i just have to say this
I have no one to say it to so I’m saying it here on the site
I heard one of the dumbest things I ever heard in my entire life yesterday
This girl said to me: “the guy who raped me is walking free”
The problem with this is she didn’t prosecute him… OF COURSE HE’S WALKING FREE, YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
that was SOOOOO stupid to me.. like this is why women who are raped are victims in the truest sense of the word, because they do nothing to bring justice
I am not blaming the victim, it’s not their fault they were raped, however once it happens- you have a choice to make, its called fight or flight
If u choose flight, the person who raped u will get on with his life
But if that is the scenario, why say “this society has no justice, my abuser is walking around freely”
OF COURSE HE IS!!!! YOU DIDNT PROSECUTE!!!!!!
WHAT, DO YOU THINK HES GOING TO PROSECUTE HIMSELF!?
MAN THAT WAS SO DUMB!!!!!!!!!
So this was sort of how the conversation went:
i said: “you didn’t prosecute him”
She said: “I didn’t because I asked a police officer about it and he said since he’s white he will go free and all my business will be in the streets”
I said: “you chose to believe that police officer’s negative report… that was his opinion, he’s not God”
She’s like: “no it’s the truth, men don’t go to prison for rape”
At this point I was getting weary of the conversation.. I didn’t really say anything else.. like what universe do you live in where rape isn’t a crime punishable by law?
If u were a rape victim and u told and people didn’t believe you then my heart goes out to you
But if u were a rape victim and u are complaining about injustice but u did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to bring justice- I don’t know what to say to you
And what made this even worse is she said the police officer who told her “there’s basically nothing you can do because he’s white and ur not so he will go free” was her friend
HOW IS THAT YOUR FRIEND!?
You say something horrible happened to you and this person says “welp, there’s nothing I can do, and there’s nothing you can do” and you call that your FRIEND!!????
Like if I was that police officer I would have AT THE VERY LEAST said: “well he’s white and things are skewed against you but I am a police officer and I’m white and I’ve known you for a while so I will vouch for you in court”
AT THE VERY LEAST I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT
This guy did NOTHING!!!!!!
He didn’t even say “well they won’t help u in court but I will get some of my guys and we are going to beat this guy down”
Like THAT’S NOT YOUR FRIEND YOU IDIOT!!! HE HAS DONE NOTHING FOR YOU!!! HOW CAN THAT BE YOUR FRIEND!!!!!????
HE HAD NOTHING BUT NEGATIVE THINGS TO SAY TO YOU IN YOUR TIME OF NEED.. SO THAT IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!!!!!!!!
MAN WOMEN ARE SO STUPID SOMETIMES IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY
Anyway, I just had to get that off my chest.. I’m done
today is the first day in a long time where i opened my windows.. it feels and smells really good outside
i've been doing a lot of thinking
i was having so many thoughts and dreams last night it was crazy
i actually had a dream last night that seemed pretty telling... i don't want to go into too much detail but basically i think someone has been doing things they aren't supposed to do which is fine- its none of my business however i am just interested to see if my dream was accurate... i think it is but i suppose only time will tell
i wrote the dream down and put it away in my kitchen cabinet.. last time i had a feeling like the one i had last night- i was right
dreams are becoming a bigger deal to me as i try to get closer to the Lord
i had a dream last year that i coughed up my own tongue.. and my tongue was filthy and dirty and gross looking.. and i looked at it and said "that's not mine" and somehow i had another tongue
i told my pastor about it and he said it signified the Lord getting rid of my tongue full of vile sentiments and cursing and replacing it with a new one
it was crazy to hear because he was right.. i remember last year i was cussing a lot- like to the point where i was doing it on accident or without thinking.. i was mostly cussing when i was alone, but around people i typically was not doing that
but like if u had caught me in traffic, i would probably be cussing
so i started to pray that the Lord would help me, and one day last yr i had that tongue dream and recorded it but i didn't know what it meant
but somewhere along the line last yr i realized i wasn't cussing anymore.. i was like self editing or just not feeling the need to say bad words at all
and i kinda knew the Lord healed me but i hadn't really put much thought into it.. so when i finally got the dream recording out (i was recording them in my phone) and told my pastor- and he told me the meaning, i was really surprised and encouraged
i realized the Lord truly answered my prayers but i also realized i hadn't really been paying any attention to the Lord's voice
its really encouraging to see that the Lord speaks but we overlook His voice a lot
so i am hoping to look more into my dreams
i still have this phone full of dreams i recorded so i will possibly run a few more of those by my pastor to see what he says
i realize i really have two "modes" in my life.. a mode where i'm relationship minded, and my other mode is where i am "writing minded" ...
