my life is so bad right now wow
seems like nothing is going my way
i hate everything and everyone
i think i am cursed
there's no way a person can live and have this much bad luck and not be cursed or something
i have so much hate inside its ridiculous
i was talking to someone the other day and telling them i was frustrated and all they said to me was: "...and?"
how the f*ck do you even respond to some disrespectful crap like that?
i don't know but that's what my life is.. its just like.. i feel so foreign all the time to everything and every person
like i'm just talking nonsense and everything i say is not to be tolerated (which is why i feel like i have to talk on this website)
i wonder why is it that i can't find a "home" in life
literally and figuratively
i can't relate to people, people can't relate to me, i can't find a place to live, the place i currently live is frustrating, i can't get money doing what i love, sometimes my life seems as fulfilling an air-sandwich, i couldn't get a girl to love me under any circumstance i mean wow
its just unbelievable what my life is
whoever is reading this, just be glad you're not me
seems like i've been becoming more alone for the past few months
i'm going to explain everyone who has exited my life over the past few months for one reason or another
chrissy - we went out to eat and she told me she was moving to the united kingdom and not coming back.. i just stopped talking to her after that because i don't like the whole "here today gone tomorrow" thing.. it gets old after a while.. i feel like she does things like that a lot.. a few times i basically had to beg her to talk to me so i considered that the last straw..
that day when she told me that i kept saying over and over "just go" and that's really how i feel.. like lets stop the whole come and go thing, just go
also i definitely felt like i was the last to know she was planning that, so i also just felt stupid.. girls are good at making you feel small or like you don't matter.. like "guess what? i'm moving to another country and you don't matter enough to know about it until after i'm about to step on the plane!"
i saw her at the mall one day and she said she got kicked out of the country in customs or something.. not sure if that was true or not
jasmine - she just up and stopped talking to me.. i never met jasmine in real life, she was just an internet friend i had for a few yrs but she stopped talking to me with no explanation or anything
one day i finally looked her up online and i saw that she met a guy and he got her name tattooed on himself
i think its cool she found a guy but why did she have to stop talking to me without at least explaining why? i get it.. ur preoccupied with your new relationship and i didn't make the cut.. i mean we're all adults here.. don't ignore me though.. i mean that's just disrespectful
devon - have no idea what happened to her at all
the last thing i remember her saying was she was moving out of her parents house so i'm not sure what happened with her new living situation
eric - eric always meant a lot to me.. i always considered him like a real special guy because you won't meet anyone more honest than him.. he really embodies the "honest to a fault" thing
the only bad thing is i sometimes felt like he was not putting effort into our friendship
he has a hard exterior so i overlooked it a lot but sometime this year i decided i was just done because.. i started thinking about how he never seemed to have time for me unless it was a text message
i give him credit because he listened to my songs though.. i do give him that
i have no animosity toward eric but i just don't care to try to reach out anymore
sondra - sondra stopped talking to me because i didn't go see her when i went to seattle
the last time i saw sondra in real life was literally like 1998
we talked on the phone a lot and when i went to seattle she wanted me to drive to oregon to see her.. i kinda had my own agenda when i was there so i didn't do that.. and when i got back to tennessee she just ignored me
ciarra - i feel like i have no idea who ciarra is.. we hung out and i enjoyed spending time with her and she said she enjoyed spending time with me but she just stopped talking to me
i don't know what i did or what happened in her life to make her stop talking to me but she really sort of led me on
like she'd rather answer the phone and make up a lie about wanting to see me than A. just not answer, or B. just answer and tell me the truth
so i guess that was a new level of disrespect for me
overall its like the song i wrote
"people come and go i can't halt the traffic"
it is wat it is, brah
one thing i want to get off my chest is this:
sometimes i will tell a person about a negative situation with a girl and sometimes they say to me- "you're choosing the wrong people"
my problem with this statement is how am i supposed to know what type of person i'm dealing with?
it seems to me like you are blaming the victim here
if i spend time with a girl and i find out she is emotionally unavailable, someone will say "you need to find out what makes you choose emotionally unavailable women"
smh.. how was i supposed to know what she was like in the first place?
when you say "you need to find out why you choose ____ " its like saying you think i passed by a table full of women with signs on their faces and i chose the worst one
the fact is, you meet a person and then starts the process of unlayering who they are
some weird habit, skeleton, quirk, secret, weakness, or issue is bound to come out at some point
i am sorry but i can't see inside a person's brain
next time i come home from a bad date i don't want to hear anyone saying "you choose the wrong women" because all you're doing is blaming the victim
if i date a girl and i find out she is crazy then that's just what it is, i found out she was crazy.. i didn't just see "crazy" written on her face and choose to proceed
does anyone have anything to say about this topic?
