this girl at my job had some girl's facebook page pulled up on her phone and was asking this guy if he thought the girl was pretty
i walked over and i was like "let me see her" so she showed me and while i was looking at the girl on her phone.. the guy was like "who is that anyway?" and she was like "that's my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend" so then i was like "you look better than her" and i handed the phone back i wasn't trying to play into her thing, i was just being honest.. which was why i didn't give her the hi-five she invited me to so then the next day she walked up to me at my desk and started talking to me.. this never happens which was why i noticed it and after we talked a little she walked over to some girl i talk to a lot and was like "why don't you help james find a girlfriend?.. we need to find james a girlfriend" its like i became visible or something.. but i'm not sure why she was so insecure in the first place.. i mean.. her guy must have put her in her place or something because to even be comparing yourself to someone's ex in the first place seems almost desperate i thought deeper about it and i thought about a lot of things i know about her 1. she wants to have a baby 2. she lives with her boyfriend 3. he hasn't/won't propose 4. she has a background in the church when you put all these together- it appears to me that although she is in a relationship, she likely feels insecure about it.. she is probably thinking "i want a baby but not without a ring" "i don't know how to get him to propose" "what we are doing is not what i was raised to do" "i'm getting older" (she's 27) do you guys think i am accurate in my assumption that these are likely the reasons why she is meddling so hard? i know its not really an important subject but i feel like each time i think through something concerning women i gain a little more understanding in this case- what i feel i am learning is: why/how a pretty woman can still be insecure +++++++++++++++ i want to talk about two more quick things with women ok here's the first one i don't want to go on anymore dates with women only to find out later that they smoke cigarettes i feel like that should be something you say at some point within the first or (at the latest) second conversation ok we all have faults or flaws or whatever but if you smoke then you need to be upfront not only do i dislike the smell and the health effects, but smoking also says something about your personality.. it says "i can't cope" it also says "i lack self control" and those are not disses, its just my honest opinion ++++++++++++++++ last thing: women need to sometimes think about the things they want in a man recently i had a conversation with a girl and it was odd to me i was talking to her about seattle and i said "i love everything about the city except for the gay pride stuff they have every year" then she went into that whole dogmatic thing people do these days, the whole: "are you homophobic?" thing this was dumb on multiple levels 1. she said she was a Christian, so if she is a Christian then she should just agree that both "gay" AND "pride" are both negative things in the eyes of God 2. she had just got done (not long prior to that conversation) telling me about how she can't stand 'down low brothers' so on one hand you say you can't stand down low brothers meaning guys who are gay or guys who even think about being gay on the low.. but at the same time you want to question me about my stance on not liking gay pride and transvestites and gender confusion and all that PICK A SIDE do you want a real man? or do you want a politically correct guy who agrees with whatever society says is good? like make up your mind i responded to her "i guess if you want to call me homophobic you can.. but i am not afraid of homosexuals, i'm just not into homosexuality or perversion.. that is not something i agree with" she didn't really say anything back so i think she got the picture you women need to understand you're not going to have it both ways with men if you meet a guy who is like "yeah i love the gay pride parades but i'm not gay" guess what? THAT GUY IS F*CKING GAY
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today is February 27th.
i was thinking about this month and i realized this month was kinda bad don't get me wrong, it could've been worse but like.. things weren't really poppin for me this month here is a recap: the girl i like avoided me on her birthday and on valentine's day.. and even seemed to insinuate that we are not dating.. she said something about not wanting to date and i responded like "well we're dating right?" and she was like "i don't know" my mom fell off the monkey bars at my apartment.. it was terrible i don't even really want to talk about it.. it was just a situation where like.. someone you care about gets physically hurt.. and it sounds funny but it just wasn't at all (again, don't really want to talk about it) i stopped going to the gym.. i just sort of lost motivation.. looking back over it.. i think it was just the things that happened this month that sort of knocked the wind out of me and my "time to go to the gym" changed to "maybe later" and that changed to "what's the point" in trying to deal with the lack of attention from the girl i like, i met a new girl and we went to my church and she embarrassed the crap out of me because the pastor said "we see we have a guest would you like to