what is your family's generational curse?
what problems do you constantly struggle with? is there a way out? or are you stuck? i have noticed peoples' problems are not just happenstance, they are actually very specific plans that are meant to attack a person's weakness or core... or they are meant to wear a person's morale down completely to the point where they become bitter and angry even when not provoked i have noticed this because i look around and i see that people have very consistent problems.. its not like an issue where a person has financial problems for two weeks, or love problems for one month, or whatever.. no.. if you look around, you notice people have constant issues with certain things seemingly no matter what they do like say you see a person with love problems.. they will one day meet someone they love but eventually that will fall apart.. no matter how good the love is, at some point it seems like its inevitable that it will end in heart break simply because it is a pattern... how much of the problem is the person and how much of the problem is the spiritual aspect of problems? (demons orchestrating negative circumstances to work out a negative end) i am not sure my problems have changed in the last year or so a year or two ago my problems were basically like inactivity.. being bored doing homework, not having a job or a girlfriend.. just sitting around waiting for semesters to end.. feeling like i was just existing to write boring nonsensical papers and read worthless textbooks well today my problem i have been finding is the issue of not having a home in life literally or figuratively i talk to people and they don't understand what i'm saying or where i'm coming from which makes me feel like i have no social "home" i can go to and find a camaraderie i have no girlfriend so i have no relationship type of "home" when i lived with my parents everyday they constantly reminded me i was living in their house then i moved out and i don't like where i live so i still feel that i am in a sort of limbo when it comes to finding my own "home" in life.. in going through this struggle i have found that "home" encompasses many different aspects of life.. what exactly constitutes as a familiar face to you? is it a way of talking? is it a social class? who do you feel at home around? what sort of surroundings most appeal to you? where can you be and feel like you belong? there are many different aspects to feeling at home.. and when you feel displaced, it is an uncomfortable feeling you go outside and the things you see look and feel a bit foreign or perhaps even irritating, you talk to people and they don't understand nor do they try to.. what sort of job feels good to you? in order to have the job you want, what do you have to do? overall.. who are you and where do you fit in this world? do you need to move to a different state or country? do you need a relationship or are you content being single? speaking of which- i thought a little about the nature of sex and how a penis goes and rests and resides in a vagina.. so in a sense a woman provides a sort of home for a man women open up to receive the love a man has to offer and a man sort of finds a rest in that.. i guess that is why we men are so possessive over our women, because and intruder is basically like a burglar.. but aside from that- my point was again- 'home' encompasses many different things question: am i on the verge of finally feeling at home? is that why i am struggling with it? is it a 'wrestle-with-the-issue-today-to-receive-its-blessing-tomorrow' type of thing? when i was struggling with inactivity it sort of gave way to a time of activity, (once i planted the alotted seeds then the doors opened) so maybe my struggle with the proverbial homelessness will give way to a home in the same way maybe i will finally find a situation where i feel like i 'fit' .. a situation where i am appreciated and a place where my presence is to an extent inextricable from the environment in which it resides
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
who am i?
the new retro Archives
December 2014
|