Right now I’m at work.. I can’t seem to concentrate or think straight so maybe writing some of my thoughts out will help me to get to where I need to be
Ok basically here’s what I am feeling at the moment Lately I am just tired Lately I just go home after work and lay in bed.. I go home, look at youtube, and lay in bed I don’t want to be bothered, I don’t want to do anything.. I don’t really have much energy or zeal or care I feel like what is really the point of anything sometimes.. like I think about life and it feels like a waste of time or something Like an annoying middle man between birth and heaven I think about women and I think they are scumbags.. I have yet to see a beautiful woman who acts as beautiful as she looks I think about God and I think God is great however I am not hearing His voice as loud and clear as I would like.. sometimes I wonder what exactly I am doing wrong to where I am not getting as much from Him as I’d like.. maybe I am just not spending enough time in prayer I sometimes think God and women remain on my mind because I think they are both what I “work for” .. they are my essential motivators in life So I guess ultimately what I’m saying is- if I don’t have a defined mission from the Lord and I also have no woman to do things for.. I feel like I suffer from somewhat of an identity crisis.. or like.. a lack of an overall goal or mission Like if I’m not working for God or for a woman, then should I work for myself? Self in my opinion is not really a huge motivator.. I mean… ok let me explain… when I was in my last relationship.. I noticed that I had a newfound energy knowing I had a woman in my life.. however without that.. I find myself fairly unmotivated.. I guess as a man I feel like I need a task to accomplish to feel at peace but I don’t feel like I have one Doing things for myself doesn’t really motivate me the same as doing something for God or for a woman I don’t know what God wants me to do, I also don’t know if I’ll ever get a woman in my life who seems like she is worth sacrificing for I am just in a weird place where I feel like I’m on my own.. like I’m thankful for everything I have and I’m thankful for where I am in life.. but I feel like I’m lost and needing a motivation, a plan, a thing to accomplish and/or commit to I’ve been just staying at home alone and thinking.. I don’t know how to fix my issue.. it feels like its out of my control Someone might say “james, just pray more” ok I think I’ll do that.. I think if I pray and believe then I will see results from the Lord.. so I will have to do that Someone else might say “james, go find a woman” ..now that is something I will NOT do because this is again (to me) essentially another issue I will need God to handle….. why? Because I do not believe talking to women accomplishes anything since everytime you talk to a woman- it’s the wrong woman.. we have to ask God to lead us to wife material, otherwise we are just wasting time on stupid whores As for people who would say “james, just be self motivated” …… I don’t know.. I guess on some level that makes sense but it also kinda makes me groan.. maybe my reaction means I am not a selfish person? Who knows All I know is I want to pour into something, if not then I tend to feel disconnected Anyway.. back to work.. u peeps take it easy
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
|