say your name?" and she said no.. and it wasn't even a normal no, somehow it was like a long and drawn out no... it was just so ridiculous.. like how are you over 30 and this awkward? ..so of course everyone is looking in our direction and laughing and she was like "stop laughing its not funny" which of course made it even worse... then she got up and left and i had to chase her it was just like so embarrassing, my sister is still laughing about it.. even the pastor text me after it was over like "what happened?" i'm like "dude i don't know" (and NO i don't talk to her anymore) i filed my taxes and waited the full 21 days, plus the full "2 to 5 days processing time" and i still haven't received the money.. i owe my parents like $800 and i don't have it.. and not only do i not have it- I HAVE NO IDEA WHY got up yesterday and started driving to work only to realize i had a flat tire in the back.. after changing it.. yesterday and today i've been riding on the spare.. gotta spend time and money getting this fixed tomorrow.. ahh just how i wanted to spend my saturday my job changed.. we have to learn a whole different system.. and the fun thing about it is, whenever you finish something it gives you something else.. so goodbye downtime and welcome to the plantation... also it is tracking and recording EVERYTHING.. yeah.. safe to say i will be looking for a new job so.. thank you february for tons of humiliation, pain, loneliness, and unwelcome change! btw i am actually leaving a lot of things out... thank me later **i want to preface this by saying this is not an entry i made up to pick on women.. this whole entry is literally made up of happenings from my own personal experience** i recently hung out with a girl and when i was talking with her trying to sort of see who she is she literally said the following (paraphrased) "i'm mean and standoffish and i'm proud of it" i was like.. "why are you proud of things that would likely keep people out of your life?" she's like "because i like it that way, and i have family and that's good enough" i was like: "family is cool but you're a grown woman you should have your own family situation going on.. you know like your own kids, or your own man.. not just your siblings and parents/grandparents" she's like "i disagree" i had a lot more to say but i just had to let it go because it wasn't going anywhere i don't get why a person would be proud of things that are negative.. why even date or try to meet guys at all if you're not going to act right i.e. approachable/friendly/cool? think about it- you show up at a date on time, dressed nice, and wearing makeup....... but then you are "mean and standoffish" WHAT IS THE POINT OF SHOWING UP AT ALL? you're literally spending time, gas money, and effort only to coerce the person to reject you each time you make a sarcastic comment at someone's expense, or you argue with them over semantics over something they said, or you just sit back and look or act disinterested.. you are just hurting yourself because they might take it for a while but there will come a time where they stop calling you many women these days are severely misinformed in my opinion its the culture of today.. the whole: "women are mature and men are childish" sort of belief we see today.. women can't be told anything anymore.. as far as they are concerned they are the perfect catch already the other main destructive belief is the whole: "women don't have to put effort into a relationship, that's the man's job" women.. you cannot expect a relationship to work with a man if he has everything you want but you don't have anything he wants that is where your ACTION comes in.. you need to put in some effort too, men have expectations just like women do.. and guess what? mean, standoffish, argumentative, and bossy are not anywhere in a man's expectation of what a woman should be if you can't be used then you are useless
think about that before you complain about your responsibilities i just have to say this
i love the video for pharrell's old song "can i have it like that" that video was so good it had explosions, skating, cartoon pharrells, baby lions, gwen stefani, i mean that video had everything!!! i like how pharrell used to be cool and quirky simultaneously.. my fave line in that is when he said: "she like the way my hands use her body for handwarmers/ and all my car doors go up like transformers/" man that was so cold lol i feel like the video is somewhat underrated in that- i feel like everyone saw it but not every SAW it.. i feel like people weren't seeing how many scenes are in it, how much technical stuff went into it, pyrotechnics, sets, graphics, etc i mean it was totally like "lets just put everything in there" ...i love how pharrell is so stiff in the video he barely moves its so neat lol.. i even love gwen stefani in the video she has such a signature way of dancing and moving bravo lately i've had an insatiable desire to play sonic and knuckles sonic and pretty much anything else from the 90s is like my version of comfort food
i made this for a girl for her birthday.. her birthday passed but i never gave it to her.. as far as i can tell she just seems uninterested in an "us" so whatever i recorded this in my kitchen.. also i recorded it prior to going to work to get it done in time for her birthday... so don't judge it too hard .. i'm gnna post the lyrics just in case any part sounds weird.. i wish i had a proper studio!
