I listened to a video on youtube about narcissists and something that was said made perfect sense.. the woman who made the video said that the narcissist’s goal is not to hurt you, their goals are all completely self-based
You’re like a prop to them, they aren’t trying to hurt you- you just don’t register to them as a factor when they are so self-absorbed She said it’s like a punching bag, you take your aggression out on it and you don’t feel better because you hurt the punching bag, you just feel better because you’ve released inner tension That made a lot of sense.. and it further cements the idea that these people are tormented and need deliverance I said in a recent entry that after I got out of that relationship I started to find that I was displaying some of the same characteristics my ex g/f had and I wanted to hurt someone, it didn’t matter who it was really.. I just wanted to hurt someone in a crazy attempt to relieve some of my inner bitterness and anger and resentment So likewise I’m sure my ex felt the same way and that punching bag was me unfortunately.. which explains why sometimes she would be mean to me or play some head game with me and later on when she was somewhat reasonable again I’d ask her about it and she’d smirk and say “I just felt like being a b*tch to you that day” (translation, i wanted to use you as a release) Like I said, I had to get prayer after that relationship because I started having those same types of thoughts... the main thought i had was like: “I hope someone does something to me so I can go off on them” .. I knew that wasn’t like me and so I had to get prayer and find out what to do to get it off of me.. to her detriment I think my ex has been in that mental space for years- unknowingly carrying poison Also, I feel there were things she didn’t tell me about like I remember she said she started having violent thoughts in second grade or something once but when I asked her about it again later she denied it.. and she also said there was something in her past where- if I ever found out and used it against her she would break up with me but she never told me what that was Imo these things are likely to be related? Anyway.. that punching bag analogy really shed a lot of light on the whole situation.. I’m glad because these things continue to be cathartic for me and help me to gain understanding and let go of the whole ordeal that was my garbage relationship This comment someone left under that youtube video explains it perfectly
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James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
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