the relationship mode is when i'm tuned into a female
being writing minded is when i'm alone and i'm writing in my website, or i go back to doing rhymes, etc
what i like about being in relationship mode is i like the ability to be around a pretty woman
what i like about being in writing mode is it is peaceful and i get to say whatever i want without having to hear what i deem to be a stupid opinion
speaking of stupid opinions
i honestly think women are like men minus logic, so a lot of the things they say make no sense
a woman might say something like "don't apologize for what u did, apologize for the way u made me feel"
that statement makes no sense.. how am i supposed to apologize for how YOU feel? ur saying i'm innocent, but u feel bad so i have to apologize? how about no, because that's a personal issue that has nothing to do with me
or a woman might say
"don't apologize, just do better"
but then later she will say "you never acknowledge what you do wrong"
like they don't realize how those statements don't coincide.. do u want me to apologize and acknowledge, or not?
i wouldn't say ALL women don't make sense, but i would say that knowing a woman superficially and knowing them intimately are two different things
women seem smart and like they have things together when u see them at school or at work, but when u know them on a deeper level, you see that they a lot of times have serious issues that they don't know how to fix
one thing that has been on my mind lately has been that bible verse that says
he who keeps his life will lose it and he who loses his life will gain it
i am really wanting to lose my life so that i can gain the one the Lord has for me
i have noticed the Lord speaks to us more than we tend to realize
i want to lose all the distractions i have in my life and gain more of the Lord's voice and leading
one thing i've noticed about women is this:
women these days can leave a man and have another man in 5 seconds
so this leaves men in a state where if we don't do what women want us to do then that woman will leave us and the whole relationship will be over
women say they want a man to "stand up to" them.. however how do u stand up to someone who will leave u as soon as you put your foot down?
like say u had a kid right.. and say u told this kid to go to bed and the kid said no, i'm not going to bed and if u make me go to bed i will run away and u'll never see me again ... now think about if this child was legit serious.. how would u deal with that? losing your child would be devastating.. its like a battle u can't win.. u want them to act right, but if they legit have another family who will take them in, what can u do?
to me- that's how women are.. like u can't properly take your role as a man when women are not willing to be taught or led.. we hear this from women all the time "he's trying to control me" "you're acting like you're my father" etc.. they don't want you as a man to be in authority.. they want to fight u, but the battle is not a fair fight because she can leave you at any moment for another guy
does anyone have a rebuttal to this?
to me- this is what is causing men to put up with a lot from women.. because we know they can go on their instagram or on their plenty of fish profile and pick any one of 100 men and get what it is they want without a second thought
we men want women, but we don't want women who are not following us properly.. or who are not respecting us properly... but women have no incentive to do that anymore
there were a few warning signs i ignored in my last relationship
ok to explain the first- let me set it up
i don't like masculine women.. i once had a blind meetup with a girl.. we met at the mall and she was cool but she just had a masculine way about herself.. nothing about her was feminine.. i immediately was like "this is going nowhere for me"
well fast forward to me talking to the last girl i was in a relationship with.. when i spoke to her on the phone, she sounded masculine.. she had a masculine and non girly way of speaking.. i hated it but i overlooked it
I SHOULDNT HAVE OVERLOOKED IT
i hope any men reading this can be saved from a bad situation
when u call your girl you don't want her to say "w'sup" in a low tone
it just feels wrong.. u want her to use a happy or excited type of tone and talk to u the way a woman is supposed to
like for example, last night i texted a female friend and she texted me back "Hey James!"
i would have loved for my last girlfriend to address me that way but she was like a guy.. u know how men say hello with no real emotion? that's how she was
talking to her on the phone for the first time, i was like "she sounds terrible" because she just sounded like an unaffected dude or something
and i had a chance to say "hey i don't think this will work out" but in the name of trying to give her a chance, i kept talking to her but the problem was, her voice and way of speaking was an indication of who she was
after a while, i started to piece a lot of things together and i can't remember all of them, but they were like:
"she doesn't like to cuddle"
"she doesn't like romance movies"
"she said she intimidates people"
"she does this or that"
like i said i don't remember them all but i remember i had about 7 things she did that were not feminine (this was before we ever met)
and i said to her one day "you sound like a guy with the things u say" and i listed off a bunch of the things i was referring to
in response, she of course said "i'm not masculine" then she asked a bunch of people around her and they said the same
but the issue with that was this:
if she were to ask a guy- he would likely say no because of these reasons
1. she is pretty and he wants an opportunity to get on her good side
2. she has a feminine look which can possibly speak louder than her actions ESPECIALLY if he only knows her superficially
if she were to ask a female- females 999 times out of 1,000 would not understand this concept
women think its ok for women to be masculine these days and they cheer that on.. so there is no circumstance where i think a woman would even be qualified to accurately assess this at all
i was the only person at that time getting a full view of her through conversation, so my perspective whether she believed it or not- was the most accurate
