I think back to when I was a kid and sometimes I think about the discipline (beatings) I received and I feel that sometimes I deserved them and sometimes I didn’t
For example one time I got in trouble because we had balloons and we were putting the balloons in our clothes acting like we had a big stomach and diff things.. well I put a balloon in the front of my pants and I got in trouble for that Looking back the problem with that was I didn’t know anything about sex or erections at all.. I mean I want to say I was probably about 3 yrs old or 4 at the absolute latest.. Looking back I think this is part of why I had so much hatred growing up because I was being disciplined for things that I knew nothing about.. I feel like if I ever had a child I would try to explain things and if they still are defiant then I could discipline them My dad was really mean to me back then- he was like some huge unconquerable boss in a video game that would destroy you and then spit on your corpse I also think my dad never explained some important things to me in life for example I never knew there was an unforgivable sin until reading it in the bible one day in my 20s.. I’m not dissing him, maybe it never crossed his mind but I’m just saying I think if you’re going to teach your kids anything- teaching them about an unforgivable sin seems like it should be at the top of the list I deserved some discipline I got like one time my dad and my sister were playing and my dad hurt my sister and made her cry and I hit him for it.. so I definitely deserved to get beat for that But sometimes I was just being humiliated and embarrassed and beaten for like no reason.. like one time my dad came in from mowing the lawn and when u mow the lawn u smell like grass.. so I was “wow you stink!” this was not a diss, it was an observation that he had just come in from mowing the grass.. well he took off his belt and beat me right there in front of my friends.. I really feel that was like saying “f*ck you james you’re an idiot and I hate you” … saying “you stink” after mowing the grass is like saying “wow lol you have paint on your face” after you’ve been outside painting.. it wasn’t a personal attack it was an observation! My sister was not disciplined even half as much as me.. but what I’ve noticed is I had more of a conscience than her (at least in my opinion) .. so I guess with that said maybe all that discipline did me some good because I feel like the Lord has had mercy on me and not allowed me to go through a lot of unnecessary craziness.. He has shielded me from a lot of things that other people have not been shielded from Anyway.. I just felt like saying all of this.. I didn’t really have a point Aight peaCe
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James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
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