i have SOOO many entries i need to write lol.. i just haven't been in the mood
anyway.. one thing i want to talk about real quick is the new year
someone asked me what my new year resolution is..
i told them my main thing is i basically want to try to be more positive, i don't want to lump things in categories as much as i usually do.. i kinda want to focus in more on myself and my experiences on a personal level
i want to try to be more positive- i kinda wonder if it will just feel hollow or if it will feel like i'm making a substantial shift in my thinking.. who knows.. i just want to see if i can try to be less angry.. i really am disgruntled and ornery in some ways.. if not then hey it is what it is
in 2016 i also want to do whatever i need to do to attract women- which i think is really out of my hands but i still feel like it makes sense to do what i can.. its like going in a job interview, to an extent its out of your hands but you still put your best foot forward
i feel like i have to try and build on my life.. i worked for a long time to get my life to a place of functionality, now i need to work to try and build greater things on top of the foundation.. these greater things happen to be the same things that i think will likely attract affection from the opposite sex
i sometimes wonder what exactly it would take to get a woman's respect. my goal is to follow the hunch.. i always say imperfect action is better than no action.. when it comes to getting a woman's respect, i feel these days it is HARD.. women in general (its not next year yet) are madd disrespectful in their attitudes and mindsets and in the songs they listen to so getting a woman's respect is just freaking difficult to begin with
but that is what i want.. i want a woman to respect me for once and not look down on me or view me like i am some sort of weirdo
knowing i want this will likely lead me to appeal to the more superficial aspects of humanity, but so be it.. i mean, i didn't create the world i just live in it
i sometimes think about the reactions men get when they tell women they live with their parents
then i think about the reactions men get when women find out they are highly successful.. and i want a woman to view me that way.. not so much to feed my ego, but so i can get a freaking woman to maybe like me, respect me, treat me good, and stay with me for once
i was online the other day and i saw some text messages between drake and some woman who is apparently a former stripper.. her name is jhonni blaze.. and when i was reading the texts, i saw how she was basically begging him to spend time with her.. i was just reading it and really saying to myself "i never experience that"
i told u guys on my last song "women like me as much as a creepy gynecologist"
do u think i just said that to be funny?
why wouldn't meagan go out with me? she said her last boyfriend was a trucker.. like what made him worthwhile but not me?
why didn't ciarra treat me like i mattered?
why didn't alicia show me any kind of interest?
why did jennifer rip me a new one?
u see there are men who are female-repellant, such as myself.. and there are men who women can't resist like drake
the men who women like will have their pick
the men who women do not like will be dissed by everyone and they will be left to make angry songs filled with bitter sentiments and sarcasm
the only girl who treated me good this year was melanie
she treated me the way i feel women should treat men.. if i said something flirty she would giggle, she never sat and looked at me with a deadpan stare
if i told her she looked nice she would say thank you and we could have a conversation.. she wouldn't say "i know" and walk off
if i got close to her she would say what's up, she wouldn't say "ngga why are you in my space?"
she would come up to me and give me hugs everyday and treat me like i'm a decent person
she didn't bash me when i told her things about myself that were outside of the norm
i just need to find these things in someone who isn't a lesbo lol
it just seems so rare to find a woman who flirts the way a woman should.. most women are stoic and they act like men.. and sometimes i don't know if its because they hate me or because they really act that way
2016 i'm on a mission.. not to find a woman, but to you know- be the best me possible, be more positive, etc and maybe a woman will inadvertently join the team