i would like to understand why people keep telling me i choose the wrong women, because as it stands.. right now it makes no sense to me
i could see if i was meeting women in strip clubs, but i'm not so.... yeah
i got street fighter x tekken finally smh.. this game came out two years ago
the reason it took me so long to buy it is because of the whole "disc locked characters i know i have to pay an extra $20 for" and the whole "gem system" thing
today i just said screw it i want to play the game and bought it
i must say its really good so far
i installed it on the hard drive so the load times aren't bad at all
the graphics are great
the gameplay is fun.. everything seems a little faster than street fighter 4 to me
overall, like i said its my first day playing the game but i like it
i probably won't buy the disc locked characters.. the game already has a ton of characters and i primarily like using zangief
as for the gems and how they affect online.. i don' t know yet- i have only played one match online and i won against some noob.. i had 0bp and he had like 27bp lol.. so i think i beat him just based on my experience with street fighter 4
anyway.. i can see gems being lame online with auto-block and whatever, however its still a fun game and i might find someone to play with in real life with no gems.. that seems to be ideal.. i mean that's how they do in the tournaments
anyway.. yeah.. i got this game madd late but i really like it
if they never had the disc locked characters and gems then it would've sold double as many copies.. its a mechanically and visually great game so far.. i mean it really feels 'arcadey' ... so far the game is very fun and has a great atmosphere
check it out if you haven't already.. i got it from target for $20
which sort of brings me to another point
i am still gaming on ps3.. i know ps4 is out but i legit still like ps3.. it has a ton of games i didn't get to play yet.. and the prices are madd low right now so u can't go wrong
my nephews and niece came by today so the tv was on kid shows most of the day
a minute ago.. there was something on nickelodeon where a male kid was wearing a skirt and dancing around limp-wristed like a total faggot
like when it came on, i was looking at it thinking.. what is going on? but he just kept right on dancing around.. and he was like REALLY emphasizing that feminine wrist thing.. i grabbed the remote and turned it
come to think of it.. a few hours earlier i saw two guys on the disney channel wearing cheerleader outfits.. tv is so demonic these days.. i mean even the kids shows are trying to turn your male children gay and make your female kids think having a family and being a good wife/mom is just some stupid thing people did in the 50s
peeps.. keep your Bibles open..
they are trying to lead you and your family to dysfunction in life and hell upon death
my life is such a joke sometimes
a girl text me out of the blue and after a few words i text her back like hit me up if u have time to hang out this weekend
so i'm expecting an "i'm busy" or "ok cool" or "lets hang out tomorrow" or any sort of response, instead my mom text me, asking where i was
do you know how f*cking wack that is? to be expecting a text from a pretty girl, only to get a text from your mom?
the girl never text me back
why do girls do things like that.. SHE TEXT ME FIRST, so why when i say a simple thing like "let me know if u have time to chill" do i not receive a text back?
like i didn't even initiate the contact and i still get ignored somehow.. how is that even possible?
seriously this is the stuff that frustrates me about women.. and 10,000 frustrations becomes hatred.. i admit.. i love women but i also hate women, brah.. real talk
so anyway.. i've been apartment hunting a lot.. living here with my parents is just terrible.. i am trying hard but so far every place is occupied
i hate how i am here and i have the money to leave but i STILL can't leave
i will be doing something normal like making a sandwich and my dad is always right there.. its the weirdest thing.. its almost like he waits until i'm in the kitchen to eat or something
its like i don't want to talk to him his conversations are always one sided.. he's always talking about something he is thinking about.. its never like a normal exchange
he'll walk in a room and say something like "grafton almost got fired" and he will go on and on explaining what is happening and i won't even know who grafton is or anything.. it is just awful.. and what's even crazier is my dad doesn't work anymore- so its weird that he knows everything that goes on at his old job still smh
another thing that will happen is i will have to do something like make my lunch for work.. and so i will walk in the kitchen and then here he comes into the kitchen.. i think he's the type of person who always has to eat whenever he sees someone else with food? i don't know what it is but he is like ALWAYS there.. so i will be making my lunch wishing i could do it without annoyances but nope, my dad will go get some type of melon out and sit there and slurp it up right there in front of me
i HATE melons.. i hate watermelon.. i hate cantaloupe.. i just hate melons.. i hate the way they smell, i hate the taste.. i hate everything about them.. so i guess that's why he is always slurping them up in front of me, because i hate it and its just another aspect of my fun life
watching my dad slurp watermelon and make those disgusting noises for the entire time i'm trying to make my lunch is a real highlight of existence
another thing he will do is this.. on the rare occasion that i actually have a conversation with him.. right in the middle of it- he will go get a greek yogurt cup.. my dad is one of those people who just eats in a way that annoys you
he will get it out and destroy it while he's talking to you so u feel like you can't escape it.. you just sit there wishing he would've waited until the conversation was over before he peeled the top back
u just watch in horror as he scrapes the living shit out of that yogurt cup.. i mean he scrapes every last MOLECULE out of the yogurt cup and when he finishes he looks like he wants to get another one.. and you just sit there totally depleted of all your energy because you have just witnessed one of the most annoying things in existence
between the melons, the yogurt cups, the ear-shattering sneezes, the one sided conversations, and the lingering smell of hot dogs in the microwave
you find yourself ready to just sleep outside in a damn box
come on guys.. pray for me here i'm not kidding around
help a brotha out
if anyone is reading this.. put me on your prayer list
put "help James out" on your bucket list
ngga put me on any list just help me somehow.. i am trying my best but sometimes i just find myself empty
i want to talk about a pet-peeve i have with society today
people feel good about negative things
one day i got on the internet and looked up stds or something.. aids patients or something.. just to see what i'd find
and what i found was a lot of people on youtube who were saying things like
"stop feeling bad about aids"
"stop std shaming"
"i have hiv and i'm proud"
you also see this with gays and transvestites and even fat people
people are proud of things they should seek to change or things they should be ashamed of
why the f*ck would a person be fat and proud of that? .. i mean if you're thick i feel you.. but if you're over 300 pounds you don't need to be proud of that
why would a person be proud of not knowing if they are a man or a woman?
