the stuff i wrote in here yesterday about them calling me "quiet" at work was validated today
one girl who said i'm too quiet actually got reprimanded and taken out of our department.. she is now working in a different department.. why?
because of her loud mouth gossip
in other words.. am i too quiet? or did she talk TOO MUCH?
they actually had a meeting with our department telling us to stop gossiping and expressing how much we dislike certain people.. this particular girl wasn't in the meeting because she was the main culprit.. i'm pretty sure they sent her home for the weekend
all the trash talk and gossip is something i was not a part of
that girl is lucky she was merely placed in a different department instead of fired altogether
so yeah.. i just wanted to put that out there.. don't listen to the peer pressure out there where people try to tell you to be like them.. they tell you "you're too quiet" when in reality THEY'RE TOO LOUD and MOUTHY and DISRESPECTFUL and AGGRESSIVE
people tell me to talk more or join in more..
I DONT JOIN THE CROWD BECAUSE IM NOT A FOLLOWER
i'm not dissing these people, its just you can't say i'm too quiet because i'm not like you... IM ME
i don't go to work and cuss and tell crude jokes and laugh all loud and talk about people behind their backs
so yeah.. today proved as my silent checkmate
just want to talk randomly about my life
my sister is on anti depressants.. i don't like seeing her on them but i've given up talking about it because i feel like all she does is hear but she doesn't really LISTEN.. i guess she is going to stay on them until she feels like getting off.. i guess she feels shame about her life and decisions.. the bad part is she can't escape because she is a wife and mom.. since she can't escape physically i guess she has decided to escape mentally with the pills.. i feel like i'm talking to a diff person when i talk to her and that's what makes me hate it
anyway.. enough about that if anyone wants to know more about that just ask.. other than that i'm moving on
people at my job can be a little annoying with certain comments, like saying i'm quiet or whatever.. i don't understand that point of view.. one guy told me i should get out of my comfort zone.. this was the same guy who said he only dates white girls.. so what if i told him to come out of his comfort zone and date someone black? he probably wouldn't like that would he? did you ever think maybe my normal is a bit different than yours? and why the f*ck would i want to come out of my comfort zone? so i can be uncomfortable? i'm not going to get into a lot of random talking at work because it won't lead anywhere of value.. i hear the gossip, the sex talk, the "i'm gnna leave here and get drunk" talk, etc. etc. and some of it is funny but.. i prefer to be a mere bystander to most of it
living with my parents sucks lol.. however someone broke my side view mirror off my car the other day and my dad fixed it.. i don't know how much that would've cost but he hooked it up.. i was like wow.. it kinda made me think about my parents in a diff light.. it reminded me that even though they can be annoying they have my back
i have been working overtime so that i can get out of here.. and on top of that- luckily they gave us double time for working memorial day.. i appreciate all the people who don't diss me for living with my parents.. i know i look really bad but trust me i'm trying my best lol
i bought a bicycle this past weekend (o:
the other day i was thinking about the internet and my first experiences with it
my generation was the generation to receive the internet and grow with it
the internet was born in like 93.. it supposedly goes back way before that but honestly 93 is the main yr of its birth imo
94 was where people started talking about it
95 and 96 was the explosion of it
late 98 was like the first time i ever heard of like "burning" a cd.. i remember because some kid said he burned a korn cd meaning he copied it.. i was like "man you can't copy a cd!" he was like yeah you can, with a computer! lol
i think 98 was where "downloading" and "uploading" started to become common terminology also..
