for today's menu, we have a few of the things i hate
putting air in my tires: i hate doing this because i always feel like i'm doing it wrong.. those stupid notices in car manuals say things like "CAUTION: do not over-inflate and do not under-inflate! if you do then your car will fly off the highway and explode" smh.. how do you not over or under inflate your tires? ..i'm no car wiz, i don't ever really feel like i can get it perfect and when i'm putting air in my tires i always get this vision in my head of me over inflating to the point where the tire explodes right there in my face cleaning the tub in the bathroom: when you wash dishes, you wipe things out and they are clean.. when you clean the tub, you scrub and scrub and scrub and its still dirty its slippery, monotonous, and boring i just wish it would clean itself.. i mean hands and knees scrubbing the floor and walls? ........NO. random one: today i used the u-scan at kroger and i put in enough change to only get 50cents back.. well when it gave me my change back, it gave me one quarter and two dimes and a nickel why didn't it just give me two quarters? maybe i don't want another pocket full of change, did you ever think of that you crappy machine? bad smells: i never really knew how much smell meant until fairly recently a bad smell is typically indicative of germs or something unhealthy lurking either hidden or seen.. a fresh smell can be one of the most inviting things.. the crown of a well-kept environment think of a place you love being.. now imagine that place having a terrible odor...... get me? people who don't listen to you: this happened to me today... i went up to talk to someone and before i said anything they said "don't complain" i wasn't even going to complain.. i just wanted to talk.. i was very offended by that comment because like i said- A. i was not going to complain B. when i do complain, i am having a bad day.. is that ok? if i have a bad day can i express that? or is it off limits because according to women "men don't (or shouldn't) have feelings" like if i am talking and i say, "i was so sick today at work, it was terrible" i'm sorry but i don't want to hear someone say "stop complaining" like what does that even mean? what am i supposed to do? ignore it? u want me to say "work was great today" and then walk off? or do you want me to tell you what really happened?
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what is your family's generational curse?
what problems do you constantly struggle with? is there a way out? or are you stuck? i have noticed peoples' problems are not just happenstance, they are actually very specific plans that are meant to attack a person's weakness or core... or they are meant to wear a person's morale down completely to the point where they become bitter and angry even when not provoked i have noticed this because i look around and i see that people have very consistent problems.. its not like an issue where a person has financial problems for two weeks, or love problems for one month, or whatever.. no.. if you look around, you notice people have constant issues with certain things seemingly no matter what they do like say you see a person with love problems.. they will one day meet someone they love but eventually that will fall apart.. no matter how good the love is, at some point it seems like its inevitable that it will end in heart break simply because it is a pattern... how much of the problem is the person and how much of the problem is the spiritual aspect of problems? (demons orchestrating negative circumstances to work out a negative end) i am not sure my problems have changed in the last year or so a year or two ago my problems were basically like inactivity.. being bored doing homework, not having a job or a girlfriend.. just sitting around waiting for semesters to end.. feeling like i was just existing to write boring nonsensical papers and read worthless textbooks well today my problem i have been finding is the issue of not having a home in life literally or figuratively i talk to people and they don't understand what i'm saying or where i'm coming from which makes me feel like i have no social "home" i can go to and find a camaraderie i have no girlfriend so i have no relationship type of "home" when i lived with my parents everyday they constantly reminded me i was living in their house then i moved out and i don't like where i live so i still feel that i am in a sort of limbo when it comes to finding my own "home" in life.. in going through this struggle i have found that "home" encompasses many different aspects of life.. what exactly constitutes as a familiar face to you? is it a way of talking? is it a social class? who do you feel at home around? what sort of surroundings most appeal to you? where can you be and feel like you belong? there are many different aspects to feeling at home.. and when you feel displaced, it is an uncomfortable feeling you go outside and the things you see look and feel a bit foreign or perhaps even irritating, you talk to people and they don't understand nor do they try to.. what sort of job feels good to you? in order to have the job you want, what do you have to do? overall.. who are you and where do you fit in this world? do you need to move to a different state or country? do you need a relationship or are you content being single? speaking of which- i thought a little about the nature of sex and how a penis goes and rests and resides in a vagina.. so in a sense a woman provides a sort of home for a man women open up to receive the love a man has to offer and a man sort of finds a rest in that.. i guess that is why we men are so possessive over our women, because and intruder is basically like a burglar.. but aside from that- my point was again- 'home' encompasses many different things question: am i on the verge of finally feeling at home? is that why i am struggling with it? is it a 'wrestle-with-the-issue-today-to-receive-its-blessing-tomorrow' type of thing? when i was struggling with inactivity it sort of gave way to a time of activity, (once i planted the alotted seeds then the doors opened) so maybe my struggle with the proverbial homelessness will give way to a home in the same way maybe i will finally find a situation where i feel like i 'fit' .. a situation where i am appreciated and a place where my presence is to an extent inextricable from the environment in which it resides i signed a year lease.. but after one night i hate my new place lol
i'm not kidding around at all.. i am not ungrateful, i mean i've paid for it with my own money.. its just not where i want to live at all looking back i've had a hard time in my life with feeling like i have no place to live.. when i was living with my parents they made it clear to me daily that i was living under THEIR roof so i found the first place i could sign and signed unfortunately it sucks and i can't stand being there i promise you i'm not complaining, i'm just being honest.. i really don't like being in there.. you would have to come to my place to understand its a very weird thing where you wake up and you actually are happier leaving home and going to work than you are staying home and sleeping in and screwing around.. but that's where i am right now anyway.. i already broke the lease.. i have to pay them $1,300 extra dollars and a 60day notice so i'll be out by the beginning of september.. i'll keep my eyes peeled for what to do next in the meantime.. cuz right now i have no idea i finally got my own place
my place is cool but not perfect.. the cabinets need work, my building isn't new by any means etc. but its enough space and affordable and i'm not in my parents house seems like theres a lot of women where i live which is nice i'll try to say more later i got a pay increase today.. *index to da sky*
here are some pictures we took at work yesterday fun times i have had a lot on my mind lately
did anyone notice i didn't put any pictures in the right hand column this yr? every yr i do that but i didn't do it this year yet... i will try to do that when i get a chance i got some encouragement lately from peeps which has been nice.. like yesterday i saw this guy i know named ben and he was telling me he was listening to some of my songs and one in particular was inspiring him.. he was basically saying it was helping him get over his ex he was reciting the lyrics and everything lol so i was like wow thats really cool and i gave him a link to my bandcamp.. that makes me want to start writing more i'm always happy when someone likes one of my songs because i think i'm helping steer them in a good direction.. even when i'm talking negatively on a song i'm doing it for positive reasons i've been into this guy named james allen a lot.. he is an author from like 100 yrs ago.. he is the wisest person i have ever heard.. back when i was going to belmont they had this christian book sale and everything that didn't sell was up for grabs.. so i got a lot of books and his book called 'as a man thinketh' was in there.. i looked up some more of his work recently and its really potent wisdom if you're interested then try to buy some of his books online or just listen to something by him on youtube its REALLY potent wisdom so it may take some repeat listens anyway i'm out for now |
who am i?
the new retro Archives
December 2014
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