(sidenote: if a girl ever tells you she doesn't like to cuddle.... RUN)
so.. moving on.. she said she wasn't masculine.. and i ended up meeting her and she wasn't masculine in her actual demeanor or in her way of dressing, but she indeed had a masculine spirit
this is why we argued all the time.. because i am a man, but she had a masculine spirit.. there was no proper ebb and flow.. like we all are male or female and the bible tells us the differences between us and how we should carry ourselves.. for example, men love and women submit.. but her masculine spirit always seemed to say "let's share submission duty"
OF COURSE SHE WOULD NEVER SAY THAT OUTLOUD, but she ultimately wanted to take turns submitting like "i submitted last time, now its your turn" as opposed to the biblical stance of woman submits as unto the Lord ALL THE TIME and that's it, that duty is not shared
so we argued constantly because she wanted male authority and this is something u can't really explain to a woman who is like this because they have a million and one excuses and debates and evasion tactics (all being of course void of logic)
but anyway.. if i had just let it go after hearing her voice the first time we spoke on the phone, i would have dodged a lot of crap
i even remember one conversation we had about our upbringings where she said she grew up in the ghetto and she said "where i'm from, everyone has to act like a man" smh
so this is my advice to men out there
don't get in a relationship the way i did.. don't waste your time
go with your very first instincts
i know u may be trying to ease up on your criteria to give someone a chance..... but just face the fact that doing so is ultimately settling
by the grace of God i made it to the end of school
in about 3 weeks if everything goes well, i will be graduating with a master's degree in communications
this is a great blessing to me.. with graduation on the horizon i feel like the remainder of the year can be a lot better than it has been up to this point
speaking of horizon, i bought horizon zero dawn.. i also have the last guardian, persona 5, and the order 1886
i just got a ps4 pro in january and these are the games i have
i don't have any physical- all digital
horizon is phenomenal.. that game is like.. its just amazing man lol
work has been ok.. it got really hard there for a minute and i almost got fired however i feel like i made it past the biggest rough patches
this guy at work has been helping me a lot.. i know its the Lord's hand working in my life because trust me there have been times at work where i knew i was unable to do what they asked me to do in the amount of time they want it done
i'd say i've gone through 3 major learning curves at my job.. one was when i got hired and i just didn't understand ANYTHING.. even when i got something done, i still didn't understand what i did exactly or how it connected to other aspects
another learning curve was learning to do a new process
then the last learning curve we had was when they changed an existing process
my job is not really what i want to ultimately do however it has sustained me and i don't take that lightly
yesterday was my 3yr anniversary of working there
this has been the first job in my life really where i was treated respectfully and that is not something you can buy
as for music, i've been listening to that daysleepers album called "a sea of sound" or whatever
ok well that's all for now peeps
should i apologize for not posting in here?
does anyone care?
i'm not sure but this has definitely been the worst year for the site so far
i have been wrapped up in a lot of craziness.. this year has been very like.........
i'm just going to put it like this.. i will be as open as possible without really going into it
i was single since like 2005.. i finally got a g/f in 2016
she was everything i wanted in the looks dept but she seemed to have some issues, like things i didn't understand and couldn't fix
now when u put all of this together, you can see it was a recipe for disaster
me: single for over a decade
her looks to me: perfect
her personality: rude, stubborn, always having an attitude, and (imo) insane
put these together and u can see it was like i was unable to detach myself from the madness
one funny aspect i noticed about her is no one would ever know how difficult she is as a person except the men who are trying to get close to her
for example, my mom LOVED her but again, there is no way for anyone (outside of a man trying to be with her) to know how unstable she is... you just would never see that side of her
anyway.. that's the primary reason why this year in the site has been barren
luckily though, a guy at church prayed for me and it freed me from the madness
i hope i never compromise my own sanity and peace for a woman again
Most of us have experienced the state of emotional dysregulation at one time or another. However, women with naturally high emotionality tend to go into and come out of this state much more frequently than the rest of us. Because it is embarrassing to admit that she is out of control in this way, the high emotion woman, just like the other two women on this scale, will be very wary of discussing her challenges in this area with us.
Unsuspecting males who sit on the lower half of the spectrum of emotionality have no idea what it is like to have these very high settings. Although they are only asking her innocent questions when they want to know why she is always so angry at them, they don’t realize that they are causing her embarrassment over behavior that isn’t strictly voluntary. Most women with above average emotionality are aware that their anger, just like all of the heightened emotions they feel, is to some extent out of their control.
Many of them try to save face by standing behind what they have said and done after they come out of their emotionally uninhibited state. However, if they were to be truly honest with you they would tell you that they are at those times at the mercy of emotional swings. For them, these mood changes are a normal, if slightly embarrassing, part of being female. Because high emotion states feel so normal to women, when men are confused by a woman’s anger and ask, “What do women really want,” women frequently shake their head and simply say, “You just don’t understand.”