my dad got the internet pretty early.. we had this service called prodigy back in late 94 i believe
my first experience with the internet was my sister looking up "yo mama" jokes on prodigy back in 94
i remember i didn't understand how it was working, i didn't get how she was accessing things other people were saying from a computer, but my sister is like 2 and a half yrs older than me so to me she was like a wise sage or something lol.. when ur that young u kinda just watch older people and don't ask questions
but yeah that was my first experience with the internet.. i don't know how she knew how to access those yo mama jokes still to this day lol.. like who taught her how to find those i don't even know cuz the internet was way diff back then
anyway.. imo.. the best yo mama joke i think i ever heard was.. "yo mama's titties so big when she runs she gets black eyes" i remember some kid said that in 6th grade camp and i just thought that was so funny for so many reasons
for one it was like a compliment and a diss at the same time.. and also because just the fact that u are noticing and mentioning someone's mom's boobs by itself is hilarious.. and the fact that a positive thing is negative was just f*cking hilarious to me
as far as i was concerned, the guy who said that at camp was a f*cking american hero.. i mean when ur like 11 or 12, jokes like that are the best
anyway.. just a blast from the past
next entry: card catalogs at the library
i rarely talk in depth about my lyrics so i decided to talk a bit about some of my favorite lines i've written in songs
ok off the top of my head here are 3 lines that i think were really good
"i drop knowledge like a clumsy librarian" ...i always thought that was pretty ill
"time is finite, so there's no such thing as a minor minute" ...this should make a person stop and think a bit
"i know i'm blooming even though its late/ but there's a long intro for things that are great" ...this line helps people to feel better about their current situation, i literally remember playing that song for my sister and when she heard that line it was like a weight lifted off of her
is it just me or did marvin gaye have some really good pictures?
do artists today have pictures this good?
marvin's pictures didn't make him look like an interesting artist, they made him look like an interesting PERSON
on another note..
i LOVE THIS SUIT kendrick lamar wore (i also love the red suit he wore on the "swimming pools" video but i don't have a decent picture of that one)
the suit is like simultaneously traditional and new .. i am trying to find out who made it or whoever his stylist is
has anyone else noticed racism against black people in rap?
i don't think people really understand how negative black people can be towards other black people
this gay guy at my job said he didn't like rap because he's a "modern feminist" and "rap is disrespectful to women" .. this is what i said to him:
"i disagree.. rappers disrespect everyone, including themselves.. it all lies within the language they use"
he didn't even say anything back because he couldn't.. what's he going to say? we all know rappers say the n-word like 50 times per song
and when i think back to that discussion, i'd actually say rappers disrespect themselves and their race MORE than women and more than people of other races
when was the last time you heard a rap song about killing or beating up white people?
when was the last time you heard a rap song about killing or beating up women?
when was the last time you heard a rap song about killing or beating up "niggas" ?
yeah.. EVERY DAY
i am not a race based type of person but i still feel like some of this is worth a discussion
like let me give an example of what i'm talking about
i was just listening to mf doom's album called mm.. food.. and on the deep fried friends song the editing just seemed way off to me
i don't know who edited it but let me explain..
on the song he has a line where he says: "gone wild like a white bitch" .. and in that line, the word "white" is edited out
my problem with that is he says the n-word who knows how many times throughout the whole album
but he has one reference to girls gone wild and he edits out the word "white"
and get this.. on the exact same song he says "jealousy's the number one killer among black folk"
but he doesn't edit out the word "black"
so who is doing this editing?
i mean its like black people don't seem to understand they are only negative toward other black people.. anytime they want to say something negative its like they have to preface it by pointing out its toward a black person
"IM GNNA SHOOT A NIGGA!" <---(nothing is edited)
"IM GNNA SHOOT A COP!" <---(cop would be edited)
"F*CK YOU BROKE NGGAS" <---(nothing would be edited)
"F*CK YOU WHITE DONALD STERLING MOTHER F*CKERS" <----(white would be edited..... AND POSSIBLY DONALD STERLING TOO smh)
here's what i'm saying.. if you make music, do one of these things
A. respect all people
B. disrespect all people
stop with this thing where you only disrespect yourself like you're just on some uncle ruckus type ish
black people wake up please.. stop disrespecting yourselves all the time!!
and i'm not even a racial type person at all but this is just not right
stop trying to say black is bad and white is right, black is ratchet and white is good.. or whatever.. come on man.. respect yourself or at least be equal about the things you say
btw.. this is also why i don't like charlamagne.. he always mocks black people and praises white people with his "nubian white queen" stuff and telling justin bieber to "stay away from those niggas" ..and mocking black people during black history month as if we didn't overcome 400 years of slavery, oppression, rape, torture, lynchings, and whatever other crap
its just not funny at all its disrespectful... its like a black person could be the nicest and quietest person in the room but people will still associate them with finger snappin neck rolling ratchet behavior because of what is portrayed in media and music
BLACK PEOPLE... STOP DISRESPECTING YOURSELVES!!
