cleaning Posted by poolboyjames on June 15, 2010 at 1:11 PM comments (0)today i want to talk about cleaning a bit
everyone has to clean at some point right? so what is ur fave thing to clean? me personally, when it comes to cleaning, my fave thing to cleanis the kitchen, as long as i have all the tools to do so for example.. if there is a good dishwasher and a garbage disposal, then i am probably cool with cleaning the kitchen.. if those things aren't there then i probably will try to avoid the task cleaning the kitchen is not that bad to me because i can listen to headphones and everything gets done.. people agonize aboutcleaning the kitchen but to me its not really that bad the thing i hate cleaning the most is probably the bathtub u have to really get in there and scrub like a maniac sometimes i think about a really rich guy like donald trump and i say to myself "wow, that guy never has to clean the bathtub.. what a great lifestyle" one bothersome cleaning task that i take pretty serious is vacuuming.. my parents always made me do all the vacuuming when i was younger and it just never stopped.. i was like the vacuum slave.. so today i make sure i vacuum my apartment at least once a week.. i've noticed whenever i take a girl somewhere she says some ish like "ur car is so clean" lol.. i wonder if its because my car isclean, or am i dating females who are generally scattered and/or messy probably both
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my explanation Posted by poolboyjames on June 12, 2010 at 10:28 AM comments (0)ok what i want to talk about today is why i never really talk to ex girlfriends or girls i used to like once the relationship is over
ok in the Bible it says God loves us with a jealous love.. i get a picture like He loves us so much that when we turn our back on Him it takes an actual emotional toll on Him this is a pretty good analogy of how i operate also when i am with a girl and i care about her i get really jealous.. not in a way like "u better not look at any males today!" lol.. but more like i want to keep her away from the wolves out there, i want to keep her safe, and i really want to keep her away from anything or anyone that might take her away from me.. jealous love is a strong feeling that can be emotionally taxing on the person who has it.. in other words, i don't like having my strong jealous love played with the thing is though.. for the most part, this feeling never really goes away.. like if i care about a girl a lot and i begin to develop a jealous love over her, it becomes difficult to break that connection i never really wake up and say "i no longer care about her" its more like, the same feelings stay there.. they just duck beneath the surface.. so i can control myself, however like i said the feelings are still there, u just can't see them because they are suppressed so when i'm no longer in a relationship with a girl i like, i never really want to talk to her anymore, because my jealousy over her remains in my heart.. she may not be able to see it but inside, her presence tugs at my heart-strings so because of this.. when a girl i like leaves me i don't ever really talk to her anymore.. because when she is talking about her new boyfriend or whatever, she is steadily playing the fiddle with my heart.. she is abusing this jealous love i have developed for her whether she knows it or not overall it is just not fun for me, i am better off just acting like the girl doesn't exist or something so that's pretty much what i do that whole "let's be friends" thing just doesn't really work for me.. once a relationship is truncated to a friendship, i am just over it period.. she can have her friendship cuz i sure don't want it if i didn't care about the girl much in the first place then cool we can be friends, but that never really applies to my relationships because i rarely ever deal with people i don't truly care about just in general back to the Bible analogy.. God allows us to do things wrong because He loves us so much that He has mercy on us, but sometimes in the Bible it says that people do so much wrong that He eventually completely turns His back on them.. that's what jealous love is like.. it is merciful within reason, but if you give it nothing to work with, it has to exit stage left and that's where i get when girls are like "let's be friends" .. its like since u refuse to allow me to truly love u, then i choose not to acknowledge u anymore period i am not sure if girls in general really understand the male form of love.. but its basically like.. loyal if u allow it to be loyal indicates something that is unceasing, something faithful.. a bond that is hard to break... that's what a man's love is like.. very loyal, helpful, loving, and willing to protect.. and jealous too so when a girl i really cared for says "lets go hang out as friends" its like them saying to me "do u feel like being played with and teased all day?" i think i'll pass btw i hope this conveyed everything i was trying to say.. this one seemed a bit difficult to properly put into words but i'm out peaCe today + z Posted by poolboyjames on June 11, 2010 at 9:43 PM comments (0)sooo i have been back in the lab learning a lot more about ableton live software
i was looking at a tutorial yesterday and as it seemed to be coming to an important part then i stretched and my stomach shot a huge cramp at me and i fell off the chair holding my stomach in pain it made me think perhaps something has been trying to keep me away from learning this software do u believe in that sort of thing? that sometimes perhaps an invisible spirit or entity is trying to make u frustrated? make u fail? make u not understand or comprehend? make u procrastinate? make u not succeed at your alotted goal or task? sometimes i think this is the case in life when this happens we just have to fight and outlast whatever force is pressing against us +++++++++++++++ the girl from fossil asked me if i was mad at her and if a video i posted on facebook was about her LOL (in case u are wondering the answer to the question.. the answer was NO) this just made me think about how petty people can be people get upset and they