my ex g/f and i had a rollercoaster relationship
i want to talk about the last thing that happened between us before we went our separate ways ok so she ended up saying on i think two or three diff occasions that she missed me and thought i was great and she would basically like to give "us" one last try the first time i kinda let it go, but then as she was saying these things, she began also saying she was growing spiritually and learning how to be vulnerable the way a woman should be.. she was saying she was learning like.. how to be less difficult and argumentative etc so this got my attention and i was irritated because i was already pretty much done with her, but her words sucked me back in and so i said "lets have a talk" i went to her house and we had a great conversation.. so we decided to give it one last try fast forward a few days and we were technically "fine" together- however something inside of me was saying "think twice" and that thought then became "seek the Lord's will on whether or not you two should be together" so then a girl from church text me and she was asking me how i was doing or something and i unloaded on her what i was dealing with which was "hey i was already out the door, but then this girl sort of pulled me back in with her enticing words saying she would change.. is this a trap or is this a genuine thing?" i somewhat begged her to pray for me because i was like exasperated.. like tired of this back and forth and tired of dealing with things that don't make sense so she gave me some advice she said ask our pastor what he thinks.. but i didn't want to ask him because he doesn't always give you all the information you want.. or maybe he does but......... he just gets quiet sometimes i guess so you have to seek the Lord for yourself i didn't want to ask him anything so i asked him an unrelated question and luckily after he answered it he asked me about my ex g/f so i told him what was going on i was like do u think this is a trap or do u think this is genuine? i also asked if he thought i was acting like the prophet balaam in the bible (for anyone who doesn't know about the prophet balaam.. balaam is someone who wanted to do something and the Lord told him no a few times, but he kept asking and the Lord told him yes. but that "yes" was like.............. let me put it like this.. say your child keeps asking to eat candy for dinner.. you say no 7 times, then they ask an 8th time and u just say yes.. then that child eats the candy and gets a stomach ache... you said yes, not because it was ok, but to teach the child a lesson) so the pastor said "i don't think that's your wife" so i was like........ confused.. i'm like you don't "think" that's my wife? see that's what i mean when i say sometimes he can seem tight-lipped.. which is fine, its just.... it causes u to think for yourself i guess... i was seeking like a "the Lord told me to tell u she is a total fraud and u need to cut her loose" but no, he is not always that direct so i thought about it and i prayed and i said "Lord if its not your will that i be with her please let her break it off with me today" like 4 hours later she text me saying she never wanted to speak to me again lol the reason for this was because she asked me to go see her family in her home city earlier that day, but i said to her that we needed to seek the Lord on our relationship status first.. because what would be the point of going to see your family and you introduce me as "we're more than friends but we're not together either" .. like it just seemed retarded i never said "NO I WONT GO" but she seemed to take it that way.. i just said we need to seek the approval of the Lord before we seek the approval of people she apparently didn't like that so she said she never wants to talk to me again on any level at all i guess she had thought about it for a few hours before she text me all of her thoughts anyway.. i think she expected me to defend myself or something.. i honestly didn't care that she didn't want to be with me.. i just responded to her, "hey i prayed that if this wasn't the Lord's will that u would cut it off with me and it happened, so its all good, i'm not upset.. this just means the Lord isn't in this relationship" the only part that hurt me was her saying she didn't want to talk to me ever again.. like i'm not going to front i cried.. i don't mind not being with her but i don't like it when peeps are like "yeah we're not cool anymore EVER ON ANY LEVEL" to me- if we don't talk we don't talk.. but to say "YOU CANT TALK TO ME EVER AT ALL" is like hurtful so anyway later i text the pastor and told him what happened and he said "btw yes you were playing the role of balaam" he said when he prayed, the Lord told him not to tell me no- because i overlooked previous warnings this actually shook me up because i realized the Lord was tired of me being hard headed and was prepared to let me just leave His perfect will the first time i asked the pastor about her, he said we were unequally yoked.. but for some reason that didn't sound like "stop the relationship" to me.. but looking back, that's exactly what it meant so this time around, i was honestly fortunate to get an "i don't think that's your wife" as opposed to a "go ahead and be with her" i know there's a lot here so hopefully this was understood anyway.. so far my life is a lot better with her 100% gone lol
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James Arthurnew speak, true speak Archives
December 2017
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