i told this guy on youtube not to deal with this woman he was describing
He hit me with a comment kinda brushing me off I then said to him, he needed to let her go because her early actions were just indicators that it’s not going to work out or go anywhere In the end we were both kinda “correct” I was correct in that it wasn’t going to go anywhere, because it didn’t.. because she was a crazy feminist But he was “right” in that he was able to smash.. which I don’t agree with- but in his mind he’s like.. “ok she’s an idiot but at least I got the sex” btw I also noticed a guy from youtube ended up taking some of my statements from what I said about women being happier when they are controlled it's neat to see maybe I'm not too far off in my thoughts/opinions on a somewhat diff note.. someone said to me- james why do you only focus on the bad women? i have not really seen too many good women.. that's not a diss or anything, its just the truth... when i have seen good women, typically they have not been attractive i sat and tried to count all the good women i know (and even the ones I've seen on tv or whatever.. and even women who are off the market) and i was unable to count 5 how exactly do you focus on something you haven't seen? a pretty woman who isn't stuck up who doesn't smoke, who isn't argumentative, who doesn't have a desire to go to clubs or go on trips away from her man and children, who doesn't have a bunch of tattoos, who doesn't have a potty mouth, who isn't promiscuous, who believes in God, who isn't a feminist, who isn't already married, who doesn't already have kids.. have any of you seen this? maybe you saw it but it was elusive.. it seemed to come and go for whatever reason.. am i right or wrong? i saw a good girl on plenty of fish like 2 weeks ago and i saved her profile, came back a few days later and it was gone.. no joke anyway.. these are just my morning thoughts
0 Comments
i want to quickly point out another hypocritical thing my ex did to me when we were together
early on in our relationship she told me about how people told her she smelled bad for a while and it was traumatic for her later on i told my mom about this then later questa hit me up and she was like "did u tell anyone what i told u the other day?" and i lied and said no because at i was tired of fighting with questa at the time (btw lying is not something i normally do, i am ashamed of that action) anyway months pass and one day i decided to tell questa every lie i told her since we met.. because i wanted to wipe the slate clean and be 100 there were two lies and one was the one i just explained.. so i was like hey remember when u asked if i told anyone about ur situation and i said no? i had told my mom about that and i apologized from then on she continually kept harping on it and telling me i stabbed her in the back and she can't trust me and she can't believe i did that and blah blah blah.. i mean she legit refused to let it go.. but to me- i was like 1. i told my mom, not any of our peers.. i think people tell their mom everything do they not? 2. i came to u and apologized meaning i acknowledged it was wrong and won't do it again 3. you said you forgave me so why won't u let it go? but here's where questa was a hypocrite... her friend amanda apparently dissed me when questa and i went to her house because when i got ready to leave i was like "ok questa are you ready? lets go" and it was during their conversation so amanda later told questa i was "rude as f**k" amanda also told questa not to tell me what she said about me so when questa came back from amanda's- she told me exactly what amanda said about me and it really kinda hurt my feelings because i thought amanda was kinda cool so to find out she thought i was rude was kinda lame to me anyway, i just let it go and didn't comment on it at all but my point is- questa did the exact same thing she accused me of doing she accused me of telling someone something she told me not to say (even though i don't remember her telling me not to tell anyone) ... but here she was telling me what amanda told her not to say and what's worse is- the same thing had happened a few months prior where questa told a woman at work amanda didn't like her and amanda was upset about it so anyway.. i didn't want this to be long or complicated.. i just wanted to point out how hypocritical she was and get it off my chest i wouldn't even care had she forgiven me properly for what i apologized for, but she just kept bringing it up and saying she couldn't trust me smh i told her that telling me i "stabbed her in the back" was overdramatic, but as you can imagine, that went over horribly and she just kept trying to demonize me even further i started writing again this past friday
