my ex g/f and i had a rollercoaster relationship
i want to talk about the last thing that happened between us before we went our separate ways
ok so she ended up saying on i think two or three diff occasions that she missed me and thought i was great and she would basically like to give "us" one last try
the first time i kinda let it go, but then as she was saying these things, she began also saying she was growing spiritually and learning how to be vulnerable the way a woman should be.. she was saying she was learning like.. how to be less difficult and argumentative etc
so this got my attention and i was irritated because i was already pretty much done with her, but her words sucked me back in and so i said "lets have a talk"
i went to her house and we had a great conversation.. so we decided to give it one last try
fast forward a few days and we were technically "fine" together- however something inside of me was saying "think twice" and that thought then became "seek the Lord's will on whether or not you two should be together"
so then a girl from church text me and she was asking me how i was doing or something and i unloaded on her what i was dealing with which was "hey i was already out the door, but then this girl sort of pulled me back in with her enticing words saying she would change.. is this a trap or is this a genuine thing?"
i somewhat begged her to pray for me because i was like exasperated.. like tired of this back and forth and tired of dealing with things that don't make sense
so she gave me some advice she said ask our pastor what he thinks.. but i didn't want to ask him because he doesn't always give you all the information you want.. or maybe he does but......... he just gets quiet sometimes i guess so you have to seek the Lord for yourself
i didn't want to ask him anything so i asked him an unrelated question and luckily after he answered it he asked me about my ex g/f so i told him what was going on
i was like do u think this is a trap or do u think this is genuine? i also asked if he thought i was acting like the prophet balaam in the bible
(for anyone who doesn't know about the prophet balaam.. balaam is someone who wanted to do something and the Lord told him no a few times, but he kept asking and the Lord told him yes. but that "yes" was like.............. let me put it like this.. say your child keeps asking to eat candy for dinner.. you say no 7 times, then they ask an 8th time and u just say yes.. then that child eats the candy and gets a stomach ache... you said yes, not because it was ok, but to teach the child a lesson)
so the pastor said "i don't think that's your wife"
so i was like........ confused.. i'm like you don't "think" that's my wife? see that's what i mean when i say sometimes he can seem tight-lipped.. which is fine, its just.... it causes u to think for yourself i guess... i was seeking like a "the Lord told me to tell u she is a total fraud and u need to cut her loose" but no, he is not always that direct
so i thought about it and i prayed and i said "Lord if its not your will that i be with her please let her break it off with me today"
like 4 hours later she text me saying she never wanted to speak to me again lol
the reason for this was because she asked me to go see her family in her home city earlier that day, but i said to her that we needed to seek the Lord on our relationship status first.. because what would be the point of going to see your family and you introduce me as "we're more than friends but we're not together either" .. like it just seemed retarded
i never said "NO I WONT GO" but she seemed to take it that way.. i just said we need to seek the approval of the Lord before we seek the approval of people
she apparently didn't like that so she said she never wants to talk to me again on any level at all
i guess she had thought about it for a few hours before she text me all of her thoughts
anyway.. i think she expected me to defend myself or something.. i honestly didn't care that she didn't want to be with me.. i just responded to her, "hey i prayed that if this wasn't the Lord's will that u would cut it off with me and it happened, so its all good, i'm not upset.. this just means the Lord isn't in this relationship"
the only part that hurt me was her saying she didn't want to talk to me ever again.. like i'm not going to front i cried.. i don't mind not being with her but i don't like it when peeps are like "yeah we're not cool anymore EVER ON ANY LEVEL"
to me- if we don't talk we don't talk.. but to say "YOU CANT TALK TO ME EVER AT ALL" is like hurtful
so anyway later i text the pastor and told him what happened and he said "btw yes you were playing the role of balaam"
he said when he prayed, the Lord told him not to tell me no- because i overlooked previous warnings
this actually shook me up because i realized the Lord was tired of me being hard headed and was prepared to let me just leave His perfect will
the first time i asked the pastor about her, he said we were unequally yoked.. but for some reason that didn't sound like "stop the relationship" to me..
