lately i feel so alienated
i feel like people don't understand me a lot if u have been coming to this site for a while then you already know that about me i feel like people don't really like ever listen to me.. i end up questioning my own sanity a lot because the things i say make sense in my head but whenever i say things outloud people generally speak against it i remember i had someone in my life who listened to me once but i messed that up i don't think i am arrogant or anything i just come up with a lot of ideas and scenarios and examples and generalizations.. i have a lot of opinions and perspectives it is stifling to have this type of brain and not have anyone ever understand it or accept it or tolerate it that is one reason i gravitate to the website and to music.. because i can explain something and someone will actually listen as opposed to tell me how stupid my opinion is before i even finish it i have started really going off on people who don't hear me out.. its just something i have noticed i do because i feel i have been "shut-down" for years and years by pretty much everyone.. not EVERYONE, but like, a lot of people i find myself really going in on people for cutting me off and telling me my opinions are of no value.. and its not them, its just this problem has followed me for such a long time i have developed a stronger backbone.. actually i would say it has gone beyond a backbone and become a bite.. people hit me with the rhetoric and i bite back.. HARD i feel like as a man i am a born leader and a born minister as i am supposed to be the spiritual leader of my family whenever or if ever i get one.. i have to have morals and i have to know why i have those morals, i have to be able to see what's ahead and i have to be able to know how to respond to various things/happenings so yes, i have opinions, yes i have advice, yes i have theories and concepts in my head that's just what i am.. does it make me crazy? at times yes but i need people in my life who can feel me or at least try to feel me look if i'm wrong, i'm wrong and i really hope God shows me the truth but i see each and every little thing.. every time i say something and someone rolls their eyes or sucks their teeth or calls me judgmental or says i'm "in my feelings" or i'm crazy or i am narrow minded, or whatever.. i see every little thing ...and it really wears me out sometimes like legit i feel so empty sometimes cuz i know no one either A. feels me or B. is willing to feel me sorry- my perspective is always a little outside the box.. but if i was like everyone else i wouldn't be me now would i so i hope one day i can at least find one woman who appreciates me for who i am until then.. u peeps know where to find my brand of psychosis poolboyjames.weebly.com
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the new retro Archives
December 2014
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