today i was supposed to hang out with a girl.. she ended up not calling or showing up or anything.. i tried to get ahold of her but she was apparently too busy....... but i honestly don't care
what does that mean? have i come to expect such behavior? or am i ok just being alone now? probably both.... its weird because this seems to mark some sort of shift in me.. i LEGIT don't care and it is surprising to me after it became clear that she wasn't going to spend time with me- she was trying to text me and i was giving her short responses.. not out of spite, but just because i literally didn't care at all ..this was out of character for me because i am normally like trying to be closer to women i am on the fence as to whether this is a good shift or a bad shift do i legitimately hate women in 2014? i mean i have had negative feelings toward them.. but do i seriously hate them now? i keep having these thoughts that and feelings that tell me women are worthless and have no value i am starting to feel like i am better off without them i can take a woman out for 3 or 4 weeks trying to be a gentleman and then have her walk away from me like i don't exist.. not a goodbye, not a text.. nothing.. not even a "thanks for the free meals" can i at least be reimbursed for the gas money? i mean i still want them from the standpoint of sexual gratification (in the right context of course) but today i can honestly from the heart say.. i don't care about women, what they do, or how they view me at all and i don't know how i feel about that yet it sounds so selfish.. i feel bad for feeling this way....... i may need some sort of advice or guidance or something sidenote: come to think of it.. i don't even feel sympathy for women anymore.. like when i hear they get beat up by their boyfriends or whatever.. i literally don't care.. not too long ago there was this guy at my job saying "i hate it when men put their hands on a woman.. i have no respect for those guys, if i ever meet a guy who beats his wife..." etc etc all i could think the whole time was "shut the f*ck up" i don't feel bad for women.. i think they bring things upon themselves.. most women who are in abusive relationships leave the relationship and end up going back, or maybe they just never leave.. so my thing is- if the girl is happy, how do i look feeling bad for her? it just seems like no woman is able to prove to me that they have any value to me as a man this is what i'm looking for in a woman: Christian pretty nice to me no kids not divorced ^those are all the main things i am looking for in a woman.. but instead i find: women who don't care to know God women who resent that they "have to look nice for men" so they don't try women with attitudes women with kids women who are divorced (btw.. if you are divorced multiple times, you are probably crazy) anyway.. these are my thoughts for the day i told my pastor that finding a good woman and finding a good church are both hard these days i think he felt me on that
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
who am i?
the new retro Archives
December 2014
|