but looking back, that's exactly what it meant
so this time around, i was honestly fortunate to get an "i don't think that's your wife" as opposed to a "go ahead and be with her"
i know there's a lot here so hopefully this was understood
anyway.. so far my life is a lot better with her 100% gone lol
i decided i want to start speaking here on my site again regularly.. i know i was basically m.i.a. for like 8 months or so but i want to come back.. the reason i want to come back is....
i basically think i have annoyed everyone i usually talk to
people keep telling me i'm obsessed with certain people or things or topics and they all either directly or indirectly tell me they don't want to hear what i have to say
i know peeps prob think i don't notice this but i definitely do.. so i decided i should prob come back to my site and do my thing so that i can get my thoughts out without alienating everyone around me
i am a man so i have a lot to say and "teach" but its not my goal to drive people insane
so anyway..... i guess i'll just start saying what's on my mind at random again for now
ok so this is something i haven't told anyone (including myself) but deep down i could see myself marrying my ex despite all the crazy things she has put me through
its not so much that i would want her to change.. i would just want her to grow
its like say u have a child.. u don't want to change ur child's personality and what makes them unique because u love them the way they are- but at the same time you do expect growth
but i have left all of that in the Lord's hands.. the entire time i was trying to make things work- i was just stressing myself out.. at this point i just try to ask the Lord something like: "if you want this then please make it make sense to me"
as long as things feel illogical or weird in any way, i'm just not going to do anything... i still think she is beautiful and there is a ton of potential there but i'm not beating my head against a brick wall anymore
before it was like "hey come to church, come to church, come to church" now its like.. "she's going to do what she's going to do"
but the Lord has led my life in a very specific way.. like i've noticed the Lord has never allowed me to have things out of order.. so i trust that His hand is still guiding me to where i will have what i am supposed to have when i am supposed to have it.. and that's that
did i tell u guys i beat horizon zero dawn? i think i beat it at like 91 hours or so.. i have over 100 hours on the game though.. anyway.. i think aloy is the worst character i've ever seen in a game.. the entire game i was just hoping that the end would include her death
she is so annoying as a character.. just so snarky and bossy and such a know it all.. i just totally hate her.. she has no personality whatsoever.. i never thought a character could be worse than nathan drake but i guess i was wrong
aloy's entire emotional spectrum consists of pride and smugness.. there are no other emotions
i saw a study once where an experiment was done that showed the most unattractive emotions on genders.. the facial expression that was most unattractive to women on men was happiness and smiling (my guess is because they look happy go lucky as opposed to determined.. and women equate happiness on men with irresponsibility.. just my hunch)
the one that was most unattractive to men on women was pride
after playing horizon zero dawn.. i would have to agree
a prideful woman is like a knowitall or a lesbian (and i don't mean one of the feminine lesbians.. i'm talking WNBA type chicks)
but the actual game itself was AMAZING!!!!!
here's something i want to say about women.. i think oftentimes they delude themselves.. what i mean is.. they will say they don't want a man telling them what to do or whatever.. but then they will turn around and say "i need a man who is a leader"
or they may say "don't try to control me" but then they will say "i need a man who knows how to take control!"
women don't even really perceive that they do this
a woman will tell her guy "i don't need you, i don't need a man" then they break up and the first thing she does is secure another man
women are just so confused these days.. if they would only understand that they need to pick a side- we'd all be much better off
the bible says the Lord wants us to be hot or cold.. He doesn't want us to be lukewarm.. i heard someone say it like this.. say u have pure water and u have polluted water.. they are two opposite ends of the spectrum
if u mix the pure with the polluted.. what do u get?
