i did 2 songs yesterday and finished the project
whenever he posts it online i'll give u guys a link or whatever in honor of the new project i'll post one of my favorite lyrics i did on it: piece by piece prepare a proclamation solidify that, and the walk is patience and the walk of patience is a walk of works but i know humble beginnings are not a curse so i take the first step on the way to success and find rest in the stage of the stress its pretty deep and also rooted in bible knowledge anyway, i am hoping to be able to start my own material now i want my material to be really crazy this time around i normally just rap but this time i'm hoping to do a lot of extra editing and stuff to make it more musical, descriptive, and colorful another thing i want to do this time around is a chorus on every song oh also.. one thing i will be doing is using the voicemails i've acquired .. i've been recording the voicemails i get for a while now so expect to hear those in the songs.. the voicemail thing is something i'm really excited about ! the thing i think i specialize in normally is like.. alterna-pop style with unexpected depth so that is probably what i'll go for anyway hollaz
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i recently watched the pearl jam documentary called pj20 its basically about 20 yrs of pearl jam ok i peeped this out because i like seeing music documentaries but i'd say this was one of my least favorite ones ever what i liked about it was the coverage of how their band started and pretty much all the footage and coverage of them from 91-94 i didn't realize they were basically the 2nd biggest grunge band behind nirvana.. i guess i never saw them as grunge but looking back i can see how they fit that.. they r from seattle, they were 'alternative'.. they wore the "laid back college kid" clothing as opposed the hair bands that preceded them, etc. what i didn't like about the documentary was just.. basically the band itself the first thing that irked me a bit was the fact that they had it out with ticketmaster.. they said ticketmaster basically has a monopoly and they charge too much for tickets i agree and everything but part of me just feels like.. 'why don't you just take a pay cut?' if you feel so strongly then put the burden on yourself as opposed to ticketmaster.. like u want to act like ur "fighting for the fans" but really are you? it just comes off as phony to me.. i could be seeing it wrong but that was kinda the first strike then after this they had a segment where the band stood up for pro-choice.. which.. u know.. i'll put it like this: i'm sitting here looking at them and thinking.. NO ONE ABORTED YOU.. like how is that fair to babies?
and the other problem is .. how is that fair to men? its called "A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE" .. meaning if she wants to kill your baby you two are having together then tough luck.. (this actually happened to a guy i know btw) or how about if a man doesn't pay child support he is a "deadbeat" but a woman kills her child and people support her.. that is a slap in the face to all men ^moving on. ok.. the 3rd strike for me was they showed a clip where eddie vedder got an award for best album or something and when he got on stage he said something like "this doesn't mean anything" oh really.. it doesn't mean anything? well why the FCK did you fly a plane to be at the award show? why were you sitting in the audience? if its meaningless then why aren't you out playing a show right now? better yet why aren't you at home with your family? because you are a phony pompous ass.. like he just shat on every person who actually wanted to win an award that night he even shat on his former self, because there was a time when he would've loved to have some kind of recognition for his work! that just pissed me off because they try to be so "cool" or "hip" and "with it" but they really are just faking it.. you say the award means nothing yet you're on stage accepting it you're just being a fake jackass.. just be honest- you love the fame, the perks, the money, the recognition.. don't stand in front of everyone and bite each and every hand that feeds you.. have some tact and show some appreciation so all in all.. i couldn't even finish this documentary in its entirety i will say.. 91-94 they actually seem kinda cool in the context of the musical landscape and their contributions.. but other than that.. meh oh yeah.. and they are in the occult.. they don't mention it (typical) but their imagery and lyrics and certain videos show that they have ties to the occult or masonry or some bullsh*t organization.. i'm not a fan hey what's up.. only watch this if u are interested to know why i'm doing the collaboration album project, and if u want to know what's coming next after it i was kinda trying not to be too loud so u may have to turn this up btw.. before i go.. one of the main things i dislike about his style is its very like "plain donut hip hop" ..very 70's sample based and "smooth" those r fine for him but i would say i am more of an alternative type of guy.. i normally want a beat that is weird, or a beat that sounds like its from japan, or a beat with rock guitars on it.. so in case u were wondering... that's really the main thing that makes me not particularly like the music on the project.. but its still a really fun experience ! newer song for the project.. i just finished this one
