this entry is basically explaining the past yr of my life.. read or skip.. i'm kinda just getting it all off my chest
i graduated school last yr (2013) in may since then i've had two jobs the first job was something i got out of desperation basically.. just a job in a call center the next job i got had significantly higher pay but it was temporary i didn't mind my job at all but they ended up sending me home after a while to work from home.. the problem with this was i live w/ my parents u could say "james why didn't you move out?" well two reasons 1. i wanted to save money and see if i could move out of state.. this made it so it made more sense to stay at my parents house because i wouldn't be caught in a lease (meaning i could pick up and leave when the opportunity came) 2. with the job being temporary, signing a lease didn't seem like the best idea so basically.. they sent me home and when i was sent home my life became weird on one hand i didn't have to commute, i didn't have to get dressed.. i didn't have to even buy food sometimes but there were some things i couldn't really get around or avoid working from home doing what i was doing meant i needed a wired internet connection.. needing a wired internet connection meant i had to sit in the computer room.. this soon became torture because the computer room is pretty small, but every day i'd get up and start work and my dad would be in the computer room because he quit his job last yr i dealt with this the best i could but after a while i just couldn't take it anymore.. anyone who really knows me knows that i have never really got along with my dad very well.. he is a stand up guy but we just don't really mesh... with him not having a job it seemed like every time i turned around he was right there.. it was hard to be around him so many hours per day.. its one thing to stay at ur parents while u save money.. its another thing to wake up and have to work at ur parents house in a small room with a parent oh btw.. every time i try to tell someone what its like being around my dad, they always go into their high and mighty "be thankful" thing i am thankful to have my dad but people just don't get it.. THEY JUST DONT GET IT i don't know why no one understands where i'm coming from.. if you look in your life, i'm sure there is someone u almost never mesh with.. in my life it seems to be my dad a lot.. i'm not insulting him, its just the reality of the situation he talks in a way that is very.......... (i literally just sighed) .... its hard to explain.. he has a way of making you feel like everything you say is stupid or worthless sometimes you might say something and it seems like he changes the subject... for example: u might say "man i'm sick today" and he'll respond with something that seems unrelated like "have you got an oil change yet?" people just don't understand what this sort of thing is like.. i can't make a person understand what this is like or how it affects you.. some people have experienced it, but if you haven't experienced it, you probably will never understand.. it just is what it is another thing my dad does at times is he will say something contrary to what you say so that he can try to 'best' you or make what you say seem irrelevant.. even if he has no reason to disagree, sometimes i think he disagrees on purpose like for example one day we got into it because i mentioned something about casey anthony or something and he started saying he didn't think casey anthony was guilty.. i have to ask myself questions like "does he seriously not think she is guilty or does he just like to disagree with me?" sometimes i honestly can't tell.. i'm like "but she was typing in chloroform in the computer" and my dad will have some sort of comeback like "no that was her mother" (i can't remember exactly how the conversation went, but thats basically how our conversations go sometimes) so i will be sitting there getting upset because he is saying something that makes no sense and defending it as if it does make sense.. but again.. i think he just does it sometimes to make me angry.. i kinda liken him to an internet troll.. they are just disagreeable, they troll and try to make u pissed off for no reason but its like.. why do that to someone? why antagonize people and play games with them like that? i remember when i was little he'd ask me questions and as soon as i'd answer them he'd hit me with some kind of insult.. so after a while i just didn't like talking to him at all because all his questions were always like a setup like say i walk in from playing with my friends then my dad would say something like: "why didn't you clean the floor?" then i'd just be thinking "what are you talking about?" but i'd say something like "what do u mean?" and he'd say something like "don't answer my question with a question" then i'd be getting frustrated because i'm thinking "where is this coming from?" .. its like he's acting like he told me to clean the floor and i didn't do it but that's not the case, its just something he made up.. but when ur 8 years old you don't have the ability to really say what