this is what women need to understand.. either ur going to be a good SUBMISSIVE woman or you're going to be a dusty broke down feminist skank
and if u try to be both.. you're going to be a delusional broke down feminist skank
ur delusional because u think ur a good woman but you're not
pick a side.. be a good woman aka wife material aka submissive and supportive to your man... or be a dumb whore feminist who revels in her "sexual freedom" (aka gets passed around) and enjoys her pro-choice stance and has abortions.. oh yeah.. and enjoys her "independence" ...which JUST MEANS "LACK OF HELP" U STUPID WHORES.. enjoy your 50 hour a week job and complimentary early death lol
man i hate feminists so much but their foolishness will be their punishment.. i really don't even have to say anything because their reality is a sad one.. with or without me pointing it out
anyway.. i could say more but i'ma let this breathe for a min
this is just something i want to say to anyone in a relationship or someone wanting to be in a relationship
if your spouse asks u to come with them somewhere, u should probably try to go
what i mean by this is i wanted my ex to come to church with me and she never made an attempt to really just show up and have a good attitude.. she showed up one day and didn't even sit next to me
she also would complain after church about things instead of just being like "that was cool" or "i learned this"
she also sometimes would just plain not go
one day she didn't come and i asked her what she did when i was gone and she said she watched porn
the issue with this is- another girl at church seemed to like me so its like my ex g/f made things more complicated than what they needed to be
if i am asking u to come and ur telling me u won't come.. but another girl is there every week and she is treating me good- well guess what? u are being replaced little by little
not saying i replaced my ex or dated another girl while we were together or anything, because i didn't... i'm just saying.. with her not coming to church.. it really made things difficult and complicated with me seeing this other girl every week and having her be nice to me while my ex just did her own thing
if ur spouse asks u to go somewhere u should probably try to go because you don't know who will be there
and another thing.. i never asked my ex to come to a rodeo or a monster truck show or a cow milking contest or something.. i said CHURCH.. what is so hard about just coming to church?
like i am just venting because i wanted her to come so we could hear the Word together and grow together and all i got was resistance... i never said "hey babe i want to take u to (insert dangerous place here)" no i said LETS GO TO CHURCH
i don't know... looking back i'm just disappointed because that was one of the main things i wanted her and i to do and it never happened.. oh well.. just wanted to get that off my chest
i found out my ex g/f was seeing someone when we were still talking
of course we weren't TOGETHER but we were still talking and she was seeing someone
i want to talk about some of the things that i felt were suspect during our relationship (in no particular order)
1. i noticed a few times when she talked about the concept of friends with benefits, she would get this smirk/smile on her face.. it hurt me to see that and it of course just didn't sit right with me.. it just made me feel like that type of setup is something she likes but would never really say outloud to me
that was also something i felt she could do behind my back, like say if i ever made her upset or something.. why not cheat on james and come back later like nothing happened
2. she accused me of talking to other girls or "cheating" or not being committed... what i mean by this is like... she would sometimes want to see my phone and if i said no she would make it a big deal and say i had something to hide
looking back, i just feel like she did that because she knew what she was doing and/or had a propensity to do.. its like when a thief suspects other people of wanting to steal from him
she was talking to other dudes so she felt i was talking to other girls
3. she never said anything about having a sexual standard.. most people at some point will say something like "i'm waiting for marriage" or "i will only have sex if i'm in love" or they will express some type of standard
i never heard anything like that from her.. it was like she wanted me to believe she had the mind of a virgin but she never said anything that resembled a conservative sexual outlook
one time i asked her if she would compare me to other guys she's been with if we ever got married and had sex and she said something like "i really don't know much about sex.. i act like i do but i really don't"
it just sounded like lip service to me.. like let me act like i'm innocent now- but any other time i'm talking like a sailor about sex
i think her standard was for a man to have a pleasing body and she wants him to manhandle her.. outside of that there is no standard.. i never heard one.. even when she accused me of saying she was a slut (which i never said).. she still didn't offer up a disclaimer or a standard.. it was just like "you think i'm loose" as opposed to "i will only have sex if...."