we have about 10 songs at this point again.. i'm not doing the beats so if u ain't feelin them don't blame me lol.. and i'll let him title it.. so right now its unnamed so i finally watched the tribe called quest documentary this documentary is about a tribe called quest and why they broke up, what each of their contributions were, some of the behind the scenes, etc. this was a good documentary, i'd recommend it.. u can torrent it fairly easily in the documentary it was easy to see that phife and q-tip had were at odds quite a bit over the years my opinion is that q-tip is the one who is mostly right phife is a real dude but q-tip is very ummm... from my perspective, he is the one with the vision.. so yes they have the same roles in the group however with q-tip being the visionary, its still like he's an employer and phife is an employee what i mean is, q-tip "drives the ship" in a lot of ways and phife just shows up and writes rhymes.. so because of this.. sometimes q-tip has to tell phife what to do or act as a sort of "boss" even tho technically there is no "boss" i think this dynamic is what causes problems this is my interpretation of their ongoing friction its kinda like when u have a roommate and u want to keep the place clean u might have to tell them to vaccuum or wash their dishes and they may resent u for it because "its their house too" .. but at the end of the day all ur trying to do is keep the place presentable q-tip tries to keep everything on point in the group but phife is like a messy roommate at times i could be calling it wrong but that's my view anyway peep it out if u want to see a pretty good music documentary its not my favorite i've ever seen but its really good and well-made.. especially if ur a tribe fan (btw maybe one day in the future i'll do my top 5 or top 10 music documentaries so u guys can see what they are) i had a conversation recently at work about music with a guy and he knew about team sleep and the deftones.. we talked about some of the different albums
he seemed to feel like the jury was still out on their latest release but i told him i thought it was a good record in the same vein as saturday night wrist.. we both agreed that the white pony was their best album and we also both agreed that their self-titled was like a glitch in the system or sort of like a black sheep in their catalog, especially considering that it came right after the white pony anyway, i brought that up just to say it felt REALLY good to have a conversation about real music with someone else who knows real music and is knowledgable about it when i say real music i mean like.. music with substance, skill, talent, personal touch, emotion (not just extroverted drunken revelry and lust) it seriously felt good to have that meeting of the minds for a while there, because i run into a lot of people who really only know music on a surface level ++++++ a while ago, some girl was telling me about how much she likes kirk franklin's song 'smile' i was kinda disgusted by that comment even tho i try to let people have their opinions i was like irritated and i told her the song is not even real gospel.. she's like well what is it? i'm like its just a superficial song thats like the audio equivalent of putting a band-aid on a bullet wound this is the same girl who fornicates every night.. i only know this because she came in to work extremely happy one day talking about "my aids/std test came back negative!!!!" wow.. awsum. smh i don't care what she does but u should be able to see what i'm getting at kirk franklin why aren't u singing and telling people to repent? why are you telling people to smile in their problems as opposed to telling them God can provide? ..why don't you talk about how our God is a very present help in a time of need? why are you making these songs that really don't mean anything and don't even SOUND good audibly? (you can't tell me you actually like that song on a purely audio level) but whatever ++++++ i did 83 blogs in january.. where's my trophy? seriously some kind of appreciation would be nice.. oh well, some jobs are thankless? is my website a worthless endeavor? meh.. *keeps hope alive* *keeps comments open* *keeps donation button active* ++++++ i want to start watching cheaters again.. i seriously haven't watched it for like a year! ++++++ physiognomy is an interesting science ++++++ i really like my new layout! what do u think!? ++++++ charles hamilton put out a nice beat tape recently.. i might use some of the beats to rap on rap is so fun!!! ++++++ my life lately has been bonkers.. i don't want to "complain" so i have been just keeping it all to myself whenever i "complain" its really just to let people know they are not the only ones out there w/ issues i saw a blog earlier today made by a chick named shannon here's what she wrote on her front page Born and raised in Orlando. Married a soldier in 2009, Divorced in 2011. Lost a baby in between. Had my heart broken by my best friend after that. My life has been a roller coaster of sacrifice, job loss, deployment, PTSD, miscarriage, infertility, divorce, confusion, celebration, and everything in between. This blog has documented my journey from newlywed trying to conceive, struggling to keep a volatile marriage together, ultimate separation and divorce, and subsequent attempt at picking up the pieces. don't u feel that its extremely honest and unpretentious? that is how my "complaining" is meant to be taken.. its not a woe is me, its just something for people to relate