i'm working on the pictures right now (the pictures on the right side of the site)
it is more difficult than previous years due to someone making html changes (don't know if its photobucket or weebly)
it might take some time
just a heads up
* under construction *
i saw this picture today online and wow.. everyone here was sort of in a prime at the time.. lil kim was still cute back then lol
i really only wanted to post the picture, but i just have to add the video too...
that song was so ill.. i tend to think ray-j is underrated in his ability.. he is good at crafting songs, harmonizing, fitting different types of songs, etc
btw.. one reason i always sort of liked brandy and ray-j is because they have the same family dynamic i have- which is the whole "older sister, younger brother" thing.. i always saw them and related to them on that level
when i was in like 7th grade, one day at lunch i accidentally spilled a drink on myself
when i did it.. i was like.. "aww.. man" and i was sort of in shock
this kid i knew said "don't worry about it i've done that about a million times.. just stand up and wipe it off really quickly, its the best way to get it off"
he even showed me how to do it.. he like pulled his shirt and showed me how to wipe it so that it wouldn't set in or stay damp
i was thinking about that recently and i think that's how life is
if you make a mistake or make a bad decision, and a problem blows up in your face.. you have a choice.. let your circumstances sink in, or try to stand up quickly and try to fix things
the goal should be to make your problems into memories
one day i got a speeding ticket and i was a bit distraught.. i was like i'm going to have to go to court or to that driving class blah blah blah
then i said.. u know what? screw it.. i'm going to make this a memory QUICK
i went STRAIGHT to the county clerk or whatever office and paid the ticket
the lady was like "you just got this, wow i guess you didn't waste any time" i was like "yeah i got stuff to do"
so try not to put energy into regrets, just put it into fixing your issues, because in a year you won't feel bad for your mistake, instead you will feel proud that you overcame it so quickly, maturely, and responsibly
at my apartment i got the internet.. i wasn't going to get cable but it was only like $10 more for a few channels so i got it
well.. based on what i pay.. all i get is like 10 channels and its all infomercials and christian television
so yesterday some guy was on tv preaching and he said something that stuck with me
he said ur supposed to keep your eyes on Jesus at all times.. keep your eyes on thoughts of faith and stuff
so in saying this- he said a lot of times we pray- and once we finish praying and we go out into the world we say "what am i gonna do?" or "i prayed but now what?" and then comes worry
so he said instead of going from prayer to paranoia.. we need to go from prayer to praise
that was pretty deep
i guess in a sense what he was saying is pray and thank God.. thank Him for doing "it" (whatever IT is) for you even though you don't see it.. as opposed to trying to figure it out for yourself
we need to say something like "i prayed, and now its about to happen.. i don't know how but its going to happen for me" or "I can't do it but God is with me" or "i can do all things through Christ"
i liked that message.. he said a lot more but that was the main thing i took from it
don't go from prayer to paranoia.. go from prayer to praise
from your heart
not from your mind or from cliches.. but from your heart
what do you feel about life?
i asked myself this question today and my heart said:
"life is like a game you can't win"
i think to many men today, that's what life feels like
a big game you can't win
have you ever seen the movie "king of kong" ? (no not king kong.. king OF kong)
if you watch it, you can see into the male psyche.. we all have a desire to master something and win at it.. but "winning" eludes many of us which is why we seek to exude power and control in other areas other than our own lives because controlling your own life and keeping things in order despite so many variables and factors oftentimes seems impossible
i am reminded of a line from kanye
"i don't know what's better, gettin laid or gettin paid/
all i know is i'm gettin one but the other's gettin away/"
its like you might succeed in one area of life but another area of your life suffers
thus you feel like you cannot win
thus you feel like there is no point to playing
i know this is negative.. but i would say the majority of the male psyche today feels this way
like i was watching this real estate thing the other day that said 75% of people today don't qualify to take out a loan for a home
how do people in 2014 feel like winners when they have no sense of ownership and do not qualify for something as basic as their own home?
i am not complaining, i am just acknowledging.. which is the first step to change
i've said this before in one way or another but i am reiterating it here
95% of women on dating sites do this and it needs to stop
STOP DISPLAYING MASCULINE TRAITS AND THEN BEING UPSET WHEN MEN DONT LIKE IT
one thing i hear a lot of women say is the whole
"i don't want a man to be in the mirror getting ready longer than me" thing
women don't want a man worried about his looks in that way because it appears feminine, its not that they don't want their man to look good, i think what they are saying is they don't want it to be a source of arrogance for him to be super into himself and his looks because if he takes it too far it causes a bit of a role reversal in the relationship.. he's looking at himself instead of at his girl
this is how men see women when they talk the whole "i'm independent and successful" thing they're always talking about
its not that men don't want women to be successful, but it just sort of gives off the wrong "scent" when women are talking about how they are so successful and independent and how they don't need a man and how they have 5 degrees and a house and a car and don't need any help
we men are not against female success, its just that when it becomes a source of arrogance and women brag about it... it seems overdone and it starts to feel like a role reversal.. u don't want to partner with a man to sail a ship together, instead you want to just sail by yourself because it sounds like you are saying "i sail it perfectly and completely" ... so then why would a man want to sail with you?
women.. would you ask einstein if he needs help on his math homework? NO so when you act like u have a perfect and complete life then a man (who wants to occupy a space in your life and help you and love you) WILL FEEL LIKE HE HAS NO ROOM TO FIT IN YOUR LIFE
u women don't want us men standing in the mirror getting our hair just right for 2 hours and getting upset because we broke a nail and talking about how good we look! because it sends you the wrong message
so by the same token.. don't hit us with all the "i'm a boss" "i'm independent" "i don't need a man" crap because you are sending us the wrong message
WE MEN WANT TO HELP YOU AND LOVE YOU AND BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE.. so you can't say "i don't need your help, i don't need a man, i'm independent" and expect us to want to take you to dinner! we men are hearing "she wants to take herself to dinner"
u want to be successful? fine, go right ahead.. but don't tell us how much you don't need us in 10 ways and then expect us to treat you like women.. we are going to treat you like men.. which basically means we will keep a distance from you.. we will let you do your thing.. we won't come close to you or get in your space
u women don't want us men staring in the mirror and talking about "i need to get my eyebrows done" so please spare us the whole "i'm a success and don't need anyone" "i'm strong on my own" crap ... CAN WE PLEASE JUST AGREE ON THIS?
