ok the first thing i want to say is when i say "no one" i don't actually mean "no one" ..i mean most people
when i was in my last relationship some people actually did understand what i was going through.. but the thing is, at some moments you may think a person will or should understand but they won't these moments can be frustrating let me explain why these people don't understand where you're coming from one reason is because of the language we use for example.. i had this issue where i'd call some people and say something like "my g/f is driving me crazy" well some people will hear that and feel you however some people will hear that and think of it only as a generic statement how often in life do we hear "driving me crazy" as like a figure of speech? i'd say its fairly often this is where you start to see differences in the people in your life.. because like i said: some people will extract the truth out of your statements and some will just continue to think what you're saying is generic what i was saying was very real though.. when i was saying my g/f was driving me crazy i meant it FOR REAL, not as a figure of speech.. to the point where, once i found out that "crazy-making" is an actual psychological term, i felt a lot better.. i felt validated in my experience anyway there are some other things you might say that people may or may not understand.. like what if you say "my girlfriend complains a lot" some people will really listen and get the totality of the issue but some people will say something like "well women are harder to please" or "you have to find out what's bothering her" or "you need to be more sensitive" if you listen to the people telling you to be more sensitive then what will happen is you will not feel validated in your experience and you will be more likely to go back in the relationship and try harder and receive more abuse like imagine a boxer right.. he goes in the ring and gets straight up pummeled.. like his wife and kids are screaming and crying watching him get destroyed.. then he goes back to his trainer for guidance its up to his trainer to tell bro the truth.. "maybe u should quit while you're still alive, brah" but what if his trainer has a vested interest in the fight, or maybe his trainer is just flat out incompetent.. then he may say "he knicked you but you've got him scared.. go back out there and show him whose boss" when you're in a terrible narcissistic relationship what happens is oftentimes you may seek help but they will be like that incompetent trainer.. when you should run away, they're telling you to get back in there and get beat up even more there were times when i'd try to explain how my ex did something mean spirited or disrespectful to me and the person i'd talk to would just tell me it was my fault somehow and since i made her feel like disrespecting me in the first place- it was up to me to fix things and by the end of the conversation the person would basically be telling me to buy her something or take her some place nice smh they were basically telling me to defer to her and reward her bad behavior regardless of how it made me feel or how it affected me another reason why some people don't understand you're being abused is because they think you're the abuser.. i imagine this happens to men more often than women.. people tend to think men are always trying to harm women somehow.. and so you end up being blamed for problems you haven't caused think about it like this imagine trying to tell a feminist your girlfriend hurt your feelings no matter what you say it will never be accepted and you will always be at fault.. you will never have an unbiased ear if you run your situation by the wrong person another reason why people won't understand is because of this unbeknownst to you, many of the things you share with others concerning your relationship are actually things that person has done like say you call your sister and you say "can you believe this? my girl cheated on me!" you might expect her to be like "wow! that girl is crazy! after all you've done for her she does this!" but instead your sister will be like "oh.. well you guys can work it out, she probably only did it once" or something and you're on the phone basically speechless wondering why no one seems to understand why you're upset but again, its because unbeknownst to you- the person you are talking to has been doing whatever it is you're calling out another reason is because the person is good looking, or has charisma, or is jovial in public or quiet in public these are somewhat gender specific also women - good looking men - charismatic women - quiet in public men - jovial in public if your spouse displays these traits to others- it can be harder for people to believe you when you say they're not good people.. because we tend to think these are good signs and that we should appreciate people who display these types of traits.. they come across as harmless and innocent to those who only see the surface quick recap on reasons why many people don't understand what its like to be abused by a narcissist or jezebel or person with a personality disorder - language we use: "she's nuts" "they're driving me insane" "they don't listen to me" "i feel unimportant to them" ...some people can hear what you're saying but some people will only hear what you say as generic statements, and they will tell you to go back in and try harder because "you don't know women, and you need to adjust more" or whatever - they think you're the abuser or they think you're the one causing the problems in the relationship - because they're doing whatever is causing you stress... you tell your female friend "my wife never respects me" but your female friend just got done cussing her husband out.. let the bad advice commence - person you're in a relationship with comes across as harmless or innocent in public because of good looks and/or immediately perceived personality traits and aspects like for women if they come across as quiet and classy and reserved.. or men if they come across as friendly and humorous so if you find yourself in a situation where you need someone who understands do one of these 3 things 1. pray and talk to the Lord 2. find someone you can actually reliably talk to.. even if they are someone you haven't spoken to in a while.. talking to someone who u know will "get it" is better than the inevitable argument (or gaslighting) that will come from trying to share with someone who doesn't get it 3. GO ONLINE .. there are TONS of videos on youtube that can help you to get through the trauma and give you understanding and perspective and support.. also there are forums and things online so just find people who have been through it already on the net peaCe and good luck
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James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
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