preface: this is not important.. this is just me getting this off my mind
i really like this lesbian girl at my job.. she is a lesbian but she doesn't look or act like one.. she seems like a normal girl and even sort of acts flirty like a normal girl.. she has the best voice
she sounds sort of like how mariah carey sounds (talking, not singing)
she is so cute and has a great personality.. i wish she was a normal girl so bad sometimes but i know her life is too crazy for me- even if she was straight- i can tell her life has a lot of drama in it because she is always leaving work early or doing things in a secretive way.. and she smokes and takes happy meds
but i feel a magnetic attraction to her.. like beyond looks.. i don't know what it is, its just HER.. like i just want to be around her all the time.. its like whatever is inside of me wants whatever is inside of her.. there's no explanation for the attraction, its just there
oh and another thing.. she has that rare "fat woman who has recently lost weight" thing going on
i kinda like that body type.. those women are so soft.. she lost a lot of weight and now her body is like really almost weird looking but i like it
she has no boobs but she has a huge butt
i want her so bad sometimes.. there are better looking women but i just like her
i'm always saying crazy things to her.. like telling her to sit in my lap or whatever flirty thing i can come up with at the time
if i wasn't Christian i would beg her for sex.. but A. that's not the business.. and B. one day i was talking to her about std's and she knew a little too much about them off the top of her head.. so i wouldn't be surprised if she has something
so anyway.. i just wanted to get that off my chest
-my incompatible crush-
here's a perfect example of what i mean when i say women these days are arrogant.. look at this woman's caption on her picture
its written in small letters so i will write it here: "U ever seen a butterfly hang with a caterpillar?"
smh.. so she's saying she's a butterfly and that guy is a caterpillar?
like what is that? do you women honestly not see things like that as being arrogant and high-minded?
i mean the arrogance in women these days is mind-boggling
you women are always trying to act like you're out of someone's league .. well i found a picture for you:
its lonely at the top lol.. word to all the women who are too good for me then come back around after a month or two
learn the hard way
you are not 'above' everyone around you
i look back over my life and i have made mistakes
here are my top 3 mistakes you can learn from
1. i wish i would have been quieter.. this is just in general
why do i wish i would have been quieter? because it gives you more opportunity to listen, learn, and become wiser..
i have said things i wish i would not have said and i often think about the embarrassing things i have said at different times
2. i wish i would have understood who people are
when you are young you will likely meet someone whom God has sent into your life.. they compliment you well and they are there for your benefit.. if you don't understand who this person is when they come into your life- you will likely lose them or not appreciate them
i am 30 and single and i feel it is because i didn't understand that principle..... not everyone you meet is by chance.. some people you meet are from God's hand.. you have to understand the significance of something- its like if someone gave you a piece of paper but you didn't know what it was so you threw it away.. not understanding that it was a winning lottery ticket
we come across people every day but you have to try and understand who people are meant to be to you
3. i wish i would have prayed more
i look back over my life and i still to this day see insurmountable odds and obstacles from like 10 years ago.. like "how was i supposed to overcome that?" like i STILL don't know to this day
but that is where God comes in.. i should have just stayed prayed up and depended on God instead of trying to lean to my own understanding (or lack thereof) and stretch my wits to their absolute limit
sorry to anyone who doesn't keep up with celebrities but if you don't then you may want to skip this
this is about my issues with people who get out of a relationship and they are in another one really quickly.. i am using celebrities as an example
it just appears to me that both of these celebrities had their next relationships lined up prior to ending the previous based on various pieces of evidence.. sorry if this seems 'gossippy' i'm not really trying to point fingers.. i'm really just using these people as examples
if u have someone already lined up to take the place of your current relationship.. doesn't that mean you already have one foot in and one foot out? and if so- doesn't that mean the failure of your relationship is at least 50% your fault?
just some random thoughts
i wanted to do an update on something i said in an entry i did on 1/11/2015
you can go back and read the whole thing, or just read the part i want to talk about.. here's the part i want to talk about
entry from 1/11/2015
about 2 months ago- this girl at my job was having sex with a guy for a while until she found out he was married, and so her heart broke and she started missing work and stopped trying to look decent and everything..
then about a week ago she met another guy and when i asked her what she's doing over the weekend- she said she is staying at his house overnight
do u peeps think she is headed for the same thing she just came out of?
my guess is "yes" .. i even told her that the things this new guy has been telling her sound like game to me like "yeah baby let me wash your car" and "yeah i'm wanting to settle down" yeah right smh.. not hating on the guy but men know what to say to get a woman's trust u know
i will try to do an update on it so u guys can see what i see
so here i am today to give you all the update on this..
