i just wanted to talk about the direction my life has been going in when i think about it from a bird's eye view
2021: paid my car off 2022: bought a house 2023: got married 2024: ??? i just think this is interesting.. living my life, it feels like nothing is out of the ordinary but when i stand back and zoom out and look at the whole thing, its like wow, i can see the Lord allowing me to progress its really something i've been marinating on thank the Lord though for sure, i couldn't have any blessings without Him
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this is not a diss to this man, but just to point out that i think i hit the nail on the head as far as my assessment
like 2 days ago i was reading older posts on my site and ran across this one from 2017 (click link to read) men, we are worth more than this - the varsity shoegazer (weebly.com) ok so when i looked that up- i decided to check on that guy and see if he was still married to that woman he wasn't.. he is divorced from her and he is on wife #3 now in other words, i believe what i told him was sound.. his wife was out of line like i said in the post i am just posting this not to diss the guy but to point out that i basically called out the dysfunction prior to the destruction so everyone who thinks i'm way off in my assessments- here is an example of where it looks like i called it whats up ok so i want to give an update or whatever +++++++++++++++++++++ im still married.. i got married super fast.. like lightning speed.. so immediately i was thrown into adjusting to living with her.. it has been rough but u just have to accept it for what it is there have been times where i've been annoyed and wanted to be single again, and there have been times where i've been grateful to have someone there i don't know what else to really say about it.. u have to try to be mature about it.. u can't really go into marriage with an immature mind.. u really kinda have to be an adult to deal with the "for worse" side of "for better or for worse" but she laughs at my crazy jokes.. i told her i'm from the streets and we don't call them pop-tarts we call them pop-tizzies.. she actually laughs at the ridiculous things i say so i can't complain +++++++++++++++++++++ when it comes to video games, my goal is to finish 12 games this year.. so far i beat a plague tale innocence, and south park the fractured but whole.. right now i'm trying to play through ratchet and clank on ps4 the south park game was amazing.. its at least a 9.5 out of 10 for me +++++++++++++++++++++ as for music i've been listening to chilled out rock one of my fave songs i've been listening to is this one also, a while back i was listening to a decent amount of breakcore.. i like that stuff.. but i haven't been listening to it as much lately +++++++++++++++++++++ i've been doing the church thing as always.. church is great we learn a lot.. what i've gotten into recently is the suggested reading material i started reading this book they got for us called loyalty and disloyalty by dag heward-mills.. its great so far.. i highly recommend it it basically talks about what loyalty should look like in the church... it may sound uninteresting but its an eye opener for sure like for example it talks about how disloyalty leads to destruction.. and it talks about who u are supposed to be loyal to based on principles +++++++++++++++++++++ umm.. what else lately it seems like peeps are avoiding me my sister doesn't really talk to me, and i can name 3 other females who seem to be avoiding me or not talking to me or whatever women are madd annoying sometimes, its not worth any mental energy from me +++++++++++++++++++++ when it comes to work, i basically got demoted at work and so i want to spend time trying to find another job its not like i got demoted for a bad performance, i just was no longer needed there due to restructuring or something, but instead of letting me go- they put me in a phone job and gave me a $3/hr pay decrease hopefully i can get out of this job soon and into something else that's decent +++++++++++++++++++++ i still want to move out of this house in mississippi.. we are trying to list the house ourselves without a realtor so that we can have some money.. and its not like a greed thing but we want to have enough money to move without any issues.. so we can just pay a moving company and be done in like one day.. if we use a realtor, we won't have any money at all.. and i know this because we had one and she actually suggested that i pay to sell the house yyyyyyyyyyeah, NO. +++++++++++++++++++++ anyway.. i guess that's all i can think of right now.. stay up peeps i got married peeps.. i'm not sure if i mentioned that i definitely see why people don't recommend being married.. it didn't take me long to miss being alone its just a weird conundrum because on one hand u want to be alone, but on another hand, u want to have someone to talk to +++++++++ i don't know if i told u guys this but i ended up with some real health issues earlier this year i am in church though, so i learned that i was going through the health issues because of some of my irreverent behavior at times i was pretty much thinking i was either going to die, or just very close to dying the pastor told me the Lord wanted to teach me a lesson.. all i can say is the lesson has been learned.. these health issues were HORRIBLE i will name some of the things i went through -ended up in the ER and paid a bunch of money after the visit -went to the ER again but didn't go in because i didn't want to have to pay again.. but i didn't want to be too far just in case i collapsed or something -got on meds and ended up peeing out of my anus -dealt with serious brain fog after meds -couldn't safely eat anything but eggs and bran flakes -quickly lost like 30lbs (this was actually kinda cool lol) -got wrote up at work for missing days without having them approved honestly i could continue, my life was WRECKED i never told any of my family about any of this stuff because i didn't want them to worry +++++++++ this was phenomenal advice and i love how it was such a short video +++++++++ any of u peeps remember this show? it was poppen.. late 90s mtv i remembered it and found it and its better than i remember +++++++++
