may was definitely not the best month i've ever had
it was literally rejection after rejection after rejection after rejection i have been going through so much that its ridiculous i got really confused as to why God has been allowing me to go through so much negativity i also found myself wanting to do things i know i probably shouldn't do.. just to alleviate the stress and uncertainty.. a moment of respite from it would suffice as a substantial getaway i am not sure what i'm going to do but i am hoping to have a better time in June may was just not the best.. it was like.. just getting up and going to work, still not having enough money.. not having meaningful relationships, boredom, confusion, even things like hopelessness from situations for example: i always wish i could sit and make an album.. this is always in the back of my mind, but i know in my head i don't have time.. i don't have time to sit and make songs when i sit at work on a computer 8 hours a day plus i have to find time to exercise, clean, get groceries, pay bills, look for better jobs, see family, go to church, etc.. this gives me a sort of hopeless feeling.. like when will i ever get an opportunity to block everything out and just make an album? i said years ago that to make an album u need 3 T's.. time, talent, and tools i just don't really have the time.. i come up with lyric fragments all the time and thats about it.. i am at work writing lyrics on microsoft word and the supervisor comes up behind me and i have to click it off the screen it just feels demoralizing sometimes when it comes to women in may.. they all just played games.. i pretty much completely hate women at this point.. they are all so useless its mind boggling in the bible it says a woman is a man's helper but women don't want to help.. they are assholes.. i literally hate them.. i don't hate every woman.. i just hate most of them.. i think they are useless.. like every creature has a name and a purpose.. a dog does dog things, a penguin does penguin things.. but you ask a woman to be a woman and she will look at you like you are crazy they don't support us men at all they literally do the opposite, they put us down and diss us and they don't honor the men in their lives.. instead they tell men they are not on their level.. women are so arrogant it is absurd.. i mean it is just nuts.. the way they think is so nonsensical that no man can deal with them in any non-sexual capacity this is why women are always having sex but not being in a relationship.. because no man can deal with it.. i continually meet beautiful women who are utterly unbearable and another thing.. women these days have no tolerance level.. u could do 10 nice things but if you do one bad thing your calls will go to voicemail .. this is stupid to me.. if you are hoping to one day get married, guess what? at some point you're going to have to learn how to forgive or try a mature response for once.. you can't just ignore someone for 3 weeks and expect the relationship to be the same whenever you've decided to talk again.. women close the door on you so fast in 2015 its like they might as well not even open it in the first place my life has gone haywire and i don't really think people can tell because i still have my place and i still have my job but the foundations of my life have been rattled.. like i thought a lot this month about who i am and who God created me to be and i thought a lot about where my life is going and i just don't have any answers when it comes to my job search i have received so much rejection that i started counting them.. its like a game at this point.. like a game of "how absurd can my life possibly get?" ..how many jobs and women will reject me? may has just been awful.. i mean its been like one huge reminder that women are worthless and jobs are scarce and i keep thinking "am i going to have to get a master's degree?" i don't even like school but when you get out into this world and you see how little a bachelor's degree gets you- you wonder if you need to go back and try to obtain a master's i have plans on having a better june.. i ACTUALLY HAVE PLANS.. both physical and spiritual plans... i will discuss them on my next recap hopefully ok.. now i'm going to wrap this up i didn't speak on SPECIFICS here but everything i said here is a summary of what my May was i might speak on specific scenarios later on.. it depends on if i have time or not
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