tip for women: offer a standard.. this will help your man to trust you.. if u do like my ex and say things like
"i didn't care about any of my ex boyrfriends" you will make yourself look like u have ZERO sexual standards because we both know u had sex with them.. so if u had sex with men u don't care about- u look whorish
4. she would sometimes give short replies in text messages, or not answer her phone, or she would refuse to meet me, or cancel plans, or hours to reply to a simple text message, or sometimes not respond to a text when i know she should technically be free
keep in mind i'm just giving u all these examples because these are red flags
5. here's a good one... but it has to do with me instead of her
i started feeling less trust... looking back.. i even remember looking up things on youtube like "how to know if your girlfriend is cheating on you"
she had a few of the signs also
the thing about situations like this is you still sort of wonder "is it just me?"
if u are losing trust- while it may be subtle, i'm going to just tell u- its probably not just you
so if u find youself just feeling weird inside about the person you're with deep down... u may need to let it go
6. sudden mood shifts.. which was common with her anyway, but like.. if its a sudden mood shift that affects your relationship.. that's prob a red flag
what i mean is.. there may be an argument which has a sudden mood shift in it.. that may be normal if that's all there is to it
but if an argument has a sudden mood shift where she verbally questions the relationship or sets up a boundary or creates a distance between u two.. this is something diff
7. rudeness and lack of respect.. these things are red flags.. if she does this, drop her
so these are things where i look back and see them at times and i see she wasn't being 100 with me.. of course we weren't TOGETHER but still she could have and should have been more forthcoming because u have to treat people the way u want to be treated.. and i know she wouldn't have liked to know i was putting her on the backburner and entertaining other girls in secret
before i go.. here's suspect action #8
if she wants to kiss you without tongue.. something is not right
i have experienced this not only from my ex, but also from another girl... when women only want to kiss with their lips.. something just isn't right... its almost the same as like a closed body language that says "i'm hiding something"
both times this happened to me- i knew something wasn't right.. i won't get into all of that right now but if ur girl does that- u need to leave her, or look in her medicine cabinet, or look in her phone UNDER EVERY NAME because they are prob saving males under female names.. my ex one day accused me of doing this when the reality is i NEVER thought about doing that.. so it just made me think she is the one who does things like that
or one time she said she was going to watch porn on her phone and she had some browser that wouldn't keep her search history.. so what i'm saying is- women know how to appear innocent ... u might look in her phone at first glance and see nothing... u may need to look closer
hopefully these tips help u men out there in relationships with the scumbags we call women
its 11pm on wednesday
i have to be up by like 5 am.. i can't really sleep lately
i am so over getting up early.. i haven't started looking for jobs yet but i feel like its about that time
i am just tired of waking up early and i want a job that is later in the day
i don't think there is any getting used to being off your body clock
people say "go to bed earlier" lol.. we are made of sand.. meaning we are connected to earth we get up at diff times in our lives based on our body clock.. what i'm saying is- i am constantly violating my body clock and i'm just tired of it
no amount of going to bed earlier will help.. my body just plain doesn't want to get up at 4 or 5 am.. PERIOD
if i had my way i'd never really see anything between 4:30am and 10am at all
i have not been able to sleep lately and i think its causing me to feel weaker and more like... distressed
anyway i had an idea to take off june 30th and july 3rd because that would essentially give me like 5 days to not have to be at work
i'm thinking about going ahead and doing that so i can catch up on sleep and also look for jobs
blah.. all of a sudden i don't want to talk anymore.. blame the lack of sleep..