immediately think "i'm takin this to facebook!" LOL ok for the record, i don't think i generally get angry at people and air out my business or lash out.. i just internalize everything and try to say it is what it is.. meaning i try to withhold judgement it's like.. ok she don't like me.. so what.. like why should i be upset about that? my pride isn't hurt.. i mean i tried and i failed... where's the shame in that? its all whatever to me +++++++++++++++++ i have noticed lately that a lot of times i have a great disdain for sitting down i always want to be up and doing something.. if opry mills was open i might just go and walk around.. wander.. look at people, try on hats.. let my mind and body be a little free sitting down is so lame sometimes like seriously.. its like sometimes i wish i could just stand when i'm at my computer.. or maybe even hook it to a treadmill and walk while i surf the net maybe one day i will do something about this +++++++++++++++++++ today is friday, i'm thinking maybe i should try to get someone to come over and chill with me for a bit this weekend speaking of that this one girl keeps asking when i'm coming back to my apartment.. i haven't exactly made my mind up about her yet.. but she's nice.. she's cute and has a nice body also soo.. iono i have no idea what she sees in me, but either way its good to know someone wants to see u, u know what i mean? +++++++++++++++++++ i didn't have much to say here today so i guess thats a wrap for now peaCe reminder Posted by poolboyjames on June 11, 2010 at 4:55 PM comments (0)i just saw this on facebook:
"i'm trippin that GROWN FOLKS *still* fall for peer pressure. Peer pressure had me give my goodies up, abort 4 kids, flunk out ofcollege...twice. Yeah. I'm good. People didn't believe Noah yet "Noah did everything that God commanded him." (Gen.6:22)...AND LIVED. Stay with the in-crowd...if you wanna. Hope you (and yours) survive it." wow.. i guess i would call that a friendly reminder that life isn't about following crowds and being cool all the time.. sometimes u just have to do what u know is right for u regardless and yes it is hard sometimes when people don't accept u because ur not "one of them" but sometimes compromising for other people is just not worth it how i operate Posted by poolboyjames on June 11, 2010 at 1:37 PM comments (0)OK
today i would like to talk about how i govern my life in general i want to first say that living the way i live is not necessarily easy the easiest way to live would probably be to do what i want when i want.. however what i do is i try to submit to two higher authorities the two higher authorities i submit to are God and my mom now when it comes to God i try to say "what would God think of this?" "if God disapproves of this then what might His judgement (punishment, discipline) be?" "is this an opportunity from God?" etc. etc. i try to analyze myself sometimes from the mindset of a person who's ultimate best friend, advocate, and protector is God if that makes any sense now when it comes to my mom, i try to say to myself.. "would my mom be proud of this?" my mom's opinion isn't everything, some things i just flat out refuse to submit to or agree with.. HOWEVER.. the thing is, IN GENERAL, i believe that if ur mom isn't proud of u then u are just doing something wrong.. period i'm not saying this should go for everyone, but for me, i think that in general terms, i should conform my life in a way to where my mom can always be mostly proud of me.. if she can't be proud of me then something needs to change.. my mom should always be able to say something positive about me to her friends and family and if she can't, then my priorities are probably wrong, i am probably being unreasonable, or irresponsible, or weak or triflin' in some way, shape, or form so those are the two things i try to submit to and operate in when it comes to my mom i value her opinion as my mom, and i also highly value the female perspective on life.. so this is why i always hope she has something to be proud about when it comes to me (if i ever get married, this role of "female perspective giver" will be taken from my mom and given to my wife) when it comes to God i feel like.. its like in star wars u know how luke skywalker had the force? i think God has given me the force.. with the force being the ability to succeed.. and i don't think He would ever take it away.. however if i make wrong decisions then my ability to use the force will be limited FOR EXAMPLE: i have the ability to create a successful future in doing music right? right ok say i go against God, commit a crime and i go to jail well then my ability to use the force will be severely limited.. how can i achieve my goals when i'm in jail? u see what i'm saying? like i said, i don't think God will take away my abilities, but if i make bad decisions i can put a severe strain on my ability to achieve.. because of this, i try to just weigh things out with God in mind before i make decisions the ultimate thing is basically.. hopefully if i can navigate my life in a way to where God is always at least moderately happy with my decisions, then maybe He will have mercy on me and allow me to walk into my destiny and His will for my life, as opposed to just living day by day paycheck to paycheck, in mediocrity and lack i also hope that if i stay on God's team that He will one day make my life make sense and help to solidify my beliefs i don't kno if u guys will understand what i'm saying here but this is another page in my mind so.. meh.. it is what it is peaCe one page Posted by poolboyjames on June 10, 2010 at 1:24 PM comments (0)i wanna talk about one thing i learned about myself in dealing with this last girl i was talking to