u need to say ... so i'd say something like "because i didn't think of it" then he'd say something like, well next time think of it.. now get in there and clean the floor the problem with the interaction would be that i was just sort of put-down for no reason.. like why not just say "james can you clean the floor" ? why ask me a question and make me look like i was being irresponsible and harass me like that? i mean u could say something like that to anyone.. "why didn't you wash my car?" its just a setup to make u look like you are incompetent i noticed from a young age there is like never a "right" answer to his questions.. whatever u say results in an insult of your character i am not dissing my dad i am just explaining this for people who don't grasp why we never really get along so anyway.. when i was working in the computer room, it ended up sorta being the same old thing.. its difficult being around him because u have to try and avoid him.. but he would do things that were still hard to deal with, like he'd look up videos on the internet and that would take up so much bandwidth that i couldn't work.. or he'd sit there and burp over and over or he'd SNEEZE and his sneeze is the loudest thing on earth and EVERY SINGLE MOTHER F*CKING TIME HE DID IT, IT STARTLED THE SH*T OUT OF ME and a few times he would literally sit there and sneeze like 7 times in a row.. when i tell people something like "my dad sneezed and i'm frustrated" they don't understand what i mean.. u have to look at it in context 1. we are in a small room together 2. i cannot get away from him at all 3. its SUPER OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD 4. going from quiet to this huge noise startles u really bad to the point where it can hurt your physical heart or just make u angry 5. him doing it like 7 times in a row seems ridiculous and it can make your frustration level go from 0 to 10 QUICK so the job was supposed to end in december, but it was like december 17th or something one day and i asked the boss "when does this job end?" and the person said "it'll probably go until february" i knew i couldn't go another two months in there with my dad so i had to quit.. i didn't want to work in that environment anymore so then my goal was to try and get a job in seattle or tacoma, washington i figured if i could get a call back then i could fly out and interview and i also had enough money to get a place, so i was thinking.. let me try to get an interview.. if i can fly out and get a job then i can get an apartment within a week also and start living in washington so i started looking for work there and i wasn't getting anything popping AT ALL... looking back, i think the reason was because they knew i lived in tennessee and no entry level job will go to the trouble of taking a chance with someone who lives far away.. even though i was willing to fly out myself, they were looking at my address like ....."next" so i was unable to get anything so i basically just visited washington because i was unable to get anything out there.. visiting there was fun and i still want to live there but i realize i will have to get my ducks in a row in major ways first.. in other words, i realized i am stuck here in tennessee for a while this led me to looking for jobs in tennessee again.. which led me to the job i have now so hopefully this new job will be a stepping stone in more ways than one for me i graduated school, i visited seattle, i got a job, i know where i want to be in life, i just need to move out now.. so i am hoping to save enough for the fees and whatever .. that's my main goal right now.. then once i move i want to plan my next job or next move because again.. i'm entry level so even though i have a job.. i still have to try and move up from here my life is really bad sometimes.. for example.. right now its 80 degrees outside and i am hot (here in my parents house).. so imagine how hot i'll be when its 85 or 90 i am hot all summer because my parents apparently hate air conditioning.. and if i take my shirt off all they do is laugh at me and tell me how fat i am.. so basically i am screwed.. i am either seriously hot 24 hours a day or listening to people call me fat 24 hours a day its things like this that people don't get about my life they think i have it easy, not understanding the totality of my struggle.. i want to get on my feet but it is easier said than done.. in society's eyes i am "unskilled labor" meaning i am not worth much, i am entry level, so getting on my feet takes a lot of time and effort i've been working hard though so hopefully everything pays off soon
2 Comments
Giles
4/19/2014 09:26:26 am
people like that..i think they have to do certain things to reassure themselves of their own power.I work with someone like that.She has to kinda go off on people to assert job superiority.
Reply
jaims
4/19/2014 07:20:14 pm
i hate authority a lot of times.. it can be so annoying.. i dread having kids because i don't want to be that annoying voice to them
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
who am i?
the new retro Archives
December 2014
|