i'm out peaCe
i wanted to put this out there
i was on plenty of fish recently and i saw an exceptionally pretty girl
her page said she had more pictures on snapchat.. i don't have snapchat so i put her name in google and as i scrolled down, a different name came up as associated with her
i then put the other name in to see what the connection was and a bunch of porn sites came up
so this girl is on pof under one name and on porn sites under another name
please believe her pof profile said something like: "if you're looking for sex then take your behind to backpage"
so she is on the internet doing hardcore porn, but she's on pof saying "if you're looking for sex keep it movin"
why am i bringing any of this up?
because this is why women are garbage these days
this is why you try to talk to a woman and it seems like her head is elsewhere... its because she is a whore and everyone knows it but you
when i say everyone knows it but you- i mean all her friends know about her 'night life' ...her family likely knows because she probably told her female cousin and word spread.. and a number of guys know what she's up to because they have had her..
however YOU (meaning the regular guy with a normal life and a 9 to 5 who goes to church every weekend) have no idea she is on the internet getting pounded by diff guys for money
this is what i mean when i say women are the ones ruining relationships or even potential relationships today
when you talk to a girl and tell her you'd like to take her out- and you get no real response.. this is the reason.. its because of something i said a year or two ago and that is
i could be the best chef in the world, but no matter how good i make a meal for you, you won't want it if you already ate
think about it.. some girl was getting pounded by some linebacker type guy over the weekend.. but they are "friends with benefits"
so you go up to her on tuesday at work and ask her out.. you look totally boring and uninteresting to her
she declines your offer to take her to dinner and you wonder why because she told you she was single.. but if you're giving up the most intimate part of you HOW SINGLE ARE YOU, REALLY?
how AVAILABLE are you?
she is looking at you like you are some type of nerdy goody two shoes.. but not because you are actually a nerd... she is looking at you this way comparatively
its like when you see pimps, hoes, drug dealers, users and thieves, and they refer to regular, 9 to 5 employed citizens as "square" or "straight laced"
what i mean is- these women see you as a nerd not because you have a problem, but because THEY have a problem
they see you as a good guy and their rejection of you makes u feel like "nice guys finish last" but the fact is this... if you stay on your path for 5 or 10 more years, and they stay on their path for 5 or 10 more years... you will be the one to come out on top
so don't allow these whorish women to make u feel bad about yourself
realize what is going on... u didn't approach her incorrectly, you didn't wear the wrong clothes, you aren't ugly, sometimes its none of that
sometimes she is just turning down your 4 course meal because she already ate and spoiled her appetite.. she doesn't want what u have
she got pounded the night before and here you come talking about "hey let me take you to dinner"
she isn't receptive because her mind is elsewhere and that has nothing to do with you or what you have offered her
so men just keep your head up and keep grinding
every time i see women ruining their lives, it motivates me to make my life better.. every time i see women caught up in sin, it makes me want to detach further and further from sin and iniquity
don't let their indiscretion become your own... separate yourself even further and over time you will see the differences become more and more pronounced, to where there will come a day where you will no longer even want her at all and her plight, wants, and desires will mean absolutely nothing to you
wow.. my ex g/f was an awful human being
i decided to try and make an album cover even though i don't have an album made yet.. i want to make an album cover just for fun and i figured i'd have it ready for the next album
well my idea (spoiler alert) is to take old screenshots of texts and compile them together for the album art
as i read over old texts i see just how much of a complete jerk my ex g/f was
i read over these texts and i'm actually embarassed that i put up with her
i have legit been going through these screenshots and i legit got so upset that i needed a break.. i'm not even kidding, i got up and got a popsicle and walked around for a minute to try and cool off
she was such a jerk.. like.................. i just want to be around a nice girl or something sort of like how u eat something gross and u want something good to eat or drink next, so u can wash the taste of the nasty thing out
i want to be around a nice girl because my ex's bad attitude and mind games were just out of this world
and to any moron who thinks i'm making this up.. let me remind you I HAVE THE TEXT MESSAGES
wow man why did i put up with her .... i need like a brain enema or that eternal sunshine of the spotless mind treatment
i'm not going to start saying cuss words cuz i got delivered from that (thank the Lord) but she was TERRIBLE TO ME!!!!!!