i started talking to a girl named ciarra not too long ago
one weird thing that happened was i thought her name was cynthia for like two weeks
i think its because i met another girl named cynthia and i must've got them mixed up in my head
so one day (again this is like 2 weeks into me talking to her) i text her and said "hey cynthia hows ur day"
she said "you know my name is ciarra right"
i was like WOW
i told her i was just out of it that day
luckily she didn't hold it against me but i was thinking.. that must be rare.. for you to get someone's name wrong after like 2 weeks of talking
when i explained this to some people at work this gay guy was like "see i would've just stopped talking to you after that"
when he said that i kinda took it personally because i was thinking oh crap what if she DOES stop talking to me?
but she didn't
but if she did, i'd say hey its her loss because you have to leave some room for people to make mistakes, leave room for people to have bad breath once in a while or leave room for people to put their foot in their mouth
u can't just axe every relationship right at the start for a screw up
anyway just wanted to put that out there cuz i thought it was odd to literally think someone's name is cynthia when its ciarra for like 2 weeks
i almost never use a person's name outloud cuz i call girls "babe" more than anything else.. so that's how it happened i guess
i woke up to so much noise its crazy
my mom was on the phone and it sounded like she was yelling at whoever she was speaking to: "THE CONCERT WAS REALLY FUN!"
now my dad is playing some really loud music not ever even considering the fact that i am in my bedroom sleep or trying to sleep
i told myself i would see about doing overtime at my job since i hate living here so much.. if i'm only at home to sleep then it won't be as bad
but its still bad because they don't turn on the air-conditioner
like i find myself in here naked with the fan on and i'm still hot
i always look at the weather trying to see if i open the window will it cool off in my room, but most of the time at this time of year, opening the window will make your situation worse with humidity
i just wake up some days and i can't believe my life
sometimes i hate people because i think about how they tell you to go to school and stuff but honestly sometimes it seems like u don't get anything from it
seems like there's a job in a call center for every "educated" person out there.. and someone who didn't even go to school will be your boss
its like i'm hitting a mid-life crisis where i look around and i see what i've always wanted to be and i see what i got instead and its bullcrap
why did i go to school, why didn't i just sacrifice everything to rap.. and what can i salvage from that dream?
anyway.. back to what i was saying.. i hate living here
one thing i hate about american society is how men are treated
i believe in the patrilineal inheritance.. which is basically saying male children should receive an inheritance (a home, a lot of money, a position.. SOMETHING) once they become of age or once they accomplish something of significance
this is something you see in the bible a lot.. i think it is something that is proper and helps gender roles to fit together a lot better.. women can lean on men, and men can enjoy the satisfaction of being a blessing.. i like the idea and i think it is sad that people don't do this anymore
men are the heads and leaders of their families yet these days it seems like no one helps a man be a man.. its like you're just expected to "have" and "be" without any sort of assistance at all
women want you to be strong, they want you to provide and build a foundation, but you graduate college and you not only don't have money, but you actually owe thousands of dollars
no wonder there is so much divorce and domestic abuse
men are not "men" ... men feel powerless in every aspect of life
women want to be loved and men want to be respected, but if men have absolutely nothing to show for themselves, they can't feed a family or even a dog, how is he supposed to feel?
men are like caged lions these days.. a lot of us just don't feel like we are where we should be.. we are just existing in the confines of debts and taking what we can get, and feeling like we have nothing to really offer
its like you have all this potential but no real way to express it.. its like everything is backwards or something
men should be propped up so that we can prop up our wives and children
as men, that is what we do, we use our resources to lay out stable foundations for those we provide for
we need to reinstitute the idea of the patrilineal inheritance so that we as men can keep our children fed and our wives happy
we end up getting wives and we can't be what they need us to be
we have children and we feel shame because we can't bless them (outwardly) the way they bless us (inwardly)
men need support.. we are strong and we have potential and drive but again.. what good is a caged lion?
we need to be properly nourished and placed in an environment/position so that we can reach our full potential
i was listening to papoose recently and on this song called "likewise" he said:
"a man comes out of jail and you give him some dollas/
but won't give a man nothin when he comes out of college/"
sad but true
we need to reinstate the patrilineal inheritance, we need to provide assets and opportunities to our young men because the truth is, a man will use his resources to bless a woman.. its not men who 'have' who are generally a problem, ITS THE MEN WHO DONT HAVE.... they end up beating their wives trying to prove that they are not as powerless as they feel
we need to break this cycle
and we can if we can respect our young men and help them get a footing in this world