i want to say two things.. they have no real point, i'm just getting my thoughts off my chest.. read or skip
ONE as much as i get on my website and talk about people, i don't think i am perfect i tend to think i am a jerk to people.. i never feel like i'm being a good person really.. i always feel like i'm being mean to people.. even when i know i'm being nice i still feel like i'm doing something wrong, like maybe i'm being nice in an awkward way i am not sure if this is a true assessment of myself or if i have a serious problem with negative self-talk all i ever really think about in my life is my own embarrassments and mistakes and drawbacks.. i'm talking about whenever i am alone with my thoughts.. all i ever see in my head is mean things i've done, ways i've hurt people, and bad decisions i've made, and negative things about my character and/or where i am in life in a sense i feel like i have a very low self worth.. i feel like i have no reason to feel any other way sometimes my thoughts about myself seem to be solidified when another person just up and stops talking to me.. it sort of solidifies my thought that i have no real value to anyone and i don't matter this stuff may sound depressing but more often than not i ignore these things and just live life.. i ignore a lot of things i even said this in a song i did called '5 minutes' where i said: "unbreakable, i won't shatter/ priorities? ignorin things that don't matter/" TWO i find it odd that many of us live as if there is no hell but if something happened and someone told you that when you die it is certain that you will go to hell, that would be the literal end of your life all of your life's enjoyment would be marred by the fact that you will be tortured forever as soon as you die i've thought about it and realized that someone telling you that you have no chance of going to heaven is the literal worst belief a person can have.. its worse than everything (take a second to think about that.. imagine what it would feel like.. it is a severely depressing thought but it helps you to keep things in perspective as far as being thankful and appreciative that you still have a chance at heaven) but even with the importance of securing an afterlife, a lot of us still sort of pay it no attention none of us can control where our souls go.. if we could i'm sure we would've opted to be born into rich families, but no.. we have no choice on what region, time, family, or body our soul was inserted into i heard someone once say to an audience "i bet you think you'll go to heaven when you die" i thought about this a lot and realized this is probably way more true than we can immediately comprehend i thought about all the people who died without warning, and all the people who were "just having fun" living in sin, who just died and never got a chance to repent literally ALL THEY WANT in hell is a second chance.. they are screaming day and night begging for a second chance to come back and put the stolen money back.. begging for a chance to be faithful to their wives and husbands again.. begging for a chance to come back and listen to God as opposed to the tv
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the new retro Archives
December 2014
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