sometimes i think life is just one big pile of shit lol
u start out with so much vigor and zeal but over time you just get worn out.. nothing works the way you want it to for years and years and years and one day you just sorta look up and say "f*ck my dreams" u just wish one day something would go right.. u wish one day something u did mattered.. u wish u had control over something.. u want to stop being pushed around by any and everything in the f*cking universe i read a quote one day that said women want to feel secure and men want to feel significant NGGA DO I LOOK SIGNIFICANT TO YOU!? lol.. i don't mean anything to anyone.. i am just a walking nuisance.. a big f*cking burden to all humanity... i know this because everyone around me wants to take but no one wants to give i don't blame God for life being so bad because the bible makes it very clear that adam and eve had it made.. once they sinned however, everything went to shit for all of us so i want to make it clear that when i diss the f*ck out of life.. i'm not dissing God or His creations.. the fact is we sinned and now we live in a fallen world that is straight ass on rye i wake up everyday and i just hate everything physiologically.. i think i need to swear off sugar because i noticed when i take in a lot of carbs/sugar.. i get depressed.. it compounds every negative thing in life but anyway.. u might be asking.. what is the problem ? a more accurate question would be, what isn't a problem? most aspects of my life are terrible i am blessed to have food and water and shelter but i have no meaning, purpose, social life, career, woman.. i don't even have independence lol i work for nothing.. there is no reason for me to do anything.. everything i do amounts to nothing does anyone remember reading about the guy in the bible named saul who was being replaced by david? God got upset with saul and sent a demon of torment to attack his psyche.. the only way it went away was through a certain type of music that is what i feel like every day people ask me dumbass stuff like "why do u make such depressing songs?" LOL what reality do u live in? forget about you for a second.. do you even know ANYONE in real life who has the following supportive family more than enough money love/romance great career fulfillment the answer is no.. i don't even know who is reading this and i know the answer is no how do i know? because i know life is a huge smelly chocolate covered ass-sundae and just as you begin to bite into it its gnna fart down your throat just to let u know the pain ur about to f*cking endure have a nice day
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December 2014
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