to.. however i am not sure if people get that or not .. so i keep my ish to myself lately ++++++ i saw a show on tv today and a lady said when she was in her 20s and 30s she was about "fun" and "sex" in dating but it got her nowhere and now that she is in her 40s she seeks "respect" and "love" no one seems up for giving her those things ok.. look this woman has it backwards when you are in your years of beauty and youth u seek out a good man because that's when u can lock him down u don't waste those years because that is the time when u are most desirable if u try to "settle down" at 40 then u really have no more 'leverage' (beauty and youth = bargaining power) and you may not even be able to have kids at that point i am not sure why this woman was so misinformed DO NOT WASTE YOUR BEAUTY AND YOUTH ON SOME JERK-OFF OF A MAN.. get a man who values u.. not someone who just wants to bang you.. save yourself a lot of headaches ++++++ the playstation 3 is in a great place right now it is the only system this generation that has gotten better with time i'm really happy with some of these cool games they are releasing lately and the prices are really good right now as well ++++++ one thing that pisses me off is when people say a relationship won't work because "the sex is bad" u shouldn't put the cart before the horse u shouldn't even know how the sex is to begin with! u get to know the person first u ass-clown! sex does not dictate the relationship, the relationship dictates the sex! if u are not married i do not think u should be goen hard in the paint if u kno wat i mean stop kicking people to the curb for stupid reasons! stop allowing sex to make your decisions for u if someone is willing to stay with u without having sex then u know they really care about u.. if u just lay down and spread em' then that person may just be taking whats offered ++++++ just a quick thing to think about if something wrong and unexpected happened in front of u would u be able to react fast enough to defuse the situation? one day when i worked selling tvs, a co-worker came in and he was in a really weird state of mind.. he was a bit scattered and it seemed like he was thinking a lot.. it turns out that on his way to work he saw a man beating a woman in the street really bad he didn't do anything to stop the beating and actually drove off even after coming to a complete stop.. he kept saying "i should've done something, i should've done something" so ask yourself.. if something pops off and the time is limited, what will u do? i hope u do something that is honorable so that u can have a clear conscience when its all said and done would u believe, i had a friend named jennifer who told me she was raped at a party? its not the rape that was crazy its the fact that it was during the party.. out in the open.. meaning some people were watching it happen and none of them did anything she said when she got to school later some of them asked her if she was ok and she really cursed them out to a point where i doubt if they ever tried speaking to her again i hope nothing crucial happens to any of us, but if something crazy happens.. try to make the right decision and make it fast stick up for people and don't let them get abused in front of u if they get abused when ur not around then u obviously can't help.. but if u find yourself seeing injustice, u have to think.. "maybe God put me here to stop this" that thought should alleviate all doubt, because if God is on your side then u are ready for battle.. so take that thought and stand for something, u know what i'm saying? just some food for thought, because u never know when u may be able to save a person from something terrible ++++++ i have noticed many people have a misconception about me or people who are selective about the people they are around like i might say i don't want to be around someone who does drugs, or i might say i don't want to be around a person who parties all the time, or i might say a person lies too much, or i might say a person is some kind of sexual pervert i get really tired of how people tell me i think i'm holier than they are that is not the case, i have my own issues and temptations and things i deal with.. so why should i be around people with more issues? i tried to explain this to a girl once.. she was telling me she parties a lot and has sex with any guy and i'm like well that's not how i want to live so we should go our separate ways.. then she gives me that whole "oh u think ur better than me" speech i told her no, i never said that.. the real deal is that i already have issues and i need someone who wants to actually be accountable to God with me.. i need someone who can help sharpen me since the Bible says "iron sharpens iron" so if i get weak one day and want to give up or do something negative then u will help keep me in line if you are fellow 'iron' but if u just don't care (which she didn't) then u won't be helping me do things God's way.. u won't be encouraging me to go to church or encouraging me to read my Bible.. u'll be telling me to smoke weed with you or whatever it is u like to do why don't people understand this? they always want to tell me i'm wrong for having discretion .. or they may call me a "prude" but i don't even see how that got a negative connotation because the word prudent means 'acting with wisdom and foresight' people are so ridiculous sometimes ++++++ so.. the other night i watched a documentary on columbine after watching it