when i talked to her i decided early on to delete all my pride as much as possible and focus in on her.. everything i like about her, how i care for, and adore her as a person i told myself i'd push it as far as it could go.. i'd withstand anything and just be her biggest fan i took myself out of the equation and crowned her with my utmost appreciation in the past i've always been in the equation more with girls.. "what is she doing for me?" "what does she think of me?" "what are her flaws?" i took all these questions out and just replaced them all with "girl, u are a real sweetheart u know that?" what i learned from this approach is that it is exactly what i want to do in life if a girl will let me it was a lot of fun just focusing in on her and not thinking about myself at all.. it was very fulfilling while it lasted it wasn't "oh she didn't do this" or "why did she do that" it was just me focusing all my energy on her good points and i had a lot of fun with it i hope some woman will allow me to be nice to her one day and not leave me the only catch is I HAVE TO WANT TO BE NICE TO HER ... meaning she has to spark my interest in that sort of way.. she has to be the apple of my eye if u will being nice is weird tho.. because it only goes one way.. and that is toward a real relationship.. if u just want to mess around and not have a serious relationship then u can't really accept someone who truly loves u because u know u are going to have to take advantage of them and/or hurt their feelings at some point with that said, u have to figure out what u want before u talk to someone.. do ur goals line up? i kinda have one goal and that is to do my best for and "spoil" one woman who is EXTREMELY beautiful to me i say extremely because otherwise i would lose interest in giving my all to her its the same with women, like if a woman has a guy with no money then she may feel like dang this relationship is cool but its like i'm just loving someone with no assets.. its the same way with men its like if ur not pretty, ur not cute, not sweet, u don't have a pleasant way about urself, u don't have a pleasing voice, ur not feminine, u have no curves, ur lips are chapped (lol) then u leave me (the man) in a rough spot like ok, i COULD love u.. but what is there to love really? this is one thing i've come to understand about myself also.. like i can be with girls but they have no real reason to care about me if u think about all the things girls want i don't have them girls like the following: bad boys - i'm not a bad boy, and i pretty much refuse to even go that route period tall guys - i'm 5'7 muscular men - i'm thin social men - i tend not to draw attention to myself guys with money - college student w/ typical college student income guys with nice apartments - mine is small and not well decorated and not very private since i share a kitchen and living room guys with nice cars - my car is paid for however it is a modest 2003 oldsmobile alero guys who have achieved a certain amount of success - i almost feel like a broken record talking about my dreams to do music.. so far i have made less than $200 doing music so there u have it.. i understand i don't have anything a girl could really just fall in love with so i suppose i still need time to work on myself my ultimate goal is to somehow get enough assets to get a girl to like me.. and then hopefully she will use that "like" as the launchpad into LOVE and then i will have someone to stay with me i'm not really interested in flings because its like.. once the fling is done i'm back to square one and i have to find someone else.. i'd rather just have someone who cares about me enough to want to stay with me i feel like i just said a mouthful i didn't know what direction this entry would go, but it is what it is i suppose u can count it as a page in my mind u all stay coolz peaCe definite Posted by poolboyjames on June 10, 2010 at 11:58 AM comments (0)mediocrity = being the best of the worst and the worst of the best
whats goin on Posted by poolboyjames on June 9, 2010 at 11:26 PM comments (0)this video was really easy to do but for some reason i had a hard time getting it uploaded and everything
on here i'm just talking randomly about things going on back 2 reality Posted by poolboyjames on June 8, 2010 at 3:38 PM comments (0)soo the girl from fossil "broke up" with me lol or whatever u want to call it
so hopefully i will get back to my solo lifestyle since she isn't feelin me and the tjmaxx girl is only 18 what i would like to do is just forget about females for a while and get back in my own zone i learned a few lessons and i learned some things about myself and since i'm back to square one (solo) i'm just going to enjoy it i have to say part of me feels anger inside simply because its like.. i really liked her and i wish i could keep something that nice in my life but at the same time its like.. i'm so used to just doin my own thing that a big part of me doesn't care.. plus i can just get back to focusing on my life and trying to master all aspects of it its just a reminder i suppose that like.. my priorities have to remain in place for now.. music, school, work, my personal plans the rest is not something i can attain on my own.. its kinda like.. wait how does that saying go again? oh yeah... love is elusive. peaCe at the plate again Posted by poolboyjames on June 7, 2010 at 9:37 PM comments (0)so i went to finally talk to this girl i think is cute at tjmaxx
i found her at the store and i walked up to her and this is how it went me: what's up her: (gives me a look like she is frightened and confused) ..what? me: what's up? i've seen u around here a few times her: yeah i work here me: well i'm just tryin to holler at u, i mean... do u have a boyfriend or... her: yes actually i do me: how old r u anyway? her: 18 me: oh word, ur kinda young anyway i'm 25 her: (giggles) me: well.. ok that's all i wanted her: ok, sorry (giggles) me: its cool ur kinda cute tho, peaCe didn't go terribly in my opinion.. she was acting afraid or confused which i felt was unnecessary, but it wasn't too bad now, if ur sitting there like "what about the girl from fossil?" she isn't my girlfriend, i can't force her to be my girlfriend so i'm going to keep looking as much as possible the girls i really actually like tend to be rarities in my opinion.. so i can't exactly say i have the luxury of letting them get by me anymore peaCe |
JaimsHere are my 2010 blogs. I can honestly say I like looking back over these, so check them out. They're teh hotness. Archives
December 2010
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