to me
first let me give you the background.. ok you know how they say women love alpha males?
an alpha is basically a "strong personality" type of person.. well what the person explained is that women by nature are beta
this makes everything about women make a lot more sense
like for example, why is it that when you are around a woman she will say something like "why didn't you say hi to me?" (or she will just get an attitude and expect you to know why) and you will be thinking.. "you could've said hi to me if it was on your mind.. like how is it my fault?"
its because women are beta.. you can't expect a beta to make sense.. why? because you already know how they think.. a beta can't put purpose over personal welfare.. immediate feelings are more important than honor, duty, and ultimate good
those 3 words "women are beta" made so many things make sense
like for example, why do women do things that reek of cowardice and then justify them as opposed to just saying "i will try to do better"
they will actually shift blame on you like you did something wrong
you'll be like "why did you tell me you wanted to go out when you really didn't?"
and she will say something like "well you should've known i didn't want to go out because i wasn't ready on time"
and you will be thinking.. "does she honestly think that makes sense?"
the answer is not yes or no
the answer is.... she is BETA BY NATURE
the quicker us men understand that- the better off we will be
i want to talk about one of the stupidest things i ever saw on plenty of fish .com back when i was on it
one day i ran across a girl's profile and she said something like this:
"my best friend is on the site too and sometimes a guy will hit up both of our pages.. if u do that i won't talk to u"
that is not a direct quote.. it is paraphrased .. but the jist of it was.. you should not be on her page and her friend's page
that was very dumb to me.. the problem i have with it was the assumption that a man should only be attracted to one woman at a time
also, i remember her being very picky in her profile, so that further creates incentive for a man to look for multiple women at one time because he knows his chances of actually getting and/or keeping your attention are very low
so i remember being flabbergasted at how she simultaneously pushed men to seek other women yet punished them for it as well
i wish i had that profile to show u guys because the thing is i see women do this a lot..
why do people think you should only be attracted to them!? if i'm not married to you- you better believe i am talking to other women.. its not a malicious thing, its just for my own sanity
women are so fickle that talking to one at a time is like a recipe for disaster.. u can't put all your eggs in one basket with women.. that's honestly rule number one in the rule book
women will ruin your whole life with their corny antics.. the main antidote to their shenanigans is to have other women on deck.. that way u can always bounce back
so that is one of my main pet peeves.. when there is no relationship yet women still think you should be exclusive to them.. that is very controlling and weird
woman: "i saw you talk to that other woman"
guy: "yeah SO WHAT"
woman: "i'm not interested anymore"
guy: "good thing i got the other girl's number then huh"
a woman's ability to withdraw her interest for any reason in the world is the exact reason why men have to talk to multiple women.. why don't women understand that
and another thing.. women are stupid to think men should be both confident and exclusive right out the gate.. think about it.. approaching a woman, having all your eggs in one basket- and being on her chopping block does not lend itself to confidence
think about it like this.. who will be more confident, someone who needs a job and has 10 interviews lined up, or someone who needs a job and only has one prospect?
so let's recap a woman's request:
a. approach with confidence
b. only have eyes for me
c. when i reject you, put your tail between your legs and walk off quietly
so women don't want a balance of power and autonomy in an interaction, instead they just want all the power? why do they want to literally have men by the balls like that? again, that is weird and oppressive.. if one party has all the power then there will be no ebb and flow.. need i explain further? no ebb and flow = no meaningful relationship
women who hold a man's desire for a woman against him are stupid and short-sighted
you don't get exclusivity out the gate.. YOU EARN IT