anyway i was going to give it to her but she just seems so apathetic i decided what was the point but everything i said in the song was true about who she is and everything so check it out.. see if you think she sounds cool or not (oh and the girl in the picture is just a random girl i saw online) lyrics: Let me talk about a girl I met/ Who’s prolly the best one in the world I bet/ she can make your life complete/ cuz she has everything a guy could need/ she’s nice to me and she smells like dryer sheets/ other girls just cry and weep/ they throw in the towel like: “why compete?/ She’s the best so I accept my defeat”/ Everyday I say you look great in that/ And she makes me laugh, an amazing catch/ She’s the girl you value and hold in a high place/ The type to stand out too, like bold in a typeface/ And when I saw those lips in person/ I said aye yo’ lets skip the flirtin/ Neither one of us is gnna get younger/ So shutup and suck my face like a wet plunger/ chorus: Guys callin her your majesty/ But still get turned down tragically/ She’s the girl that you have to see/ She’ll make u use up your last tub of Vaseline/ Guys shout, “I wish she was my spouse!”/ I tell em’ pipe down, my competition is high now/ she defies my perception of perfect/ cuz it didn’t exist, until I met her in person/ She said she had a dog named killer/ And she said she’s direct, straight talk no filter/ She told me about her former types of exes/ Who all had egos about the size of texas/ They couldn’t choose between pride or love/ So she washed her hands of em like bye, I’m done/ But before she left she had to light em up/ She make a grown man cry with the fire tongue/ (Jamaican voice) She said she liked country music with a straight face/ But she looked so good I said “great taste!”/ And she told me how people stare/ Its all eyes on her and they keep em there/ I said I couldn’t blame em a lot/ Cuz I think about her naked a lot/ (sorry) Who wouldn’t want her in bed tho?/ Me and lil wayne both want a thick redbone!/ chorus: Guys callin her your majesty/ But still get turned down tragically/ She’s the girl that you have to see/ She’ll make u use up your last tub of Vaseline/ Guys shout, “I wish she was my spouse!”/ I tell em’ pipe down, my competition is high now/ she defies my perception of perfect/ cuz it didn’t exist, until I met her in person/ She’s the type of girl who can study a book/ Plus she can cook.. and I’m lovin her looks/ she doesn’t dance but we can leave it out/ cuz I don’t have any swag so it evens out/ She said she didn’t have the hardest job/ But the traffic afterwards is like a parking lot/ Then the goes to the gym with no complainin/ Feelin right within herself is her motivation/ But on the real I like her more on the fluffy side/ And I don’t trust the gym, too many muscle guys/ Come by, cuz I made a couple extra muffins/ And quit all that talk about a breast reduction/ Cuz to me ur a princess who’s been blessed with finesse/ And so I confess I’m just impressed/ So I hope u like this track I made it/ To express gratitude and admiration/ chorus: Guys callin her your majesty/ But still get turned down tragically/ She’s the girl that you have to see/ She’ll make u use up your last tub of Vaseline/ Guys shout, “I wish she was my spouse!”/ I tell em’ pipe down, my competition is high now/ she defies my perception of perfect/ cuz it didn’t exist, until I met her in person/ i feel like lately i've been trying to hit the chill button more because i keep seeing diff sides to everything
like in the past sometimes i'd say "i want this" or "i want that" but in reality you have to see the full picture to be able to say what you do or don't want to get more specific- i keep seeing that everything we want tends to have good and bad- like here are a few examples most people would say they want a pretty daughter right? well having a pretty daughter would backfire when she is 15 or 16 and boy crazy and getting hit on by thirsty grown men everywhere she goes or even the other side.. say if you were a parent of a teen girl and you had a daughter who just liked doing school.. she was just content to do her own thing apart from men.. then she does the same thing in her 20s.. then her 30s come around.. at some point you would be envying your friends who had 'fast' daughters cuz you would be like "wtf man, is my daughter gay? i mean f*ck, i want grand kids!" so lately i see how so many things have consequences that are both good and bad like we all think being rich and being a celebrity would be awsum but when you look at celebrities they are crazy as f*ck.. you got dollars but you can't buy sense (ooh i'm nice) ... bruce jenner comes to mind lol i mean.. everything seems to have an odd consequence yesterday for example it was boring at work so i was reading confessions online and this guy wrote one about how he is "too handsome" .. he went into great detail, he was explaining how he just wants no strings attached sex but women are always begging him for the "strings" .. he was saying how he is tired of the same old interactions with women, sometimes he speaks and they aren't listening they are just looking at him and feeling hot and bothered.. and they always want him to meet their friends/family.. he said he is tired of it and he is seeking a simpler situation.. he is tired of women always trying to keep him.. it is stifling to him as he wants to take his pick but women are always trying to choose him instead so its like.. even things that everyone thinks they want- (like good looks) have down sides just ask women who get breast reductions how about people who win the lottery? when you talk to them they always explain how they lose friends and how everyone is constantly asking them to pay their student loans lmao in a sense its like.. why be in a rush for anything? when you know its likely going to bring expected and unexpected results? even something as simple as having nice clothes.. i remember when i was in clarksville at austin peay, i didn't really have money- i'd get a student loan disbursement and buy new clothes and all of a sudden i'd have bums asking me for money when i dressed in my older clothes no one would bother me but when i had my new shoes, new jeans, new whatever, then people would think i had money it got to where i would purposely dress down again just to be left alone so lately i try to withhold judgement in certain things or i try to think deeper than normal to see each aspect of a thing.. or sometimes i try to dig for the gleaming positive side of a "negative" again- sometimes i try to dig for the gleaming positive side of a "negative" example? remember j.k. rowling (author of harry potter) said this: "rock bottom became the solid foundation on which i rebuilt my life" ^there you see even rock bottom has a positive side if you dig for it so depending on how you see a thing will sometimes determine whether its a pro or a con to you.. is it a brick wall or a level highway? i try to think deeper lately and discover more than the obvious if at all possible |
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December 2015
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