thanks for keeping up with me here on the site for another year
i feel like this year was good for the site.. i definitely did my thing by just staying true and staying consistent.. it was quiet this year- i didn't really get too many comments or anything, but i'm fine with that... i like having room to breathe i don't really care to hear a lot of naysayers, i like having the space to think my own thoughts and come to my own conclusions this year for me was basically like........ i'd say it was kinda uneventful up until about august at the top of the year i was just sort of like trying to enjoy myself.. i was trying to enjoy relaxing because it was one of the first times in my life where everything seemed to be in place... last year and the year before were really hard with me doing a lot of second guessing, decision making, searching, trying to find a job, a place to live, etc. etc. but this year started off and everything was in place, so i just wanted to enjoy myself and relax, but a few months passed and i started to feel like i was doing the same thing every day... i also started to get kinda depressed a little because my job got worse and worse and i felt stuck because it was hard trying to find another job i experienced a lot of rejection this year from women and jobs but i'm happy about it in the end because it makes me feel like i'm prepared for things.. like some people don't know what this world is like.. some married people don't know what the dating pool is like these days and they are thinking about leaving their spouse.. they are ignorant to what society is really like and how selfish and ignorant many people are.. many people are probably out there thinking about quitting their job not knowing how hard it can be to get another one.. not understanding that maybe if they hang in there, the situation will change this year i was able to really maintain the things i have but i was still able to experience the world and see what is really out there.. i was able to see fake people, hardship, foolishness, temptation, bias/bigotry, karma/consequence etc i was just able to see a lot of what happens in life and "how's" and "why's" and the ends of things it wasn't easy seeing these things because some of it was through experience, but like i said, i feel like it all prepared me ... not so much for an event, but just for reality itself.. i am happy to know what things really are or what they really can be behind the curtain.. they say the grass is always greener on the other side.. but this year i was presented with the ability to see both sides and come to better conclusions.. sometimes its good to make a transition and sometimes its good to stick to what you know.. for each situation- try to stand back and peep both sides, the flesh is a loud talker- trying to get you to make rash decisions.. but if you resist it you can get that perspective you need so anyway... back to this year on a personal level.. i started out trying to relax then after some months passed and things were getting worse and worse, i sort of finally came to the conclusion that i couldn't relax.. i couldn't just go home after work and play video games and eat pizza so in june i got a gym membership renewal.. then august came and i started getting the ball rolling on whatever is next for me.. i did the g.r.e. test out in alabama (it was the closest one during that time) and i got the scores i needed.. i was real proud of myself for taking the initiative to do that becuase it was a $200 test.. there are a lot of things we'd rather spend that money on as you could imagine! also i was happy to see i got the scores i needed on the first try without studying.. it made me feel smart, but it taught me that initiative itself is a form of intelligence and a desirable trait as it is a part of faith so from august to now i pretty much did a lot better than say.. january to may.. i ended up getting a lot of things accomplished.. i got the ball rolling on a lot of things.. i even took care of some stuff i needed to do for over a year.. i really got up in august and decided i had to just sort of "do more" or whatever.. and it worked out well i also ended up getting a much better job in october as some of you may know.. the funny thing about the job is i worked my nuts off trying to find a job but when i got the call about this job i have now- it seemed to come completely out of nowhere.. i wasn't thinking about this job at all, they just emailed me at work one day out the blue.. i had two interviews and didn't hear anything, then i started to feel a way, so i sent some "thank you for interviewing me" emails and i got the job the next day .. its not like i'm ballin out of control or anything like that.. but the new job is just a much better fit for me as a person, and i thank the Lord for that God really looked out for me because i was NOT happy in the other job.. i actually got an email sent to me yesterday from someone who thought i still worked in that job... it felt very cathartic to reply like "thank you but i don't work in that department anymore" .. i almost wanted to put "ngga" at the end of the email for emphasis women this year were pretty much totally awful with the exception of melanie i changed though.. i went through so much crap with women this year that my bitterness turned into full on hatred which i am not ashamed of.. its just something i feel like i have to work on, not because i want to appeal to women but so that i am not walking around with hate on deck period.. it has nothing to do with women.. i honestly couldn't care less about their opinion of me.. if i work on not hating women, its for me, not for them i am so thankful that the Lord has kept everyone this year as for music.. i don't really have a song of the year this time around.. the closest i could come was "cherry" from curve... check it out if you can.. its a hidden gem of a song for sure... but the reason i say i don't really have a song of the year is because i probably heard the song in 2014.. so i don't know if it really counts for 2015.. it might tho.. i mean 2015 was the only year where i really noticed it and kept it on repeat a few times i listened to curve and dave matthews band this entire year.. let me list the main albums in no particular order curve: cuckoo doppleganger pubic fruit dave matthews band: under the table and dreaming everyday i listened to these albums pretty much the entire year.. i kid you not off an on throughout the year i also peeped kendrick lamar's "to pimp a butterfly" .. i definitely dig the album but i just admire it more than anything.. its like something i find very fascinating.. if you haven't peeped it- definitely try to find time to check it out.. its a really wild listen and very appropriate considering the influx and perpetuation of racism today on second thought when it comes to my song of the year.. it might actually be "sausage" from lil mama.. i think her vocals carried that song in a way we probably haven't seen in a long time.. if you listen to the beat you realize its very simple and somewhat plain, but her vocals bring so much life to the song that it really "pops" if that makes any sense.. also just the fun vibe of it is remarkable.. i'm not saying i sit and listen to something like that on repeat but its just so well done that maybe i should give that song the s.o.t.y. status.. i was thoroughly impressed by both the song and the video- her vocal performance was just phenomenal on that.. it seems like she did everything on that beat, i mean wow one thing i want to say about this year though is i honestly don't give a crap about what people think.. i somewhat feel like that part of me was killed off by my messed up situations with women.. all those times i just didn't understand why a girl didn't like me.. it really made me into a person who has a certain level of disregard for the opinions of others... i feel like anything i do to be nice, or appear presentable, or be humble are all due to knowledge and not due to social pressures it's like.. if women don't like u then they don't like you, if people are racist against you then they are racist against you.. whatever the sentiment is- i don't care overall this year was a blessing.. i went to the dentist, i lived in my apartment, i got new tires, i worked, in other words, i basically felt like a part of society.. i felt like an adult.. i felt like i "fit" ... not saying i have reached my potential in life, but i didn't feel out of place.. i felt like i was where i was supposed to be *index 2 the sky* let's ride into 2016 peeps
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Beautiful things
a nonstop rush Archives
December 2015
|