i kinda feel like i'm bugging people when i text them all day so i decided to put my thoughts back in rhymes so anything i would normally text someone is basically a subject i will write about here's some of what i came up with today: I kept thinking about my ex, her and me/ All the thoughts kept irkin me and hurtin me/ Wondered why, sat and gave myself the 3rd degree/ Tried to figure out why the balls it was concerning me/ Then I realized the reason why it burdened me/ ..today would’ve been our first anniversary/ this is dead honest.. today last yr was the first time we spoke..... anyway, as much as my ex drove me nuts, somewhere inside i kinda miss her.. i'm not sure if its just because today would've been our one year or maybe i just miss her looks? ..its hard to explain missing someone who technically drove u insane oh well.. anyway.. hopefully some songs coming soon right now i'm reading a book called "in sheep's clothing" by george simon which is about manipulative people because i feel that questa was manipulative.. i also think many women in general are manipulative
i want to be equipped with knowledge on this stuff because i feel that i was a bit in over my head during my last relationship i've already learned a lot about narcissists, borderlines, women with the jezebel spirit, tactics they use, things they say and do, gaslighting, deception, and more but i'm hoping this book equips me for any possible future interactions with these types of people anyway i want to share some of the excerpts so here's one that i liked from today: I often hear people say that someone is being "passive-aggressive" when trying to describe their covertly aggressive behavior. Covert-aggression and passive-aggression are not the same thing. Passive-aggression is playing the game of emotional "get-back" with someone by passively resisting any kind of cooperation with them. It's giving your spouse the "silent treatment," pouting, whining, "forgetting," or not doing what somebody wants you to do because you're angry with them for some reason. ok....... now this explains a lot of what i went through with questa.. she was always upset with me or angry about something.. no amount of apologizing ever stopped her from feeling slighted and like she needed to "get me back" for something i know you may be thinking "what did you do to her?" well you have to understand i didn't do anything, she just blew everything out of proportion and then she would hold it against me and try to find ways to hurt me which tended to blindside me because i never understood why she was upset or where her actions were even coming from lets read it one more time: Passive-aggression is playing the game of emotional "get-back" with someone by passively resisting any kind of cooperation with them. It's giving your spouse the "silent treatment," pouting, whining, "forgetting," or not doing what somebody wants you to do because you're angry with them for some reason. these things were happening all the time.. i even told her she was vindictive one day and she agreed, she seemed to think it was ok though, like there was no sense of remorse- more like a sense of "yeah you will get this side of me if you deserve it" when i really was never deserving, she just blew everything out of proportion in her crazy brain another thing this has taught me is the reason why she complained so much if i forgot something- its because if SHE forgot something it would have been a purposeful revenge tactic, so she probably thought when i forgot things- i was forgetting on purpose to hurt her the way she would have done to me but overall what that quote has taught me is the reason why she never cooperated like a normal person.. the reason why she was always moving the goal posts.. making everything i say sound like it was incorrect... it was her way of getting back at me.. so when i would say something that made perfect sense and she would find a way to disagree.. i now see she was being passive aggressive because she was harboring some type of anger/animosity/unforgiveness for something she felt i did against her the victim mentality is rampant in those who have personality disorders.. so since she had that victim mentality and processed everything through a lens of "i have been slighted"- she was constantly acting out against me with passive aggression i really like george simon's work.. look him up on youtube if interested here is a comment i left on a video on youtube... i want peeps to read this comment and think about what i am saying here... i feel like we men need to get off this fence we are straddling and pick a side:
i just want to ask a question to anyone willing to answer.. ok if we men are not pro marriage- shouldn't we be pro whores? shouldn't we be happy to have sexually indiscriminate women who lack sense? and if we aren't pro whores.. shouldn't we be pro marriage? i feel like what i am seeing is men who are not pro marriage, but they're not pro "easy skanks" either.... me personally- i am pro marriage because i ultimately want one woman whom i can trust.. not saying it is easy- after all i am single.. but i am just telling u what i want..... so where do u guys stand? just curious..... i mean.. guys who only want sex should be winning in our society right? but it sometimes appears even they are jaded lol... and of course us guys who want marriage are super jaded to the point where we need a different word to use to describe our discontentment with the selection of women (end of comment) now here are my final thoughts on this men these days tend to trip me out on how they conduct themselves and talk about women i feel like a lot of men