i found myself feeling.. hmm.. feeling like something was missing i believe there is some sort of cover-up going on.. i can't exactly put my finger on it but there are certain 'connections' that are too important to be overlooked and certain 'disconnects' where there should be linear information an example of the connections i'm talking about are, like how did they hide and stash all these guns and bombs? what did their parents do for a living? how did they have access to such sophisticated weapons and bombs? (harris's dad was in the airforce) some of the disconnects are.. ok.. like they talked about how they played violent video games and listened to rock music.. but why was there no mention of the literature they read? who were their real heroes? those guys completed a mission.. well whose mission did they accomplish? i got a feeling like they felt they were doing something that was bigger than themselves.. the fact that this 'thing' was not named or detailed at all is suspect to me.. it sounds like a cover up to give an example, its like how someone may rape a child and be put in jail.. but no one looks at the fact that that person was in an actual organization full of pedophiles they act like things are isolated incidents when they are actually a small offshoot of a major crime ring something about this tells me its more than just two troubled teens.. but.. not going to spend much time talking about this.. i just want to let it be known that i think there is something more to columbine after watching the documentary.. overall i just came away with more questions than answers when ur a Christian, people sometimes want to call u narrow minded because u don't agree with them
even tho they are deceived, i still see that whole argument they make as somewhat of a compliment considering that the Bible says the way to heaven is narrow and the way to hell is wide being "narrow minded" sounds to me like i'm on the right path ok so here's my take on all these deaths
andrew in december, jason in february, and ben in april having all of these happen so close together makes me think my problems are a lot smaller than what i make them out to be 2 of these people had addictions they couldn't break.. being addicted to something and not being able to put it down is bad enough but then i think about what led them to addiction.. did they have a low self esteem? did they feel worthless inside? did they feel numb to life? these are all real issues u know what i mean? then there was a suicide, and this is a guy who had money so that makes me wonder what was going on in his head.. what did he value that he wasn't getting? then i think about all of their families.. the person who sticks out to me the most is jason's mom.. she was a very cool person and they had a great chemistry so i think she is probably devastated.. i mean she was so goofy and silly but a blow like this probably removes that entire side of her and i think that is very sad so here's what i want to say to readers (because this ish needs to stop) if u are reading this and u do drugs, please pray to Jesus for the strength to quit Jesus is real and more powerful and helpful than anything else you could possibly turn to if you want to kill yourself, (again) pray about it.. but also please call me or contact me and let me know how i can help or something.. please do not kill yourself.. i will help u if you need it, this is a situation where i'd say "please help me to help you" ..in other words.. let me know the situation and i can try to help out or at least pray for u even if u are just lonely and want me to visit, just call me or whatever I DO NOT WANT ANY OF MY FRIENDS TO KILL THEMSELVES.. if ur reading this then u are a friend soo... that's it (if u read this, you may want to read part 1 first) so believe it or not, right after josh c. told me about ben dying.. he then said.. did u hear about jason hill ? i'm like no... he said: "he killed himself a few months ago" that's both ben and jason both gone this year alone and we are not even at the 6 month mark in 2012 yet ok.. jason was in the clique too.. jason however was also kinda in his own world because he always had a lot of money and he didn't care about school, he always worked and had money and didn't do school like the rest of us.. even up to where he died he still had more money than most people.. had a house on the lake, a really nice car, good job etc. ok as for my relationship with jason.. i was a lot closer to him than i was with andrew and ben i loved jason he was such a cool person.. our relationship was always kinda special in a weird way to me because the way we met was like.. not good at all.. he was one of those kids who liked to make racist jokes about me and so he and i were enemies for a good while then one day andrew was asking me about a videogame i got called parappa the rapper, then he asked jason if he had played it because jason (always having money) had played like every game.. i was thinking 'oh crap here we go.. just what i need.. jason to get in on this conversation and make it racist somehow' well for some reason he decided not to be an ass this time and we kinda talked about the game a bit.. the next thing i knew i was at jason's house chilling with him watching south park and playing his video games and listening to some no limit albums he had lol this was always very weird to me because it was like we were enemies then literally right after that he was one of my best friends.. he