i've been thinking a lot about death.. but i've been thinking about it in somewhat of a good way death makes everything have meaning.. also death is an escape from life as long as u go to heaven, death is a great thing even in a natural sense, death can be great for people who have life insurance policy on someone ++++++++++ as for video games, i started playing beyond two souls again.. i haven't played it since i got it 10 yrs ago.. maaaan.. this game is still great.. i just played a section where some guys wanted to rape the main character jody and she murdered all of them lol.. this game is excellent.. i legit don't think i even saw that whole section when i played it 10 yrs ago i've also still been playing street fighter 6 i've been playing gunbird 2 as well great game (i'm playing it on an arcade stick), i got it on ps4 today i got the ray'z chronology game on ps4.. haven't really touched it yet i've been playing dust an elysian tale also ++++++++++ the wife is back.. might holla later i did a post not super long ago about how its important to categorize women to avoid their excuses for their bad behavior i want to re-post that and give a clip for further context here is the re-post: i learned a good way to keep yourself from wasting time on worthless women all you have to do is categorize them when a woman comes into your life, she wants u to accept her as an individual.. DON'T. don't view women through an individual lens, because if you do- they will use that to bend your perception of them "i only banged the football team because i was young" "i only did porn because i was insecure" "i give you attitude because i've always had to put walls up" "i don't follow your lead because i'm afraid to trust" if u accept them as an individual they will give u a ton of excuses as to why they do what they do because you're leaving the door open for them to do that u leave the door open when u refuse to categorize them i recommend you do exactly what women don't want you to do, and that is: use your brain they cannot manipulate you if you place them in their proper category early on and move accordingly i have realized in my life that women fall into 2 simple categories those categories are "decent" and "jezebel" for me they are "decent" and "jezebel"... maybe u would use different words.. perhaps you would say "good woman" and "skank" i don't know what exact words u would use.. but i use "decent" and "jezebel" every woman fits into one of those categories in order to properly identify who a woman is, and in order to keep yourself from wasting time on a dumb whore.. when you meet a woman, immediately begin the process of finding which category she belongs in once u find that category, move accordingly.. if she's decent, that means she is possible wife material if she is a jezebel, she is worthless i truly hope everyone reading this understands that this is not a joke, and this was not written to bash women.. this is my genuine advice and it can save you from years of trouble PLEASE implement this into your life and you will likely see vast improvements to the quality of women you interact with please note though.. most women are jezebels so don't be surprised if the jezebels in your life outnumber the decent women.. im just telling u to be prepared to put many women in the jezebel category argumentative? she's a jezebel quick tempered? jezebel feminist? jezebel promiscuous? jezebel submissive, polite, sweet, and God-fearing? decent i also want to say this this trumps looks.. meaning if u meet a gorgeous woman who goes in the jezebel category.. she is worthless to u and if u meet a woman who isn't very attractive, but who is decent.. that could possibly be a wife down the line this is one of the simplest, yet most powerful things u can do when you categorize women.. their excuses stop working.. when their excuses stop working, your standards can no longer be eroded lets revisit some of those excuses i displayed previously in this entry: "i give you attitude because i've always had to put walls up" instead of saying "ok how can i help her to trust me so she can put her defenses down" you just say "she is a jezebel" because she is emotionally unavailable and guarded, and you move on with your life "i don't follow your lead because i'm afraid to trust" instead of saying "i will try to prove myself to her so that she has no choice but to trust me" (and effectively making yourself her simp) you just say "she is a jezebel" because she does not like or respect male leadership... and u just move on with your life it just simplifies everything for you as a man basically.. so always make sure to categorize women if u do it.. please contact me and let me know how it worked for you i truly believe this is a game changer, so feel free to reach out to me and tell me if u tried it and how it worked for you ok now that you've read that, watch this from about 1:30 to about 2:10 what you will see is exactly what i was talking about in the post... she tries to excuse a woman banging 1000 men by saying "what head space was she in? what trauma did she go through?" just like i said in the post, you should categorize women because if you don't, and you go in just taking her as an individual, she will use that to warp your reality
she will tell u she had sex with 40 guys but she will say it wasn't for pleasure and lust, it was because she was a victim somehow... so instead of shame her, you should treat her like a delicate flower and listen to her every word so that you don't come off like any of those previous horrible men if you don't categorize women, they will manipulate you and waste your time just like the woman in that video from 1:30 to 2:10 the other day i talked about how i wanted to take a step to getting the girl from church