ok so right around the same time she met this guy, she asked me if i was going to have sex with this girl i was seeing.. i told her i don't have sex and i told her i believe its for marriage
so when i said this it seemed like it got the wheels turning in her head.. she didn't laugh at me or call me a cornball she literally said "i think i need to do that" ... so this time she held back
she is used to just having sex with guys quickly for whatever reason.. but i think the combination of 3 things made her want to stop
1. having her heart ripped out of her anal cavity by the married guy
2. me saying i don't have sex (i think i got her to consider it as an option because she kinda likes or respects me anyway)
3. she wanted to make it work with this new guy
so that was at the top of January or so
from then up until now she has declined sex and the guy has been nice to her the entire time
every day he has been on his good-behavior type ish, like texting her at work each day, expressing interest, being affectionate, coming by to see her, etc
well she caved recently (about a week ago) and they had sex for the first time together
so i asked her today about her "boo" and she said "he's not my boo"
i was like what? why?
she said "as soon as we had sex everything changed"
she said he's not showing interest like he was, he's not doing the same things he was doing before the sex
she was like everything was going so well but now its like he has lost interest or things are just different, he's not there for me like he was
so there's the update
i know u guys probably thought i wouldn't update that situation but i didn't forget !
if anyone wants my opinion
my opinion is that women should keep their legs closed..
i look at women like music
if an album can only be heard via cd or itunes (meaning by purchase).. people will either buy it or they will pass it by
but if an album is available by cd, itunes, AND via free download... then some will buy it to show support, some will pass it by.... but MOST will get it via free download
this is the issue i see with women.. they are the gatekeepers charged with setting the value/price of their "goodies"... yet they are making it freely available
which means yes.. some women may be bought.. a man may marry a woman who gave it to him freely.. but most of the time they are just going to get that free download version and not make a "purchase" they will not give a relationship, companionship, marriage, ring, love, affection.. SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TO
u guys agree or disagree?
just wanted to share and follow up on that girl's situation
anyway peaCe peeps
i wanted to talk about my current fave rappers.. when i say current, i mean like.. people who are doing their thing right now.. not people i like from the 90s or whatever
i wanted to speak on this because on my site i usually just talk about or post rock or shoegaze or whatever i'm into.. but if anyone comes to this site i figured i would make it clear that i do still like rap.. but the problem is the content usually turns me off..
my relationship with rap is generally like a love hate type of thing whereas other genres i can usually just love
anyway.. i am posting this for anyone who just wants to know what rap i like that is current
in no particular order here are the artists i like:
hopsin, melvin burch, azealia banks, kendrick lamar
they're all dark skinned people.. and no i didn't do that on purpose
now let me talk about the pros and cons of each (i'm going to try to be brief)
hopsin: hopsin is lyrically incredible.. sorry.. let me correct that.. INCREDIBLE.. there.. that's better.. he's like tech9 and eminem style of rapping and beats.. he fits right in with those two.. even with the whole crazy persona.. but don't let that fool you.. his content is super real.. also he brings humor back into music.. that's one thing people seem to have forgot about in hip hop
the problem with hopsin is he made a song last year where he turned his back on God.. i didn't like that at all.. i hope he goes back to God.. he was on the right path for a little bit, claiming God and trying to hear his conscience... but he fell off from that unfortunately
i loved the knock madness album
melvin burch is a phenomenal writer.. the first album i heard from him was an instrumental album called "joop" then after that i listened to "the purple lavalamp ep" i didn't think joop was phenomenal, but i saw potential.. once i heard the purple lavalamp, i became a fan..
his content is very real, like.. it sorta reminds me of hopsin without hyperbole.. like hopsin might choose to yell and scream to express while melvin would choose worry and anxiety and overthinking
i feel like both approaches are very real.. hopsin is more like "this is how i really feel" melvin is more like "this is how i really react"
melvin is young.. he's like 21 or something.. he has grown to be an incredible lyricist.. he became super nice at about age 19.. i mean before that he was nice, but he advanced a lot.. he really is no joke lyrically.. he's nice on beats too
super underrated but i doubt if that will be for long
he has no down side at all.. he doesn't really use curse words.. he has another alias called "pizza boy" where he uses profanity, but the main melvin burch tracks don't have profanity
azealia banks is nice.. i haven't listened to a full album from her but when i hear some of her songs i'm amazed at her ability to go from rapping to a legit singing chorus.. i mean i only listened to a few of her songs but she is madd nice
the first thing i heard from her that impressed me was when she did her diss to jim jones.. she was more intricate with the lines than i thought she would be.. after checking out some more of her stuff i kinda became a fan
she definitely has a lyrical gift and a gift for hearing/choosing good music and she has that melodic ability too..
i think she is kinda underrated and its kinda her own fault.. she is always getting in arguments with people.. its kinda sad really.. but anyway i think she is very talented and gifted..