also kinda helped me to see tho that a lot of racist people are not actually assholes, a lot of them are just ignorant.. not understanding that there is REAL history there jason showed me a lot of things when i hung out with him.. the first time tho.. it was like- "i can't believe i'm at my enemy's house casually meeting his mom and ish" ..but we clicked very fast.. we had a good chemistry as friends so it just worked so from there we were good friends and we never had any problems.. i went to his house, he came to mine.. it was good times.. i loved his humor and i admired his life .. whenever i saw him he made me laugh.. i remember one day we all had our report cards and jason was like yo check mine out i think i'm on the honor roll! and every class had D's and F's LOL (btw in michigan you got E's instead of F's but u get the idea) fast forward later he added me on facebook.. like i think 2010 or so.. at first i didn't recognize him because he wasn't fat anymore and he actually got buff.. but it was him and we talked off and on on fb.. but like i said i deleted my account in late 2011 i remember he was having some baby mama troubles.. and he would say things like "the whole family used to be together but now its all over" because his wife left him come to think of it.. she probably used him because he always had money and stability.. but his staus updates a lot of times were about how his wife was taking him to the cleaners financially, or not letting him see his kids.. or whatever he sounded really sad and i'd sometimes say i understand, and say i know women can be crazy and mean.. but now that i know he killed himself, i don't think i knew the extent of the pain she caused him looking back.. this is what it sounded like on his facebook #1. he was still deeply in love with his ex-wife slash mother of his two sons #2. she was taking a lot of his money #3. he didn't get to see his kids half as much as he wanted #4. she was sending him mixed messages #5. he loved having all of his family in one house which was no longer the case i am actually thinking about maybe getting back on facebook at least for a while to try and keep in touch because people keep dying and i don't even know about it when it happens! anyway.. jason here's what i want to say to u u were a great friend.. dude.. so funny and so generous and nice and down to earth.. i don't hold anything against u from before we became friends.. all that animosity disappeared so quickly it was amazing.. u were a very original dude.. no one else was like u man thanks for showing me so many aspects of your life i will pray for your mom because i remember she was chubby and goofy just like you and i loved seeing you two have conversations i wasn't on facebook man, but i wish somehow i could've been there for u.. u really meant a lot to me.. i'm not just sayin that, i have good memories of u i will pray for your kids too.. i don't know what to say about your ex-wife man.. sounds like she really screwed with your head and you didn't deserve that because you loved her and tried your best.. not only that but u gave her two kids and provided for everyone and even took your kids to different events and functions and places just to be a fun dad she didn't appreciate u and u deserved better, i wish someone would have told u how much u meant to the world man seriously.. i really wish i could've been there for u and stopped u from going through with it i'm still in shock bro.. anyway.. these^ are my words for u sooo.. tonight i texted my friend from michigan josh c.
i asked him if he went to andrew's funeral back in december.. he said he did (i talked about andrew a few months back in a blog.. he died of an overdose) then he asked me if i heard about ben ben was andrew's best friend for the whole time i was around them.. so basically for years i was like what happened to ben? he said ben died of an overdose too! i haven't been on facebook since 2011 so i had no idea.. wow man! what is this about!!!! ben was a cool guy.. so let me say a few words about him ben was a very like, weird type of dude but he seemed comfortable in his weirdness to me.. i can't say if he actually was comfortable or not but he seemed that way.. he was always really nice and positive i literally never saw him say or do anything mean ever.. and that is not something i can say about many people i even remember once andrew told me about how ben's granddad hated black people.. ben never came at me with any of that type of stuff.. he never let his granddad's racism rub off on him even at an early age he was always nice like GENUINELY nice i remember one day we were in gym class outside at the baseball diamond and i was walking somewhere and ben walked up in front of me and he stopped and he said "so we meet again, smedley" LOL like some kind of villain to superhero meeting.. i just remember we busted out laughing i also remember when i moved to tennessee, one day i went back to michigan after about a year of being gone and he really seemed happy to see me, he was really nice and he was telling me he was into gangstarr which later became one of my favorite rap acts i am in shock.. since i'm not on facebook i had no idea about this.. sorry u were unable to kick your habit man even though we never hung out together much, u were still in the clique and so we will always have that 'bond' u will be missed |
pooL boi
we dewen it Archives
December 2012
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