give me a second to set this up and i'll explain how to make sense of projection
ok in my last relationship my ex kept saying things about me that i didn't understand.. the main thing she said was that i was a narcissist... then after that she said i was a selfish, controlling narcissist who always plays the victim.. she also liked to tell me i "talk in circles" and some other things the main thing was always that i was a narcissist, and the rest would be cited interchangeably this was MASSIVELY confusing to me because all i did in that relationship was try to make sure she was safe, make sure she was having a good time, take care of her, listen to her, etc ..so i legitimately had no idea where she was getting this stuff i remember i'd ask her to give me an example and she'd be like "i don't do examples, you do examples- you need to just listen to me and take it in" looking back with hindsight being 20/20.. i can see how utterly demonic that was so i was just extremely confused but over time i would just type things online that i was going through like "women who always argue" "women who don't say thank you" "women who complain all the time" "silent treatment" "phony apologies" "she's never happy" "tells me i'm a narcissist" "disagreeing with everything i say" over time these search results began to paint a picture i started learning terminology and personality disorders and the familiar circumstances and situations that arise from being in a relationship with these types of people one of the main terms that stuck out to me was psychological projection psychological projection is when a person tells you that you do what they do, or you are who they are finding out about projection was literally like a eureka moment for me i finally understood why she kept calling me a narcissist and why she kept saying things about me that had no corresponding examples to go with them i finally understood why she was always telling me how bad of a person i was even though i did nothing wrong now.. that was the setup.. here's really what i came here to say once i realized this.. i still thought it was crazy.. like i still didn't understand why a person would do such a thing.. but i think i found one of the easiest ways to understand projection: GUILT. when you think about it in terms of guilt, it makes a lot more sense.. like how many times in life have you seen a person who is guilty- but instead of face their guilt, they just find a way to pass it off on someone else? "i didn't fart, it was someone else" "i didn't steal it, it was probably that person over there" the cheating spouse accuses the faithful spouse of cheating "yeah i did the crime but only because...." (which is like saying: my hands were tied i HAD to do the crime so i shouldn't be blamed) all of these things are essentially a lack of accountability and also they are a passing of blame to someone or something else.. because the belief is: "if i make others believe it was them and not me- then i will be free and they will be deemed the bad guy" this was a constant issue in my last relationship.. i remember (before i knew anything was off about her) saying "you deflect a lot" and i remember she sort of laughed and kindof agreed, like "oh i do?" but nothing changed.. and looking back- that's also why she always used to say to me "you hear me but you don't HEAR me!" because even THAT was a projection.. deflecting is when people hear you but don't really accept anything you say, they just find a way to throw it back at you.. so she was again telling me that i did what she did i remember sometimes literally even repeating back to her what she said and she would STILL tell me i didn't hear her.. or she would say something like: "no i didn't say i like chocolate chip cookies, i said i like WARM chocolate chip cookies! you never listen to me!" these types of things are just destabilization tactics (looking back i can see i was having conversations with demons because sometimes i'd call her out on something it was like she would change tactics.. just going from one annoying accusation to a different one.. like to the point where you never get peace or understanding because you're ALWAYS defending yourslf about something.... imo only demons working through people can effectively do these things to u on a constant basis) anyway.. i somewhat went on a tangent.. back to what i was saying if people can't accept responsibility/accountability for their actions, and they pass blame, they are likely to have no personal integrity.. get away from these people signs are as follows when they speak they make no sense, they confuse you, you have peace everywhere except around them, they drain you, everyone thinks you're a good person except them, you sense they are angry with you even without them expressing it, they disagree with everything you say (invalidation), they turn all your issues with them around on you somehow (sidenote on people who turn your issues you have with them back around on you.. my ex did that to me constantly.. i'd say something like "you have an attitude today" and she would come back with "i give what i get" and i'd be like "when did i give you attitude?" and she'd say something like "that's for you to figure out" ...it got to a point where i said to her.. look either i'm the most hypocritical person on planet earth, or you're essentially victim blaming here... of course she said i'm the most hypocritical person on earth smh) so anyway.. my main point was that when you look at psychological projection through the lens of guilt.. it makes a LOT more sense before i thought about guilt.. i just could not wrap my head around why a person would tell me that i am who they are but when you look through the lens of guilt.. it makes perfect sense.. just like how a guilty person wants to pass their guilt off onto someone else these personality disordered people will attempt to pass off the effects of their psychological trauma onto you the thought process is kinda like "if i give this to you then its no longer on me" or "if i make you believe you have this problem, i get to see someone else go through what i go through" or "all i have in me to give is pain so i will give it" or "when i give my issues to other people, i feel a moment of relief" or "if i convince them they are the problem, i can pretend i'm not the problem" or "if they are the bad person then they will treat me like the good person thus helping to absolve me of responsibility and negative feelings" or "if i control them and their perception then i can't be hurt by them" these people emotionally use you.. they are out to use you for their gain.. they only want to destroy you, and i wouldn't say they want to destroy you simply to destroy you, but they want to destroy you to use you as a stepping stone.. this is why they drain you so much- because they are sucking the life out of you for their own benefit.. they want to destroy your confidence, your identity, your sense of self, because they are seeing it like an exchange just like how people try to pass off their guilt onto others so that another person can be guilty and they can be innocent... these narcissists and jezebels and personality disordered people want to infect you with their insecurity, pain, rejection, hurt, torment, and instability so they can somehow take your security, joy, acceptance, positive outlook etc, and then they can go about their merry way and you end up sitting there confused and in pain thinking "how could they have done this to me didn't they care about me?" the answer is no.. no part of the interaction was about you.. it was about projecting their nonsense onto someone in an attempt to relieve themselves of some inner issues that's why its called narcissistic ABUSE that's also why its commonly said that these people use those who love them as "punching bags" i remember talking to devon one day and i said to her "there are a LOT of videos on youtube about narcissists and narcissist abuse" and i was sort of confused as to why there was this HUGE community of people on youtube talking about this well.. i understand it now.. and its because if you find yourself in a relationship with one of these types of people.. it is confusing, devastating, and there is no closure.. you find yourself just clamoring for answers and understanding as to what just happened in your life so yeah all in all.. if someone starts telling you that you are something you're not and its negative.. before you start explaining why you're not that thing.. think about if they are projecting onto you and if they are- get away from them because whatever they are saying about you is exactly what they will do to you or put you through sooner or later
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James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
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