why would u be proud of having a damn std
our society is really screwed up in that sense.. i mean i am ashamed of certain things in my life.. what is wrong with shame? to me shame and guilt are good because they help you to re-evaluate yourself and your actions
they are like guideposts that remind you to get things in gear with God and with your personal situation
they are even doing this "don't shame me" crap with sluts and hoes now
people think its a good thing to be a whore now for some reason
u know.. we all are born in sin and we all have our issues.. but lets call a spade a spade people
if you are doing wrong, don't be proud of that.. don't sell crack then go to prison and say "i'm proud of my actions"
be real with yourself in 2014
i want to tell a story from the 90s about a time when i laughed SUPER hard
this was either 96 or 97
at the time, my sister used to run track, and one of her friends who ran liked hanging out with us for some reason
so one time she asked if she and her brother could stay with us for a week (this was during summer) and my parents said yes
so they came out and one thing we all kinda realized was that they must've liked hanging out with us because we were like more normal than them.. like they seemed like they had no freedom and we all felt like their dad was stingy
so at the time i had a sega saturn.. it was appropriate at the time.. but i soon learned that the girl's brother (i don't remember his name) only had a regular nintendo
i couldn't really understand how he only had a regular nintendo or why his dad was so stingy with them.. cuz at the time, the regular nintendo was two generations behind.. i mean if he said he had a sega genesis, i would've been like "ok that's old but at least you have that" .. no.. this kid had a regular nintendo and that thing originally came out in 1985 so i was just thinking.. why is this kid in the stoneage?
so then one day during that week we went to the video rental store and they had regular nintendo games you could buy.. like they were so old u couldn't even rent them, you could only buy them.. because they were getting rid of their old nintendo rentals
so he bought this action game of some sort and we went back to the car and he opened it in the car and when he opened the box it was a really stupid game like wheel of fortune or something
he was mad and i was CRACKING UP LAUGHING
my mom told him to go back in and get another one and they told him the sale was final so he came out and he was crying and when he explained he couldn't get a refund or another game i freaking LOST IT
i already thought the whole thing was funny but then i just went straight up INSANE WITH LAUGHTER
the kid told me to shutup but i just kept laughing, my stomach was hurting and everything.. i laughed so hard it was ridiculous
so to wrap it up, basically my mom went in and told them they better give him another game or give him his money back or she was going to basically ruin their whole day.. and after a while they finally gave him his money back
and all i know is i laughed at that ish all the way home and for weeks afterwards
it was just funny on so many different levels.. i mean you get screwed on your purchase as if buying a game from the 80s wasn't punishment enough
when you're that young, video games are like your social status and i just couldn't believe how low this kid was on the totem pole LOL
i wanted to post this interaction i had with a girl online
i don't know who this girl is, i just saw something she wrote on a dating site
i didn't try to talk to her or anything, i just responded to something she said
do you guys agree with her perspective, or do you agree with my perspective? i'm curious
if you can, leave a comment letting me know how you see this
i just think its interesting how we both see the question in completely different ways
girl: Don't ask "why are you single?" Geez...aren't you single as well? It implies there's something wrong with me, or with the state of singleness in general. I'm fine with where I am. Life happens.
now here's what i wrote to her:
i disagree with what u say about "why are you single" being an insult
its more like u are pretty and have a good profile so guys don't understand how you can be single.. it would be like if you met a guy who seems like a perfect guy who makes $300,000/yr and has 6 pack abs and is 6ft tall and goes to church but he is still single.. it just appears odd.. its not an insult.. its more of a compliment
if no guys asked you that, they probably already know why you are single, meaning the reason would be glaringly obvious.. too fat, too old, just not cute at all, loud obnoxious etc
i am not telling you you're wrong i'm just trying to help u understand its kindof a compliment when you hear that
its also not an assumption that there is something wrong with singleness in itself.. its actually an acknowledgement of the obvious fact that you are indeed on a dating site, so the assumption is merely that if you could change the fact that you are single- you would do so
there is no insult in that in my opinion.. its like I’m pretty sure everyone we know would like to make more money, but acknowledging such is not an insult of their current financial status
I hope you don’t take this as me being argumentative, I just wanted to speak on that so maybe you will see its kindof a compliment in a weird way
which viewpoint do you guys agree with?