i had a thought just now that i want to just share.. i remember charlamagne saying he paid for like 3 abortions
i was thinking about the women who did that and how stupid they must feel considering they aborted those kids and charlamagne is rich now
like do women understand what they are doing?
like u have sex out of wedlock, when u get preg the man doesn't want a child with u so u abort your child
then the man gets rich and gets married and u have zero access to him or his money.. all u have is the memory that u killed your baby
u give a man your most valuable asset and defile yourself and kill a human being and u get nothing out of it
and what's crazier about this type of thing is this: i am a single male and i don't have sex, because i believe it's for marriage.. but if i tell a woman i don't want to have sex, a lot of times she will leave me lol
i won't screw a woman and leave her and have her killing babies.. but they don't think about that.. they just think.. "this is weird, we can't have sex until marriage"
all these women out here saying "i want a real relationship, not just a pump and dump" but how many of them want to be with a guy like me?
well i'm single so take a wild guess
women have ruined themselves with their "sexual freedom" crap
they have ruined their chances of having a patriarchal family structure... all they have done is reduced themselves to pump and dumps as opposed to wives and mothers LOL
they also have increased their work load 10 fold.. as in the 50s women didn't even really work.. they just did domestic things to assist the man and the household.. but now women are expected to work just as much as men... women are stupid for buying into the lies of feminism
which one is happier, a woman who marries a man and submits and keeps him happy so he keeps her happy and stays with her and listens to her and they build a life and family and she is able to just work part time because they have established wealth
or the women who is just another pump and dump with no family- a string of abortions and hiv-scares, and a 40hour per week job
women are their own worst enemy today..
the other day a girl said to me "guys only want to have sex with me.. i'd rather have a choice of 5 guys who are serious about a relationship than 500 who just want to sleep with me"
except this is the same girl who said i'm "too religious" which translated to me as "u won't have sex with me outside of marriage"
so which is it?
do u want a guy like me or not?
this is the folly of women
they say they want something but when they find it, they don't want it
they don't want the guy who will pump and dump them OR the guy who will love and cherish them lol
that's why they remain single
before i go i want to paint that picture one more time
how stupid do u think a woman feels knowing she aborted her child and the man is now married and rich?
u women really need to wise up... u need to understand... your "sexual freedom" is bondage... and your "bondage" (aka submission to a good respectable God-fearing man) is freedom
you women are destroying yourselves
i want to address something my ex g/f said about me
ok i have some videos on youtube where i don't show my face.. these videos are about my experiences with women
she found them and she said i'm a coward who sits behind a keyboard judging people lol
ok so i just want to address this for my own catharsis
the reason i use a robotic voice on those is because i take the entries from my website.. since the entries are already written out- all i have to do is put them in the text to speech thing and convert them to mp3... its just easy
also, i don't want the entries to be about my voice or my face or anything- i want them to be about the information
she said i'm hiding on the internet
i am not hiding- i legit do those videos that way so that people focus on the content
i tried to show her that i have videos on the internet where i show my face and i still rant.. but i don't think she really heard me
i am not afraid of people seeing me on the internet- the only thing i would find embarrassing would be like if i ended up naked online somehow or something like that... but i'm not ashamed of my thoughts and ideas- i DO feel that some people won't understand where i'm coming from, but that's a given
for example i run into a lot of women who seem to think there are a lot of good women out in the world LOL.. these women would never understand why a man is disgruntled about the selection of women today
so anyway.. i am not afraid to show my face on the videos about women.. i just don't show my face because I WANT THOSE VIDEOS TO BE ABOUT THE CONTENT
i want to see if people relate or not- without any types of distractions.. by removing humanity- you are left with just the thoughts and ideas
its like reading a book where you don't know anything about the author- you aren't thinking about anything other than what is written on the page
btw i need to do more of those videos