are hypocritical because they say they want a good woman who is wife material but their conduct is not congruent with that, because they are also out there banging women nonstop i don't get why they don't view themselves as part of the problem.. as long as you're out here banging women, especially women who are already in relationships- you are a part of the problem i've seen so many guys saying they have had a ton of women and they've even had women in relationships and they turn around and say "there are no good women" are you enjoying their sexual freedom? or are you lamenting the fact that all women are used up, untrustworthy, and not fitting for high regard ? men need to pick a side.. either you want a good woman or you want to enjoy whores.. not both one guy on youtube said he had sex with a woman who has a boyfriend.. i left a comment saying "you're having sex with women who are in relationships, you're a part of the problem" (the problem of there being no good women to choose from) he responded back "these hoes are for everybody" but this is the same guy saying there are no good women on his youtube videos the reason i would say i am not in the same category as men like him is because i have never had sex.. any girl who has left my life still has her self respect.. she might miss me but she doesn't have the added ties that come with a sexual relationship.. i didn't use her for 6 months and send her packing with tons of baggage and hangups for the next man to have to deal with i don't really care if men and women are having all types of illicit sex.. i just want there to be a difference between the bad and the good.. the people who want true commitment and the people who want to cheat and have friends with benefits and sleep around as long as people are on both sides, its like no one really wins i wrote a lot here.. more than i planned to.. so here's what i'll do
if u want the jist, just read prior to the plus signs.. if u want more, read after the plus signs prior to the plus signs i will post a cliff notes version of what comes after them cliff notes version: my ex questa always seemed to bash me for leaving her (3 times) when the reality was she left me all the time.. the difference was, when i left, she didn't reach out.. when she left.. i'd always stop her the more i look back the more i see she was a total hypocrite ++++++++++ i want to talk about something i realized over time in my last relationship ok let me set this up first i left questa 3 times... by "left" i mean like immediately walked out of her apartment here are the reasons why i left her 1. she said if i ever made fun of a certain thing that happened in her past, she would leave me.. so naturally i asked.. "what thing is this?" she wouldn't tell me.. so i was like.. ok if u will leave me over this, it seems like a big deal- however you won't tell me what it is.. so then i was like.. wait a minute what are u hiding in your past? ..after a while i ended up losing it and leaving.. because to me it sounded like she had some huge thing happen in her past that i didn't know about and she wouldn't tell me what it was later on she said i overreacted.. but when i asked- well why did you say you would leave me if i made fun of this unknown thing? she wouldn't answer the question when i left she didn't hit me up and apologize or say hey i didn't think that would drive u crazy, my bad.. i didn't hear from her at all.. so eventually i just apologized and told her i didn't care about what the thing was anymore 2. one time i took her to chili's and we went to target afterward and she said was like.. will you pay for my stuff at target? i was like sure.. now the thing is i was being sarcastic.. so then she asked a few more times and i was like no i'm not paying for your stuff and i guess she thought i was joking so we got to the line and i didn't pay and i actually walked to starbucks.. now when i walked to starbucks i think she thought i was trying to avoid paying for her stuff.. but i wasn't walking to starbucks to get out of paying- i wouldn't have paid even if i stayed in line with her- i actually wanted starbucks.. but i ended up not getting any because she finished in line before i bought anything.. so then she didn't talk to me for the rest of the night so i was at her apartment hoping she would open back up but no.. she just treated me like i wasn't even there so i eventually just left in the aftermath i was like.. why are you mad that i didn't pay for your stuff when i just took you out to dinner? it makes u look ungrateful... but she kept saying "its not the stuff, its that you said you would pay for it but you didn't keep your word" this is something i've learned about since that relationship .. and that is that oftentimes selfish people take advantage of people who are empathic and this is a classic example of that you have one person with no sense of accountability with a person with a heightened sense of accountability and it leads to dysfunction so i'm pretty sure u can guess who was who in our relationship so her saying i didn't keep my word eventually got to me (even though when i said i would buy her stuff, i was being sarcastic) .. so i reimbursed her the