just for fun i decided to look up dating questions from women online and answer them here
i really want to answer questions from girls in real life.. but i don't know any girls who would actually ask a question so i found one online and so i will answer it again this is just for fun this is the first question i found when i googled dating questions from women some random woman: I’m 38, professional with a lot of blessings in life except my love life. By saying that, you will probably understand the person I’m looking for needs to be loving, responsible and desperate for love and family life. I just got out of a 2-year relationship. It’s a very classic story, everything was great and we were well connected in many ways except that he couldn’t move forward to next level – starting a family. During the 2-year relationship, I was waiting for him for 10 months while he was in South Africa taking care of his ill father. I was there for him through the most difficult time of his life. He never committed to me. After all this, he said he still couldn’t bring himself to propose to me or start a family. I can hear your answer already But it’s hard. He’s back and I moved out, not far from him. I have to admit that I still hold out some hope. He said he’s going to a counselor. He said marriage is such a huge decision and he’s afraid that he will make a mistake. He was never near to marriage to anyone before. I’m a strong and independent woman, but when it comes to relationship and love, I have to admit I’m very vulnerable. Evan, I have been single for over a decade! When I met my ex-boyfriend, I thought this is it. I’ve been on numerous relationship programs and I like your advice best, and that you do understand women. I don’t understand why I’m single and I don’t understand why everyone else seems to settle down with someone and I can’t find the one. my response: PART 1 I’m 38, professional I’m a strong and independent woman <--(i am aware those quotes aren't in order) first of all, men don't care that you are "professional" <-- that statement was not meant to be snarky, its just that if you think that you are appealing to men with your money, career, degrees, and whatever else- you're wrong men are looking for a woman, not a business partner.. the only reason i say this is because if you shift what you portray then you can be more attractive to men.. men honestly are just not attracted to your ability to be in the board room in a pants-suit.. the fact that the first thing you said about yourself is that you're professional tells me you probably magnify that side of yourself which will likely be a turn off to a man who is seeking a WIFE there's nothing wrong with you having a career but don't put it on a pedestal or talk it up too much because it can make you sound less like a wife and more like a finance manager or some other cold impersonal business partner.. here is the easiest way for me to word this: men are thinking something like: "i want love, and intimacy.. a woman who can be vulnerable who will want me around, someone who has feelings, a woman who will bond with myself and our potential child" but when you say: "i am a ceo of a company and i have my own money and i'm independent and i have 3 degrees" then men are hearing "she will not be able to give me love, intimacy, vulnerability and bonding.. she has her own agenda which is not a family oriented one.. she is on her own path" its cool to have a career and be professional, but watch what you are portraying PART 2 During the 2-year relationship, I was waiting for him for 10 months while he was in South Africa taking care of his ill father. I was there for him through the most difficult time of his life. He never committed to me. you were in a 2 year uncommitted relationship and 10 months of that relationship were spent helping this man lick his wounds it sounds like you acted as a doormat you might be thinking "well i liked him, i was hoping he'd come around, so what else should i have done?" you should have said to him something like "i'd like to see where this goes but i can't wait forever" (put the ball back in his court to see what he will do with it) OR just say something like "hey i hope your dad gets better, call me whenever you have time to come see me" this way you are not wasting your time and you can likely get a feel for where he stands.. will he make an effort? or will he not? PART 3 this is not in the letter but if sex is in the equation, take it out time and attention = frienship affection and sex = RELATIONSHIP but relationship without commitment is the whole reason you are writing your letter.. so scale back to just time and attention and work with him in that space ONLY you can't get upset at him in this situation, he is just accepting what you give him.. stop giving it i mean as far as i can tell, not only has he not married you- he hasn't even claimed you as his girlfriend PART 4 He was never near to marriage to anyone before. so he is (likely) in his late 30s and has never even wanted to commit before........ do i even need to say anything? it sounds like he just likes the whole "no strings attached" thing.. and it sounds like you are the only one confused about that i just wonder what you heard when he said that to you.. did your brain say "CHARACTER FLAW" or did it say "well then i will be the special one who will make him want to commit" ?? i think most people would deem that a bit of a character flaw.. how could a person who is in their late 30s not have contemplated marriage with a person at least once before unless they were altogether uninterested in the concept? PART 5 I don’t understand why I’m single based on your letter, you have 2 problems 1. you waste time on men who aren't into commitment i'm not dissing you for MEETING men who are not into commitment, because how were you supposed to know they weren't into it.. but why STAY there once you learn what they're about? 2. you project the "educated professional" thing as opposed to the "wife and mom" thing if you were at a job interview, you'd play down your family role and project your professionalism.. DO THE SAME THING WHEN SEEKING A RELATIONSHIP play down the professional thing and project your, love, affection, cuteness, flexibility, dresses, curves, bright colors etc +++++++++++++ do you peeps think this was good advice? if anyone wants to ask me a question about men, or even do the reverse and ANSWER a question i ask about women, leave a comment and we can make it happen right here out in the open
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December 2014
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