the problem with her is SHE IS ILLUMINATI
100% she is illuminati.. all her videos are illuminati
she needs to drop that crap because she has real talent.. if she wasn't illuminati i'd be listening to her album probably every day
kendrick lamar is pretty ill.. his main downside (to me) is he sometimes says things that sound wrong.. like almost sacrilegious or something.. sometimes i think the words are leading his mouth as opposed to him leading the words.. and he just says things that i think are like.. things you shouldn't say.. or he'll just take God's name in vain or something.. he does that too much
but the pro to him is he is super creative.. that good kid mad city album was not a joke.. it was probably the best mainstream rap album since the college dropout
the thing that blew my mind was the structures he was using.. i mean the sequencing is crazy on the record, and he sounds diff on every track, and you never know what he will do next.. he even uses silence to great effect
but again.. he is the same guy who has people singing "i am a sinner" and stuff which i don't really agree with.. how about "i am living a righteous lifestyle" ? or something like that instead? i just can't really get into some of the things he says
his performance on snl where he had on the white shirt and the contacts was AMAZING
but overall.. these artists are really good imo
melvin is the only one i really rep though.. the rest i just sort of admire their talent but its hard to rep people who just say and do any and everything without regard to God or the listeners
3 sentences.. yet there is so much wrong with what she said.. i could be here typing for an hour explaining how bad her profile is
i won't even bother
but i must at least speak on the whole friend-zone thing
Just here for friends!! NOTHING more NOTHING less!! If you want to know more then message me.
did she really capitalize 'nothing' ?
like she is literally screaming saying "EXPECT TO ONLY BE FRIEND-ZONED!!!!! MAKE SURE YOU KNOW I WILL FRIEND-ZONE YOU FOREVER!!!"
why do women think this is an ok thing to put on a dating site?
its like if you were looking for jobs and you found one that sounded good but then when you read the description it said: "HIRING, BUT NOT PAYING"
like what part of the game is that?
and she had the nerve to say at the top of her page "i'm leaving this site in a week!"
WHY SHOULD ANY MAN CARE!?
YOU ADMITTED YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ANYTHING BUT FRIENDSHIP
this is a dating site.. its not "find-a-gay-male-friend-to-go-to-the-mall-with.com"
if you're not interested in dating and relationships and men then DONT GET ON THE SITE
let me post it again:
Just here for friends!! NOTHING more NOTHING less!!
again... BY YOUR OWN WORDS
Just here for friends!! NOTHING more
YOU'RE AN IDIOT
and i want to explain why the rest of your profile was complete nonsense but i have things to do
I just want to talk about this real quick
I got a laptop in 2013.. it is always doing something in the background and I hate it.. I mean ALWAYS
it is always doing something I didn't tell it to do
so finally I reformatted the hard drive (literally just now an antivirus ad just popped onto my screen smh)
anyway.. yeah so I reformatted the hard drive which is fairly simple on windows 8 because u just go to that screen with all the squares and type in anything.. u can literally type in anything from that screen and it will pull it up
so I typed in reformat or whatever and reformatted it.. this was a clean slate.. well I then understood that I need to find a way to stop them from updating my computer in the background all the time.. so I shut off Microsoft update (I didn't capitalize Microsoft btw... it does that by itself.. that should show u how big and annoying the company has become)
so when I shut off Microsoft update I was fine for a few days... UNTIL I realized I was still getting updates, except this time from Toshiba.. (again, didn't capitalize that.. watch this: sony, mcdonald's.... smh)
so now I have to figure out a way to turn off the Toshiba updates and i'm still trying to find out how to do it as I type this..
but seriously.. all I wanted to say is that these computers and devices we have these days are just too invasive
these companies can tell you more about yourself than any mirror ever could
they are constantly doing updates and gathering data, and just being annoying.. shutting down my computer to update things I didn't ask for
do they understand all I want is something that lets me get on the internet?
why don't they understand.. I don't care about what they recommend.. I BOUGHT THE COMPUTER I SHOULD BE ABLE TO USE IT HOW I WANT
so anyway I just wanted to get that stuff off my chest
if I can turn off these Toshiba updates maybe my computer will feel like it's mine again.. because right now it feels like something I rented from a corporation
why would you even start off your 'about me' by saying something about something you don't have? like why do women do this all the time.. try to make themselves seem more educated than what they are
#1. NO MAN CARES ABOUT YOUR DEGREES.. honestly how is that the very first thing you put in your about me? anyone can say something like that
"I have a plan to be an astronaut" see how easy that was?
when you try to associate yourself with something you don't have its like.. its like those people who stand by celebrities trying to soak up their fame and attention.. eventually you will be exposed for the fraud you are
#2. "DOCTRINE?" ..REALLY? YOU SHOULD KNOW ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO SPELL IT CORRECTLY OR AT LEAST TRY TO SOUND IT OUT.. SAY IT WITH ME HERE... DOC-TOR-ATE.. DOCTORATE
you tell on yourself.. if you were nearly as ambitious as you claim to be then you would know how to spell your goal.. stop trying to act and pretend so much
I keep saying on my site, women are putting the wrong foot forward when it comes to men
women are trying to act smart as if it would make a man like them more.. they are doing things like trying to "debate" with men and seem like they know more than us
trying to come off as high class and "educated"
NONE OF THAT MATTERS TO MEN AND YOU JUST END UP HURTING YOURSELF IN THE END.. YOU SOUND DUMB TALKING ABOUT YOUR NONEXISTENT "DOCTRINE" DEGREE.. AND EVEN IF YOU SUCCEED AT YOUR STUPID ILLUSION OF BEING "HIGH CLASS" AND "SMART" AND "OUT OF A MAN'S LEAGUE" ALL YOU DO IS MAKE IT SO GOOD MEN DONT APPROACH YOU, IDIOT