money she spent and just let it all go she didn't really acknowledge that i did that either btw 3. she said she wanted to sleep with one of her male friends and i left immediately the reason i'm saying this one so quickly is because the memories of this aren't fun for me... as a male you want to treat your girl really well and you want to hold her in high regard so for her to say such a thing is like an arrow through your heart when i left i never heard not one word from her.. no apology- nothing.. not one word on her opinion or anything.. she did NOTHING.. so i eventually cracked and i emailed her and asked her why she didn't apologize and she said she was "only joking" and i was overreacting and she didn't really apologize but she kiiiiiiiiinda did a little bit so i latched onto that and used it as an excuse to mend things as you can see i was always the one mending things between us.. she never put forth effort to acknowledge how her actions hurt me or affected me or led me to leaving or whatever.. whenever i left, she just let me leave like she didn't care OK so i said all of that to say this: over and over and over she would bring up these moments and say "you left me" and say i basically did her so wrong and she acted like she was this gracious person who had every right to never speak to me again, but still did she actually had me believing i did her wrong but over time i realized something SHE. LEFT. ME. ALL. THE. TIME. i never realized it at first but one day it hit me she left me all the time man.. the only difference was that when she would leave me, i would always stop her one day i said this to her and she laughed.. think about how foul that is.. she LAUGHED IN MY FACE about it i was like "you know.. you leave me all the time, the difference is, when you leave, i stop you.. when i leave you, i never hear from you again" she laughed and said something like "you're right when u leave i just let you go" this is what i mean when i say i put up with way too much from her her never coming to me with an apology or anything was an indication of her pride and lack of empathy and a lack of accountability i was always bearing the brunt of our problems and trying to fix them.. she never lifted a finger she was always just acting like i had no effect on her or like she didn't care if i was happy or sad or if i was there or gone.. it was AWFUL so i said all that to say that basically.. i left her 3 times, she left me repeatedly i remember one time we were wrestling for literally like an hour at my apartment.. and finally i got her in a hug hold and she was like "let me go" i was like no.. she was like "no i'm serious let me go" i was like i don't care if you're serious ur staying in this hold.. so then she gets up and starts getting her things to leave this was soooo insulting to me because i had done a bunch of things for her that day and here she was about to leave me because i held her in a hug hold for literally a few seconds longer than she wanted.. AFTER WE HAD BEEN WRESTLING FOR LIKE AN HOUR STRAIGHT i convinced her not to leave that night even when she didn't leave, a lot of times she would just threaten to leave: one time she kept telling me i was immature for like 6 hours straight because i bounced a ball in the mall.. and she kept threatening to leave me that whole span of time.. by the end of the night i could have broke down and cried smh.. i didn't but i was just breaking.. i was really close to just kicking her out but i was always hoping things would just get better she would always leave me or find something to be upset about i remember early on i started to notice she always seemed to complain about something and it was hard to keep her happy.. but one time when she came to visit me from knoxville we had a lot of fun and she ended up going back without us having some type of huge blowout well guess what happened? on her way home she got in a car accident and (sighs and holds back curse words) she used it as an opportunity to get mad at me she got in her car accident and called me and she said my reaction wasn't good enough... apparently i didn't sound concerned enough even though i asked her where she was and if she was ok (she was fine and driving back home already when she called me) she made me feel terrible after i tried to show her such a good time.. she was saying her friend named sweta gave her the reaction she needed and she made me feel like i couldn't do anything right wow.. lol wait i'm kinda getting off track.. this was supposed to just be about times where we left each other.. but i guess i had to explain that to show that.. even when she didn't actually leave me in an angry huff- she would still find a way to be upset with me i remember one day she was telling me her friend amanda told her our relationship wasn't as stable as it should be and she was upset about that i was like, "questa, she's right.. the last 3 times u were at my apartment, you tried to leave" and what i said that day was true, the last 3 times she was at my apartment prior to that conversation, she tried to leave the only thing is.. i always stopped her.. i always would convince her to stay.. but she was always trying to leave and she