WHO TOLD YOU WOMEN THAT MEN DESPISE ALL VULNERABILITY? because it certainly is not true.. u women are maternal and u want to take care of babies.. you want to be a big part of a child's life right? well, we men are paternal AND WE WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.. WE WANT TO HAVE A PLACE IN YOUR LIFE.. WE WANT TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU IN SOME WAY, SOMEHOW .. WE ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO A WOMAN WHO IS ONE BIG WALKING CLOSED DOOR
and another thing...
i literally JUST took these pictures off a dating site.. (these are two different women btw)
YOU WOMEN DO THIS STUFF PHYSICALLY AND VERBALLY.. YOU PORTRAY YOURSELVES IN MASCULINE WAYS
STOP PORTRAYING YOURSELVES LIKE THIS
SORRY, BUT IM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOUR HUGE F*CKING BICEPS
PLEASE BE WOMEN.. PLEASE STOP DOING THIS.. I AM BEGGING YOU WOMEN.. PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE MEN
PLEASE ACT LIKE WOMEN.. PLEASE SHOW YOURSELVES AS SOFT, SWEET, AND FLEXIBLE
PLEASE STOP ACTING HARD AND MEAN, HEADSTRONG, BOSSY AND CONTROLLING.. STOP TAKING PICTURES SHOWING YOUR MUSCLES
I DOUBT IF YOU'D LIKE SEEING MEN TAKING PICTURES OF THEMSELVES DOING THE SPLITS AND TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY CRIED WHEN THEY WATCHED THE LITTLE MERMAID.. SO PLEASE STOP WITH THE "IM A STRONG MAN" POSES
PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU WOMEN. PLEASE STOP
the lowest level a person can be at in terms of results would be dysfunction because in dysfunction there are either no results or negative results
like in terms of making money.. you make none, or you make money that doesn't go to yourself or your family, or you are losing money
all of those scenarios would equal out to dysfunction
then you have functioning
but there are levels to functioning.. are you functioning hand to mouth or paycheck to paycheck? or are you functioning in a more generative way? do you have bills that you will be paying for the next 10-20 years? or do you own all of your assets and money?
do you earn money only when on the clock? or are you fortunate enough to have a paid time off... or better yet- passive income?
i look at my life and i think i have overcome dysfunction.. however i feel that i am at a low level of functionality
not the absolute lowest, but low enough to where i still have a lot to strive for and pray for
i have no opinion on this really.. its just something i perceive
(moving on, but i will build on this thought)
one interesting question i like to ask is:
why do you think you are single?
do you peeps think there is a reason or do you all think it is happenstance?
some people get married at 20 and some people are single at 30.. is there a reason or is it all just luck of the draw?
when i look at women i can see there is a reason.. it'll be something like.. she only shows a masculine side to the world (i'm strong and independent and i don't need a man), or she is competitive with men (women should work with men not compete with them), or she puts no effort into trying to look nice, or her past decisions sort of take her out of the running
but then i see women who are married and they are the ones who are just sweet, cute, nice, and flexible.. and i know they are married because men feel like they can work with them and have a partner/helper/friend without having to sacrifice their health and resources too much (like if she had an std or 3 kids from a previous relationship)
so as a male i think the same thing must be true.. there must be a reason a male is single
when i ask myself why am i single.. i come up with a few reasons but one main reason
the smaller reasons would be things like.. i'm not in the best physical shape, i am not very outgoing.. these are things i think women can work with
however (sort of going back to what i was saying about functionality) i think i am functioning at a level that does not make me attractive to any women
when you look at women, the prerequisite that men must have is they must be functioning, and they must make their own money, have their own place, etc.
that's just to get you in the door
but after that they still want more.. they want you to be a creative being.. a person who can create streams of money or build favor with people, or build favor with God, or create a source of enjoyment, or provide a solid foundation for something that can be a generative "tree" of life
do i have any of that? or do i just appear wildly average?
i think to women i appear disgustingly average.. like i'm not hot or cold.. i'm just "blah"
think about it.. women seem to either want the crazy thug or the successful business man
i am neither!
this, in my opinion- is why i'm single
i think that to a woman, i am just that bumbling clown who has been obedient all of his life and has nothing to show for it lol
do u guys think i'm way off on this or not?
i think i may have to dig deeper to find more "treasure" before a woman will actually like me.. become a better version of myself.. become more creative, more generative, and more hot or cold in general
in my perception- i would have to establish more of an "identity" in life to attract a woman
identity is made up of many different things.. and i think i need to be a more vivid picture of myself before i can attract a woman
these are just my current thoughts.. what do u guys think.. does any of this make sense or am i way off?
my tire blew out yesterday so i had to get a new set of tires
then they said i needed an oil change too so i got an oil change
my life has been really crazy lately with unexpected issues
i am hoping this is the chaos prior to lasting stability