i did.. what i did was i asked the pastor (her step dad) if i could talk to her i might go into all the details another time, but what i'll say today is.. he said its a go i was going to ask him and then go to her and see if she wanted to talk but apparently she's already on board it has seemed like nothing good has happened in my life for years so i'm grateful for this we're legit getting married.. i'm not just typing that the plan is to court for a while, and i think do marriage counseling after a while i literally fell in love with this girl this past sunday.. and i knew that day that it was time for me to do something about it.. so much so, that i recorded my thoughts in my phone so i would have a record of my feelings.. they were so overwhelming that i knew the Lord was doing something anyway.. im very grateful.. the Lord thought enough of me to give me a wife wow He gets 100% of the credit, trust me.. i've done so many stupid things that were going to sabotage this blessing if i stayed on the path index to the sky, brahs thank the Lord i've decided im about to try to be with this girl from church
a few years back i asked the pastor of the church if he knew who my wife was and he said yes neither of us said the girl's name but we both knew who he was talking about i said to him.. i'm not really into her like that so what am i missing? he said i would need to mature basically.. he said i won't have eyes to see her until i flush my ex out of my system and get in the place i need to be with the Lord this sounded pretty crazy to me at the time, but this has basically happened at this point this girl and i have barely spoke at all in years and i basically love her at this point i just look at her every time im at church and i want her... today was the absolute last straw.. she looked so good today it was ridiculous so i decided i'm going to try to be with her, starting tomorrow like 2 entries ago, i did a post called "one thing i've learned"
i just want to add an addendum to that read king james bible deuteronomy chapter 28 that chapter will give u even more context to what i was talking about i did a post not too long ago on the traits of jezebel.. i got a few more
1. they say "WE" when they should say "I" for example, if they were in a relationship and u ask them why they broke up.. they will say "we were both immature" when the reality is only they were immature "we both just want what we can't have" no... that's just you "we couldn't be faithful to one another" no... just you this is actually a form of deflection 2. they want you to keep things a secret they are adamant about you not sharing things that go on between yourself and her with the world the reason for this in my opinion is so that the world can't comment on the hair-brained nonsense she is suggesting and/or putting you through the more people who know the truth about your interactions with jezebel, the more less power she has.. because someone is going to tell u the truth about who and what you're dealing with jezebel's stupidity looks funny in the light so she likes to keep it hidden so she will coerce you into keeping things secret.. she is secretive i've been going to church and living life and one important thing occurred to me that i want to share
oftentimes in my life i've thought "God hates me" or "it feels like God hates me" those thoughts basically mean the following: -life is too hard -life never changes for the better -life is all work and no play -life is void of fulfillment -life is stagnant -life is stuck at the bottom but recently i made the connection that i was causing this stuff i want to make it clear that i realized this before i found the scripture i'm about to show you, but this scripture added more context to what i already felt psalms 7:11 ".......God is angry with the wicked every day" so there's the connection.. if God is angry with the wicked every day, and your every day life is trash, then there you go what you are experiencing is the anger of the Lord he's angry with the wicked daily, this is why your daily life is horrible... you have some type of wickedness in your life that you must change you want to find the sin in your life and remove it, or find the places where you haven't been obedient to the Lord and start being obedient.. u want to apologize for your wrongs to the Lord and to people and you want to repent of your less than stellar actions keep in mind that the wickedness in your life may not feel wicked to YOU, but you have to look at it from the Lord's standpoint i've met people for example who don't feel like its wrong to fornicate.. so their wickedness doesn't feel wrong to them, but if they want to see a change in their daily life, they will have to see their fornication the way the Lord sees it maybe it's not the case in every situation that your life is trash due to disobedience and/or sin, however i would say this is the case in most situations.. if i were to guess i'd say about 95% of the time- this is what people are dealing with they believe their lives are trash because of outside circumstances, but their lives are trash because of who they are and what they do in their personal lives i will say it again if you have thoughts like "my life feels like its cursed" or "God must hate me" then what that means is your daily life is full of negative things.. hardship, stagnation, loneliness, lack etc but the Lord is angry with the wicked daily... so 9 times out of 10, that is why your life is trash on a daily basis.. because you are encountering the anger of the Lord so if this helped anyone, i have homework for you watch some of the show called "my name is earl" on that show, earl realizes he's been a jerk his whole life and he decides to right his wrongs you can do the same and you can henceforth change the trajectory of your life as you continue to change, the anger of the Lord should dissipate and greener pastures await! |
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