liked to leave angry.. she liked to leave when things were at their worst and she liked to go to sleep angry and things like that.. i was always trying to keep peace and she was always seemingly against it.. it was awful we would have an argument and i wouldn't hear from her afterwards.. i always had to be the one reaching out.. it was just a terrible feeling because it makes u feel like they don't care.. its just like a lot of people in my cell phone right now.. i know if i never hit them up, we will never speak again that's how questa always made me feel... like she just didn't care either way anyway.. i feel like this was supposed to be a very short post but i poured out a lot.. hopefully it made sense and hopefully it helps someone to see themselves and so they can avoid some of the things i went through.. trying to keep peace with someone who doesn't want peace before i go, i just remembered this i remember one time she left me without saying goodbye and she was like "you were asleep when i left" i was like "no i wasn't asleep, i just wanted to see if you'd leave without saying goodbye, and now i see you will so i really have to chase you down when u leave" and she was like "it makes me feel like you care when u chase me" so everytime she left me and i grabbed her and convinced her to stay and told her not to go and stood in front of the door.. she was just getting some type of sick ego boost she felt good when she caused me distress.. and whenever she made me feel like she could leave me without ever thinking about me again, it made her feel good about herself.. think about that, the more worthless i felt, the more valuable she felt yeah... pretty safe to say that was dysfunctional my old ex g/f from high school (chrissy) contacted me recently in email.. we've talked back and forth a little.. i was really happy to hear from her at first.. it kinda helped to get my mind off my more recent ex g/f questa
chrissy seems to look at me like i'm a safe space in her world i guess.. it seems she wants to see me whenever she gets back in town.. she emailed me a reply back to an email i sent her in 2013.. she was like "hey i never got this" which didn't make any sense to me.. how did you not get it if you're replying back? just admit u never responded back then because i wasn't a priority to you shes an ok person i guess but i can do without the deceptive stuff +++++ i have a girl who seems to like me but i don't really think she's cute.. i really sometimes think i have some of the worst luck with women questa was gorgeous and acted like a complete moron this other girl is PERFECT but just does not do it for me in the looks department believe it or not this is like actually kinda depressing to me like i get tired of women not being a full package i've told some people before that i feel in general, when it comes to women- us men have to choose either pretty or saved i resent this.. i feel that i should be able to get both in a woman.. but i have yet to find that anywhere the reason for this is because when women have good looks, they figure- hey why not just do whatever i want to do.. be a stripper, be a whore, have flings and friend with benefits relationships they think "hey why not" ..but to a guy its like they are ruining themselves and taking themselves out of the "wife" category the girls who aren't cute can be awful too but generally they are more likely to be more well behaved than the pretty ones +++++ i think about my issues with women sometimes and i say to myself.. "what is the solution?" there is no solution to this problem without God.. if He doesn't help me to get a woman then i just won't get one one thing i've realized over time is that i hope to earn a woman of my choosing i am not sure if this is a stupid thought or what, but deep down i have noticed i want to earn a great woman... and i want her to be a part of my blessing for accomplishment the reason i say i'm not sure if this is stupid or not is because maybe God just wants to give me a wife.. maybe He doesn't want me to have to earn one.. so i'm not sure if i'm on the right track or on the wrong track *thinks for a second* i guess ultimately the whole "earn a wife of my choosing" has a lot to do with me as a man wanting to be in the driver's seat of the relationship so to speak if i earned her and she was my choice then i am essentially operating in my gender role as pursuer and the dominant authority in the relationship whereas if a girl chooses me the dynamics might play out a little differently the Bible says if we (humans) being evil know how to give good gifts, then how much more our Father in heaven? He can give amazing gifts.. so i feel like i have reason to expect an amazing wife.. its just that i have to do what i need to do to get one which is to delight myself in the Lord because He will meet all our needs if we do that i want someone pretty who will be God fearing and someone with a good attitude who won't argue with me about everything.. i want someone who will adjust to me and not try to hyphenate her last name with mine.. someone who isn't a complete idiot like most women i see in society |
James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
|